If I get enough I might wanna work faster! ^-^

Gahh~ this one is finished! If there are any mistakes feel free to point them out. Give your opinion. Have fun! Thank you for reading!

Chapter 5: A Touch Of Anger

That's not fair. Why does he get to be angry with me? I didn't do a thing. It should be me complaining. I was the victim, not him- yet he had an outburst like it was something I did. It's not fair, and it doesn't make any sense.

I stood up, brushing the spot on my head where it was still sore from Mello's assault. I'm having second thoughts on whether I've made any progress at perceiving others feelings. When it's with Mello, it's one step forward…two steps back. He was angry wasn't he? But why? And maybe it was the fact I was once again being choked by the hot, humid air -leading me to be irrational- but I wasn't going to leave it at that. Not when there wasn't any fault on my part. I know it wouldn't do me any good to confront Mello. I know and I keep telling myself… But I was going to go after him anyway. I don't even know what I want… So, with no plans on what to do when I see him -because I'm allowing myself to be driven completely on a whim- hopefully the words will come when I need them.

I opened the door, quickly scanning the empty hallway. So he really did leave. That made things more difficult. Now I had to think. Where is his room? I know where Matt's room is. That doesn't help. He could have gone somewhere else. But where? I've never had to think about the places Mello might dwell, because I never cared. Not saying I care now. I think. I don't know… Anyway, whatever knowledge I had of him wasn't nearly enough to start making a list of places he might be. His room, which I had no idea where to find. Outside, which was much too vast to search. The classrooms, but he should only be there during class. The common room, but he's only ever there to bother me. The bathroom... The library. And that was it?

Mello is causing me a lot of trouble. I don't even know why I'm doing this. But my insides are uncomfortably hot and twisting and I want to find him. I don't know what it is. I don't want to figure it out! I don't want to think. I just want someone to give me the answers for once…

I started walking down the hall. That was my fist step and at least I was moving. I couldn't have stood still much longer. My legs were on their own as I began to wander aimlessly across the warn and tarnished floorboards, wishing luck might do me a favor this time. Ha. If only I believed in luck.

Everyone was outside nowadays. Actually enjoying the weather somehow. I wasn't going to yell for him. Mello never would have answered from the looks of the situation anyway. So I continued to wander. Not only physically through the rooms and corridors…but through my mind. Questions kept drifting in, out and around my head, worse then anything before. Slippery. Strange things. Things I would think I thought… but then it was as if I never thought a thing. It was that sort of confusion. It's hard to put into words. Like there were several realities fighting to be first. Take that how you like. It's the only way I can think to put it.

"Near?"

Huh. I wasn't expecting to see both so soon.

Matt stood alongside Creole, both of them staring into the empty storage room I just realized I'd been standing in. I tried to breath in, getting a lungful of stale dust. Of course.

"I thought Mello would have-"

"He didn't do anything." I interrupted rapidly just before a long series of coughing. Matt and Creole parted so I could move through and find more breathable air.

"That's why I'm looking for him." I managed to croak while my throat still felt dry and scratchy.

Matt's eyebrows reached upwards.

"What? Why?"

Even he knew there was no sense in it. I knew there was no sense in it. Yet, knowing so didn't change my mind. I had to do whatever I was doing.

"I need to see him."

Matt looked unsure of himself. "Oh."

I was unsure too. I think. I don't know. I haven't been thinking clearly. I don't know what I want. Well, directions. But it might be better if I didn't get them… no. I want to see him again. I think.

"If you could, do you know where Mello's room is? I don't know where else to look, and can't find it on my own."

Matt still looked uncertain, scratching his head. My insides were hot again. They were hot and squirming and I couldn't wait.

"Are you going to tell me or not?"

"Uh…sure. He's, um… his room is only about four doors down from yours. Across the hall."

I was quick to leave Matt and Creole to themselves. I was going to talk to Mello. I had to talk to him. If I didn't…the pressure inside me…I don't know what to do with it. And as I walked to his room, it kept building. The pressure. But I had to see him. It wasn't fair. What was his problem? I didn't do anything! The steps were my enemy. I stomped as hard as I could up each one. Time was too slow. I had to speed up. My room was past now. I counted. One. Two. Three. Four. Across the hall.

I stared at the door in front of me, suddenly deflated of the hot pressure. I didn't want this. Why was I doing this? Mello would be on the other side. And he wouldn't be happy. I shouldn't do this. No. I would regret it if I did.

