Dante's Debt
By: DMEX
Ch. 9
The Big Pink Loser- uh, (I mean) Menace!
Just outside of Townsville going into Townsville Forest, was Fuzzy Lumpkins; enjoying himself with Joe (his banjo he named), his boom-stick (single barrel shotgun), his jug-o-water (jug of liquor) and his straw hat. Fuzzy soon fell asleep without even realizing it.
He sputtered a bit and saw a little gremlin sitting at his feet.
"GET OFFA MA PROPERTAY!" Fuzzy roared as he shot the poor gremlin dead!
Fuzzy pulled up his stomach and spat at the dead gremlin's corpse as if he was in the old school house of retro animation and he grunted: "Damned monster go on ma propertay, not on ma watch!"
Fuzzy sat back on his rocking chair and then roared out to anyone who may have been on his turf with a vicious tone of voice-
Fuzzy (angry, like Robert Freeman): LET DAT BE A LESSON TA Y'ALL WHO TRY TA GET ON MA PROPERTAY!
-Meanwhile in a distant part of Townsville Forest-
Dante and Ms. Keane (or Rachel as she now prefers Dante to use) were on a bit of a hiking trip. "Isn't this just grand?" Rachel asked Dante with such a sweet voice.
Dante: (scoffs) Gimme a fucking break…
(earlier at Pokey Oaks Kindergarten)
Morrison: You do know about the Big Pink Menace that lives in Townsville Forest, don't you Dante?
Dante (sarcasm): You mean Patrick Star's big pink loser of a brother?
Morrison: Keep up the sarcasm, you're gonna find out how hard it is to eat pizza and ice cream; let alone kissing Ms. Keane with your jaw wired shut!
(Rachel blushes horrified by the comment)
Morrison: His name is Fuzzy Lumpkins. A flea turned into a superhuman demon of some sort. Rumors are that Fuzzy plans to bring some of his demon buddies to attack Townsville (primarily he's bringing his family too.)
Rachel: Looks like you have a job, Dante.
Dante: Depends, is the old bastard gonna pay me good money?
Morrison: If you do the job right. If you don't take the job, I'll be sending the both of you to watch the new
Twilight movie, I'll even handcuff and shackle the both of you together so their be no chance in Hell of escaping!
Dante groans… He has no choice but to do it… God help him if he had to sit through THAT MOVIE again. No less, the first one that Patty and Lady dragged him to…
(end flashback)
Dante groaned in disgust having to take this job under such a nasty proposition…
"Well, it's better than sitting through that damn movie again!" Dante lazily complained…
Rachel sits. "Can we rest? My feet hurt and I'm sweating like crazy!" Rachel asked while trying to suck in some wind.
"How the hell can you be tired already?" Dante asked as if she was out of shape. "I'm not a demon hybrid like you. I need my rest and I can't go superhuman in a matter of seconds." she spoke as she took off her good pair of blue and white Reebok shoes.
Dante snickered under his breath. "Neither are the PowerPuff Girls." Dante lazily cracked. Dante's stomach gurgled… "Dammit, I'm starving! Where the hell is my pizza?" Dante grumbled.
Just then…
(A demon portal appears out of no where and several demons come out)
"Damn demons!" Dante grunted as he pulled out Ebony and Ivory. "Mind if I join in?" she asked him. "And how are you gonna kill these demons?" Dante asked as if he didn't believe her.
Rachel pulls out what appears to be a pen, but a push of a button turned it into a razor sharp Whipsword just like Ivy has in the Soul Caliber games. Dante stood there in shock…
Rachel: Did you really think I'd come without being prepared?
The demons see Dante and Ms. Keane and swarm towards them.
"LOOKS LIKE IT'S GONNA BE ONE HELL OF A PARTY!" Dante exclaimed as he started shooting.
Little did they realize that Fuzzy Lumpkins was asleep and the sounds of Demons, Dante's homicidal, suicidal and downright genocidal shooting and Rachel fighting this swarm would wake him up…
(Fuzzy sputtered a bit and he could hear sword slashing sound along with multiple rapid gunfire and demons screeching)
Fuzzy got up and with a spat a big wad out he yelled out: "WHO'S ON MA PROPERTAY?"
Fuzzy got his boom-stick and went to investigate as to what woke him up! And he was mad as Hell!
