Sorry about taking a long time. I've been working on another story that is a little more important in my opinion…Aril is a random person based off the blonde girl that was looking at Sirius in Order of the Phoenix. This chapter was fun, if not pointless.

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Chapter Five: The Slang, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Sirius looked behind his shoulder as Remus closed the door behind them. The last of the daylight had faded, and Remus began to rub his eyes, yet again clearly irritated by the interrupted sleep. He seemed to remain ignorant at Sirius' slightly nervous expression, as his mind was running through sleeping spells. For he knew there was indeed no muffin in the closet, and if he didn't do something, Remus would be suspicious for sure. You don't see Peter Pettigrew with a tail every day, and no dream could spare Sirius unless he had some manner of distraction. If only I was Bo Diddley. Then I could distract him with some blues riffs.

But Sirius was not Bo Diddley.

"So…muffin. In closet. I think." Just to stall, he approached the baroque wardrobe occupying the room, for now at least. It had a mind of it's own, as the Marauders had once found it standing around in the kitchens after dark. The elves were unusually grumpy that day, and they learned to never again trust it with their prized objects. However, it had been known to dispense a few helpful items in the past, and Sirius was praying that now was one of those times. The wardrobe was very sensible, and it had taken a liking to Remus because he was very polite and didn't slam it's doors. Sirius held his breath, expecting nothing from it after the way they had scolded it for hanging from the ceiling. He closed his eyes, brought his hand to the knob, and turned.

To his great surprise, there sitting upon the top shelf was a blueberry muffin. Still steaming from the oven, in fact. But why? An apology muffin from the wardrobe, Sirius thought. Is it right to trust this muffin? Who cares. This lump of bread is saving my behind.

"Oh Moony," Sirius said enticingly, "I told you I had trouble reaching it." Although he was the tallest of the four (though not by much when standing next to James), he had to drag a chair over to reach the large hunk of blueberry filled bread from the very top shelf. Remus stopped rubbing his eyes and looked up at Sirius.

"It really was there." He looked up and stretched out his arms. "I love you."

"Er…Thanks."

"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the muffin." He took it from Sirius' hands and peeled the paper wrapping off. "Ah, and it's still warm…"

"Hey Wardrobe," Sirius whispered, "Thanks for saving me. You can stick to the ceiling any time you like as far as I'm concerned." The mahogany wood seemed to glow as if just polished.

Remus sat cross-legged on his bed against the pillow, his taste buds enraptured with the berry and batter. Sirius was disappointed that there would be no attempts with the daylight gone. He settled onto his bed and pulled the white comforter over his head. What a fun time Peter and James must be having. It wasn't enough that Remus had been right next to him, his hand on the boy's face. He had to give Peter a tail in plain sight. He wasn't sure if Remus took it for delirious state of mind, and he wasn't about to bring it up again. He could hear his friend contentedly chewing while humming an unrecognizable tune.

What a nightmare, he thought. If this continues for the rest of the week, I don't know if I'll survive. The sickening feeling of the dizzy charm was only bearable for a few seconds, let alone minutes. What if he and James would continue playing for the rest of their lives? They would be cursed old men, bound to chase Moony forever with this…tail thing. Unless one of the rules was violated, of course. With nothing better to do and wishing to avoid suspicious discussion, he fished for his song writing materials under the bed and continued working with the Marauder Theme.

Meanwhile down in the common room, Peter was having a marvelous time being the center of attention for once while James sat off to the side, contemplating how he was going to get out of this. He concluded that Peter would be in on the game once the tail was no longer around to astound the minds of the other students.

He couldn't afford the secret to spread, it was of absolute concern that Peter kept his big mouth shut, especially around Lily. Having a girl in on the game was where he drew the line, even if she was as astoundingly vivacious and glittery as his red-haired love interest happened to be. No girls allowed, just like when they were all young and rolled in the dirt while the women stayed on the porch watching them in disgust.

"It's so soft, why did he give you the tail?"

"Well, I'm not sure. But I'm going to find out." Peter looked at James.

James raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "Don't look at me. Padfoot's the insane one."

A blonde girl that liked to stalk Sirius looked up from the shiny tail. "Is he a Casanova?"

"No, Aril," James sighed, "trust me. There is no other person I know of that is more awkward around girls. Besides, he's marrying Remus. Come on Peter, let's blow up the cheese."

"Huh?"

"Let's leave."

"Oh. Fine, I'm coming." Peter moved away from the cloud of attention.

"Peter," the blonde girl whined, "you are such a lightweight. It was nice and fluffy, and you just gave up your fame."

"Well, I must obey my clan." said Peter. "Besides, it's what I'm best at."

That's for sure. James thought to himself. He inconspicuously removed the tail with a counter-spell. There would be no more talk of squirrels.

