Chapter 11: This is the End.
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'This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end'
-The Doors
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I looked in the mirror in my cabin at the scars that Cerberus never got around to fixing when they brought me back from the dead. They had almost completely faded now but I remembered when I first woke up months ago and how they glowed in dim light. I was implanted with reverse engineered Reaper tech. For the first time since Freedoms Progress all the old doubts and uncertainties came back to haunt me. Was I really any different from Saren? I ran my fingers through my hair and rubbed the back of my neck. Was I am man or was I was really just a thing who thought it was Commander Shepard? Suddenly I remembered my vision of Tali pleading as I shot in the head at point blank range with a husks glowing hand and shuddered. The oily whispers had almost completely subsided in the few hours since we left the Barhak system on route to the Citadel for a debriefing with Admiral Hackett but they were still there at the back of my mind like an itch I couldn't scratch making me irritable and jumpy. Suddenly I recalled Liaras mother, Lady Benezia refusing medical aid because she would never the same again and describing being trapped in her own mind, watching in horror as she committed atrocities. I will not allow that to happen to me I thought grimly.
The door to my cabin opened and I turned to see Tali entering slowly, wringing her hands "Shepard we need to talk. You haven't tried to speak to me since you got back from that asteroid. I keep thinking that you are avoiding me."
It was true. I knew that seeing her face would just remind me of my visions. I knew that instead of the girl I loved I would see a smashed purple visor, a flash of grey skin and silver hair and a swiftly growing puddle of blood. Her soft silvery eyes filled me with horror and inescapable doom.
I swallowed "Sorry Tali" I said "the last mission… well it took it out of me... all those people". A half-truth but better than a full lie I thought.
"I'm… I'm sorry too" she said hesitantly looking down "You are the Captain, my captain and you have to make hard decisions all the time unlike the rest of us, unlike me. You did what you thought was right, made the best decision you could at the time as you have always done since I met you and I should have accepted it"
I looked down avoiding her silvery eyes peering through her purple visor. "Thanks Tali" I said "I try…"
She walked quickly up to me and put her arms around me and I tentatively did the same.
She looked up at me startled, eyes narrowing to sliver slits at my sudden reticence "Shepard what's wrong?" she said quietly.
"Nothing Tali" Now for a proper lie "I'm just tired, I could really get some rest right now"
She released me from her embrace "OK Shepard" she said uncertainly, her hands dancing around each other again "I have some things to finish up in Engineering anyway"
"OK Tali" I said with relief "See you later"
"Commander, how you are feeling, you look like hell? " Hackett said
I had received a private message from the Admiral asking to rendezvous with me at the Citadel. On arriving I met him alone at the airlock and escorted him up to my cabin to talk privately
"I'm fine Sir" said looking away "I didn't expect you to visit me on the Normandy"
"You went out there as a favour to me so I decided to debrief you in person. Of course that's before the mass relay exploded and took out an entire batarian system."
"What have you heard?" I said
"All I know is that I sent you out on a personal mission and at the end an entire system is destroyed. I hope you can fill in the gaps for me."
I handed Hackett a datapad with my mission report on it.
"I confirmed Kenson's proof that the Reapers were coming and destroying that relay was the only way to stop them. Kenson captured and sedated me for two days at Project Base. She said the Reapers were the galaxy's salvation and actually welcomed their arrival. She blew herself up in order to try to stop me. I started the engines with just over an hour left. I tried to contact the colony but time ran out."
"It sounds like Amanda was indoctrinated… that's a damn shame..." he sighed "Even though there were no survivors I appreciate that you at least tried." He paused "Do you truly believe the Reaper invasion was a threat?"
"Beyond any doubt, we had literally minutes to spare." I replied
"I'm sure all the details are in your report. The batarians will be out for blood, no doubt about that and that there is just enough evidence for a witch-hunt. They have been looking for an excuse to go to war ever since humanity showed up in the galaxy. We cant afford a war with the Reapers at the galaxy's edge,, the other races will be hesitant to give aid to either side."
"What are you saying?" I asked suspiciously
"I know what you did was for the best of reasons" he said "but that doesn't change the fact that three hundred thousand people are dead."
"I know" I said gritting my teeth "I see them in my sleep. Their deaths saved the countless billions that would have perished had the Reapers got into the galaxy and that given the chance I would have tried to save the colonists too"
"You are preaching to the choir" he said gruffly "If it were up to me I'll give you a damn medal but not everyone will see it that way. I won't lie to you Commander. You make a convenient scapegoat for us to avoid open war with the batarians. While the evidence against you is shoddy at best, you will have to go to Earth and face the music. "
I paused looking down at my hands for a moment "If that's what I have to do... " I said in a resigned voice "if its the only way to stop a war... I'll be your scapegoat"
He stood "I'm pleased that working with Cerberus hasn't stripped away your sense of honour. Return to Earth in your full dress blues and be ready to take the hit for all of us. You can keep this" he said handing be back the datapad "I don't need to see it to know that you did the right thing
"Yes sir" I said standing up and saluting.
Hackett returned the salute "You're doing a hell of a thing Commander" as he left
A few days later we stood in the airlock of the Normandy aboard the Citadel, an awkward silence hanging in the air. The gathering had long since ended, people going their separate ways after saying goodbye. Only a skeleton crew remained behind to return to Earth with me. Good people that had volunteered to turn themselves over to the Alliance as well. When she finally spoke Talis voice was incredulous.
"After all we've been through? You're going to go back and let them use your as some kind of... of sacrifice? To appease the batarians of all people?"
"Tali, I killed thousands. Hundreds of thousands of people," I said quietly. "The Alliance will do everything it can to prevent war with the batarians. I won't make everyone aboard the Normandy a fugitive just to outrun my fate. Spectre status... Reapers... none of that will change what happened out there."
"It wasn't your fault! You can't... you can't just-"
I smiled sadly. "I did what I had to do, just like I always have. Just like I'm doing now... I can't tell you what will happen. I wish I could."
I reached out, trying to comfort her but she stiffened under my hands, pulling away. The veil that I had so often slipped my hands beneath in the last few weeks turned away, looking out at the traffic milling through the Citadel's docks for a long moment. Finally Tali spoke.
"You said you'd always come back to me..."
Before I could respond she was gone, striding out of the airlock and into the crowd, head held low and shoulders shaking. And all I could do was issue a silent curse at whatever gods or fates had pushed me down his current path. One day maybe she could forgive me if I ever had the fortune to see her face again.
A/K at which point we end Mass Effect 2, one of the best games ever. Now read Tairis Deamhan's take on Mass Effect 3 in his superb 'Razors Edge: Requiem' with Shepard incarcerated by the Alliance and all his former crew scattered throughout the galaxy. Glad to have actually finished a story. It's been fun!
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