Beep, beep, beep.
The noise was annoying, it gave his mind something to focus on when all he wanted was nothing.
Simple, peaceful nothing.
Beep, beep, beep.
'So much for nothing.'
He thought he could hear someone talking to him, a sweet and gentle voice, a familiar voice, Buffy's voice.
He listened to it, not really conscious or aware, but let the words drift along his mind.
He didn't understand what the words said, but he could feel the overall idea; she was asking him to live.
It was a simple thing to ask of one, but at the same time a horrible burden.
Life, living, it contained so much.
There was joy and happiness, but not for him.
For him there was pain and suffering.
There was guilt and remorse, loneliness and heartache, sorrow and grief.
For Angel life was hard, it was demanding, and often it was torture.
So much of his life he regretted, he wondered if he just let go and slipped away now, if he would be welcomed in heaven, find peace in any afterlife…or would he return to hell? Would he suffer for all eternity this time, not just a mere century as with Acathla?
He felt something he hadn't been aware of earlier; he felt his heart beating in his chest.
It felt sluggish and weak, but it was there, it was pounding out the rhythm of life.
His lungs burned with a horrible intensity, the air he took in and out forced with a machine, he could feel the tube running down his throat.
Was this worth waking up for? Was he able to bear the pain of living again?
Or could he just surrender, take the easy path for once?
He felt something, a different sensation, someone was squeezing his left hand, he could tell his right was bandaged in a cast.
He felt warm lips brush his forehead, a tearful voice calling for him to fight, to open his eyes, to not leave her again.
'Buffy.'
He let his mind wander to Buffy, remembering all they once had, and all they lost in between.
He loved her, always would, but was that enough to face the burden of life?
Was she enough?
'Yes' his mind answered.
As a vampire…maybe, as a man…yes.
As a man he could be what she deserved, he could give her what she wanted from him.
Was he a man?
Was whatever Hexlar did to him permanent?
Or would it wear off, would he be forced into a half-existence being a vampire cursed with a soul?
Would he have to give up Buffy again to protect her and the world from his demon?
Could he take that chance?
Could he not?
...
Buffy sat beside his bed, the same position she sat in for the past two weeks.
Watching over him, talking to him, begging him to live.
Time was running out, his time was running out.
All too soon the doctor walked in, "Ms. Summers? I'm afraid it's time."
She shook her head, "No, no you can't. It's not fair, it's murder!" she yelled.
He shook his head, "It's mercy." He countered, "Mr. O'Conner can't stay on life support forever, he was given two weeks to recover from his coma and as of right now, there is little to no brain activity. If he chooses to live, we'll do everything in our power to aid him, if not…" he let the sentence die, like Angel would if they turned off his respirator.
"Please, not yet. He'll recover, I know he will. He just needs more time!" Buffy begged.
The doctor shook his head, a sympathetic frown on his lips. He felt this kind of grief from his patents family everyday. He learned long ago, you can't save everyone, people must choose for themselves if they want to live.
Mr. Angel O'Connor didn't seem to want to live; his status had progressively deteriorated over the last two weeks.
Dr. Marko believed this was the most merciful path, also the limit on what the insurance would cover.
That was a sad fact, what insurance would pay for typically determined the quality and length of care... but he was just a doctor, he healed when he could, the rest was out of his hands.
Dr. Marko took the young woman's hand in his, "I'll give you five minutes. Say what you need to, make your peace." With that said he exited the room.
...
Buffy was left alone with Angel again, this time she knew it would be her last chance. She sat on his bed and leaned in close, preying to any god or deity he could hear her.
"Please Angel; you have to wake up now. Please, I'll beg if you want me to, just say it. Squeeze my hand, open your eyes, do something, anything to show you can hear me. There going to kill you! I know you don't want to die, you can't. Show them you won't quit, strong is fighting, fight this, fight for me."
Tears streamed down her face, "I don't want to lose you again, you can't disappear for years then show up out of nowhere just to die, that's not how this works. That can't be how this ends, you're alive, you need to stay that way. Please Angel, I…I love you. I don't care if you're human or vampire, I love you. I never stopped. I didn't even realize how much I missed you until you came back into my life. I didn't realize how lonely I was until you were there with me, just sitting beside me, you make me feel whole. Please, please, don't leave me. I don't care if you still love me or not, I want you in my life, any way I can have you, that's all I've ever wanted."
Angel remained motionless, save for the forced breaths of the respirator.
The doctor re-entered the room and Buffy braced for her worst nightmare.
Without any preamble, he switched off the machine.
After a moment the heart monitor began to waver, the oxygen sensor beeping in alarm.
Angel's lips tinted blue, but he didn't breathe.
Buffy couldn't watch, she couldn't just stand there and watch the love of her life die.
Without looking back she fled the room.
At the end of the hall she paused, a few seconds later she heard a heart monitor flat-line.
She turned and fled the hospital, her heart shattered.
...
TBC