I leaned over and pressed my ear against the door. I couldn't hear anything. Maybe he wasn't in there. There was the flutter of papers being shifted. I heard that, and there was one last bit of heat. Just enough to get me to open the door.

I peered into the darkened room. It was a mess. The bed had the covers all shoved against the wall, the majority of the bed covered with books and papers and wrappers. The same for his floor. Books, papers and wrappers. The top of his dresser. Books, papers and wrappers. They say the state of ones room can show the state of ones mind… I could only imagine.

"Who is it?" Mello growled, hunched over a desk full of more papers and books. It was a sort of pattern for him it seemed.

I stepped in, shutting the door behind me. I couldn't speak. Not yet. The words weren't there. The questions didn't matter like I thought they did. Now that the pressure was gone, I was left empty and thoughtless.

"What do you wa-" Mello cut himself short. We made eye contact and he turned back away.

"What are you doing here…"

I didn't know. This is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever done. Walked right into the lion's den. I watched as a handful of loose-leaf sheets were crumpled mercilessly in the lion's fist. If I left right now, maybe we could both forget about everything. I said that to myself…I didn't listen.

I deserve any mockery you have. I just stood there like a broken idiot. All I had wanted to say was stilled; my questions all of a sudden were not words anymore; the rush of heat that had gotten me where I was, was smothered out into a harmless fizzle. Why had I wanted to see him? Because he yelled at me… But he yells at me all the time. This time he was different. How? I don't know…

Mello leaned back into his chair, still facing the other direction. I wish I could have seen his face.

There was a long, hissing sigh before he asked, "What do you want, Near?"

I could feel a touch of the heat from before. Why does he keep asking me what I want? I don't know what I want!

"What do you want?"

Mello finally tilted his head in my direction. "Get out."

I can't.

"Get out, Near!"

I can't.

Mello stood up, knocking his chair over in the process.

"Get the fuck out of my room, Near! What do you want?"

"I want to know what your problem is."

"I don't have a problem! Get out!"

"You obviously do have a problem! I didn't do anything to you."

"Get out of my room, Near!"

"What did I do? Tell me. I don't know how else to stop it, unless you tell me what I'm doing that's so wrong..."

Mello's eyes were unmoving. But he didn't say a thing. I guess his last words still stood.

"Why are you mad at me?"

"You won't get out of my room."

"Why were you mad when I asked what you were doing?"

"Because you think you know everything!"

"I never said that…"

"You didn't have to! I could see it with my own eyes! You were just laying there like you just knew I was up to no good. You didn't even try to get up, like you thought I would just force you back down! You arrogant punk! You think you're better than me!"

"I don't."

"Yes you do! With anybody else -with Matt- you can be weak. You can show something other than the indifference you always have with me! You were with him for half a day- then you were close enough to spend the night with him? It's only when I have you in my hands, can I actually tell you have a pulse. That you're actually a living person. Because I'm not good enough! Because you don't take me seriously!"

"I'm not close to Matt or anyone else. I was tired… That's a normal function of the living. If it bothers you, it was you who said for me to go with him."

Now it was me trying to calm the lion. I didn't have any desire to continue. I just wanted peace.

"Fucking get out of my room!"

Mello stepped of his chair and walked up to me. I was expecting him to grab me again, but he only leaned pass me to try and open the door. I leaned my weight back, so I could stop him. Mello probably could have forced it open anyway, but I think the attempt itself made him draw back.

"Better beware, Near. I might just do something bad."

His expression was deadpan, but his voice was underplayed with a steely threat.

"You haven't done so yet. Leading me to believe you never planned to."

"Don't test me. You don't know anything about me and what I plan to do."

"Back in my room. You were yelling like you were mad at me. But you didn't hit me, even in your anger. Why?"

Mello knew how to punch. I didn't even see it coming. And it hurt a lot. He got me in my lower jaw, also making me bite the inside of my cheek. The force sent me to the floor and I was to…stunned, to even think. I've never been punched. It hurts. My jaw. My cheek. My back from hitting the wall on my way down. My knees and elbows. It hurt a lot. A lot.

I tried to see what Mello was feeling. Was he angry? No. Deadpan. His expression was the same. They why did he hit me?

"What's with the big eyes, Near? Didn't expect that?" he asked monotonous.

No. I didn't. But I couldn't say that. So I was quiet. Waiting for whatever might happen next. Mello crouched down, reminding me of a predator. I was in the lion's den after all. It was foolish to think I could aggravate a beast and then expect him to calm down at my will. I should have expected everything but. Mello continued to glare passively.

