Disclaimer: I am but a fan who misuses characters that don't belong to me in hopes of amusing other fans.
A/N: I am taking preemptive measures to apologize for using the oldest joke in the book. A book which I shall later write a fanfic about.
"Hey Bakura. Hey Bakura. Hey Bakura."
"What?" Bakura growled as he polished his Millennium Ring meticulously.
"Boomstick!" Marik cackled for a brief moment. "Get it? It sounds like broomstick, but then it explodes! Boomstick! Haha. Haha. Ahh, it's funny because you hate life."
"Marik, nothing you think is funny is ever funny. Now go duel Yugi in the street while I think up a clever strategy that will actually defeat him."
"But Bakura, we have a job to do," Marik protested.
"A job? Since when does anyone on this show actually work? Besides Kaiba, of course."
"Well, our readers want another chapter, and since you used to be in a band –"
"Marik," Bakura growled.
" –I thought you might want to write another song parody with me."
"I only wrote the first one because I was tired of your blatant ignorance of my feelings."
"So is that a 'no'?"
"That's a 'go sod yourself, readers.'"
"Bakura! The readers determine our fates and whether or not we live for another chapter. If you piss them all off, we'll never make it to the big screen. Because in the end, isn't that what really matters: how famous you are?"
"I don't care."
"Well of course you don't. But I do have something to offer you in return – payment, if you will."
"What could you possibly give me that would make me want to embarrass myself with another idiotic song parody?"
"I'll give you a hint: It starts with 'f' and ends with 'u-c-k'."
Bakura gave Marik his full attention. Marik smiled alluringly, "That's right, Bakura. A fire truck. Imagine all the chaos we could cause driving it down Main Street in 5 o'clock traffic. Dozens of cars displaced by our loud, obnoxious sirens, not to mention the seizures we could cause with the flashing lights."
Bakura began to protest, then sighed and surrendered, "Fine. I'll do your stupid song parody. But I'm not wasting time on screen composing it with you."
"Composing? No, we're going to make it up on the spot. I've already chosen the music. It's called "Absolutely" by Nine Days. I hope you know it."
"Fortunately for you, I do. Let's get it over with."
"Why, do you need a cat nap?"
"For the last time, I am not a kitty!"
The music began, and Marik took the first verse:
"This is the story of two guys;
I am the one who has purple eyes.
And while Fluffy looks mad when I call him that,
I absolutely love him
When he's bad.
Now how many cards in a deck
Are normal monsters,
And how many effect?
Bakura, this song is a wreck.
I've run out of words to make rhyme with this.
[Bakura: "Finish the verse."]
As long as you take over next,
And you do a better job than I did,
The readers might not give us heck.
I can go one more sec,
Okay, I am done."
They let Nine Days take the next section:
Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say
Then Bakura took over:
"This is the second chorus change.
My eyes aren't purple, but I am deranged.
Yes I do get mad when Marik's a fool,
But I really do love him
When he's bad.
Now how many lovers would stay
With this stupid blonde
Even if they were gay?
I really don't know what to say.
After this, I don't think I will get laid
Unless I offer him good cards
Or let him dress me up how he wants.
I might just get lucky today
Until I start up again with my evil taunts."
Nine Days took over again for Second Chorus.
Marik snatched the microphone from Bakura and continued:
"This is the story of a guy
Who made his boyfriend mad, so he died.
And while he thought his jokes amused the fans,
My other half took over
And killed him."
"Um, Marik. Calm down. No need to bring Melvin into this."
"Oh, I know. It was simply a threat of what might happen if you get me too angry."
"That's fine, as long as he's not here."
"What do you want to do for the guitar solo?"
Bakura smirked mischievously. "I've got an idea." They promptly began making out. Hot passionate snogging so intense that they forgot about the song and the fact that their actions were being recorded by some chick with a laptop. But luckily, the writer became uncomfortable and decided to stop writing while the rating could still be classified as T.
A/N: Now go to church - it's the best place to write fanfics.