"Hell?" I ask, as the door slams behind me.
"Ah, yes, Disney Hell. I should have mentioned it before, but, seeing as the door is closed already, there's no choice in turning back."
Appalled and terrified as I am, there's no use arguing with it. I follow him down the dark, dirty stair case.
"Hold on to that keyring, it will come in handy," he advises me, perched on the handrail. "Do you mind if I perch on your shoulder? It would be much harder to get separated," he says, and I welcome him reluctantly. The stairs stop suddenly, and through the darkness I can just barely see the outline of a doorknob.
"This is it, the first floor of hell."
I step in. It is dark, but light enough to see, and what I do see, I see plenty of. In fact, I'm seeing double—no, quadruple—the whole room is a gigantic mirror maze.
"This is where they put those who are too vain for their own good." I take a step in, and hear a crunch under my shoe. "Ah, yes, I'd recommend keeping your shoes on for this one, a bit of glass on the floor." Sure enough, the ground is covered in shards of glass. I look up to see someone off in the distance. I squint, trying to see through the dark.
"Take out the keyring, there's a flashlight on it."
I do as he says, and illuminate the person—or, llama, rather—in front of me. I recognize him as Kuzco, from the Emperor's New Groove. He crawls around on the floor, looking at himself in the mirrors. On his back is a large object; it's hard to make out what it is exactly, but it is obviously heavy.
"They were full of themselves in life, and now they've nothing to look at but themselves," he pauses, shaking his head. "There's a laser pointer on there also. It should help us through here."
On the way out, we pass a few more people—Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, moaning endlessly, whining and complaining, and the Queen from Snow White. I suppose she was not the fairest of them all. We reach a door finally. I open the door with a key, careful to lock it behind me, and continue down the stairs.
When we come to the second floor, the room looks fairly normal. It is well lit, well decorated, and completely empty. Opposite the door is the same elevator I saw in the lobby.
"Was that it?" I ask Zazu, hopeful and optimistic.
"Oh no, sire, that was just the beginning."
"Did you just call me sire?"
"Sorry, sir, force of habit."
"So, what exactly is this room?"
"This is the second floor of hell. For those who envied others in life, and let it consume them."
"But… there's no one here?"
"Wait for it." He says, listening intently. Sure enough, a minute or so later, the same bloodcurdling screams I heard earlier erupt from across the room, approaching slowly, then quickly, then ending in a deafening crash.
My eyes widen. "What was that?"
"It was the elevator. The Tower of Terror. It takes them all the way to the top. All the way up to heaven. The doors open, letting them get just a mere glimpse of the paradise they could have had, and then… they fall." I let this sink in for a short while.
"Who's in there?" I ask finally.
"Drizella and Anastasia Tremaine, to name a few. Cinderella's evil stepsisters."
"I see." We stand there in uncomfortable silence as the elevator starts back up again.
"Well now, shall we?" He points a wing to the door.
We move down the stairs to the next floor. I open the door, and a knife comes flying towards me. I dodge it, and stare at the one who threw it. I don't recognize him. He stares back at me, and it is only then that I realize it has no eyes.
"That is a demon, a blind demon. And this is the third floor of hell. Thieves. Take a good look around."
There are characters all around, chained to the wall. The demon throws the knives at them, sometimes hitting, but usually missing.
"They stole in their lifetime, perhaps it was for the thrill of it, and perhaps it was for other reasons. But this is where they go." I look around at the characters for ones that I recognize.
"But, Aladdin. He only stole because he needed to, he was starving! And… and Robin Hood, didn't he steal from the rich to give to the poor?"
"Yes, all true. All very unfortunate. But I don't make the rules. Anyway, we should probably get going. It's easiest to go through the middle, and stay low."