HEY GUYS! This is the eleventh chapter of SPARKS! (As you can probably tell). I hope you enjoy it! :D I wrote this listening to 'Open your eyes' by Snow Patrol, and though I normally don't listen to Snow Patrol, I thought this song was suitable for this chapter in particular.
My father once told me, when I was very young, that love makes you feel like a child in every way possible. I don't know why that was one of the things that I remember so clearly. It's just stuck with me.
And, after all these years, I finally understand what he was talking about.
I agree with him, 100%.
Peeta returned home two days after I fell asleep in his arms by the fire. I didn't want him to go. Prim didn't want him to go. Mum didn't want him to go.
I sit on a tree stump and pluck the grey and brown feathers from a wild turkey and remember the day Peeta left.
-Flashback-
"Katniss, can I…err…talk to you?" Peeta asks, sitting down opposite me at the kitchen table.
"Sure." I say, looking up from my schoolwork and smiling. His arm is still in a sling, and his ribs still cause him pain, but his face, hand and shoulder have recovered well. The bruises on his face have yellowed, and the deep cut that ran down the side of his face has healed over, leaving a faint scar on his soft skin. A permanent reminder of what his own motherdid to him. That scar will always be there for people to question, to judge him for and remind him of what happened every single day.
"I think it's time for me to go back to the bakery." Peeta says, staring at me and judging my reaction. "You've all been so good to me here, and I've recovered. My parents need my help at the bakery."
"Oh…" I say, biting my lip.
"But Katniss, please don't take this the wrong way." Peeta's eyes are wide. "I don't want to leave, but I don't want to stay here when I can be working at the bakery." He puts his hand over mine. I stare at it, startled.
"No, Peeta. I understand." I say quietly.
"You're upset." I sigh.
"It's just that… you know…" I trail off.
"Tell me what's bothering you." Peeta tells me. I take a deep breath.
"You can't go back there." I mumble. "Not after what she did to you." Peeta looks down. "You don't deserve that. She doesn't deserve a son like you."
"It's okay Katniss. I'll be alright."
"No you won't."
"I will."
"Peeta," I whisper, taking his hand in both of mine. "Please don't go back."
"Where else am I going to go?" Peeta asks, his eyes fixed on his hand in mine. I shrug.
"Anywhere but there."
"She's never loved me." Peeta admits. "Fen and Rye have always been her favourites."
"Don't say tha-"
"It's true. She wanted a girl, and she got me. I'm used to her… attitude towards me."
"But that's an awful thing to be used to." I say.
"It's fine Katniss." Peeta says. I pause and pull my hands away, raising an eyebrow.
"When are you going to tell my mother?" I ask. "Prim is going to be heartbroken."
"Katniss…"
"When are you going to tell them?"
"When they get back. I'll pack and go." Peeta leans back in his chair.
"Fine."
"Katniss. I don't want you to be annoyed."
"I'm not annoyed." I retort.
"Yeah, you are." Peeta says.
"No, I'm not." I mimic his tone of voice.
"You are Katniss!" Peeta raises his voice and my shoulders slump. "You are." He adds quietly.
"I'm going hunting." I say, pushing my chair away and standing. "When I get back, I want you to be gone. I'll tell Prim and Mum myself."
"But I-
"Just go Peeta. You don't have to stay here any longer." I walk towards the door and pull on my boots and jacket. "You can go back to your comfy Merchant life and forget this ever happened." And with that I storm out of the house, slamming the door behind me.
I only let my tears flow freely once I was behind the fence.
That was yesterday.
True to my demands, Peeta was gone when I got back, an apology on my lips. But it was too late. The boy with the bread was gone. I had pushed him away. I had pushed away Peeta, the only person I felt I could truly confide in. Sure, I could confide with Gale, but it wasn't the same as it was with the baker's son. When Gale kissed me, it simply made this entire situation worse.
Warm salty tears begin to trickle down cheeks and I have to wipe my face with the back of my hand. A downy feather from the undercoat of the bird sticks to my cheek and a flick it off, watching it float down to the leaf-covered ground.
When I came home and found that Peeta was gone, a tray of cheese buns sitting on the stove with a towel thrown over them to protect them from flies and cats alike, I didn't believe it. I dropped my game bag on the table and ran though the house. Three times through five rooms.
Once I had finally accepted that Peeta was gone, I sat at the kitchen table and cried. Cried for a half hour before wiping my tears from my cheeks and preparing dinner.
