A/N: Eh heh heh...I know, a year is ridiculous. Excuses include lack of inspiration, being waaaay to busy, and other things that are too random to mention.
This is 10 pages long (I was aiming for 12 pages...a page a month...type of thingy...) and I'll bring up the next chapter soon enough! Yay!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from super smash bros and anything else associated with super smash bros or other things that happen to be copyrighted by someone other than myself. I DO own all the random characters that appear here and have been appearing in this whole fic and the plot and anything else that does not happen to be copyrighted by someone other than myself.
That was actually kind of fun. Well, enjoy ze long chapter! Or else...muahahahaha!
Chapter Twelve: There are twelve shelves in a copyrighted tissue box!
Young Link's Journey
After ditching the Lon Lon tub and racing away, Young Link suddenly stops. He begins wandering along, wandering along until he comes across a gigantically huge log. The log of course is very large and very wide. Young Link ponders on what might be contained in the log.
"I wonder what is contained inside this gigantically huge log?" Young Link ponders loudly. Why must he always ponder so loudly? It will give away his position during the battle!
"What battle?" Young Link asks. Why, it is according to the book of randomness that every random fic must end in a battle! Muahahaha!
Suddenly, he hears a noise coming from the log. Thinking ever so quickly, he pulls out his oh-so-cute-and-pathetically-built sword out of its hilt. Suddenly, something comes out of the log. It reveals itself to be...a gigantically huge red ant! Being about 1 foot long and 1/3 foot wide, it looks like it got carried away during last night's feast of ants (the greatest cannibal feast according to ants).
"Wah!" Young Link screams again. He starts backing up and...oh! He loses his balance and trips over a pile of sticks and falls to the ground!
"Boo! Boo! You can do better than that, Young Link! Boo!" several robins perching on a nearby tree...say. The red ant approaches Young Link ever so stealthily, an evil glare wave coming out of its antennas...
"Pull out those antennas!" a voice suddenly says. Young Link jumps, hitting the tops of the trees and falls back down on his back.
"Why?" Young Link asks the mysterious voice, not even bothering to see where it came from or why it said that and all that other too greatly good and wonderful stuff.
"Just pull out those antennas! DO IT NOW!" the voice yells. Young Link shrugs and gets up and slowly approaches the red ant. Without any proper warning, Young Link stumbles over the red ant and quickly rips its antennas out. The ant turns into stone!
"What...? Why...?" Young Link questions, taking a bite out of the antennas.
"That was a very large red ant," the voice Young Link heard earlier explains, "Whenever you pull out the antennas of a very large red ant, you are actually pulling out its throat and very large red ants have this great need of containing a throat, for it pleases the queen of all red ants, Queen Red. If their throat is pulled out, they turn into stone because they feel that they have let Queen Red down".
"...What?" Young Link asks again. Poor guy, he'll never understand.
Before anything else could be said, a small, unidentifiable bird flies by. Young Link stares at it, admiring its awesome ability to fly. After examining it for a while, a caracal suddenly jumps out of some random bushes and reaches for the bird. Young Link, thinking quickly, jumps between the bird and the caracal. His aim is terrible, for the bite of the antenna has made him seriously...distorted in all ways, and he flies about 5 feet away from them. The caracal misses the bird and it flies away.
"Hey, loser! You made me miss my bird, dude!" the caracal states after it gracefully landed on the ground. Young Link's landing was a different story.
"Huh?..." Young Link...asks...you get the drill. He slowly gets back up into a standing position.
"Your clueless actions to the fourth degree of stupidity made my eyes avert to your sudden highness and I got so distracted that I missed the bird, clueless...elf thing!"
"What?"
"Ugh! You're really that clueless? Your mind all set on 'off' for intelligence?"
"I guess...well...uh...who are you?"
"I...am the great Logan, the magical wonderful "gangster" (imagine the quotes flying all over the place) caracal!"
"Okay..."
"HEY!" Logan suddenly shouts, making Young Link fall back...again. For some random yet strange reason, Young Link's skin turns to the color of his tunic. Logan gasps.
"CODE 'GREEN'! We have a CODE 'GREEN' here!" Logan shouts. Suddenly 20 people wearing white and/or green lab coats come rushing out to the scene with 5 stretchers carried between them all. The 20 people and Logan manage to spread Young Link over the 5 stretchers.
"Okay! What should we do!" Logan yells, which is totally unnecessary.
"We need to...um...I know! Give him the special Christmas tonic!" a random person yells. Another random person, who happens to be wearing a green lab coat with white stars all over it, pulls out a red bottle labeled "Christmas Tonic". She quickly forces the tonic down Young Link's throat (at least he has one, unlike the poor red ant). His skin color starts turning back to normal, making everybody sigh a sigh of happiness (including the stone red ant). Suddenly everybody cheers and high fives and high fours and high ones are passed between the group of cheerers. Suddenly, Young Link starts turning red.