They bounded upstairs, where Remus was sure to be sleeping or figuring it out in that big brain of his. James was also wondering whether or not to let Sirius live down giving Peter a tail, but they had caused enough trouble for one day.

He pushed the door open to find Remus scarfing down the last of a muffin and Sirius preoccupied with the music he had been writing, his hand moving up and down in a counting motion. The wardrobe was also hanging from the ceiling again.

Sirius looked up. "Don't scold it, mate. I let it do what it wanted…" he whispered, "for saving me."

"All right. Just…make sure it doesn't hang over my bed." he gestured towards Peter and mouthed, "I think he knows."

"Wormtail? He wouldn't know hip if it bit him in be-hind."

"But Pad, it did."

"My point exactly! He doesn't have a clue." They looked over to Peter who was now scribbling on a piece of parchment. "See? He's all innocent as a dove and what-not. Just like always. Besides, even if he did know, he wouldn't be doing things behind our backs. That's just sick and wrong and--and grody."

"Whatever you say. Just make sure this is over by Wednesday, I have a date with Lily that night."

Sirius threw his quill in the air. "What? You aren't telling me anything! A date? It's…not even Tuesday yet. But she hates you, Prongs. Last night you told me you had a conversation with her, and now your all on with dates…"

"I know. But it's because I've become such a good person, can't you see?"

"No." Sirius looked back down at his Marauder Theme. "Looks like I'll have to introduce a love theme to The Marauders," he said reluctantly.

"Well, it is about us. Just think of our love for each other. All that sentimental stuff has to be included somewhere. How's it coming, anyway?"

"Pretty good, I think it sounds very swashbuckling myself. The variations are coming together too. Like, Playful, and Epic, and now all I need is Mush."

"Mush Theme?"

"It's called Love in some languages."

"Do we each have a theme?"

"Don't be too hasty, now…Besides, I'm not too sure about themes for certain people…It gets very complicated."

Sirius and James continued their musical discussion while Peter wrote and Remus leaned back, eyes slowly closing. Clearly the after effects of a stomach full of doughy satisfaction.

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The four entered the Great Hall on time Tuesday morning to find a disheveled Lily Evans poking at her eggs. Two seats were saved on either side of her. James and Peter sat down to her right, Remus and Sirius to her left.

James poked her shoulder. "Hey Lily, why so glum?…More importantly, why didn't you comb your hair?"

She smiled vengefully, "I'm making Aril jealous."

"How?"

"Who's Aril?"

She placed one arm around James' neck, the other around Sirius'.

"By sitting right smack in between the most coveted of males. As much as I hate to admit it."

"Don't feed their egos!" Remus exclaimed.

"Why do you need to make Aril jealous?" Peter piped.

"Because ever since she's been infatuated with Mr. Perfect Hair over here," she shook Sirius' shoulder, "she never has time for me anymore. And since I'm looking very ugly today and sitting next to the two most popular people in school, I have the upper hand. She'll come crawling back to me, saying 'oh Lily how do you maintain charm while looking horrible and smelly?' and things like that."

"But you're not horrible and smelly."

"James, save it for the date." She shoved a piece of pancake in his mouth.

"So Lily," Sirius said, "I need to ask you a favor. Please, please, please don't turn James into a unmanly person."

"Don't worry, he's done that himself."

"To the max!"

"Hey!"

"Well, he is a bit of a spaz."

"No one says 'to the max' anymore, Peter."

"Then what do they say?"

"I don't know, but they don't say that."

"Whatever," Lily hastily brushed away their conversation with a wave of a hand, "the point is, she never takes me places anymore." She continued to fiddle with her food, a dejected expression on her face. "We didn't even share the same toothpaste this morning…"

"That's heavy."

"I know." She put her head on the table, messy red hair falling around.

"Wait, shouldn't you brush your teeth after breakfast instead of before?"

"Oh, I brush my teeth all the time."

"That's why her smile is so radiant."

"Be quiet Potter, I'm not your girlfriend until Wednesday."

"Fine."

The group finished up their food in silence, either thinking Lily had a great plan or that she was taking her jealousy of Sirius a little too far.

As breakfast was over, the five filed out, Lily and Peter behind the other three boys.

"So…Petie. I got the strange letter you sent me. Frankly, I couldn't read your handwriting. The only part I could make out was something about cheese and a tail."

"Well…yes. It's about James and Sirius. Again. Always up to something, right? But this time I'm not exactly sure what's going on, but I was hoping you knew. And Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Don't call me 'Petie'. My mother's the only one that's allowed to. And you might want to get that syrup out of your hair before the next lesson."

"Oh. Thanks."

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Peter isn't so oblivious…Next chapter may be the beginning of the conclusion. Thanks for your reviews, I can't believe how much this weird little story has gotten.