Gosh, it took me a lot longer then expected to finish this chapter! Of course, I was away for almost a whole month so that is a big reason. Another is I kind of lost inspiration...but I got over that! I really do have fun writing this and I actually don't know where the story is going...Hmm. X3

Chapter 2: Icy Hot

At 6:30 a.m. my body woke itself up as conditioned. Like every other morning, it felt as though I had closed my eyes only seconds ago. No dreams to remember. No feeling of rejuvenation. It's a shame, but my energy always seems capped off at minimum capacity. Nothing left to spare, only enough to keep me awake and walk when necessary. I'm basically in a foggy haze throughout my daily consciousness. At times, I can visibly see the corners of my vision fading back into the dark of my isolated mind…

And, now that it's in my direct attention, it almost seems a good thing that I don't dream; otherwise I would probably have troubles telling them from reality. There is always a silver lining. Not that that is necessarily the shiniest lining, but it's a lot better than letting everything fall apart with nothing left to hold it together anymore.

Maybe that's on the way towards an answer? If only I knew which problem it might solve…

Rolling off the mattress; I went over, flicking the switch on the wall. Light from the dim 50 watt bulb flooded the room with a milky glow. Without any rationalism behind it, I happen to prefer natural light apposed to artificial; but, with the bulb as my only option, I was fine just the same. My only explanation for even having a preference is to look at the instance like the decision over paper or plastic. You usually stick to one or the other, but if there's no choice, you can't complain. After all—it's just a bag.

Accepting whatever light provided, I went to the dresser across the room as routine called for. There is only one choice in garment; so grabbing what was on top, I peeled off yesterday's wears, and put on another cotton button up and pants.

The old clothes were tossed into a hamper, and then I went on to fix the bed. Another possible answer could be that I'm using all my energy while asleep. Sure enough, every morning I wake up upside down with my blanket on the ground, the sheets bunched up to make some sort of makeshift nest, and my pillow tucked between my legs. I am positive that sort of thing isn't normal. Then again, I've never been close to qualifying as normal, so that fact makes it not so abnormal. Maybe I should look up sleeping disorders during my free time.

I tucked each corner of the wrinkled sheet into it's corresponding corner; then on went the thick comforter, and lastly, my pillow. All business in my room was finished; so grabbing the work I would be needing for class, I went into the hallways to wander until everyone started to get up.

Using my hands and feet in order to tell where I was going, I made my way downstairs. My original plan was to go into the common room and wait while everyone was moving around; but unbeknownst to me, I went outside instead.

Why did I come out here? I asked myself as I stood just outside the door, exposed in the frigid morning air.

Sometimes it's like I'm not even in control. Like, I am just a puppet and a set of strings—with some grand puppeteer conducting my actions for me. Something like that would explain my painful indifference to the other children. A puppet can't dream. A puppet has no will. And, a puppet can't feel.

…or maybe it was natural human instinct—to want to be free once in a while. Even if my mind wanted the safe confines of inside; my body wanted to get out. Maybe the fact that something inside of me wanted to get out, verifies that I'm human too…in the most meager sense the word, but still, human the same.

Putting aside thoughts of why; I went along with whatever—whether puppet strings, or the instinctive need to be free—pushed me forward, taking my first step onto the neatly trimmed grass. It was cold, and wet as my bare soles sunk slightly into the damp earth. Even with the risk of catching a cold hanging over my head, I moved on.

A breeze came over, cutting through the thin fabric of my clothes. My skin gave an automatic response, bumps running up and down my legs. I was a regular idiot, like this and out in the cold, but I still continued. Using carefully placed steps, I trekked across the grounds towards the mantle of trees.

Finally, I felt content with how far I had come. Sitting down to rest; I allowed my mind to wander— I'm inside a lot. Either waiting for nothing in particular, and tying to waist time; or dwelling on the fact of emotion. 'What is it and what's it like?' Maybe while stuck on things like that, I was strangling the growth of my physical body? It isn't a good thing to be so worn after walking for only a few moments. I'm likely close to breaking. Nod. My body is taking over in a desperate attempt to stay alive. It's the last struggle before the end… I don't really know if that kind of thing is possible, but the facts are; I am shorter then a lot of the boys. I bruise easily. I have a complexion equivalent to that of an eight year old. And, I am completely and utterly out of order, despite my exterior appearance. It's almost laughable…in a situation where I could feel amusement.

A gust of wind through the trees, stirring the leaves and unsettling the silence, sent away my ideas and calculations; letting me bask in a moment of oblivion.

