A.N. If I owned Invader Zim, I would tell you, but since I don't I would prefer to remain silent. I don't like writing disclaimers (half because it's annoying and half because it's depressing) so let it be said that there will be no other disclaimers throughout this story unless I feel like writing one. If you REALLY care about disclaimers, know that this one was meant to cover for the rest of the story.
The screen turned black, and all Fuz could see were her own indigo eyes staring back at her. The previous conversation was still fresh in her mind. New mission. At last. She pushed away from the tiny desk and stood quickly from her chair, holding herself perfectly straight, her arms folded behind her like a proper invader. There was no reason to wait. She would be leaving now.
Planet Evastan had had been a good place to her. It had provided for her everything she needed, from food to shelter to everything else, but she was not torn between leaving and staying. It had been far too long since she had seen some action. All the fame that had once been her's had faded with time. Now she would earn it back, and no emotional attachment to Evastan was going to get in the way.
"Computer," She said quietly. "Shut down."
Request acknowledged. Shutting down...
Fuz pressed a tiny button on the top of the device, and it folded in on itself, becoming a little metal cube that she put it in her Pak without a second thought.
The hut she had been living in for the past sixty years wasn't much- nothing more than a steel dome with a hole in the top, and much more humble than was normal for an Irken. But she didn't have anything more than she needed. She didn't want anything more than she needed. She just wanted a excuse to get off this rock and serve her empire once more.
Fuz left the desk and knelt on the dirt floor by her cot, pulling a wooden chest out from underneath. It wasn't terribly heavy, but she still grunted a little as she scooted it backwards and settled down again to open it up and sort through the contents.
There were some clothes, Evastanian clothes that she had acquired during her stay on the planet. She pulled them out of the box and set them aside, out of the way. There were some medicines too, and Fuz was wise enough to put them into her Pak to take with her.
The only thing left in the chest was a book. She stared at it blankly for a short moment before she sighed. She wouldn't be taking the book with her. It had to be kept secret and hidden. So she folded the clothes and replaced them back in the box, hiding the book beneath them. It would not be enough to protect it from someone who was hunting it specifically, but she hoped it would be enough to delude any petty thief that came along and looked through her things.
She locked the chest up once more and pushed it back under the cot something made a metallic rattle as the chest pushed against it, and Fuz gasped in recognition.
She reached her hand gently under the cot and it brought out, a little bundle that she held close in her arms like a baby. For a long time she just stared at it, her eyes growing moist until she finally set it on the floor and began to remove the cloth that it was folded in.
There lay a SIR unit, dusty and broken, limp like a doll. Fuz bit her lip and her brow creased as she wiped away some of the dirt from the robot's face. The eyes didn't glow anymore. They just stared ahead and saw nothing.
This had been her first and only customized SIR unit. It had been her best friend when all was lost, the thing that made things possible when she could not do them on her own. But now its circuitry was full of sand from the Evastanian wasteland, and the SIR wouldn't turn on.
She normally wasn't one to carry around dead weight, but useful or not, she would not leave her faithful companion behind. So she wrapped him up again in the cloth and held him in one arm, being careful that no metal showed through. She wouldn't be letting anymore sand at this bot.
So holding her SIR in her arms and her medicines in her Pak, Fuz stood in the center of her tiny, one-roomed hut and took one last look around. She didn't have very many happy memories here. All she ever did in this hut was sleep, eat, ask her computer for reports, and listen to it say "No new messages."
She walked out the door and locked it securely behind her.
"I need a new SIR unit." Fuz told the Irken, glaring at him with midnight eyes.
"And what's your name?" He asked. His own eyes never left the clipboard that he held in his hand.
"Fuz. I should be on the invaders list."
"Invader? ...You're not here. All of the invaders are already on missions."
Fuz snarled and dug her claws deeply into the counter. "That's impossible! I am an invader! I passed the test! Look again!"
"I'm looking right now!" He cried, panicky. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm not authorized to give you a SIR cause you're not recorded in the files!" The Irkens red eyes scanned the clipboard carefully, and Fuz shifted her weight, growling at him.
