...
The elevator dinged the penthouse. The doors opened and as Angel walked off the cart, he was body slammed against the wall.
His ribs protested in utter agony, eyes barely focusing as he fought to stay upright.
"Buffy! Stop! What the hell are you doing! He's hurt!" Dawn yelled quickly, seeing her sister about to stake Angel.
"Angel's dead! He's soulless, he needs to die." Buffy yelled back to her sister, desperate for her to understand.
'Huh? She thinks I'm dead? Then...she thinks I'm Angelus!' His mind whirled.
Angel pulled consciousness back enough to focus on Buffy.
"Ahh Buffy, is there a particular reason you have a stake pointed at me? I mean 250 years as a vampire gave me enough anxiety about wood being aimed at my heart, and having a chunk of your bedroom wall impaling me really didn't help alleviate it either." He said with him most innocent face.
Buffy stood stone still, almost afraid to move, if she did, it might be an autopilot staking.
"Angel?" she questioned, still unsure if this was some trick Angelus was playing with her head.
His eyes stayed glued to the shaft of wood in her hand a moment, then slowly moved to look into her eyes.
"I'm right here Buffy. I'm not evil. I'm alive. Feel." He finished by offering her his wrist, "It's not a trick, feel my pulse, feel my warmth. I'm not dead."
She wanted to, she really wanted to. But what if it was a trick, what if as soon as she took the pressure off, he attacked her.
His open palm was so inviting, she reached out before she make the decision to do it.
Taking a huge risk, he grasped her hand when it moved forward, knowing full well if he made the wrong move, he'd be really, really dead.
She jumped back as she felt his hand close over hers, the stake tightened in her grip, and then it loosened as she felt the warmth in his fingers.
She moved her digits until they settled over his wrist, she felt the worry induced quick thump, thump, thump just under the skin.
As she pulled back, releasing him from against the wall, a tear slipped down her cheek. "Angel?" she asked, for the first time really seeing him.
He looked down into her eyes as she ran her fingers over his cheek. "It's me."
In in instant, she pressed her face against his chest as her arms encircled his waist. The heat from his body surrounded her, his heartbeat thumped against her cheek. She squeezed herself against him, never wanting to let him go, afraid if she did he would disappear.
When Buffy's grip tightened, Angel felt his ribs grind in agonizing detail. He gasped in pain, his vision blurring. A moment later he lost his battle to keep conscious.
Buffy yelped Angel's name as his eyes rolled back and he dropped. "Dawn! Call 911!" She yelled to her sister and she tried to control Angel's fall, realizing he was still hurt and in no shape to be out of the hospital.
...
Slowly Angel regained consciousness.
His eyes opened to see the stern grey eyes of Dr. Marko looking frustrated down at him.
"Mr. O'Connor...can't say I'm happy to see you again. Thou I suppose an 'I told you so' would be childish of me. You've lucky only a few ribs shifted out of place...you could have reopened the stitches inside you're lung."
Angel groaned and looked away, not feeling like being scolded at the moment and wondering how he ended up back at the hospital.
When he turned his head, he got his answer when his eyes met worried and slightly angry hazel green orbs.
"You should have stayed in the hospital." Buffy stated.
He rolled his eyes, "Would have been fine if you didn't slam me into the wall." He mumbled.
Buffy's cheeks went red as Dr. Marko looked over at the little strip of a girl.
"Not on purpose..." she defended.
"Yes, I'm sure you didn't. Well I have other patients much worse off than you to attend to. Be sure to call a nurse if you need something." The doctor told Angel then made his way out, getting the feeling they needed to talk alone.
"I'm sorry." She apologized, looking down and thinking he was angry at her.
He show the flash of hurt on her face and took her hand in his left. "Not your fault...you didn't know."
"I should have..." She said quietly.
There were silent for a few minutes, just holding hands in the white, sterile hospital room.
"Dr. Marko explained to me what happened after I ran out." She began, "I guess I picked the worst possible moment to have a minor breakdown."
"Sorry it took me so long to wake up. Honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to..." He told her.
"How about now? Do you want to live?" She questioned.
"I'm still breathing aren't I?" He defended.
"Yeah, I guess." She mumbled.
They were silent again, not sure what to say to one another.
"I heard you." Angel broke the silence.
"I didn't say anything." Buffy replied, confused.
"Not now...right before I was taken off life support." He clarified. "I heard you asking me to live."
"Oh" She replied, vividly remembering her frantic speech.
'Please Angel; you have to wake up now. Please, I'll beg if you want me to, just say it. Squeeze my hand, open your eyes, do something, anything to show you can hear me. There going to kill you! I know you don't want to die, you can't. Show them you won't quit, strong is fighting, fight this, fight for me."
