I apologise for the delay between this chapter and the last, I have been in poor health and I have been finishing off my college course, so my priority was on that. Now I have finished and am a lot healthier, I have a lot of time to write more!
Hours later, Sebastian was still in the same place, his arms holding him tightly. As soon as the car pulled away, a lump formed in his throat and tears fell from his eyes, sobs started to rack his body, his nails dug into his skin roughly, tearing at the flesh. The pain didn't faze him. It never had.
His fingers had blood dug deep into his nails. His arms were red raw and he couldn't bear the thought that Dave could be the effect of him hurting.
The hallway was now dark; the only light streaming onto him was the light coming through from the small window in the door. He sighed and felt his way up the stairs, he walked into his bathroom and ran the bath slowly, the heat emanating up. He opened the cupboard under the sink and pulled out three red candles and sat them on the side next to the bath. There was something about the light of a candle, it could relax him, and that's what he wanted right now. He wanted to forget, forget about everything that Kurt had said, forget about the feelings he was starting to feel about Dave, hell, he wanted to forget Dave.
Just a few days. Yeah, right. Sebastian ran a hand through his hair and groaned loudly. He turned the water off and walked into his room, his pace quickening. He'd only ever felt a need like this once, and that was the night he had attempted to take his own life.
He opened his underwear drawer, throwing the contents out across his bed and grabbed the small post-it note folded in half and unfolded it, staring down at the small blade. He closed his eyes and held it tightly in his hand, tight enough to dig in, but not tight enough to draw blood. He walks into the bathroom and turns the faucets off, letting the steam hit his face, sighing as it hit him, it was hotter than he usually ran a bath, but that was a good thing, that's what he needed.
Sebastian closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath, he undressed and slid into the water, ignoring how hot it was against his skin. He slid down to his neck and toyed with the blade. He didn't want to. He wanted to be strong. But Sebastian wasn't strong. He was a young, naive little boy who was hurt – whether it be self-inflicted or if it was Kurt's fault, he didn't know. He was scared that it was his fault that Dave had left, and that he'd be forgotten. He was losing everything and the one person that he needed had left him based on rumours. He hit the wall roughly, biting his lip as the blade dug into his hand and blood started to drip from the cut. He opened his eyes slowly and stared down at it, watching as the blood ran down the side of the bath and touched the water, dispersing into a light red before disappearing. He squeezed his hand harder, the blood slowly ran down his hand and wrist and into the bath. He put the small blade down and put his hand under the water, wincing ever so slightly as the heat ran through the cut. The bath water went red, watching it. He bites his lip and sighs, resting against the back of the bath, groaning quietly. He looked at the blade, he needed to calm down. He sat back and sobbed.
For an hour, he say in the bath, crying until he couldn't cry anymore and when the water went cold. He dragged himself out of the bath slowly, wrapping a towel around his waist and another around his hand. He slid the blade up into the towel and walked out into his room, his legs taking him slowly. As soon as he hit the bed, he curled up and cried again, holding himself tightly. He cried himself to sleep, he had never been this distressed before.
Waking up, he felt groggy, his eyes hurt and his hand ached. He rubbed his eyes and sat up slowly, feeling a wave of nausea. He grabbed a pair of boxers and slid them on and wrapped a bandage around his hand. Everything was too quiet. He missed having someone in the house, someone to make noise around him. Everything was as quiet as it was before David walked into his life and he hated it.
Sebastian curled back up in bed, there was no point getting up, he had nothing to do today and no one to do anything with. He just wanted to forget the world outside the four walls of his bedroom. His phone beeped at him, but he ignored it. He couldn't bare the thought that he could look at his phone and it would be Kurt telling him what a good time they were having – how he was taking away David from him.
Sebastian had everything he wanted in his life, whatever money could buy him, he had, but the only thing he wanted was Dave.
Not having him was killing him.