"I accepted a mission from the tallests themselves." She hissed, leaning over the table with her hands flat on its metal surface. She was considerably taller than the red-eyed drone behind the counter so she was very intimidating. "And therefore, I am entitled to the proper equipment."
"I'm really, really sorry, but according to these files, you don't exist! Look, if you're serious, I'll contact the tallest just to confirm-"
"-Why haven't you done that already? My patience runs thin with you! Move it! GO!"
With a frightened squeak, the drone ran away somewhere behind the counter to do as she had commanded of him. Fuz groaned and ran a hand down the side of her face.
"I wouldn't have to be doing this if you were here." She said softly to the bundle that she still held in her arms. "We could have left by now."
The SIR did not respond.
Fuz would have gone already, if her common sense hadn't overtaken her pride. Though she was confident she could take on this Invader Zim, she was aware that it probably wouldn't be easy if the tallests were sending her. She'd need all the help she could get, even if it meant getting a new SIR.
It felt so wrong to have to go back to the standard, uncustomized robots when she held a better one that she had built herself in her arms, but being sentimental never helped anybody. Even so, she couldn't bring herself to dispose of the broken robot; she clung to whatever hope, as small as it may be, that somehow the dim eyes would flicker and glow red like they had before.
So she found herself here, on the Irken military equipment storage planet. It used to have a dignified name, but the empire had stripped it away and renamed it "Stuffopolis" due to their lack of respect for other cultures and creativity. Fuz felt sorry for the natives.
The red-eyed service drone returned, his antennae standing at a very nervous angle. Fuz noticed with disinterest that his claws were shaking. "O-okay I contacted the tallests." He said. He shook himself, recovering swiftly from his awkwardness. "They confirmed what you said, so I guess you can have a SIR. Stay right there and I'll get you one."
Fuz huffed and shifted her weight again impatiently as the drone scurried away. She'd never understand why these places ran so slowly. You'd think a planet trusted to hold all of the empire's military equipment would be a little more organized. She stood there observing her claws silently for what must have been five minutes before the drone came back.
"Don't tell me," Fuz said, glaring. "You're all out?"
"Nope! Here you go!" chirped the drone as he brought a deactivated SIR down on the counter with much more force than was necessary. Fuz winced at the fierce clang of metal against metal, but the drone didn't seem to notice. "I registered you into the system while I was getting it, so you should be able to get your voot cruiser and the rest of your equipment without too much of a problem."
Fuz grunted uninterestedly and picked the other SIR unit up by its arm. It was was limp in its deactivated state, and it's eyes dark and unseeing. It reminded Fuz of the other, broken Sir she held hidden within the bundle in her arms.
"Activation code 17649. SIR, report for duty," ordered the drone behind the desk. The SIR's eyes flashed a brilliant crimson, and Fuz released it, watching as it landed masterfully on its feet.
"SIR reporting for duty," It said in the same professional voice that all SIR units had. Fuz looked it up and down critically but was actually somewhat disappointed to find nothing wrong with it. She wanted to be able to compare her robots so she could say her first one was better, but this SIR unit was without flaw.
"My name is Fuz," she told it tonelessly. Her stare was completely unreadable. "I am your mistress."
The SIR acknowledged her with a salute that Fuz ignored.
"Your first orders are to fetch a voot cruiser and an Invader's Base. Tell them that I sent you and they should check it all out in my name. There are some things I need to do, so meet up with me at the launching bay with the supplies."
"Yes, Master!" Said the SIR with another hardy salute. "I obey!" And it marched away in a typical Irken strut. Fuz snorted in amusement. She had always thought that march made dignified Irken soldiers look like militaristic turkeys.
"So..." Spoke the drone behind the counter, leaning forward on his elbows."What is your important mission exactly?"
Fuz, turned towards him, narrowing her eyes and raising her antennae aggressively straight up. If the tallests hadn't told him about the mission when he contacted them, then it was clear this drone wasn't to know. "Classified." she hissed. "And none of your business to begin with." The drone's own antennae lay flat down against his skull, a sign of submission.
"Sorry." He mumbled quietly. Fuz rolled her indigo eyes and turned from him, walking away. She had nothing left to do here, and she hadn't been lying when she told the new SIR that she had business to take care of. This whole planet smelled like oil and grease anyway.