"What's happening!?" Logan yells, grabbing a random person by his lab coat collar and violently shaking him.
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?" Logan screams at the poor guy.
"Uh...well...uh..." the guy manages to say in a normal voice, "The tonic has reverse affects? Heh?"
"I KNOW THAT!...Wait a second!" Logan yells, coming up with an idea all of a sudden and dropping the poor guy, "We can reverse this effect by putting leaves on him!" With that, Logan and the 20 people start gathering up as many leaves as they can. Once they manage to get them all into a huge pile, they plop them onto Young Link. The instant they hit Young Link, the leaves turn into cupcakes!
"Celebrate!" Logan yells, grabbing two of the cupcakes. He begins break dancing as everybody else grabs their cupcakes. Several people start singing:
We got through the code red! CODE RED!
We got through the code red! RED CODE!
Yeah, we are the great team team team
Yeah, we beat the Young Link, Young Link
Oh, we beat the code red red code
Oh, we need to celebrate!
Celebrate! Celebrate! Celebrate with all your mighty kings and queens and dudes!
We got through the code red! CODE RED!
We got through the code red! RED CODE!
"WAIT!" Young Link yells, suddenly bolting upright. Everyone freezes except Logan. "How do you guys know my name?"
"Oh, your Young Link? Nice to meet you! Tee hee!" one of the people says. For some random reason, Young Link grows suddenly angry.
"HOW DARE YOU KNOW WHO I AM? YOU KNOW WHO I AM? YES YOU DO! HOW DARE YOU?" Young Link screams, forcing the 20 people and the cat to fly backwards 2 feet. Logan manages to continue break dancing.
"All I wanted to do was FIND MY BOOMERANG! Why is everything so weird here? Why is it all so confusing?" Young Link bursts out into tears, finally breaking down because of the Christmas tonic...or so everybody says. Everyone falls silent, unable to find the words to say and Logan manages to stop dancing...
Meanwhile...in that random area...again
"All right. Lets recap: First, I asked you 'So...what is it like to be a boomerang?'. Then I asked you 'Do you enjoy life as being a boomerang?'. Third I asked you 'Does anyone ever confuse you with a banana?'. Then I asked you 'What is Hyrule like?'. Fifth I asked you 'Have you ever played Golden Sun?'. Then I asked you 'What is your favorite thing to do?'. Last but definitely not least, I asked you 'Do you feel as if you have good luck on your side most of the time?'. There are only going to be 10 questions in the series. If you can count correctly, that was seven!" the bird states in a random tone.
"Was that totally necessary to repeat all the questions?" Young Link's boomerang asks.
"YES! Now...Question 8: What is your favorite genre of fanfiction?" the bird asks.
"What is fanfiction?" Young Link's boomerang...uh...asks (note to self: need new word).
"Why? Fanfics are stories that someone writes containing the characters and ideas and other random stuff from books or TV shows or games or other things that they like!" the bird explains.
"Why would you want to do that?" the boomerang asks, now knowing that it itself is in fanfic now...muahahahaha!
"BECAUSE IT'S FUN! I have written a few fanfics myself..." the bird states.
"Seriously?" the boomerang...yeah.
"Of course! Why, when I was a young fledgling, I used to be so hyper and I wrote the most random fanfics ever for every single category out there. It took a ton of research and time to get all of the characters and plots and all that too greatly good and wonderful stuff all figured out, but hey! It was the best year of my life!" the bird starts reminiscing on its wonderful past.
"So..." the boomerang starts, "What is your favorite genre of fanfiction?"
"Mine? Why, humor of course! Tee hee, life is so depressing and humorous fanfics are one of the only thing that keeps me on my feet! Now...do you have one?"
"I just found out what fanfiction is!"
"So? You can figure this out? What is your favorite genre...of fanfiction?"
"Well...uh...adventure?"
"Adventure! Oh, yes! Adventure is so adventurous with tons of action and all that too greatly good and wonderful stuff! Yes!" the bird starts dancing with joy, causing Young Link's boomerang to...dance, I guess.
"Everybody dance now!" the bird yells. Everyone within the vicinity of 1 mile starts dancing...Mueeheehee! Too bad they don't notice what lies behind the curtain...
Mario
Trying desperately to free himself from the strange thing pulling him down, Mario begins to realize that his efforts are hopeless. The icy coldness of the water is starting to get to him and he is losing energy very rapidly. Everything gets darker and darker around him until suddenly, everything turns black.
Dun dun dun!
Mario lands on a very hard floor in a very dark room. He gets up and stares at the ceiling, which is very cool looking because it is actually made up of water. Fearing that suddenly all the water is going to come down and splash down on him, Mario ducks in a weird fashion while looking up at ceiling. Sure enough, all the water comes splashing down, somehow bringing down with it all the people who started watching Mario skate earlier.