Tears streamed down her face, "I don't want to lose you again, you can't disappear for years then show up out of nowhere just to die, that's not how this works. That can't be how this ends, you're alive, you need to stay that way. Please Angel, I…I love you. I don't care if you're human or vampire, I love you. I never stopped. I didn't even realize how much I missed you until you came back into my life. I didn't realize how lonely I was until you were there with me, just sitting beside me, you make me feel whole. Please, please, don't leave me. I don't care if you still love me or not, I want you in my life, any way I can have you, that's all I've ever wanted.'
"So...what does that mean?" She asked.
"What do you want it to mean?" He questioned back.
"I asked you first." She countered.
He sighed, "I don't know...I don't even know if I'll stay human..."
"What do you mean?" Buffy snapped, alarmed.
"I mean, I don't even know how Hexlar made me mortal. I don't know if it's meant to be permanent or not. The last thing I want is to start something with you and need to end it again...I don't know if I could handle that again." He admitted.
"Not sure I could either." She agreed.
After a beat, "So what? We pull out a pie chart? Weigh all the pros and cons?" She asked.
"Honestly...right now I'd settle for being able to breath without pain." He grumbled.
"Is it that bad?" she asked, looking at his pale face.
"Isn't all that good." He answered.
"Want me to go? So you can sleep." She offered.
He would have laughed at the idea of sleep while in that room, but he knew laughing would hurt.
"No...wouldn't be able to sleep anyways. I don't think I slept a combined 8 hours the four days I spent here after I woke." He replied, not wanting her to leave.
"You need to sleep if you're going to heal." She stated.
"Not really a choice." He countered.
She stood and gently slid into the twin bed beside him, careful not to hit the IV or any other wires.
"What are you doing?" He asked, mildly amused.
She sat with her back against the headboard and stole the pillow from under his head, forcing him to use her lap in it's place.
"Making you go to sleep." she answered.
"Not gonna happen." He said pessimistically.
"We'll see." She teased optimistically.
...
Half hour later, Angel was sound asleep with his head pillowed in her lap as she gently ran her fingers threw his hair.
...
The days passed and Angel grew stronger with each one. After a week his rehab began for his hand, to get his fingers moving correctly after the broken glass sliced his tendons.
Buffy spend the majority of her days at the hospital with him, keeping him company and helping him sleep. He only really slept when she was there.
...
Finally after nearly three weeks, he was cleared to go home.
Before he could ask, Buffy signed the paperwork to be his guardian until complete recovery, taking over at-home rehab and to monitor his medications for pain.
...
"God, you have no idea how great it is to be out of there." Angel exclaimed as they walked into her apartment.
"I get it, I spent a lot of time there too." She agreed.
"By choice" he added.
"Hey, I could have said 'call me when you get out' and left it at that." She countered.
"I'm glad you didn't. Thank you, for everything you've done...and are still doing." He said sincerely.
"Well someone needs to keep an eye on you." She blurted out of embarrassment.
He chuckled, not completely pain free, but much easier than it had been a few weeks ago. "Yeah, I suppose so."
"So..." She said to divert the conversation, "What do you want to do now you're free?"
"Hmm...you know what I really want...food. Real food, none of the hospital food-like stuff."
"I could eat. You want to go out?" She asked.
He shook his head, "Not sure I'm up for that right now, it's been a long day and I'm sure I look like hell...maybe I can cook?" He offered.
"If what you make is even half as good as the dish you made when you first came over, I'll have to hire you to make all my meals."
He grinned, "All your meals huh? Would I be a live in chef?"
'Among other things.' she thought.
...
An hour later they sat at the table, enjoying a home-made meal.
"Mmm, that's it. You're not allowed to leave."
"Ever?" He question after swallowing his fork full.
"Nope." she said after another bite.
"Going to chain me to the stove?" He asked, amused.
"Or the bed." She blurted. A second later she realized what she'd said. "Umm...I mean...ahh..." her cheek beat red.
He laughed at her embarrassment, finding it extremely cute.
"We never did talk about that did we?" he asked.
"Chaining you to the bed?" she questioned.
"No, I meant us...if there would be an us." He clarified.
"Oh...that...I guess we didn't..." She said, thinking it over. "So?"
"Well I've been human around two months now...I guess if it was going to wear off...it would have by now." He surmised.
"Does that mean you want to try again?" She asked hopeful.
"I've always wanted to...just not been sure I could. Maybe we can take things slow? See how that works?" He asked, not sure she still was interested in him or not.