I don't know how much time passed by before I remembered I was still there, and not just a part of the scene. Somewhere between watching the sky wane from violet to blue; listening to the noise of rustling, chirping and humming; feeling the nip of cold at my ears, nose and toes; smelling the earth below me… Somewhere in there.

But, I've learned that if you wait long enough, all things end with time. And, it isn't favorable to skip classes either.

It was hard to keep balance as I slipped through the hallway, eternally regretting my choice in going outside. Nothing was achieved besides wet feet, and the possibility of getting sick later. There was no need, and I was stupid for being enticed for even an instant. I even mentioned beforehand that I was being idiotic. Outside, it's a lively place with everything existing as part of one big composition. I was simply overwhelmed. I have to remember, it could potentially be a dangerous place for someone like me.

Missing breakfast, I headed straight to the classroom; avoiding any confrontation from children who might decide to approach me today. And even though I was held up earlier, I still ended first to arrive. Sitting down, I stared at my desk. Nothing better to do than think. Gradually, children started to filter in, filling the seats around me.

Soon, I noticed the talking in hushed whispers, and occasionally there would be someone peeking over at me—only to turn away once we made eye contact. I didn't know what it was, but something was up. It didn't take long for me to find out.

Mello slammed his hands down on my desk in a motion most dramatic to ensure attention. I was hoping to avoid anything today. I grudgingly brought my head up to see his face, inches from mine.

"I was looking for you this morning, Near. I couldn't find you anywhere, and I was worried you might have gone and done something stupid."

I calmly wiped the flecks of spit that had landed on my cheek. He still thought I was going to tell on him. I've never given him a reason to not believe me, yet he childishly sticks with an issue that has already been resolved.

"I'm sorry, your trepidations were for naught. I wouldn't dare do anything to spite you."

Mello quickly shifted to violence and fisted the collar of my shirt, pulling me closer in a virulent execution. His breath tickled at my ear as he warned in a whisper, "You missed your last chance to tell someone. I promise."

Mello backed away slowly, all the while glaring at the rest of the class. Everyone had hastily looked anywhere else, feigning ignorance. Then, he went to the back of the room to sit alone.

Even after Mello left, the smell of him lingered behind; and throughout the entire lesson I was plagued by the chocolaty sent that stained the inside my nose. He defiantly needed to slow down on sweet intake if he could leave such an impression after only a few breaths. Along with that, and Mello staring a hole into the back of my head, I was distracted fairly more than I would have liked. By the time I was able to leave, I was desperate to be alone.

"Where are you going?"

I rested my head on the common room door. I was that close to getting away. Now, I had to confront a bothered Mello, and his ridiculous idea of me tattling on him.

"Nowhere…" I sighed. "I won't tell anyone, so you can stop worrying now."

Even though I knew Mello was much more stubborn than that, I could always hope he would accept matters as they were, and get on with his business. I reached for the handle, but to my precalculated misfortune Mello wasn't going to prove me wrong today. Maybe business was slow.

I couldn't escape the vice grip he had around my wrist. Mello squeezed tighter and tighter, and all I could do was grit my teeth. He was most likely trying to break it.

"But, I made a promise," he purred with a fake, kindly demeanor. "So, how about you come and-"

"Near? What's happening?"

I don't know who so gracefully sent the one person Mello couldn't stand to be around, but I owed them. Linda stood looking concerned, as her gaze went from me, to Mello, to the tight hold on my wrist.

"Nothing!" Mello growled, dropping his nice act. "Now go away."

Linda paid no attention, taking another step towards me. "Is everything ok, Near?"

Mello glared daggers, but I knew he wouldn't attempt anything with Linda around. She was notorious for running to Roger in any situation, and he couldn't risk it.

Suddenly, an idea.

"You know, Linda, I was going to take you up on your offer to go outside. If that's ok…"

"Really? Yes! Yes, you can come out with me!"

Just the response I wanted.

Mello's eyes narrowed. "What are you doing?" he whispered under his breath.

It was time for him to stop the stupidity, and realize I didn't care what he did yesterday, or any day for that matter. And, if I had to use Linda to force him away from me, I was willing to do so. I do not mind being with Linda, but Mello loathes her. I don't know why. I've never seen them get into a fight or anything. Then again, I don't get out much.

"It's such a nice day out too! I know exactly where we should go!" Linda grabbed my other hand, pulling me free from thrall. I don't know how Mello took the situation, but I could bet he wasn't pleased.

I allowed myself to be led out behind the thrilled pigtailed girl, grateful to get away from he who was so dead set on monitoring me. Just a few moments of silence is all I wanted. Inside my mind, I knew that this little bit of escapism would cost tremendously in the long run, but for right now, I wasn't going to think about that.