Telling Prim was not easy. She was surprised, and asked a lot of questions. My mother, on the other hand, kept her face a mask. She asked only one question.
Why did you push him away?
I take a deep shuddering breath and blink several times to clear my eyes. I add the plucked wild turkey to my game bag and stand, brushing the feathers from my trousers and walking down a familiar trail through the forest. I freeze at the sound of someone cursing from behind the bushes.
"Gale?" I ask, pushing through the brambles.
"Hey Catnip." He says, staring up at me, his hands entangled in the thin wire he uses in his traps.
"You want some help?" I ask, fighting the urge to laugh. Gale never gets stuck in his own traps.
"Uh, yeah." Gale says.
"How did you get stuck?"
"I'm not sure. I think I cut the wire too short." My friend admits. I crouch down and use a pair of small silver scissors to cut Gale's calloused hands free. "Thanks." He says, sitting back on his butt once I've cut him free.
"I could've left you there you know." I say, a smirk on my lips. "Trapped in the forest."
"I don't doubt. At all." Gale grins. An uneasy silence falls over us. "So… How have you been?"
"Fine, thanks." I mumble. "You?"
"Have you been crying?" Gale asks, ever the observant one.
"Wha- No." I say, dabbing at my eyes.
"Yeah you have." Gale says.
"It's nothing." I say.
"What did he do to you?" Gale asks me, his grey eyes wild. "Has he hurt you? Forced you to do something?" He asks, not letting me answer.
"No-" I begin. Gale stands up.
"I'm going to kill him. What has he done?" Gale asks. "Tell me Catnip and I'll sort him out."
"Sit down!" I snap, pulling him back onto the ground with a thump. "Just listen to yourself will you?"
"What?" Gale asks, holding his hands up in a defensive manner.
"Peeta hasn't done anything to me. I told him to get lost and he actually left." I trail off.
"Well… Now you can get on with your life without the intrusion of a Merchant kid."
"But I want him in my life." I say. Gale raises an eyebrow. "He can't go back to that house Gale. He can't. I'm scared for him."
"Oh."
"His mother isn't going to like that he's been helped by Seam people."
"Yeah." Gale mumbles. I sigh and look down. "I'm sorry I kissed you." Gale adds.
"I'm sorry if I led you on." I say, my cheeks pink.
"It's my fault."
"Yeah…" I say. Gale smiles. I punch him playfully on the shoulder. "Come here." I say, leaning towards Gale. He shuffles closer to me. I wrap my arms around him. "You're still my friend."
"Good." Gale grins. I inhale his woody scent. It's so different from Peeta's. Peeta smells like freshly baked bread, icing and warmth. Gale smells of the forest, fresh air and the special roots Hazelle uses to wash the Hawthorne clothes. The hug lasts longer than I'm comfortable with, but Gale seems to be happy.
"I've got to go." I say. "Places to go, people to see."
"I'll see you around then?"
"I'll see you around." I say, giving Gale one last smile before walking away.
Once I reach the fence, I slip under it and am instantly basked in the golden-orange light of the sun setting. I smile and close my eyes, feeling my skin tingling. When I re-open my eyes, I have to fight the urge to cry again.
The sunset is beautiful. Peeta would have loved it. He would've sketched it on a scrap of paper, or in his notebook. I shake my head and head home. I prepare dinner in silence. But tears continue to run down my cheeks.
The next day…
Everything reminds me of Peeta. Beautiful things? Peeta would sketch them. Baking? Peeta. The sofa? Peeta. The fireplace? Peeta. School? Peeta.
Peeta. Peeta. Peeta.
It's like a rhyme, repeating over and over in my mind, 24/7.
At school I ignore Peeta. Pretend he doesn't exist. In the corridors I catch his eye but don't react. He smiles at me during lessons but I blank it out.
"You need to talk to him." Madge tells me as we work during History. I glance over my shoulder at Peeta. He's sitting back in his chair, spinning his pencil in a circle on the desktop. His expression is downcast. I turn my attention back to Madge, my heart clenching. "Wasn't it only a few days ago that you were practically in love with him?"
"I'm not in love with him. I never was." I mutter.
"Yeah you were. You still are." Madge smiles. "What are you afraid of?" I look down and bite my lip.
"I yelled at him. I told him that he could go back to his life as a Merchant and forget that he ever associated with us." Madge blinks. "And now, I don't know how he could possibly forgive me. How would any sane person forget that?"
"Peeta isn't exactly sane." Madge says with a knowing smile. I shuffle the papers on our desk. "You want to know what I think?"