Rachel and Dante had finished the last of the demons. Rachel sat back down and took of her bandana. "That was one extreme workout." Rachel admitted as she wiped the demon blood and sweat off her face. She opened her water bottle and without warning-
(GUNSHOT)
-the water bottle bursts soaking poor Rachel Keane. They turned around and saw Fuzzy 30 yards away pointing and aiming his boom-stick at what he thought was Rachel.
"What you doin' on ma propertay?" Lumpkins questioned rather aggressively.
Dante smirked very lazily and uttered as if John Cena said this: "Look who it is, it's the Big Pink Loser!" Fuzzy was not amused by this.
"DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN DERE YOU SUMMABITCH!" Lumpkins barked.
Dante held his laugh in and asked: "And what happens if I do?"
"I WILL SHOOT YO SUMMABITCHES TA KILL!" Lumpkins barked rather angrily with his mightiest Southern accent!
Rachel knows about Fuzzy Lumpkins…
She knows how foul tempered he can be. Rachel knows that Fuzzy Lumpkins is notoriously known having the shortest fuse in Townsville. She has crossed paths with Fuzzy on several occasions, none of them good.
"Dante, he means it." Rachel warned, knowing he probably won't listen. "How can you tell?" he asked her.
"That's Fuzzy Lumpkins, Dante. I've crossed paths with him on different occasions and none of them are good. He's foul tempered, and will lash out with you provoke him." Rachel explained while reading Fuzzy's profile in a book.
"That's him? That big pink loser is Fuzzy?" Dante taunted him. "Funny, I figured him to be a bit of a runt."
(GUNSHOT)
Dante dodged it without even trying. Fuzzy had heard enough and like The Hulk, he was roaring as if he's gone completely insane, Hulked Up and turned all red and bore his teeth.
"I'M GONNA KILL YO DAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNTTTTEEEEEE!" Lumpkins savagely roared.
"I warned you Dante!" Rachel yelled while she tugged on his blood red trench coat. "That's the whole reason why the old bastard wanted us out here!" Dante retorted.
Fuzzy came running berserk with extreme rage that few are lucky to tell about if they live.
Dante: Let him come to us…
Rachel: ARE YOU CRAZY? Oh wait, you are… HAVE YOU LOST YOU'RE FREAKIN' MIND?
Dante: You trust me?
Rachel: If we don't make it out alive-
Rachel psychotically, yet romantically kissed Dante on the lips
Dante (angry): WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
Rachel (tearfully): IF WE DIE HERE I WANT YOU TO KNOW; I LOVE YOU! I LOVE HOW YOU ARE COMPLETELY CRAZY, I LOVE HOW YOU KEEP THE CLASSROOM IN ORDER, I EVEN LOVE WHEN YOU GO COMPLETELY TRIGGER HAPPY IN CLASS!
Dante: Then do you trust me?
Rachel held him tight, expecting the end-
(GUNSHOT)
She winced expecting to drenched in Dante's blood, but-
(she opened her eyes…)
Nothing…
Nothing except poor ol' Fuzzy on the ground with a laying in a pool of his own drool and his eyes in the back of his head laughing like a complete moron…
Rachel (relieved): Well I'll be damned…
"Well that's it for this poor bastard… Sending him back to the Demon World would be too cruel of a punishment let alone killing him." Dante smirked as he put Ebony and Ivory away.
"I don't understand you… Since when were you a humanitarian towards Demons?" Rachel asked.
"You did something that's gonna scar him for life…" Dante said cryptically. "I did?" asked Rachel Keane with a bit of confusion.
She felt a bit of a breeze from her chest to her back… She saw a very tiny short orange shirt that looked exactly like hers. She touched where her shirt SHOULD BE! Only to realize that her short orange tied shirt was laying on the ground.
And then-
(RACHEL KEANE SCREAMED IN HORROR! IT WAS SO LOUD THAT PICCOLO COULD HEAR IT FROM THE LOOKOUT AND KING KAI HEARD IT ALL THE WAY IN OTHERWORLD)
Rachel (horrified): You mean- he saw- my- my- my?
Dante: Took you long to figure it out…
Rachel's face turn a bright pinkish red and screamed in horror again.
A bit later, Dante explained to her when Fuzzy shot her water bottle and soaked her; her shirt must have shrunk down to a doll sized bra size. Rachel, realized that little mishap was really what saved their lives. Rachel laughed so hard that she passed out.
And Dante almost got his ass kicked by Lady, thinking it was Dante who had did it. Dante… You just get no respect, do ya brother…?
To be continued…!