I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK THIS LONG TO UPDATE. SO SORRY I BROKE MY PROMISE OF UPDATING FASTER. I'm sorry. I have just been really sick and busy with work and blah. I'm always so sorry that this update is short. I do hope you all enjoy it and thank you for being so patience and also thank you SO MUCH for continuing to read and review. It means that world to me. So continue to do so. ;)

I LOVE YOU ALL THANK YOU AND SORRY ONCE AGAIN.

Also, I obviously do not own Big Time Rush or anything in this story. Enjoy!

There was a time, long ago, when everything was perfect. Everything was happy and nothing could bring Logan down. Then again, Logan was 8 at the time and when you're that young, the world seems so big and safe. But then you grow up. You grow up and nothing is as it was the first day you opened your eyes. The first day you said your first word. The first day you went to school.

"James!" Logan screamed as he made his way over to his best friend. They had just gotten out of their first day of third grade and Logan had missed his best friend. They had never been separated this long since they were born, except for most nights at home. But still, either one or the other was always staying the night at the other's house. Their mothers had been best friends through high school and college and just so happened to have boys around the same time. Perfect.

"Hey Logie! How was your first day?" James asked as they made their way to the bus. James had always been taller than Logan. Taller than the rest of the kids he knew their age for that matter.

"It was good. I didn't really learn anything, which is kind of sad." he shorted boy asked as he sat down at their seat.

"It's only the first day, Logan! Anyway, you've read all the books in our reading level! Plus you never stop watching PBS, so you're a little ahead of us." the taller boy said as he sat down next to his best friend.

"James, you're the one that watched PBS." he pointed out. "And anyway, isn't school suppose to be about learning? I'm a little disappointed."

"Logan, we're in the third grade. Relax, you're acting like you did when you realized we no longer got naps in the first grade."

"I used those times to read and do work!"

"And if I remember, the teacher didn't like that very much. I think it was because she was suppose to teach us blue from purple and you were already learning how to spell 'welcome' and 'turquoise'." James said with a laugh as he saw the frown on Logan's face. "I guess you can't it that you're a genius. Still wanna come over?"

Seeing as James was changing the subject, Logan just shrugged it off. "Duh, you still have to teach me how to swim in the deep end of your pool! Plus I've been coming over to your house every day and vise versa ever since we can remember."

"Vise versa..?" James looked a little confused.

"It means 'and the other way around'," Logan explain. "I learned that the other day while watching a documentary!"

"Well then…" James shook his head. "I think I can teach you before mom gets home and makes us dinner. Hopefully she isn't working too late tonight."

When they reached James' house, they raced up stairs to change and hurried to see who would be the first one in the pool. James won. He always won. After hours of splashing around and almost drowning, Logan finally got swimming down. Logan might be a genius, but when it came to physical things like this, it took him a while to learn. But James on the other hand, he had always been more into sports and physical activities. So he was the perfect teacher.

"James. James! Don't let go," Logan squealed with laughter as James let him go in the deep end.

"I'll never let go, Logie." his best friend said, smiling.

The sequences that happened after were all a blur now whenever Logan thought back to that day. All he could remember was crying and hugging James and more crying. He never returned to help James pack, he was so upset with his best friend. How could he just leave him like that? How could he just up and leave for Hollywood? How could he let go? That was the last day Logan ever saw James Diamond.

"What?" Logan said as his eyes adjusted to the light. He saw Kendall just sitting there on his kitchen counter looking at him. The anger rose up in his chest and he tried so hard to fight it.

"Hey beautiful," Kendall repeated, making his way over to Logan with a smile. He opened his arms for a hug but Logan stepped aside.

"No. Do not 'hey beautiful' me and except a hug after what just happen. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO KENDALL? You just… you just ruined everything. Why the hell are you even here? Goddamnit Kendall, what did you do?" Logan started to babble. His face turning red as tears started to form in his eyes.

"I love it when your voice gets all high like that," Kendall said with a little smile.

"Shut up! GODDAMNIT WHAT DID YOU DO? Jo is no longer my friend. Are you happy? How could you just write it in a letter and send her off like that? You're such a fucking dick. You ruined everything. She was the first best friend I'd ever had, ever let in, since I was a kid. Now I have no one!" Logan continued to shout, not caring if his neighbors heard.

"Logan, please watch your language, it isn't like you to talk like this. And you have me. You'll always have me."

"NO! NO! NO! NO! I do not have you. I don't want you. I fucking hate you Kendall!" Logan slapped Kendall across the face as he began to break down crying. Kendall wrapped his arms tightly around Logan. Logan tried to push away, hitting Kendall repeatedly in the chest, but he didn't have the strength as he broke down into his arms.

"I have no one. Do you understand that? You took away one of the only people in my life who cares about me. How could you do that? You're so selfish Kendall. I can't believe this.." Logan said through his tears.

After about an hour, the two had moved to the couch. Logan allowed Kendall to hold him as he continued to cry. He cried about what happened today, about losing Jo. He cried about losing James. He cried about being so far from his family. He cried because he was so alone. As his cries turned to sniffles, Kendall explained that he had written a letter in hopes that it would set up what he wanted to tell Jo in person. After everything at the mall, Jo texted him and said she wanted nothing to do with him and wouldn't even give him a chance to explain in person. He admitted how dumb of a plan this all was and Logan agree a hundred percent with him here.

"Why wait so long?" Logan finally let out, his sniffles dying down.

"Because I was scared. I was scared I was going to lose you.."

"But you wouldn't.."

"Let me finish," the blonde said as he kissed the top of Logan's head. "I was scared that if I moved to fast for you that you would get scared and not want me or that you would realize that you didn't want me period. And then started thinking that if I waited too long you would get tired of waiting and eventually move on. That scared me too. " he couldn't look Logan in the eyes as he finished.

"You wouldn't have lost me, Kindle. I've been here waiting, I would have waited longer if I had to. Plus, I know you pretty well now and I love who you are. Even if you are a dumbass." Logan said with a wink. "You have nothing to be scared of. Ever. I'll always be yours."

Kendall looked back at Logan, tears in his eyes. "What?"

"You heard me," Logan said as he took Kendall's face into his hands. "I've been yours since night you kissed me. Hell, I've been yours longer than that. It took me until now to see that. You might have always been with Jo, bless her soul for everything she's been through today, but I've always felt like you were mine. Call me stupid, but its true. And all this time has been really hard on me and I've felt like you were being selfish, but it was really me being selfish. I'm sorry."

"Logan, you have nothing to be sorry for…"

"No, no, now its my turn to finish. Kendall… Kindle," he corrected himself as he gave a little laugh. "I love you."

Kendall's eyes got really big as the tears fell from them. Logan started to get nervous when Kendall didn't say anything so he started to babble, "And I'm really sorry for the language earlier. You're right, it was not like me and I shouldn't have done it I was just so upset and I was just so mad at you and…"

"Logan."

"I'm so sorry. I promise I'll never speak to you like that again. I don't even know where I learnt those words. It really was unlike me…"

"Logan!"

"What?"

"Shut up."

"Excuse me?""You heard me, you're ruining the moment." Kendall said with a smile on his face. He wrapped his arms tightly around Logan, pulling him into him. He looked the smaller boy in the eyes and kissed him. Kissed him more passionately than Logan had ever been kissed.

"I love you too, Logie."