"Shoot." I say, closing my workbook.
"I think that you should go up to him and say what's really on your mind. Make sure he knows how you're feeling. And then he'll at least know that you didn't mean it, even if he doesn't forgive you."
"I want him to forgive me."
"I don't think that he was ever mad at you." Madge murmurs.
"Whatever…"
"No! Seriously, just look at him!" Madge says, looking at Peeta. I turn my head in his direction. "He's miserable."
"He's angry."
"Upset that you aren't in his life."
"Annoyed that I yelled at him."
"Filled with a sense of longing."
"Filled with pure hatred."
"Wishing he wasn't away from you."
"He's in my class." I roll my eyes.
"Talk to him!" Madge encourages me. I shrug my shoulders. "I'll make you a deal. If you don't talk to him, I will."
"How long do I have?"
"Until the end of the day." Madge stretches out her hand. I scrub my face with my hands and groan. But I give in.
"You have a deal." Madge grins.
"I'll bet you a giant batch of strawberries that he won't take me back."
"I'll bet you a bag of coins."
"Now you have a deal." I shake Madge's hand. She laughs and packs her books into her bag. I stand and pick up my bag from the floor. I straighten up and step back, into the aisle between the desks, and into Peeta.
"Oh, hey Katniss." He says, smiling hesitantly up at me.
"Oh." I say, my mouth hanging open. Madge gestures wildly behind Peeta's back. I roll my eyes.
"Whatever." Peeta mutters, shoving his hands into his pockets and walking away.
"Oh Katniss!" Madge sighs, throwing her hands up into the air.
"What?" I exclaim. "I was put on the spot, and he walked away. Not me."
"You should've gone after him!"
"He doesn't care anymore. He said 'whatever' and then walked off."
"I saw." Madge says sarcastically. I walk towards the teacher's desk and place my homework from a few nights ago in the wire basket. I walk out of the classroom, Madge close behind, her hair swishing as she walks swiftly after me.
"I just want to go to lunch and forget this whole thing." I tell her.
"You've got one more lesson after lunch." Madge grins. "It looks like I'm getting those strawberries."
"Sure. I'll get you those strawberries." I mutter.
"You'll figure something out." Madge says as we sit down at the table.
"I doubt it." I sigh, resting my head in my hands.
"He's looking at you again." Madge whispers, leaning forward, one hand covering her mouth.
"He isn't."
"He is. Besides, you can't even see. You aren't looking in his direction."
"He's glaring at me." I hiss.
"Nope, defiantly staring at you." Madge grins. I turn my head and glance at Peeta over my shoulder. I realise, my cheeks burning, that Peeta is indeed staring at me. I feel tingle run down my spine as Peeta's deep blue eyes connect with mine and look away. Madge raises an eyebrow. "I told you so."
"I don't know why he'd even want to look at me." I mutter.
"He likes you Katniss. Likes you a lot."
"I know-"
"And don't say that you don't like him back." Madge interrupts me. I look down at the apple in my hand.
"I don't know what to do, Madge." I say quietly. "I'm afraid, of what I feel for him. Do you think he'll ever take me back?" Madge begins to answer but is cut off.
"Of course I will."
"Huh?" I look up, my heart pounding. Gale stands by our table. I fight the urge to sigh and drop my head down onto the table. "Oh, hey Gale."
"Hey Catnip. Undersee." Gale greets us.
"Was there something you wanted?" I ask him when he says nothing else.
"Oh, yeah. I was wondering if you would be able to meet up Sunday morning instead of Saturday afternoon." Gale smiles down at me. I fidget in my seat. "That would be way more convenient for me."
"Yeah, sure. That's fine. No problem." I stumble over my words.
"Thanks Catnip." Gale grins and slings his bag onto his other shoulder. "I'll see you later then?"
"Sure. See you later." I say smiling up at him.
"Catnip?" Madge hisses the second Gale is gone. "Come on Katniss. Catnip?"
"Oh give it a rest… It's just a nickname he has for me." I roll my eyes.
"Oh, and what is your nickname for him?" Madge asks. "What about me?"
"Gale doesn't have a nickname." I mutter. "But I'm going to give you one in a minute if you don't shut up." Madge laughs lightly but falls silent. It doesn't last for long.
"Did you see Peeta's face?"
"Give up Madge." I sigh. "Please."
"Of course you didn't. You Gale was blocking your view of him." Madge continues, completely ignoring me.
"Stop talking." I say.
"He looked really annoyed… Angry even. Defiantly jealous."