She nodded, not wanting to look too excited, even though she was jumping around in her head like a kid on Christmas morning. "Yeah, I suppose we could...especially if you keep cooking." She finished by stuffing another loaded fork full into her mouth.
"Oh, that leads to another question." He suddenly remembered.
"What?" She asked, mouth full.
"Umm...was I actually staying here...or did you want me to get my own place?" He asked, unsure.
"We covered that already...you're my cook." She stated while grabbing a second helping from the pan in the middle of the table.
He chuckled, "Ok...well were will I be staying exactly? The couch...you have yet to replace...or Dawn's room."
She looked up at him an realized what he was asking. If he stayed in her room, that meant they would be sleeping together...which was not classified as taking it slow.
"Well...we're both mature adults. And I have a queen...it should be big enough." She said slowly.
"If it's fine with you, it's fine with me." he assured. Inside he was doing the same christmas morning happy dance.
"Ok, that's settled then. So dessert?" She asked, getting up and heading for the freezer to pull out a carton of Cookie dough-fudge-mint-chip ice cream.
"Yes please." he grinned, remembering that last time he ate that ice cream. Specifically remembering the feeling of Buffy's tongue licking it off his chest.
...
Later, after they had eaten ice cream and watched a little TV, they decided to hit the hay.
After a few minutes of awkward changing and brushing their teeth at the duel sinks, they were looking at the bed.
"Mature adults." Buffy muttered under her breath.
Angel nodded, "Yeah...besides...my ribs wont be fully healed for another few weeks...and I need to avoid strenuous activity." He said as a deterrent to what they were both thinking and wanting.
"Yeah, that would just set you back weeks of recovery time...and if you end up at the hospital again, I'm sure Marko will kill you." Buffy reluctantly agreed.
Five minutes later they were locked in a fiery passionate kiss.
...
Neither payed the slightest attention to their plan as they fell onto the bed, lips working in furious overtime, greedily devouring the others.
It wasn't until Buffy leaned down closer and pressed against him ribs that reality came crashing back.
Angel gasped and Buffy immediately rolled off, "Ohmigod! I'm so sorry, are you ok?' She asked in a rush.
He took her hands in his, prying them off his bandaged chest, "I'm fine...just hurt for a second." He admitted.
"Are you sure?" She asked, horrified she broke him.
"Trust me, if it was worse...you'd know it." He told her, knowing if his ribs shifted out of place again, he'd likely be on the floor crying like a baby...if conscious at all.
"Ok, good. I'm still sorry." She repeated.
"I'm not." He said, kissing her cheek.
"So much for slow." She said to him.
He carefully laid back down, motioning for her to join him.
She did, curing up to his right side, his arm wrapping around her.
She pulled his right hand onto her chest, holding it in her hands, playing with his finger. Actually making him do his rehab exercises.
"Your pinky still isn't working?" She frowned, noticing the digit would move up but not down with the others.
"Doc said it wasn't healing right, something about scar tissue." He said, getting tired after such a long day and extremely happy to be in a real bed...even better with Buffy beside him.
"Oh." She said quietly, caressing the stubborn digit.
Without thinking about it he whispered into her ear, "I love you."
She sat up and whipped around, looking wide eyed at him.
"Wrong words?" He questioned uncertainly at her reaction.
"No." She said, laying back down, "Defiantly not wrong." She clarified, looking across at him. "I'm just...surprised."
"Because I asked to take it slow, or because you thought I didn't?" He asked.
"Don't know...both maybe." She told him.
"I've always loved you Buffy, even since I saw you called. I guess I'm to blame if you didn't know that." He said, running his fingers along her back as her head rested on his shoulder.
He was very aware she hadn't said it to him yet.
"Well you did breakup with me, walk out of my life...moved on..." She stated.
"I only did that so you could have a normal life, a chance to be with someone who could give you what I couldn't." He explained.
"Look how well that turned out." She blurted.
"Is that an 'I told you so'?" he asked.
"Maybe it is." She said into his shoulder.
"If this isn't what you want..." he started, getting the cold shoulder feeling from her.
She sat up, placing a hand on his shoulder to keep him down, "Not want I want? Angel, I know you have over 250 years of education under your belt, I know you're an intelligent person, you've caulked full of knowledge and have read more books than I can name...but you're a complete idiot sometimes."
He furrowed his brow and made to ask how, but she continued.
"I told you when I was sixteen...all I want is you. I said it again when I was eighteen, I want my life to be with you. If that's too complicated for you..."
She leaned down and resumed the kiss they had started.
After they broke apart for much needed breath, "Is that clear enough for you, getting good reception?" She asked.
He nodded, "Might still be a little fuzzy..." He lured.