The sun was blinding as we stepped into the early afternoon light. It was a drastic change from earlier. The grass was dry and crunchy, the air considerably hotter, and the number of people roaming about was notable too. I honestly, did not want to be out again, but to gain one thing, I had to loose another. I have no idea what Mello is planning to do with me, but I doubt it is a simple and reasonable conversation—involving no violence or harsh language. Might as well delay the unavoidable for as long as I can.

Linda bounced playfully as she lead me to a sunny patch of grass, half hidden by a cluster of bushes. Sitting down and hugging her knees to her chest, Linda patted the spot next to her.

"Come and sit!"

Even though it was safe to exit out of this company with Mello out of sight, I took a seat out of courtesy. Well, maybe not courtesy, but it would be bothersome to have her continue inviting me out. I only had to bare it this once to satisfy her needs. Linda smiled brightly, ignorant of my ill thoughts towards her.

"I'm super glad you could come! I wasn't expecting you to accept so soon…but, I don't mind at all! You can come outside with me whenever you want! We can just talk like this or whatever! This is a nice place isn't it? I like it. It's nice and sunny. I like the sun because it's so warm and friendly. But, I like the winter too! And, the fall…and spring too. I like about every season—"

I watched as Linda blathered on, nodding on occasion to look as if she held my attention.

I went on as long as I could, about five minuets, and finally I came to the conclusion that it was far too hot outside. Apparently, I can't handle the heat—which isn't much of a shock, but still rather unpleasant. Trying to be subtle, I went to unbutton the top of my shirt. Unfortunately, Linda was paying very close attention through all her chatter.

"N-Near?" she stammered with a blush.

Right. Undressing yourself in front of the opposite gender is supposed to be embarrassing. Don't do it.

"Sorry," I apologized. "I wasn't thinking. It's just so hot out… I can fix it if it makes you uncomfortable."

"No. Do what you need to do, it doesn't bother me."

I couldn't tell if she was lying for my sake or if she really didn't mind; but if she was going to say something, she was going to have to live with the repercussions. I went ahead, unbuttoning the rest of my shirt, taking it off and draping it over my head as veil to block the sun. Linda was suddenly a lot less talkative, watching my crawl to hide in the shade of the bushes. Yes. A moment to rest.

I wonder if Mello is going to leave me alone from now on. It's a little bit…what is a proper word to use? Annoying—that he cannot trust me. I have never been a talebearer. All the countless times he would purposely destroy my toys, verbal abuse—not to mention those few instances with physical violence...though, on that subject—Mello has never beat me like he would the other boys. Sure, he goes out of his way to find means for conflict, but he's never punched me. Never broke a bone, never ever broke the skin. He has left bruises, but that is not difficult, and they fade quickly. It's a curious thought. I wonder why…

"—tomorrow?"

I looked at Linda with a blank stare. When had she started talking?

"Hm?"

"So, what do you think about coming tomorrow?"

She wanted me to come out with her again? The idea of going outside was no longer out of the question, with me being so daring recently, but I would rather be alone without having to uphold a useless conversation.

"I don't know…"

Linda crawled out of the sun to sit beside me. "It would be nice if we had a pool on hot days like this. Don't you agree?"

She was much too close. I don't like people invading my personal space. "Sure…"

"What are you doing?"

Why? Over a single meaningless instance—why is he so persistent?

"Mello?" Linda said with a pout. Why did she sound so disappointed?

Mello stared past, ignoring her entirely. "You should have the consideration to hide that hideously blanched body. It's unattractive."

Straight to the argument.

Well, I wasn't going to go along with it. I couldn't give a response anyway—without any way to measure beauty, how could I say he was wrong? I've never been attracted to anything, and that's something I've learned to live without. Nothing is beautiful in my eyes. Nothing makes me feel. Everything gets the same emptiness.

Mello scoffed, bringing out a chocolate bar to gnaw on. "I was just checking to see what you were up to. You have a lot of balls to undress on the first date." He finally acknowledged Linda with a pointed glance.

"WHAT!" Linda gasped, turning pink.

Date? Mello was seriously misled if he felt that he were interrupting some sort of romantic engagement. Mello gave a self-satisfied smile at Linda's reaction...although, I guess he wasn't as impressed with my placid expression; because upon sight he clenched his teeth, snapping the chocolate into big chunks that tumbled to the ground. Instantly, there was a swarm of ants, leaving the treat unsaveable.

I resentfully slid the shirt off my head, putting it on properly. It was too hot to have to play his childish games.