"Madge!" I say, throwing my apple core at my friend. It bounces off her forehead and she glares at me. "Peeta wasn't looking at me. At all."
"Fine, don't listen." Madge sneers, but a grin is on her lips.
It's the end of the day. Peeta kept to his side of the cafeteria at lunch, and was in a different class for the last lesson. I've lost the bet.
And most likely Peeta.
"I'm sorry Katniss." Madge says as we walk out of our last lesson and into the corridors. Students are walking about, lockers slamming loudly as they escape from the confines of school. "This bet was stupid. It doesn't forbid you from talking to Peeta and seeing how he feels."
"It's useless Madge. I give up." I say, pulling open my locker door.
"Oh…" Madge says. "I don't think you should give up just yet."
"He hates me. It's obvious." I say, turning and shutting my locker door. Peeta stands beside Madge, his eyes wide. "Peeta!" I say, glancing between Madge and the baker' son.
"I'll leave you two alone to sort this out." Madge excuses herself, walking backwards a few steps and giving me a nod of encouragement. I glare at her. She grins and walks away, leaving Peeta and I in a very awkward situation.
"Peeta, I just wanted to-"
"I hope that I'm not being-" Peeta and I both begin to speak at the same time. "Sorry, you go first." Peeta says, kicking the ground with his heel.
"Oh boy…" I breathe. "Okay, um… I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for yelling at you. I shouldn't have told you to get lost. Or shouted at you for anything." I finger the end of my braid. "I just didn't want you to leave… or go back there." Peeta doesn't answer. "How is it? Back home?"
"It's alright." Peeta mumbles. I give him a pointed look.
"Alright? Really? So you're telling me that your mother was completely okay with you being helped by us?"
"Well, she didn't exactly know that I was at your house until I came back and she demanded to know where I had been." Peeta comments.
"And?"
"And she got angry. But I stood up for myself. It's nothing."
"Then why are you limping?" I ask. Peeta sighs.
"You notice everything?" Peeta asks. I shrug my shoulders, eyes narrowed, demanding an answer. "I fell over and hurt my ankle." Peeta explains.
"Did you fall, or is there more to that?" I persist.
"Drop it will you?"
"Does it hurt?"
"Not anymore." Peeta tells me. "It's just a dull ache now."
"I'll get you something."
"I don't want your help." Peeta snaps, repeating what I had told him. I flinch.
"There's nothing wrong with asking for help." I mutter.
"I didn't exactly ask for your help." Peeta remarks, shoving one had in my pocket.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Next time I'll let you die Peeta." I say sarcastically, my hands balling into fists. "Would that be better? Maybe I should have just left you."
"Maybe you should've." Peeta says. "But you didn't." I look down. "Why? Why did you help me?"
"I don't know." I mutter, my heart racing. "I don't like people being injured."
"Yet you live in District 12." Peeta says. "The district the Capitol cares about the least, with people lying in the streets and dieing every single day." Peeta takes a small step toward me. "How do you cope?"
"Stop it." I say, tears collecting in the corners of my eyes.
"Tell me." Peeta retorts.
"I've got to go." I whisper. "I'm sorry Peeta. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel upset, or angry, or confused." I shoot him one last smile and turn to walk away, down the corridor and towards the entrance of school and back home where I'll undoubtedly curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep over the baker's son. The boy with the bread.
"Katniss, please wait." Peeta says, grabbing my hand. I freeze and turn, tears leaking out onto my cheeks. "Please don't cry…"
"Let go Peeta." I say, yanking my hand from his and turning, wiping my cheeks with my fingers and fleeing. I jog down the steps.
"Katniss! How did it go?" Madge asks me.
"It went terrible. He hates me." I sob. Madge's face falls. "I'm going home." I say. I turn and walk away, fighting the urge to drop to my knees and cry my heart out.
I realise, with my heart aching, that I've grown to love Peeta. After all this time. After all we've been through together.
I love Peeta Mellark.
And Peeta Mellark hates me.
I'm just outside the school gates when a familiar voice shouts my name.
"Katniss!" I turn and see Peeta standing at the top of the school steps. He sees me and runs, swerving past groups of pupils towards me. I notice that several people are now staring at us. "Please Katniss, just answer my question." Peeta pleads, his hair ruffled and eyes wide, coming to a stop about a meter away from me.
"What question?" I ask, my voice wobbling.
"Why did you help me?" I bite my lip.
"I don't know. I guess I helped you because you helped me. I don't like owing people."
"Do you really expect me to believe that that's the only reason you helped me?"
