Disclaimer: Okay, you got me. I do own it, but only on days that end in 'K'. On all the other days, however, I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.
A/N: Shout out time! Shout out to Zekione, who has been extremely helpful with suggesting songs to parody. Shout out to my reviewers: TheAverIn, FangirlGasp, Emelinee Baconinee Tortalinee, Miss Macabre Grey, Dreamnorn, fan of this fic, Etsuko An, zerosmelody5, and that Guest reviewer. Shout out to my followers: , FanGirl16, AiKo-Chan15, JarOfStars, Bow to me Fools BOW I SAY, Raspberry 14, and the other 4 already mentioned. Shout out to those who favorite'd this story: kitameguire, Puppypaws4, princessamina 223, Mirria1, and the 7 others who were already mentioned. And Shout out to those who read this story but refuse to admit it. I appreciate all of you.
"Bakura," Marik began as they sat together in the apartment one afternoon, "Out of curiosity and lack of a more interesting conversation starter, what are your life ambitions?"
Bakura casually picked his nails with a Bowie knife as he ruminated on the question. "I suppose collecting all of the Millennium Items is at the top."
"Yes, but besides the obvious," Marik pressed, "Isn't there something more meaningful you might like to do?"
"Beat the Pharaoh at a children's card game."
"Forget duel monsters for a moment and think outside the parameters of your character. I want to know your long-term goals."
"Ra, Marik, I don't know. What does a duelist do besides eat, sleep, and breathe card games?"
"What about kids, Bakura?"
"What about them?"
"Well," Marik hedged, "Wouldn't you like to have a couple?"
Bakura stared at Marik. "You're joking, right? What the bloody hell would I do with a kid?"
"Don't get snippy with me, Fluffy. It was just a thought."
"Honestly, Marik. Of all the dumb things you've said in your life, this is by far the most idiotic. I'm fairly sure there's a law against people like me having kids."
Marik crossed his arms and stalked into the kitchen. Bakura sat in his chair for a minute more, then groaned and followed Marik into the kitchen. He leaned against the doorframe and watched Marik violently chop a carrot to death with the cleaver. "Alright, Diva, what is this about?"
"I just wanted to talk about something is all," Marik replied dismissively, not meeting his eyes.
"You're a terrible liar, you know. Do you seriously want kids?"
Marik laid down the knife. "I don't know, Bakura. I just had this thought while you were out rescuing Ra from the Pharaoh. I actually had the time to write a song parody about it."
Bakura rolled his eyes. "Here we go again."
Marik skipped into the bedroom and clicked on his music player. "Call Me Maybe" began playing, and Marik started singing:
"You saved me from my bad half,
Then we made Concrete Giraffes.
Your faux fury makes me laugh.
There is so much to say.
Bakura, when you're with me,
The future's not hard to see.
I think that we're meant to be.
There's still so much to say.
Your motive's hazy,
But you might amaze me,
And although it's crazy,
I think we could have a baby.
Hey, I am evil,
And you are crazy.
Forget adoption.
Let's test-tube baby.
We're hot to look at;
Let's not waste it.
Forget adoption.
Let's cut and paste it.
Hey, I am evil,
And you are crazy.
Forget adoption.
Let's test-tube baby.
And all the other fans
Feminize me,
But not this Monkey;
She won't 'surprise' me.
Just take your time to answer.
For a time limit, ask her.
Or maybe see the doctor
Since he'll know what to say.
Don't worry about logic,
We are in a fanfic.
Whatever you choose, you must stick
With the words you say.
Your motive's hazy,
But you might amaze me,
And although it's crazy,
I think we could have a baby.
Hey, I am evil,
And you are crazy.
Forget adoption.
Let's test-tube baby.
We're hot to look at;
Let's not waste it.
Forget adoption.
Let's cut and paste it.
Hey, I am evil,
And you are crazy.
Forget adoption.
Let's test-tube baby.
And all the other fans
Feminize me,
But not this Monkey;
She won't 'surprise' me.
Before you came into my life,
I hated all dads
I hated all dads
I hated every dad.
But since you came into my life,
I will be a dad.
And you should know that
I want to be a dad.
We're hot to look at;
Let's not waste it.
Forget adoption.
Let's cut and paste it.
Hey, I am evil,
And you are crazy.
Forget adoption.
Let's test-tube baby.
And all the other fans
Feminize me,
But not this Monkey;
She won't 'surprise' me.
Before you came into my life,
I hated all dads
I hated all dads
I hated every dad.
But since you came into my life,
I will be a dad.
And you should know that.
Let's have a baby."
"Please let that be the end of the song," Bakura begged.
Marik crossed his arms in indignation. "Bakura, this is serious. I really think we should have a test tube baby."
"You still need a woman to make one. And we can't both be the father. What do you expect them to do – splice our –"
"Bakura, I already told you not to worry about it. This is a fanfic, so the laws of science don't apply here. It is perfectly acceptable for two guys to culture a baby without a woman in the mix, and the child will come out with characteristics of both. I've read Deviantart comics where it happened. In fact, you were in one of them."
"But a baby is still a big responsibility. We're not even legal adults yet. Don't you want to explore the world before you get tied down by drooling, snot-nosed brats?"
"I've already done that. I'm ready to settle down."
Bakura rolled his eyes back into his head, searching desperately for something that would convince Marik he was wrong, when suddenly it hit him. "Alright, Marik, I'll have a baby with you."
"You will?" he squeaked in joy.
"Yes, but on one condition: you have to give up your motorcycle. I can't have the father of my children risking serious injury and being a bad role model for the kids."
Marik squinted at the deal in distaste. "No motorcycle? But why?"
"Like I said, you have to be a good role model for the children. Motorcycles are dangerous, and they cause moral corruption. Don't you want our kids to be good and safe?"
Marik grimaced. "On second thought, let's not have a baby, at least for another ten years."
"Are you sure? I heard Toyota's having a sale on minivans."
"Oh, for Ra's sake, I don't want to have kids, Bakura! Can't you think of my needs?"
Bakura smirked, crunched noisily on the end of a carrot. "As you wish, Diva."
A/N: I regret nothing! This idea came to me in the shower, which is proof that I need to clean my tub.