"How did it feel, Near? You don't know everything you claim to know."

It isn't fair. I can't understand why he's doing this. His face is as if he doesn't care. Is he mad? Is he teasing? I looked everywhere. It was a solid defense. My jaw still hurts. The pain is spreading into my tongue too.

"Why did you do that?" I had to ask.

Mello straitened back up.

"Why, the hell do you think? Get out of my room. Now."

This time I was going to obey him. I stood up, still a little shaky. I didn't like that he was just watching me. He didn't smirk or scowl or frown. Dead eyes that revealed nothing. I needed to know what he was feeling. Why was he like this all of a sudden? I opened the door and watched him forget about me, going over to put his chair back up and gather the scattered papers. Did he even care? I waited in the doorway, hoping he might reveal something. Nothing? He just kept picking things up… So I left.

"Aw~ it's so cold outside!"

"I know! I felt perfect only a few days ago!"

"Where did my sun go?"

I stared into the complaining crowd of kids whom were invading my area. Can't they tell I do not wish to know about their tedious protests?

One of the girls looked at me expectantly.

"Don't you think so too, Near? Isn't it the worst?"

Why do they insist on including me? I was about ready to destroy my rendition of the Roman Coliseum made of little colorful blocks, and leave while they were still confused!

While it was warm, the common room was my grounds. Rarely did people venture inside. But once it became a little chilly, they all have come herding inside.

"I would say a warm day and a cold day each have their own good qualities." I hate the heat, but it keeps the masses away. I like the cold, but it draws the masses in. I lose either way. But putting it as I did before makes it more appealing to everyone else.

The girl nodded agreeably. "Yeah! They do don't they? Ha ha, you're so smart, Near!"

They went back to talking to themselves and I went back to working on the arena section. Well…I tried to get back to the arena section. I couldn't concentrate with the quiet roar of children talking. Their little snippets of conversation would invade my brain and I would end up analyzing everything against my will.

"-I'm so sorry! I didn't-"

There was an enunciation on 'so' without the fluctuating pattern to the sorry. So no sarcasm. It sounded sincere.

"-Want to know something else?-"

The tone of the rising infliction left the 'I have something even better' impression. If I had to guess, they were gossiping. Typical.

"-Shit! No way~! Really?-"

Hm? That kind of exclamation. A curse… yet his tone was… awe? Not anger. Awe?

"-Hell yes! Isn't that-"

And excitement? Why were words considered taboo, being used so lightly? Since when was this a part of language and expression?

I looked over to see the boys talking and laughing over a game of cards.

"Four of a Kind! Suck on that!" one gloated, slapping his hand down.

Another tilted his head to get a better look.

"Damn it, Kael! You did it again? Are you sure you're not cheating?"

"Of course he is! Five times in a row, that's unreal!" another spoke up.

The winner tapped his nose. "Shaddup! You're just jealous 'cause I got game!"

The group laughed and went on with their cards. That was it. They so easily said words of scorn as if they were everyday things…

"Mon ami, Near!"

It looked like I wasn't going to finish…

Creole smiled with a tilt of her head as she stood overhead. If only that was just a smile. No. She wanted something.

"Creole…"

"Near~?"

"Is there something you want?"

"There is. Can I take a minute of your time?"

"Just a minute?"

"Just come on."

Creole waited quietly as I got off the floor. Then she played the leader, taking my sleeve and pulling me to wherever she wanted me to go. Certainly, nobody was stopping me now. Not when I wouldn't have minded being diverted away from any strange plans Creole might have in storage. No. Must not bother him when that would be his escape. But what's the use complaining anyway?

"Do you know the way to the library?"

I glanced at the surrounding area. We were somewhere in the far right corridors. The library was front and center.

"Keep moving forward and at the next big turn, turn."

"To everything~ Turn~ Turn~ Turn. There is a season~ Turn~ Turn~ Turn…"

I listened lamely as her curious song shifted to a hum. What was in the library? At least we weren't going outside. Not that I think I would have minded as much. It was likely to be vacant and a comfortably cool temperature. I'm…pleased that winter is coming. The snow is nice. It's one of the-

"By the way, we're going to be studying with a few kids. Nothing much. But I heard that you were the top student? And that got me thinking how much help you could help!"

Help? Who am I helping?

"W-what do you mean?"

"Bonté divine! Everything will be fine. Let's hurry up!"

So~ Near was angry... But as of right now he doesn't really seem to understand that fact.

Mello is obviously angry...but why?

Things~ to think about!

~reviews really appreciated~