What does one wear to drop off a dossier at SHIELD? These are the kind of difficult life problems Darcy Lewis was facing. She had to go from SHIELD to Jane's lab to her third job at GRL so she really needed an outfit that would perform triple duty. Unfortunately, none of her jobs had anything in common when it came to wardrobe specifications.

Darcy finally decided on a sleeveless pencil dress with a blazer over it. She added a scarf to hide the low(er) neckline of the dress, stockings, and black suede pumps. She threw her trusty Wonder Woman converse (she had finally found them in a box with her kitchen utensils) in her oversized tote, along with a lab coat for when she got to Jane's.

Darcy Lewis's List of Things in Her Purse:
1. Taser (duh.)
2. The necessary electronics: iPod, phone, tablet, Kindle.
3. Electrical tape (for fixing the toaster.)
4. Extra shoes.
5. Five different shades of lipstick.
6. PopTarts (for bribing Jane.)
7. Trashy romance novel du jour.
8. Six different Moleskine notebooks (for making lists, duh.)
9. Highly classified SHIELD dossier.
10. Wallet, with access card to Stark Tower.

Darcy was late. She hated being late. But was it really her fault that some cray cray was spouting nonsense about the Avengers in the subway so she maybe accidentally on purpose Tased him to defend her roommates? At a quarter after nine, Darcy rushed into SHIELD headquarters, purposefully ignoring the agent tasked with escorting her to Director Fury's office. He was too busy staring at her rack to give her proper directions, anyway, so Darcy just left him standing outside the elevator while she quickly hit the door close button.

However, ditching her SHIELD escort gave Darcy a new problem: she didn't have the right access cards to go anywhere in SHIELD. So she had to wait for the elevator to open again and her escort to catch up. After an obnoxiously long elevator ride (in which she memorized the codes to get to Fury's; you never know when that might come in handy) she was finally at her destination. 20 minutes late.

Darcy rushed into the intel room, talking a mile a minute. "Sorry I'm late, but I had to Tase this guy on the subway and apparently that's frowned upon in polite society so I had to flash some cleave to distract him to get away and then your dumbass escort wouldn't walk fast enough to keep up with me so I had to wait on him and did I miss anything important?"

As everyone turned to look at her, Darcy realized that she had seriously miscalculated when it came to getting dressed this morning. Every single person – male and female – had on severe black suits with white button downs. Simple black ties for the men, ugly black flats for the women. None of the women even had jewelry on! Such lack of individuality was seriously distressing for Darcy.

Maria Hill smiled quickly to herself. The girl was ridiculous, and broke all the rules, but she had some backbone, and Maria had to respect that. It was hard to be taken seriously if you were a woman in a male-dominated field, and it must be especially hard for Ms. Lewis, due to her…physique. Every strong woman deals with it in her own way; Maria's way involved a very serious demeanor and skill with a gun. Darcy's apparently involved using words as weapons and using her ostentatious personality to distract people from how smart she was.

For Maria knew that Darcy was smart – like, Stark levels of smart. She had singlehandedly accessed folders that very few people could get into, even some that Maria herself hadn't seen. So it was Maria that had convinced Director Fury to give the girl a chance – to turn her like Hawkeye had with Black Widow.

Maria coughed to gain control of the room, which was full of new intel recruits. "If we could get back to business, Ms. Lewis?"

Darcy automatically snarked. "Oh, don't let little ole me stop you, Agent Hill." She said, in her best fake Southern accent. A few of the other recruits snickered, but most just looked shocked and appalled. Darcy just smiled wickedly as she crossed her legs, letting the seams on the backs of her stockings flash.

"As I was saying, you have all been given dossiers to complete. We actually have completed versions of these files already. These were more of a test to see not only how competent your research skills are, but just how much you are able to find out on such short notice. If you will leave your folder on the desk when you leave, we will contact you about whether or not you will continue in this program based on your work with your assigned dossier. You are now free to go."

Seriously? Darcy had frantically ran around New York and SHIELD just to be told this fuckery was a test?! What utter and complete bullshit. Oh well. At least it gave Darcy a little free time before she had to be back at the lab. As she stood to leave, a douche-y looking SHIELD agent blocked her path. "Um…excuse me?," she said, avoiding eye contact while trying to maneuver around him.

"Hey, Tits-for-brains. Why don't you just leave now and spare yourself the embarrassment? 'Cuz it's obvious that you won't be back." He said, smirking to the two other guys around him.

Darcy snapped her head up. "What did you just call me?" she asked, murder in her eyes. "I'll have you know that 1) I've already hacked into SHIELD once, 2) I live with the Avengers, so your punk ass doesn't impress me at all and 3) I've Tased a legit, living and breathing Norse god. So don't doubt that I would have any qualms about doing the same to you." She said, holding up fingers to emphasize her points. "So get. The fuck. Out. Of. My way."

Douchebag just laughed. "Oh, that's cute. I'm sure all those things are true."

Darcy reached into her oversized tote and pulled out her Taser. "Wanna find out?" she asked, cocking a hip as she aimed the weapon at his crotch.

He laughed, but Darcy could see the fear beginning to creep in at the corner of his eyes. Agent Hill quickly slid in between them. "Now, Ms. Lewis, you and Agent Grayson will possibly be working together. I'm sure you would like to have a conducive working relationship, and that does not involve Tasing anyone."

Darcy sighed and lowered her Taser. As Agent Hill moved from between them, Darcy quickly raised her arms again. "Fuck that," she said, as she shot him in the groin.

The last view Agent Grayson saw before he passed out was the seams on Darcy's stockings as she sashayed out the door, dropping her dossier on Agent Hill's desk.

When Darcy got back to Stark Tower, she came bearing gifts for all the scientists in the lab: Starbucks! And PopTarts! Jane just greedily grabbed hers and went back to work, but the two men just stared at her while she handed out her goodies.

"Coffee, black, for you, Stark, and green tea for you, Dr. Banner."

Dr. Banner cleared his throat as he accepted his drink. "Uh, thanks. Call me Bruce. But how did you – And who – "

Darcy smiled. "I'm Darcy, Jane's research assistant. But I don't really speak science so I'm more here to organize, get food, know where the fire extinguisher is, and to make sure that all scientists interact with the real world at some point in the day. And the how of it is that I know what every resident of Stark Tower drinks because facts like that come in handy. And I like to know things."

Both men just looked at her for another moment. "Is that rack real?" Tony Stark finally asked.

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. Anything else?"

Jane piped up. "Where have you been? We've been here for hours and now I can't find any of my notes from New Mexico."

Darcy just shrugged. "I overslept," she said, the lie easily rolling off her tongue. Fury and Agent Hill had made it very clear that no one know she was working for SHIELD now too. "Eat your PopTart while I find your notes." All the scientists went back to work, drinks in hand, while Darcy slipped out of her heels and into her Chucks. As she started organizing boxes of notes, Darcy smiled. It was nice to feel needed.