She grinned and found his lips again.
"I love you" She whispered to him, settling down beside him, knowing they couldn't
He smiled, feeling all the tension and worry drain from his heart.
In that moment, everything was perfect.
...
That's when he felt it.
Blinding, searing, gut-retching pain...and it had absolutely nothing to do with his mostly healed ribs.
Angel gasped and sat up, clutching his chest in utter confusion.
'No..not, this is not possible! I'm human! I can't...I can't be losing my soul!'
However the pain said different.
Buffy shot awake the second he gasped, at first she thought she hit his ribs, but then she saw the look of terror in his eyes, and she knew.
"No..." She denied, "You can't be...we didn't even have sex!"
Angel tried to move away from her, only succeeding in falling off the bed and collapsing in agony on the floor.
She jumped down after him, trying to pull him to her.
"No...get...away..." He managed to spit out as he tried to stand, tried to run away.
He didn't make it.
The pain intensified and he couldn't help but scream her name as it overtook him, a second later he collapsed.
Buffy caught him as he dropped, hugging him to her, calling his name in terror.
'Oh god, what if...what if he turned back...what if this was him reverting?'
"Angel!" she called again, this time reaching a shaky hand his his neck, preying he still had a heartbeat.
Under his skin, there was a light flutter of pulses, his heart pounding from pain and fear.
'He's alive, thankyouthankyouthankyou, he's still alive.'
Slowly the world began to reform around him, he became aware of someone talking to him, asking him to open his eyes.
He did, his lids were heavy, but they opened and slowly focused on the beautiful face of the woman holding him.
She looked down into those blank eyes, horrified he did lose his soul, that he was just an empty shell now.
"Angel?" She sobbed out, heart constricting.
His eyes looked into hers, then looked around the room, as if seeing it for the first time.
"It's gone." he whispered hoarsely.
'Gone! What's gone! His soul!' Buffy's mind screamed.
"Gone?" She choked out, not wanting to hear it.
"Curse." He clarified, "Curse is gone."
"Angel?" She asked again, feeling a tiny trickle of hope.
His eyes settled on hers again, "I'm here, still me Buffy." He told her, realizing she was freaking.
"Ohthankgod!" She exhaled and covered his face with so many kisses he could barely breathe.
After a moment she pulled back, "What happened?" she demanded.
She helped him sit up, the fall from the bed not doing him any favors for his ribs, but not seeming to have re-injured them either at least.
"I...I don't know. My curse...I felt my soul Buffy...it was released." He said looking at her.
"But...you have it...you do have it don't you!" She started to panic.
"I have it." He said quickly, "The curse let it go...but it didn't leave."
"Well, you're human...alive...it belongs in you, why would it go?" She reasoned.
"Yeah, makes sense. It's weird, I feel...better. Like my soul was out of place before, and now...it...fits...it's where it's supposed to be."
She digested that then asked, "Ok, one question down...but how...we didn't even have sex."
While talking, she helped pull him up and back into the bed, her arms wrapped around him for both his and her own comfort.
He rested his back against the headboard, his body still too wired for sleep. She settled down against his side, resting her head on his shoulder.
"It was never about sex Buffy." He clarified.
"Umm...well based on how we found out about the curse and what we did to trigger it before..."
"I didn't lose my soul making love to you, the trigger was being perfectly happy with you. It's more than physical happiness, it's emotional. If perfect happiness was as simple as an orgasm, I would have lost my soul within months of getting it. "
She pulled herself closer, mindful of his ribs, and looked into his eyes as he spoke.
"You made everything else disappear, all my worries and fears, regrets and pain...you gave me a moment of perfect peace. Not ten minutes ago, I felt it again. We didn't need to consummate our love for me to feel near euphoria knowing it was still there."
He ran his fingers along her cheek, "Just being with you Buffy gives me so much happiness...this is why I had to leave you before. I think we both know how this would have ended if I had been a vampire still...what this would have done to you had I stayed in Sunnydale...this is the risk I couldn't take."
She nodded, fully understand how wrong she had been in her logic then. Realizing had he stayed, had they moved in together or resumed their relationship in Sunnydale, despite their 'careful', he would have reverted...and one of them would have died as a result...best case scenario.
"I'm sorry." she whispered, knowing it was her that cause it...cause him so much pain.
She tried to pull away, but he held her tight, despite her obvious strength over him.
"You have done nothing wrong Buffy, nothing. I certainly can't and won't blame you for making me happy. I love you with every ounce of my being, nothing will ever change that, nothing. You are my perfect happiness, I never lost my soul to anyone else...only you have that power over me."