The steel door of the teleporter opened automatically, and Fuz stepped out of it into a teleporting station. It was exactly the same as the one she had just been in, except that the large map on the wall was different. Fuz groaned in shame and disappointment of her species. This planet's Irken name was Store-mart-place-ica.
The streets of the planet were almost as bad as the name. The whole place was flooded with Irkens. If Fuz weren't as tall as she was, she wouldn't have been able to see an inch in front of her face for the thick crowds, but as it was, she had no problem shoving her way through. When shorter Irkens caught sight of her they scurried out of the way, immediately recognizing her superiority given to her by her height.
She could see the clothes store across the street, and she waded her way through the sea of shorter Irkens towards it. It was a popular place so the crowds were particularly thick there. Fuz would never understand what was with other females and clothing. I mean, clothing is great. You wear it and you look good. But is it seriously worth obsessing over?
"Hi!" said the green-eyed female merchant when she arrived at the counter. "You lookin' for one a dem special deals? I got two different kinds bullet proof vests that are really great, ya know? Everyone wanted 'em and we had a bunch so we put 'em on sale, an' now they're flyin' off the shelves! It's totally rad."
"No," responded Fuz. "I'm going on a mission, and I need invader uniforms."
"Oooh those are nice too! You like the blue ones, right? I can tell!Stay right where ya are, darlin' I got just the thing." As the shorter Irken hurried off, Fuz rolled her eyes and hugged her SIR to her chest. She couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit self conscious in her Evastanian gown. Thankfully the merchant wasn't gone long.
"Got some!" She chirped and placed the four blue tunics and four black pairs of slacks onto the table. "Four sets. They should fit you pretty well, but ya might want to try them on in the back just to be sure."
"That's fine, thank you," said Fuz as she placed a handful of silver coins onto the counter and tried to pick the clothes up with her free arm. It was easier said than done, but the merchant chuckled a bit and came over to help her put the uniforms in her Pak.
"What's that you got there, anyway?" She asked, gesturing towards the broken robot hidden in the bundle under Fuz's arm. The invader moved it defensively to her chest and hugged it again with both arms.
"Snacks," She lied. "For the trip." The merchant nodded and moved back behind the counter.
"Well have fun, darlin'! And if ya ever need clothes, ya know where to go!"
Fuz rolled her eyes again and wiggled her antennae in good bye, before she shouldered her way again through the crowd.
Fuz sat impatiently on the bench, holding her broken SIR on her lap. This was planet Devastis, Irken military training planet, covered in sand and scoured by wind that carved bridges, spires, and peaks into the endless expanse of rock. She leaned against a large building, roughly four stories tall, but most of the actual structure was below the ground, where the Irkens preferred to live.
"Why am I even here?" She groaned to herself. If only she hadn't made that stupid promise to that stupid smeet so many years ago. She could have met up with her new SIR and be gone by now. But no, she had to promise to take the smeet on her next mission. Stupid honesty.
The sliding metal doors of the building opened, and Fuz turned her head toward the sound, lifting her antennae expectantly. From the building emerged a very young and short little Irken, barely out of smeethood, whose big pink eyes sparkled at the sight of Fuz. This was Quin, the smeet she had been grumbling about.
"I knew it!" cried Quin in a ear-spittingly squeaky voice. "I knew you'd keep your promise! It's been such a long time since I last saw you! I thought you were dead or something! Well I'm sure glad you're not! Where are we going? Are we gonna fight space pirates? Are we gonna catch a bad guy? Are we gonna blow something up?"
Fuz snarled at the you pink-eyed Irken, raising her antennae and effectively putting an end to the questions. Quin's antennae drooped so low in submission that they brushed against the sandy ground.
"I'm taking you on my mission because I promised, not because I want to. The moment I think you're slowing me down, you will be sent back here without any hesitation, so you'd better behave yourself."
"Yes, ma'am!" Said Quin, perking her antennae again. "I promise I'll be the best helper ever! I mean, you're like my role model! I wanna be just like you! We'd be, like, the most super crime-fighting team ever! And I'll do everything in my power to-"
Fuz held a claw up for silence, and Quin's mouth snapped shut. The indigo-eyed invader's expression was quite impossible to read. "We're not fighting crime, Quin. We're never fighting crime. I'm going to preform an assassination on the tallest's behalf, and you are going to stay out of my way."