"I suppose so."
"Well, I don't." Peeta says. "You can trust me Katniss. I trust you."
"Okay." I say, taking a deep breath. "I helped you because I don't like owing people. I helped you because I saw you everyday and knew what was happening and still didn't do anything to help you." I exhale. "I helped you because after you saved me from Cray that night, when you could have gone back into the bakery and moved on. Because after that night I realised how good a person you really are. Because you made me feel welcomed, and loved, and happy." I run my hand through my hair, tears flowing freely now. Half the school is listening. There's a sudden rumble of thunder and the grey clouds above open, rain drops plummeting towards the dry ground, mixing with my tears. It "I helped you because I didn't know how to survive without you. I helped you, Peeta Mellark, because I had fallen in love with you. But back then, I wasn't brave enough to admit it." Peeta stares at me.
"You-" He begins.
"You've got your answer." I say, turning and running away. I can still hear people shouting at Peeta, telling him to go after me. But as I listen, tears blurring my vision, I find that I can't hear the sound of Peeta's footsteps coming after me. I run, over the dusty ground that is quickly becoming a soggy mess, my hair and clothes completely drenched. I've reached the cut between the Merchant part of the district and the Seam.
I cry out in surprise when someone grabs me and spins me around.
"You love… me?" Peeta asks. I nod, my eyes wider than they've ever been. How did he catch me? I couldn't hear him. Peeta stands before me, rainwater from his hair dripping into his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was afraid." I whisper.
"Don't be Katniss." Peeta says, his eyes filled with something so sincere it makes me feel like my heart is being split in two. "Don't ever be afraid with me."
And then, when I'm preparing to run away, Peeta does something that I'm not expecting.
He pulls me into him and presses his lips to mine.
I freeze for half a second before winding my arms around his neck and melting into the kiss I've been waiting for. Peeta wraps his arms around me, one hand on the back of my neck, twisting in my dark hair, the other on the small of my back, pressing me closer to him.
His lips are soft and gentle against mine, but are urgent, passionate and filled with love. I kiss him back with an equal amount of enthusiasm, ignoring the loud wolf-whistles of some of the people walking home from school around us. I ignore the rain that is trickling down my back, over our faces. I ignore everything that worries me. I let my walls down and let Peeta in.
Peeta finally pulls away from the kiss of the century breathless, a huge grin on his lips. I place my hands on his chest. I let out a nervous yet joy-filled laugh and kiss Peeta again. I pull away and bite my lip.
"I've been waiting for so long for that." I whisper.
"Me too." Peeta laughs. I kiss him lightly. I can't get enough of him. "I love you Katniss." Peeta says, kissing my nose.
"I love you too."
"So much."
"More than I ever thought possible." I agree. I grin and put my arms around his neck and kiss him once again.
"Do you forgive me?"
"You have nothing to be forgiven for."
"Even?" Peeta asks, his eyes shining.
"Even. Definitely even." I smile.
"You want to get out of the rain?"
"It's a bit cold." I grin. Peeta takes my hands and spins me around in a circle, our feet splashing in the puddles of water, raindrops peppering our faces. I open my mouth and stick my tongue out, tasting the rain. Peeta slips his waterproof leather jacket off and slips it over my shoulders. I inhale the scent. Peeta takes my hand and I lean my head against his chest.
"Thank you Peeta."
"For what?"
"For making me start to believe that there was such a thing as love." I smile. Peeta looks down at me and kisses me again. He cradles my face in his hands.
"Thank you Katniss." Peeta says.
"For what?" I repeat.
"For saving me." Peeta says. I fight the urge to burst out crying.
"We saved each other." I say.
And then we walk away, hand in hand, drenched in rainwater. I can form one clear though through the haze of love I feel for Peeta.
I owe Madge a hell of a lot of strawberries.
That's it folks! The end of Sparks.
Please don't cry.
Because then I might. ;)
You know what they say; all good things come to an end! I'd like to say two things.
1) THANK YOU, to all of you. To those who have reviewed every chapter, who have followed this story, who have favourited and supported me in writing this! This is the first Fanfic I've ever written, and I was terrified at first. I was sure that no one would read it. Or like it. But I was wrong! So thank you, everyone.
2) I have a new story that I will be posting in the next 2 days! So check it out and tell me what you think. I hope that it's a good idea and not just something that I've over thought.
THANKYOU EVERYONE- (I've sent you a box of virtual chocolates).
Goodbye for now,
WritingForHugs
(Hugs appreciated)