"I am going inside." I got up and walked away, leaving Linda.

The soft padding of feet behind be hinted at Mello's continued relentless following. I ignored him keeping a straight path towards Wammys. Where was Matt? He should be a good enough distraction to get me away.

It was easy enough to find the red head, because he had been looking for us too. Well…for Mello at least.

"Mello!" Matt hollered, jogging over. He was looking a lot better from the last time I had saw him. Then again, last time I saw him there was blood coming out his nose.

Matt had his goggles pushed up revealing his jaunty green eyes. In my peripheral, I saw Mello wave in acknowledgment. I had to leave soon—once they get talking.

"Watcha doing?" Matt asked, letting out a deep breath.

I'd say he was stalking me.

"Nothing," Mello replied carelessly. He magically produced another chocolate bar, nibbling on the corner.

The friend gave a bemused sigh and in a southern accent said, "Your gonna get diabetus ther…"

"Well, your gonna get lung cancer," Mello answered snidely. "So ther."

Matt looked at him with alarm. Then, looked at me, the bystander. Am I cursed to have people reveal their secrets to me, or is Mello doing this all on purpose? At the moment, it seems intentional.

"Don't worry. He won't be able to tell anyone," he added, minding Matt's expression.

"You know…I really don't care. I won't tell anyone," I insisted. I just want to go back to spending the day by myself. "Besides, I don't have any proof. Knowing doesn't matter. It's just gossip with no evidence to support. You don't have to keep an eye on me—I swear."

Mello ignored me, continuing his conversation with Matt. "Anyway, what are you doing?"

Seriously. Was that the way he dealt with things he didn't like? Ignore whatever you don't want to hear… This had to be some sort of sick game for him. The reason he never beats me is because he cruelly tortures me by picking at me mentally. Open wounds heal, broken bones mend over time, but mental trauma never really and truly goes away. He was saving the worse for me. And all because of grades? It isn't worth it. In the end, it doesn't matter to me. I don't care about anything other then myself. I'd be satisfied to sleep my life away with no responsibilities. There is nothing important to me. " –and guess what? I caught this guy stripping for that annoying girl."

Matt went through an array of different expressions before settling with a pressed obscurity. "Really?"

There was no way I could talk myself out of the miscommunication with Mello present, so I took what was coming without response. Mello looked at me, daring me to deny. Maybe if I ignore him long enough, he'll get bored and leave me alone. No—there is no right response with Mello. He'll get angry either way, because for some reason that I don't understand, he wants to fight with me.

I stared straight ahead, pretending to be oblivious to everything.

Mello cursed under his breath. He wasn't happy. "Well, sorry I have to dump this on you, but for now we have to keep a close eye on him. I can't be in two places at once, so you have to be there when I'm not. Got it?"

Matt frowned deeper. "I got it, but don't you think you're going too far? I don't think he—"

"I have to do something," Mello interrupted, biting off another piece of chocolate. "Make sure he doesn't go near Roger."

And so, Matt and I were left stranded in the yard while Mello walked off to do whatever his business called for. It was uncomfortable standing in the direct sun, but as long as Matt was standing there, I supposed it would be best for him to make the first move. Silence was exchanged and nothing else. I don't see how he could stand to be in long sleeves like that. I know that I'm wearing them as well, but mine are a thin material; his were more suited for early fall—not now in the middle of the year. And speaking of improper dress, Mello was wearing all black. If studies are right, that would make everything hotter as well. What are they—cold-blooded? I can't stand this heat.

"So, do you want to go back to her?"

Matt had at sometime pushed his goggles back down without me noticing.

"Who?"

"You know," He said, seeming to force his words out. He kicked at the grass, and looked away. This was a situation I could not figure out.

"Back to Linda?" Why would Matt suggest something that would allow us to separate? He was supposed to watch me. Well, if this were some sort of trick—it wasn't going to go his way. Though, Matt doesn't seem like the plotting type in the first place.

Whatever he anticipated to hear, the truth was… "I'd rather not. She was only company out of coincidence, and she shouldn't be expecting my return anyway."

"Oh."

Now was as good a time as ever to explain, "Please, listen. I'm not one to care about other peoples matters, so there's no need to fear about me telling anyone. It was an unfortunate circumstance, and I understand that—so there's no need to keep an eye on me."

Matt nodded. It's strange how he so easily believes me. So very unlike Mello. It's a wonder how they get along...

"Yeah. I'd say Mello is just paranoid, but he's already on parole with Roger and the rest of the staff. One more bad mark against him, and all his grades are dropped. I know you're probably not gonna do anything, so I thought I could leave you alone with your girl."