"Dude! That was totally dude-worthy dude!" one random dude yells as he is falling down the hole that Mario fell down in...
Luigi
Luigi and Dr. Mario continue to fight over the fork. They keep fighting until BAM! Several bowls of pasta fly into the two, making them fly in random directions. The fork grows wings and flies away.
"Aw man!" Luigi yells, "The fork is gone!"
"But the pasta is here!" Dr. Mario yells staring at all the bowls of pasta which have magically arranges themselves into a semi-circle around the two dudes.
"How are we supposed to eat the pasta with no fork?" Luigi asks.
"You no eat pasta! Fork is bad!" one of the bowls replies, "Come with us to a land of pasta where you can enjoy eating us without a fork! Enjoy eating us with no limits, for there are billions of tons of pasta where we come from. It is called the Land of the Semi-Circle of Pasta With a Symbol of the Summation Notation in the Semi-Circle! We call it 'E' for short."
"Go to 'E', eh? Sure! Let's go Dr. Mario!" Luigi yells, tugging at Dr. Mario's lab coat to get him moving.
"This sounds a bit suspicious to me..." Dr. Mario says, "I think I've heard of this 'E' place before...it's just a restaurant that lures unsuspecting people, mostly pasta lovers, in and then throws them in this underground dungeon where they will be tortured day and night...with no breaks!"
"Oh, come on! You actually believe that?" Luigi asks, "Being tortured day and night with no breaks...how can anybody manage that?"
"Uh..."
"Let's just go!" Luigi manages to eventually convince Dr. Mario to go with him and they enter the land of 'E'...
Jigglypuff
After the director explodes, everybody but Jigglypuff gasps. Several seconds later, everybody turns their gaze to Jigglypuff (this includes Jigglypuff who goes cross-eyed to look at herself). When she realizes that everyone is staring at her, she brings her eyes back to normal and manages to glare at everybody at the same time.
"What are you looking at?" she asks.
"You made our director explode! You are a fiend that needs to be destroyed!" one of the people says, taking out something that resembles a miniature flail.
"How did I make him explode? I didn't do anything!" Jigglypuff tries to defend herself, realizing that, although the boredom will probably finally come to an end, she just lost a great job.
"That's just it. You did EVERYTHING! Now that you have admitted that you have taken part in his explosion, you shall be put on trial!" suddenly, the room turns black and everybody moves to their positions in a "court room". When the light turns back on, Jigglypuff realizes that she is surrounded by everyone. She looks up and sees the "judge" with the miniature flail.
"This court is now in session! Bring on the prosecutor!" the judge yells. A random person comes forward and stands before the crowd. Jigglypuff suddenly realizes that they really are having a trial. She begins to see the jury to the left and right of her and the crowd of other people, basically all the witnesses of her prosecutor, behind her and a random person sleeping next to her. She realizes that this must be her attorney. She nudges him.
"Wake up! The court is in session!" she whispers. Her attorney continues his nap, making her sigh. The prosecutor begins to speak.
"We have all gathered here because a terrible crime has been committed in our peaceful little town. Our famous director, the director of the new series that was going to be a big hit, The BORED one!, has exploded because of the actress in the series, Jigglypuff. The BORED one! was going to be the best television show this town has ever produced and now, it's over, due to one little puffball. Now, we have never had to deal with such a terrible incident, so I ask you all: how should she be punished? How should we deal with her? How--?"
"Now wait a minute, dude." the judge says, "We can't decide that she is guilty right away. If we want this to be a proper court session, we'll need to call up witnesses and do all that other too greatly good and wonderful stuff!"
"Okay, okay."
"Now, do you have any witnesses, Mr. Prosecutor?"
"Yes. I would like to call up the Tribe of the People Who Miss the Director of The BORED one!" the prosecutor says. Suddenly, everyone behind Jigglypuff gets up and heads over to the front of the courtroom. They all manage to squeeze themselves between the judge and where Jigglypuff is sitting.
"Uh...Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" the judge asks all the witnesses.
"We do." they all reply.
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
"Okay then...uh...how are we going to do this?"
"We all saw her make the director explode!"
"And when did this happen?"
"About a minute ago!"
"My, my! Time is flying by! So you all saw her make the director explode...how did she do it?"
"She---"
"SHE'S INNOCENT!" a new voice broke out, interrupting the crowd of witnesses. Everybody turned their eyes to the entrance where the voice came from. Standing there is none other than the great Pikachu!
"Pikachu?" Jigglypuff asks. Nobody else says anything as Pikachu races towards the judge.
"I will now ask you to lea---" the judge is interrupted.
"NO! SHE IS INNOCENT! I HAVE PROOF!" Pikachu yells, mystifying the court peoples. Does Pikachu really have proof? Hm...
