Darcy woke up Tuesday morning to a text from Agent Hill. Wear official SHIELD uniform. Training day. Darcy rolled out of bed and wandered blindly to the bathroom. As she French-braided her hair, she wondered exactly what kind of training they would be covering today.
Darcy tried to escape Stark Tower without anyone noticing her uniform – but no such luck. Tony and Clint were waiting for her in the lobby, attempting (and failing) at nonchalance.
"Well look here, Stark, we've got ourselves a bonafide SHIELD agent," Clint drawled out as he took in Darcy's uniform – from her standard issue (and terribly ugly, in her opinion) boots to the zipper on her catsuit, which Darcy was vainly trying to zip up all the way.
"Shut up, Barton, before I shoot you with my new toys," Darcy growled out, trying to hide her blush. In lieu of pistols, Darcy had strapped her Teslas into the holsters on her uniform. She was itching to try them out.
Tony gave a short bark of a laugh. "Watch out, Legolas. I made those babies for her. They pack quite the punch."
Darcy muttered something about boys and their toys under her breath. As she breezed past them on her way out the door, Clint slapped her on the ass. "Good luck babe!"
Darcy hated her training at SHIELD. Not because of what she was doing – that part kicked ass on so many levels – but because the recruits acted like high schoolers. Agent Grayson was the leader of the clique that made her life a living hell, and everyone not in his little group was afraid of sticking up for her in fear he would turn his animosity onto them. Darcy was over all his bullshit.
So she was looking forward to whatever physical training SHIELD had planned for the morning. Darcy may not look like much of a fighter, but for the past month or so, she had been training with various members of the Avengers. That had to count for something, right?
Imagine Darcy's surprise when she walked into SHIELD'S training room and saw Thor, Lady Sif, and the Warriors Three. Darcy squealed, dropped her bag, and pretty much jumped on Fandral. He twirled his mustache mischievously as she hugged him, legs wrapped around his waist. After a moment, she hopped down, and he elegantly bowed over her hand and kissed it.
Volstagg, Hogun and Sif crowded up to Darcy as well, loudly greeting her and inquiring as to what they had missed since their last visit. They had even brought Darcy a present – a pair of short swords with shoulder braces (which was what Thor had been training Darcy on). Darcy could feel the confused and envious stares of her fellow trainees.
Suck on that, Agent Grayson!
Agent Hill entered the room, clearing her throat. "Good morning, recruits. Today's training session will be in alternative weaponry. While in most combatant situations, you will be given a gun, a good agent must also be proficient with any other type of weapon he or she may have at their disposal. Today's focus will be medieval weaponry." Motioning to the Asgardians , she added, "To help with your lessons, Thor, Lady Sif, Volstagg, Hogun and Fandral from Asgard have agreed to demonstrate proper technique." Agent Hill quietly left the room as Sif and the Warriors Three stepped forward, making much more exciting introductions than Agent Hill had.
Thor wandered over to Darcy. "Friend Darcy, would you be willing to demonstrate what we have taught you? Be out…what is the phrase…hamster?"
"Guinea pig." Darcy corrected as Volstagg told a story about an epic dragon leg he once ate. In for a penny, in for a pound of hatred, she thought. "Sure thing, Thor. I gotta test out these sweet blades sometime."
As the Asgardians split the trainees into groups, Darcy swapped out her Teslas for her new short swords. She was assigned to Fandral's group, and Thor made the two of them go into the center of the ring painted on the floor. Fandral and Darcy demonstrated proper form, while the rest of the Asgardians walked through the recruits, correcting hand holds and arm positions.
After an hour of mind-numbingly boring footwork, Fandral suddenly turned to Darcy, a decidedly wicked grin crossing his face. Darcy barely had time to prepare herself before he (mock) attacked. Darcy felt pretty proud that she managed to hold her own for over ten minutes before Fandral managed to disarm her.
Fandral grinned obnoxiously at her, expecting her to admit defeat. But Darcy was always a girl with a backup plan…
She slowly lowered the zipper of her uniform until a totally-frowned-upon unregulation amount of cleavage showed. As Fandral was distracted by the show, Darcy nudged her sword towards her with her foot. Within moments, she had the tip of blade pressed against her throat. "Touché," she smirked.
Fandral moved her sword away, then bowed in defeat most elegantly. (There wasn't really anything Fandral didn't do elegantly – except maybe tequila shots…) As Darcy turned to face her stunned fellow trainees, she shrugged. "I used to LARP."
Sif came over and clapped her on the shoulder. Darcy turned around, wiggling her zipper up with one hand while holding the other up for a high five. "Score one for the ladies with Weapons of Mass Seduction!" Sif laughed and awkwardly returned her high five.
Thor smiled as he explained their moves to the other trainees. "But Lady Darcy has been training with myself for some time, so do not be upset if your mastery of swordplay is lacking. We will remedy that problem."
As the Asgardians said their goodbyes, Darcy smiled and chatted with the other new agents who were suddenly so interested in being her friend. It was good to be the queen…
After showering and changing into her lab clothes, Darcy stopped by Director Fury's office for a briefing on her new position within SHIELD.
"Miss Lewis, are you sure you can handle your duties?" Fury asked, doubt in his voice.
"Dude, I like, already babysit most of them. So really all you're adding to my plate is sorting through dossiers – oh wait, I already do that, too – and making sure junior agents don't harass them."
Fury nodded. "Something along those lines, yes."
"I'm assuming a raise and an upgrade in security clearance are in order?"
Fury passed over a new SHIELD ID badge, along with a futuristic looking Bluetooth earpiece. "This badge will give you access to everything we deem suitable for your eyes. This earpiece is directly linked to all of the Avengers and to my office, as well as Agent Hill's. All non-SHIELD calls that come for the Avengers will be routed to you, for you to deal with." At Darcy's grin, Fury added, "Be aware, Miss Lewis that we are monitoring how you handle this position. So don't fuck it up." Darcy mock saluted Fury as she gathered her things.
Exactly 58 seconds after exiting SHIELD headquarters, Darcy's ear was ringing. She glanced at her watched, sighed, and pressed the button on the headset. "This is Darcy," she said, in her most adult, professional voice.
"Lewis? Where the hell is my lunch?" That was Tony, already abusing the power of the headset.
"When did I become your bitch?" Darcy snarked back.
"When you got your security clearance. So again, where's my lunch?"
"Call in an order for shawarma. I'll pick it up. And how did you know about my security clearance? That literally just happened."
Tony chuckled. "You're not the only one who hacks into SHIELD on a regular basis. P.S., since you're officially my bitch now, I need you to go by Dr. Richard's lab to pick up some article for Bruce."
"Dr. Richards? Like Dr. Reed Richards, of the Fantastic Four?" Darcy asked.
"Yeah. He's an arrogant prick, but he knows what he's talking about."
"Kettle, pot, Tony." Darcy said with a laugh. "Just text me his address and I'll pick it up before getting lunch.
First Asgardians, then the Avengers, and now the Fantastic Four? When did Darcy Lewis's life become a comic book?