My girl? The thought was ridiculous. "Another thing. That was an exaggeration—there are no feelings between the two of us." There aren't feelings between me and anyone.

"Oh," Matt started to chew his thumb nail. "Mm, what is there to do then?"

Well, perhaps he could be more reasonable with my requests. "It is a bit too hot here for me. Perhaps, we could go back inside?"

Matt nodded, thumb still at his lips. "Sure."

I was grateful to have someone to listen to me without an outrageous reaction. I couldn't help but sigh as I finally reentered the safe haven, away from conditions prompting a cold and yet perhaps heatstroke. It's amazing how only a few hours can make such a difference. I followed Matt up the stairs without realizing it. Soon, he stopped to confront my actions.

"What are you still doing?"

I stared through his goggles, directly into his eyes.

Matt fidgeted and asked again, "What are you doing?"

"I don't want to run into Mello."

Matt leaned, putting all his weight onto one leg. "Well, then I'm the last guy you want to be with."

I shook my head in disagreement. "It'd be much worse if he found me alone, then with you where I am supposedly supposed to be."

Matt nodded knowingly. "Ah, I see. I guess that's right... Well, I was planning to hole myself up in my room and play a few games, but if you'd rather do something else, I can postpone."

Once again, he was nothing like his temperamental friend. "No. Anything is fine as long as we stay inside."

"Alright. I usually don't invite a lot of other people into my room…"

Matt started walking again and I made sure to follow. The room we entered was like the rest of the rooms. A single bed, a dresser, other miscellaneous items not necessary to mention. I made sure to stay out of the way as Matt rustled through his desk drawer and finally pulled out a DS. I expected him to sit on his bed, but strangely enough, he took a seat on the floor. Music played as he started his game, while I stood in the corner trying to be as quiet as possible.

,Matt looked at me after a short moment. "What are you doing?"

"Staying out of your way."

He shook his head, closing the DS. "No, no, no. I can't play a game with some guy standing there! Sit on the bed—I made sure there was room."

So that is why he sat there?

"You're company. I insist." Matt smiled, patting the mattress behind him. How should one react in this situation? I should be happy, right? I think so. I'd like to at least fake a smile, but I'm sure if I tried it would be hideous.

"Thank you," I said, at least conveying some sort of gratitude.

I climbed onto the firm mattress, sitting cross-legged just behind him. He opened and started to play his game as easily as before. I watched him play for a while, not because I was interested but simply because it was there. I'm not sure of what to think of it. I didn't understand the point... With only the sound of buttons being pressed, it was unexpectedly calm. Time passed, and It became evident that my limited energy was on a downward slope. Usually, I could manage until the end of the day, but today was an exception. It wouldn't do any harm if I just lied down for a second. Not to fall asleep—just conserve energy.

I relaxed, lying flat on my back and staring up at the ceiling. It may have looked like every other room, but this still wasn't my room. Most prominent was it smelled different. It smelled like another boy. It smelled like Matt I guess… and, maybe it was just from the influence of sleep, but also the sent of chocolate. It wouldn't be so farfetched—since they are friends. I still don't know why though.

"Of all the people…why Mello?"

"Huh?" Matt turned back around.

I guess I'm mixing my thoughts and speech. "Sorry. I was just thinking about how you and Mello are friends."

The red-head scratched his head, "Yeah? And?"

"Why Mello? How did that turn out?"

Matt raised his goggles, rubbing his eyes. "Why? I dunno. That's just how things turned out. We've been together for a long time."

"What do you like about him?"

"I guess I dunno. He's cool. He's smart. He's fun. I dunno, stuff like that?"

I nodded, letting him go back to pressing buttons. I don't know much about Matt. Obviously, because I never thought he would treat me this way. It was so casual for him to interact with me, and it isn't something I can comprehend for some reason.

My eyes are starting burn from forcing them to stay open. I could close them for just a minute. I have enough control not to fall asleep in someone else's room. Just close them for a little bit. Then, they can open right back up and I will continue to stay awake until I'm told to return to my own room. Nothing's going to happen. I can trust myself.

Who am I kidding, I knew I was just making up excuses. Laying down to conserve energy, closing my eyes to stop them from drying; it was all to give me the opportunity to "accidentally" fall asleep.

Was the time I spent worth it? I dunno... I wasn't originally going for this ending, but that's how it turned out. The story had taken a life of its own! Run away! (Not really! I would like you to stay and love my story through all the ups and downs. All the goods and bads. Ect.) X33