Chapter One: Procuring oneself a 'lady friend'

The sixth year girls' dormitory looked as though a bomb had landed, leaving various items of clothing, make-up and shoes splayed across beds, windowsills and in the bathroom. Groans in frustration, questioning of where items were, and hasty end-of-term packing sounded in the dorm, and I found it only natural to want to be as far away from the whole commotion as possible. Grabbing my book, placing my shrunken trunk into my back pocket, I escaped from the dorm before my flustered friend; Dorcas Meadows could suspect I had even left.

Staring around the unusually busy common room, I find my usual corner seat and attempt to melt into my surroundings. I didn't enjoy social gatherings as such, I much preferred to observe and not engage in such things, and therefore melting into my armchair seemed like the only way to stop anyone from noticing I even existed. I'm suddenly grateful for the fact that I have the 'gift' of being able to block out any unnecessary sounds when reading, otherwise the blaring wireless and the nonstop chatter would have driven me into St. Mungo's insanity ward.

But there are some sounds one can never block out. For instance, Lily Evans, the bipolar red headed muggle born, and her high pitched and annoyed voice.

"Why are some of my knickers missing, Potter?" she yells, her neck flushing an angry shade of red as she attracts the attention of various Gryffindor students.

I often find myself feeling sorry for James Potter, and his feeble attempts to get Lily to notice him. You can see the hurt in his eyes every time Lily rejects him, or laughs at his 'marriage' proposals. And it truly is saddening. But then I soon remember what an arse he can be, and that pity soon washes away.

"I didn't realise I took part in where and what you do with your knickers, Evans," James replies in an arrogant tone, running his hand through his hair with a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.

Sometimes I don't understand why Lily doesn't give James a chance, he isn't the worst looking species of human. He's much better than Severus Snape, the greasy haired, hooked nosed Slytherin she used to be friends with. And even though I, personally, know nothing about guys or dating, you'd have to be an idiot not to see he cares for her.

I understand nothing of the romance world, or what goes on inside Lily Evans' head. And I don't think I would ever want to.

But I do know a good looking boy when I see one. I mean, there are some boys who just have those qualities that make them good looking, like Remus Lupin and his intelligence, and James Potter for his determination and unruly hair. And then there are those who are just annoyingly good looking, like Sirius Black, who no one can ever deny isn't handsome. It's sickening how he can pull off being a prankster, sustaining his high grades, and be so well groomed. He makes me look like troll feet in comparison.

"Listen, Potter, you need to stop this obsession you have with me," Lily snaps, the redness of her neck creeping up to her cheeks whilst she glares at him with the look I would hate to have trained on me. "I find it unnecessary and a little creepy."

"Why, Lily, haven't you heard the news?" James suddenly asks, after a moment or two of silent contemplation.

"What news?" she folds her arms across her chest, tapping her foot impatiently as if waiting for a lie to spill from his mouth, or perhaps the question she hears constantly.

"That I have procured a girlfriend."

Lily laughs darkly, examining him to see if he is lying through his teeth. "Oh yeah, Potter, who is the unlucky lady?"

"It's-"James' eyes scan the room, searching for an unfortunate girl to call his girlfriend. Members of his childish 'fan club' push themselves into his line of sight, pulling at each other's clothes and hair for them to move, just in order to be chosen. James' eyes then stop, and I begin to panic internally as he stares at me from behind his glasses.

Oh bloody hell.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.

Stop looking at me, Potter, I think to myself, hoping somehow that he is telepathic or able to read minds. Oh dear Merlin and his saggy Y-fronts, if you have any sympathy for the socially impaired you will revert your gaze elsewhere. Possibly to a girl vying for your love or that would die to be your pretend girlfriend.

"Her," James says pointing his finger in my direction, shattering my hopes for him being telepathic or a mind reader. Twenty odd girls spin around to face me, including the red faced, Lily.

Screw you, Merlin and your bloody Y-fronts to Azkaban.

Where is a black hole when you need one? Do they just magically disappear when you're in need of one? I feel like either dying, or throwing James Potter off of the astronomy tower. But then I see the hopeful look on his face, begging me wordlessly to play along with his charade, and I feel I owe him his dignity.

"You're dating, Looney Loganberry?" Lily asks, not even bothering to hide her blatant disgust as she stares me down.

"I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't," James answers in a matter-of-fact tone, and I swear I hear Lily's teeth grind together at the sound of it.

"I don't believe you."

"If she wasn't my girlfriend, would she allow me to do this?"

And without even a second glance at Lily's flushing face, he saunters over to me and grabs my wrists. My beloved book topples to the ground, and I fight the urge to bend down and pick it up and then run away screaming profanities at James Potter. He pulls me towards him and crashes his lips to mine.

I freeze, unable to respond to him. And as soon as he releases me, I feel like I'm about to vomit out my intestines. Not because James Potter is a bad kisser, just because of the fact he just kissed me in front of... people. I dislike people at the best of times, kissing in front of a group of people is not what I consider fun.

"See, Evans?" James says to the red head, now gripping onto my hand like a vice. "I have a girlfriend now; I don't need to be obsessed with you."