After a week of tracking down obscure scientific articles with titles she didn't fully understand, Darcy was ready to not work. She was ready to explore Stark Tower and ogle all the….I mean….meet her new roommates.

The only problem was…it was 4 a.m. Which meant that most normal people were in bed, catching a few last hours of sleep before they woke up to begin their day.

But then again – none of Darcy's roommates were exactly normal.

Darcy Lewis's List of Things I Need to Do:
1. GET MY IPOD BACK FROM S.H.I.E.L.D.!
2. Find out when Thor gets back.
3. Plan party for said return.
4. See if Tony can supercharge my Taser.
5. Meet Captain McHotPants, the archer guy, and Doctor Whatshisface.
6. FIND MY WONDERWOMAN CONVERSE. They have to be in a box somewhere…
7. Feed Jane.
8. Also, convince Jane to shower.
9. Send thank-you to Dr. Selvig for his help with finding articles.

After getting lost on the business floors (twice), Darcy hopped into the elevator and pushed a button at random. She ended up on the gym floor. Damn. Darcy and the gym were mortal enemies. She was turning around to head back to the elevator when she heard the sound of someone boxing.

So she creeped. She totally creeped. And boy, was she glad she did!

Steve couldn't sleep – which wasn't surprising, if he thought about it. So he spent an inordinate amount of time boxing at all hours of the night. As he threw his last punch, he heard someone applauding in the background.

He quickly turned around, prepared for the worst. Instead, what he got was a pint-sized girl in glasses who looked vaguely familiar.

"Damn, son, what are you, the Energizer Bunny? That was some pretty fancy footwork, if I do say so. And I should know. I mean, I used to date a boxer. He was dumber than a box of rocks, but sure pretty to look at. It's too bad that he started throwing fights." She paused for a breath. "He favored the left feint-right uppercut, but I see you're more of a right-left hook kinda guy. Do you always box at 4 in the morning? That just seems a little excessive. Like, there are way more exciting things to be doing. Do you know where Tony installed the PopTart dispenser? He told me he would install one."

Steve just stared at her. Did this girl ever stop talking? "Excuse me, ma'am?"

The girl gave a throaty laugh. "Oh, I forget. You probably don't know what a PopTart is. They're wonderfully unhealthy but delightfully sugary mass-produced breakfast pastries. You know, if you're going to continue your midnight boxing, you're going to need a proper playlist. Like, definitely the Rocky theme…oh, and "Catch Hell Blues,"…hmm…I'll make you one. It'll be fan-damn-tabulous."

Steve just scratched his head. "Ma'am, I don't follow."

The girl hopped up and linked arms with him. "Come on. I'll explain while we search for PopTarts. I'm Darcy, research assistant extraordinaire and a pain in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s ass."

Internally, Darcy was fangirling like nobody's business. Ermagerd, I'm on a 4 a.m. PopTart search with Captain McHotPants. This is awesomesauce….except for the whole him not talking and calling me ma'am thing. That's a little weird. Like strange-weird, not kinky-weird.

Both in her mind and physically, Darcy took a deep breath. "So, I've introduced myself yet I still don't know your name. What terrible manners you have, sir. We're on an adventure. I should at least know your name."

Darcy watched as CMHP (Captain McHotPants) blushed. "Sorry ma'am. My name is Steve Rogers. Where exactly are we adventuring to?"

"We are adventuring in search of the fabled PopTart dispenser."

"I don't even know what that is."

"That's the point! The best adventures happen when you don't know what you're looking for."

As they looked, Darcy rambled about how she and Jane met Thor and their relationships to the Avengers Initiative. However, after searching for an hour, Darcy and Steve admitted defeat. Steve quite properly escorted Darcy to her floor. "It's been…interesting." He said with a slight laugh. "Until next time, ma'am."

Darcy gave her best saucy bow. "I await your expert PopTart leadership, Sir Quester."

Steve just shook his head as he walked back to the elevator.

The next morning (or rather, a few hours later), both awoke to packages sitting on their respective desks. Steve's contained a strange, shiny disc in a plastic case. On the label of the case was written, in decidedly feminine handwriting, a list of what Steve assumed were songs – only he didn't recognize any of the artists. He smiled to himself. Darcy at least followed through on all her talk.

Darcy, on the other hand, found a rather official looking dossier folder on her desk, along with a small package wrapped in brown paper and another official looking envelope. The note inside said:

Miss Lewis,

Director Fury was slightly impressed by your ease in accessing our database. In return for not arresting you for treason, S.H.I.E.L.D. was wondering if you would be interested in doing some contract research for our team. Top secret, need-to-know, tell no one basis only. The dossier is your first assignment; consider the package as a forward payment.

Please bring the completed dossier back to S.H.I.E.L.D. by 0900 hours, Thursday.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Agent M. Hill

Darcy put the note down and opened the package.

AW YISS! DARCY GOTS HER MUTHAFUCKIN IPOD BACK!