Poison Ivy threw open the door, pointing her crossbow at her visitor's face. She was greeted by the muzzle of a gun in her own face, held by none other than the Joker, with Harley clinging to his arm. They realized it was a stalemate and both slowly lowered their weapons.
"I thought you were Harvey," Ivy growled. "I've been expecting him to come finish his dirty work himself since the assassin he sent failed to kill me."
"Is Harvey in the habit of sending assassins?" asked Joker.
"No," snapped Ivy. "I always thought better of him. I thought if he was going to try to kill me, at least he'd be man enough to do it himself."
"Funny, I thought the same thing about you," retorted Joker. "And yet I too am faced with the inevitable conclusion that you sent an assassin to get rid of me. It's not very sporting of you, Pammie, is it? At least match yourself against me, rather than some pathetic lackey."
"What are you talking about?" demanded Ivy. "I haven't sent any assassin."
"I found traces of your lipstick on him," he retorted. "Unless you're telling me someone else got ahold of that?"
"They must have," she retorted. "Because I would never dream of letting someone else enjoy the pleasure of killing you."
"See, Mr. J, I told you," replied Harley, beaming. "Told you Red hated you too much to let anyone else do it!"
"I wouldn't normally trust you, Pammie, but our stories are too similar to be coincidences," said Joker, grinning. "Someone is clearly trying to turn us against each other, which admittedly wouldn't be that difficult to do. And also, apparently, you against Harvey. How do you know the assassin was from Mr. Bipolar?"
"He told me," she retorted. "Under duress, of course."
"Oh, you managed to keep yours alive, did you?" he said. "Well, that's good news. Harley had some difficulty doing that with ours and beat his brains out instead, didn't you, pooh?"
"I said I was sorry, Mr. J," she snapped.
"Is he still alive?" Joker asked.
"For now," replied Ivy, nodding. "But you're saying he's lied to me about who sent him?"
"Unless for some reason Harvey wants to kill both of us," replied Joker. "And I can't imagine why he would. Or, if he does, why he doesn't just do it himself. I like to think there's some form of honor among thieves. And Harvey's always been perfectly willing to do his own dirty work, as long as he gets permission from his coin."
"I'll make the assassin tell me the truth," said Ivy. "Why don't you two come in? It might amuse you to watch."
She held open the door and they followed her into a room filled with plants. Wrapped in vines against one wall was a man, tightly bound and surrounded by thorns. Ivy gestured and the vines brought the man down toward her. "You might recognize my acquaintances, handsome," she said, nodding at Joker and Harley. "And they've told me kinda a funny story. They've told me an assassin was sent to kill them too. A friend of yours, maybe?"
The assassin shook his head. "I don't know nothing about that," he retorted. "Two-Face told me to kill the plant bitch. Didn't say nothing about the clowns."
"And you're sure your orders came from Two-Face?" asked Ivy.
"Sure I'm sure," he retorted.
"I don't believe you, handsome," she breathed. "I think you're lying to me. And if you are, I'll have the truth out of you, any way I can."
"Do your worst," he snapped.
"Oh, you don't want to see my worst," laughed Ivy. "I was really hoping I wouldn't have to do this. But you don't really leave me much of a choice, now do you? I need the truth, handsome. And you're going to tell me it. Right now."
Without warning, she seized his face in her hands and kissed him. She drew her mouth away slowly and murmured, "Now tell me the truth. Who sent you, and why?"
"We were sent to eliminate the freaks," murmured the man, hypnotized by Poison Ivy's lipstick.
"Eliminate the freaks?" she repeated. "And who sent you to do that?"
"Rupert Thorne, Sal Maroni, and Carmine Falcone," replied the man. "They own this town. Or at least they used to, until you freaks showed up. Bunch of crazies with delusions of grandeur trying to rival the mob bosses. Thinking your silly little games can compete with real crime. Well, the gangsters have had enough of you weirdos in costumes playing dress-up. They've had enough of the jokes and the games. They're taking back Gotham City for the real criminals, and eliminating the freaks. You're all on their list, and you're all going to go. They thought it would be easiest to turn you against one another, and let you finish each other off. But even if that fails, they'll find other ways. They won't stop until Gotham is wiped clean of scum like you. Filthy, disgusting freaks."
Joker, Harley, and Ivy were all silent for a moment. Then Joker started laughing. "Sticks and stones will break your bones," he chuckled. "But names will never hurt me."
And he suddenly began beating the man mercilessly with his cane, laughing hysterically. Ivy summoned her vines to wrap around the man's throat until the life was choked out of him. Joker kept beating him until he felt the bones break, chuckling madly. Then there was silence.
"What do you think we should do, J?" asked Ivy, quietly.
Joker was silent for a moment, wiping his cane with his handkerchief. "I think we should have a meeting of all the freaks," he replied, grinning. "If they're banding together against us, we're going to need to band together against them, aren't we? Why don't you spread the word, Pammie? Say 8 o'clock at my place? We'll make milkshakes for everyone."
"We will if we stop by the supermarket on the way home," reminded Harley. "But we're out of milk, Mr. J."
"Of course we'll stop by the supermarket," he replied. "We'll need some canapes if we're expecting company."
"And cocktail weenies? Can we get cocktail weenies, Mr. J?" asked Harley, excitedly, clapping her hands. "I love cocktail weenies!"
"Yeah, sure, kid, whatever you want," he replied. "I can leave passing out the invites with you, can I, Pammie?" he asked.
"Sure," she replied, shrugging. "Anyone you want me to leave off the list?"
Joker thought. "No need to invite Eddie Nygma – I still haven't forgiven him for last Halloween when he came to my party as Mr. Harley Quinn. If the mob takes him out, it would only be a blessing. And obviously if anyone's in Arkham, they're pretty safe. Just see who's around."
"Ok. See you at eight," said Ivy, seeing them out. She shut the door, then turned to face the body. Shutting her eyes, she summoned her plants. "C'mon, babies," she murmured. "Time to eat."