"Do you really have proof?" the judge asks. Pikachu leaps onto the judge's...uh...table and pulls out a sweet looking machine. People 'ooh' and 'ahh' at it while Pikachu fixes it up.
"Lights off please!" Pikachu says. Suddenly the lights turn off and Pikachu turns the machine on. People 'ooh' and 'ahh' again as a slideshow appears on the wall in back of the judge! The first slide shows a picture of the director smiling and leaning against a tree.
"Here we have the director of The BORED one! looking very happy and peaceful. Nobody could expect what his personal life actually is like..." Pikachu hits a button and it changes to the next slide. The people in the room gasp as the next picture comes up. They gasp again as the picture fully develops itself into everybody's mind. The director is now seen wearing a white lab coat with green stars all over it. Instead of looking as peaceful as he did earlier, he looks angry and mad (the crazy kind of mad). His hair is flying all over the place and he is holding a test tube that has a weird looking substance in it. Instead of smiling a peaceful smile, he is smiling with his tongue sticking out and his eyes crossed. The lab that he is standing in has all these bottles with unexplainable/unfathomable...stuff in them.
"What is the director doing?" the judge yells. Pikachu smiles.
"Why? He is actually an evil scientist at night! You see, before he became a director, he was a well-known scientist in an unknown land. He was able to invent this one substance that gave him the ability to stay awake 24/7! So, he decided to keep up his scientific research at night and move to a different more well known town, which happened to be this place. When he saw that you guys wanted a director, he became your director and has basically lived a double life since then!"
"You mean...he's never got any sleep since he's been here? Wow!" the judge exclaims!
"That's right!" Pikachu says, feeling really good with himself.
"But what does any of this have to do with the director exploding?" a random witness asks.
"Ah, you see, the director was actually working with an incredibly dangerous substance last night. He accidentally consumed some while he was eating his lunch and he didn't realize it. Well, about the time that Jigglypuff started questioning the director, the substance somehow mixed with another substance that he had accidentally consumed earlier in the day and the two had had a chemical reaction and BOOM! They exploded and he exploded!" Pikachu explains. Everybody stays silent, wondering whether they should believe this potentially phony story or not.
"How do we know you are telling the truth?" the judge asks. Before Pikachu could reply, the crowd of the paparazzi, the judge and the jury people following Pikachu burst into the courtroom! The paparazzi start snapping pictures of everything in the room (mainly Pikachu...even though the room is still dark) and the judge walks up to the large group of witnesses.
"Pikachu can never lie! He helped solved the most baffling case of mine a few minutes ago! Whatever he says here is the truth!" the judge of the earlier trial says.
"Jigglypuff is innocent!" Pikachu yells.
"Then it is settled," the judge of the recent trial says, "She is innocent!" The crowd of witnesses cheer and give Jigglypuff and Pikachu and huge group hug. The only one not happy is the prosecutor, who leaves the room with revenge on his mind...
Back at the Mansion
Finally, everyone else who was sent into a temporary eternal sleep by Jigglypuff is now waking up. It turns out that Link and Mewtwo have been up for a while singing the same stupid and pointless song...
Cookies and Milk!
Cookies and Milk!
Cookies and Milk are good for your health!
Cookies and Milk!
Cookies and Milk!
Cookies and Milk are good for your health!
Top 'em with crackers!
Top 'em with cheese!
Top 'em with sparkles!
Top 'em with keys to a porsche carrera yay!
Cookies and Milk!
Cookies and Milk!
Cookies and Milk are good for your health!
Link and Mewtwo then burst out laughing.
"I love singing! It gets my mind offa my younger self!" Link says.
"Yes, it gets my mind offa dat Mew Pokemon!" Mewtwo says.
"I like Mew! She's cute...reminds me of Young Link!" Link states. They find themselves rambling about in a dark closet trying to find their way out.
"Wait...how did we get in here?" Link asks.
"How should I know?" Mewtwo replies, question style. As they both continue to wander around, a voice booms from outside.
"I know someone's in there! Speak now or forever hold your peace! Muahahahahahahaha!" the voice says. Mewtwo and Link recognize the voice to be Crazy Hand's and quickly scramble to get to the entrance...or so they think!
"Ow! Why are there spikes outside the door?" Link asks, standing before a hall with many spikes sticking out at all crazy angles...they are sticking out of all the sides, the ceiling and the floor of the hall.
"This isn't where we came from..." Mewtwo whispers.
"Maybe it is and we are finally coming back to reality after 17 years of being locked in a terrible dream of woe and suffer and happiness!" Link states, saluting the spikes.
"I think not. I think this is a secret entranceway to a secret area in a secret place on a secret planet...I'll call it The Secret!" Mewtwo states. Both of them stare at the hallway, unable to hear the screams of Crazy Hand demanding them to get out of the closet...