"But..." The big pink eyes on Quin's face grew even bigger. "But... What about justice?"
"You do your little heroic deeds on your own time, smeet." said Fuz. "Whether or not you come with me is your own choice, but after this moment, I will consider my promise fulfilled." That being said, she tucked her SIR tenderly under her arm and stood up to walk back towards Devastis's teleporting station.
Quin's childish face immediately twisted into one of injured pride, and she stomped after the taller Irken. "I'm not a smeet anymore, Fuz!" When she reached Fuz she tugged pathetically on her sleeve. "I finally turned five hundred, and now I'm an official adult. You can't call me that anymore!"
"Quin, you could be a thousand, and I would still call you a smeet."
The shorter Irken snorted and crossed her arms as if expecting an apology, but she couldn't truly say she was surprised when there wasn't one. Fuz's eyes were focused steadily on the ground in front of her. "Now we're going to meet up with my SIR at the launching bay of Planet Stuffopolis." Said the indigo-eyed invader. "Do everyone a favor, and don't mess around. Just stay close to me and say nothing."
"Okay."
"Is that your Standard Information Retrieval unit?" Quin's voice peeped up. Fuz's antennae perked slightly. The younger Irken had been doing a surprisingly good job of keeping quiet and out of the way, but Fuz wasn't sure how long the uncharacteristic respect would continue. Apparently not as long as she had hoped.
"Yes. Come on." The Irkens picked up their pace. Quin pouted slightly as she had to move her feet especially fast to keep up with Fuz's longer strides.
"Master," greeted the SIR as it took several steps toward her and saluted. "The invader's base and supplies are loaded into the voot cruiser as requested, and the ship has been fueled and prepared for take off. We can leave as soon as you're ready."
"We're ready now," said Fuz. The SIR's glowing red eyes narrowed slightly as if turned its head to observe the younger Irken standing beside her.
"Who are you?" It said. Quin winced slightly at it's sharp, metallic voice and shied away behind Fuz. She had never actually seen a SIR before, and considering how small she was, it was a little scary.
"SIR, this is Quin." Hissed Fuz, raising her antennae at the SIR on impulse, even if it wasn't programmed to pick up on body language. "Treat her as you would me, but do not take orders that contradict mine."
The SIR nodded at Quin and saluted. "Yes, Sir." it said.
"Ma'am." Corrected Fuz. That was always something that bothered her about uncustimized SIRs; they were designed to speak to males. Most females didn't have a problem with it, but Fuz couldn't stand it. At least her old SIR was better in that respect. "Now get in the voot. It's taken way too long; we should be half way there by now."
The SIR saluted again and opened the dome off of the cockpit of the voot, allowing Fuz and Quin inside. When they were settled, Fuz leaned foreword and pressed a button on the control panel, holding it down.
"Invader Fuz to launching bay." she said clearly. "We're ready for take off to Planet Earth. Are we clear? Over." As she lifted her claw from the button, a voice crackled from the speakers.
"Schhh~You're clear for take off. Over. ~schhh." It said. Fuz nodded and started the engine, and the voot lifted into the sky and raced to the outer atmosphere, while Quin squished her face against the glass and squealed excitedly.
"You know, I've never actually seen space before!" She squeaked.
"Oh really?" asked Fuz with mild suprise. "Never?"
"Nope. Never ever. I've gone through space once I think, but there weren't any windows, so that doesn't count. But just look at this! Why are there so many rocks?" Quin pressed her claw against the window, trying to point, but was unable to because the glass was in the way. She didn't seem to care, though, too focused on the gigantic hunks of reddish stone.
"Those are little pieces that fell off planets." Explained Fuz.
"Do things live on them?"
"Some of them. No sentient beings, though. Just carnivorous beasts that can go hundreds of years with no food or water."
If possible, Quin pressed her face even harder against the glass. "Woooooww..."
Fuz chuckled slightly and switched on the autopilot before leaning back in her chair, putting her feet up on the dash board. It was going to be a long ride.
A.N Reviews are appreciated; especially from competent people.