She turned to face him, tears staining her cheeks, "You slept with other woman since me?" She asked, focusing on that immediately.
He sighed, "Slept with other women? Yes. Did it mean even a fraction of what you mean to me? No. And not to cause a fight, but you can't tell me you've been celibate since we were last together."
"I wouldn't risk becoming a homicidal maniac..." She retorted.
"Without you...neither would I." He countered.
She leaned down and kissed his cheek, not wanting to argue. Anything that happen was in the past...over and done with.
"I'm glad you're ok." She said as she ran her fingers along his cheek, "You scared the hell out of me."
"Scared the hell out of me too…and I've been."
She felt a stab of pain at the comment, knowing he meant no malice in it, but still feeling the pain nonetheless. The horror of having to send the one you love to hell never really fades…neither does the image of killing them.
Suddenly she needed him. Needed to feel him in the way she's always wanted to, his ribs would just have to deal. She knew she needed this, and was positive he needed it too. Especially after what just happened, after the fear of nearly losing him again. It wasn't a conscious thought per say, it was more…primal.
She rolled over and straddled his lap as he rested his back against the headboard.
As he went to question her sudden action, she wrapped her fingers in his longer brown hair and pulled his lips to hers in a fiery kiss.
He certainly didn't object, instead his tongue joined the battle to win each others mouths.
His hands trailed up and down her torso, sides and bottom. His fingers were turning on the switches to her desire as much as her lower region rocking against his groin was rousing him.
After a moment she reached down and freed him from his sweats. In the same breath his fingers pulled down the sides of her pajama bottoms and panties.
Quickly she slipped off the bottoms then raised her arms as Angel lifted off her shirt.
Once the unwanted clothing was gone between them, the kissing resumed.
A short time later, neither could wait anymore. They both moaned in pleasure as Buffy slid onto him, each taking a second to bask in the completeness they felt, as how perfectly they fit together.
But it only lasted a second.
Buffy began to rock and bounce against him, propping her hands on the headboard to keep from hitting his torso and hurting his ribs, her movement focused on his lap.
One of Angel's hands gripped her slender hip, the other pressed down on her shoulder as she slammed down on him.
"Stop." He tried to say, but her movements triggered his release.
"Buffy." He moaned as he came in her, both euphoric at the feeling but guilty and embarrassed as how soon it happened.
She heard him groan out her name, and it was the most beautiful sound in the world to her ears.
She kissed his lips, feeling ecstatic at power she held over his body, at how she made him react…but also a sliver of disappointment it happened so soon.
'I guess being human has some drawbacks…' She thought as she kissed.
"I'm sorry." He panted against her, feeling his spent arousal receding.
"I'm not." Her fingers trailing down his cheeks, her lips following.
His hands disappeared to her bottom, lifting her until his mouth could reach her breasts without his needing to bend.
She rose to her knees, still straddling his waist, but higher to help him.
One hand wrapped around a firm breast, caressing the stiff pink nipple as his lips and tongue moving to coax the other.
His free hand slipped down between her legs, still wet and hot from his release.
Slowly he began to pleasure her, using his fingers and mouth to stimulate her most sensitive areas.
With his background with woman, he knew exactly where and what to do.
Within a few minutes, Buffy was panting, her body humming from his movements.
He felt her walls ready to close of his fingers, but he didn't stop, nor did he even slow when she hit her first release.
Her body jerked against him, but he didn't relent his actions and she came again, harder and stronger. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and her breasts were pulled from his lips and fingers as she arched back.
He still didn't cease his fingers furious stimulation.
Again Buffy's body climaxed, this time is was almost painful it felt so amazing.
He only stopped when her walls clamped down hard on his digits; she practically screamed his name in the throws of a final orgasm, her body nearly convulsing from the strength of her release.
She collapsed gasping against him, her heart racing, skin hot and sweaty, cheeks flushed.
He lightly kissed her neck as she tried to catch her breath.
After a few minutes she looked up into his eyes.
He smiled at her, "Did I make up for the stamina flop?"
"And then some." She said while leaning in to conquer his mouth.
He grinned and pulled her tighter.
Any pain in his ribs was long forgotten.
…
Slowly the high from sex receded.
They settled down and relaxed into each others arms, both happy and satisfied, and feeling complete.
The largest pieces of their lives had settled into place, shortly the other pieces would follow suit.
They were putting the pieces back, together.
…
The End
…
P.S. No I didn't leave Angel with Pre-Ejac issues. It's completely natural to every now and again …plus, he's tired and on meds…Buffy didn't suffer for it anyways. ;)
…
So I gave you three choices for an ending. My little Goldilocks kick. Feel free to chose the one best suited for you.