Disclaimer: I've had it with these Marik-Bakura rights on this Marik-Bakura spoof!

A/N: I'm giving you a fair warning: things are about to get freaky. If you are easily disgusted, skip this chapter. This goes out to my one fan who asked me for lemon. You know who you are.

Bakura was utterly bored because Marik had cancelled their plans to go shopping with the only female Steve they knew, and since he absolutely abhorred the sound of women enjoying themselves, he decided to stay home and catch up on his YouTube shows. But as the hours dwindled away, he ran out of things to watch, and so he lowered himself to do something he knew he would regret – watch the "Boyfriend" parody video Marik had made him. He listened to the first verse and chorus with mild nostalgia. But when the second verse started, he remembered that he'd never finished the song, and perked up to listen.

On the video, Marik sang:

"Tell me what you like, do you like roll-playing?
I could be your master, could do what you're saying.
You could be my doctor, or I could be your nurse.
Or you could be an evil spirit under a curse.
Mmmm
Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend
If you are one of those guys who likes to genderbend.
It all depends; do you like to pretend?
I could be the princess that you have to defend.
Fluffy."

Bakura paused the video and exited the browser as he heard the door being unlocked. Marik burst in and called out, "Bakura, come help me carry my bags in."

When they had all the bags inside, Bakura locked the apartment door and turned to his lover. "Marik, I got bored and decided to listen to that song you wrote me a few weeks ago, and I realized that I hadn't heard the whole thing before."

Marik flashed him a smile. "Did you like it?"

"See, I didn't get to finish it, but there was something about the second verse –" the phone started ringing, interrupting Bakura. Irritated, he picked it up and answered, "What?"

Ishizu's voice replied, "Don't say anything else about the song. Just drop the subject and talk about something else. Nothing good can come of this."

"You should have thought about that before you helped him," Bakura sneered, then hung up and turned the phone off.

"Who was that, Bakura?" Marik asked.

"Just a business call. Anyway, I was saying about the song; you said something in the second verse about roll-playing. I didn't know you were into that kind of thing."

Marik blushed. "I haven't tried it personally, but I think it could be… entertaining."

"What do you say we give it a go?" Bakura continued, flipping the lights off.

"Now? Who would we be?"

Bakura shrugged. "I don't care. It's your song – you must have had some idea when you wrote it."

"Yes, but… I mean, it's a bit embarrassing."

"It's roll-playing. The fact that I'm agreeing to it should tell you I'm not easily embarrassed."

"Well, it's just… I mean, you might get mad."

"Why? Who do you want to be?"

"It's not me I'm choosing – it's you. You promise not to get angry?"

"No," Bakura replied matter-of-factly.

Marik looked at his shoes. "I want to call you Ryou."

Bakura scowled. "As in my other half?"

Marik nodded. "But you could call me anything you wanted to."

"Oh, with that choice, I certainly will. I think I'll pretend you are Melvin."

"Melvin!" Marik exclaimed, "No way!"

"Then forget it." Bakura switched the light back on, but Marik flipped it off again.

Marik sighed, "Alright, fine. I'll be Melvin, and you be Ryou."

"In that case," Bakura began, patting down his enormous hair so that he resembled his Hikari more, "I should put on a sweater vest. That way I can be perfect for you, my psychotic sweetheart."

"You do his voice so well. Let me see if I can imitate Melvin believably." Marik cleared his throat, screwed up his hair, and tried out his Melvin impression, "Ah, Bakura. I was hoping you would be dead the next time I saw you."

"But I'm not Bakura. I'm Ryou, for I am far too sweet and innocent to go by that name. Would you like to get a snow cone with me? I'll pay."

"Snow cone? Screw your snow cones! There's something else I'd rather get, and you're trying to keep it from me."

"I would never keep anything from you, dear Melvin. I'm too nice for that. I will give you everything you want if you will be my friend."

Marik smirked. "Get on the bed, Binky Boy, and I'll show you what I want." He pushed Bakura onto his back and began removing his shirt. But when he removed the Millennium Ring from his neck, the control of the body legitimately shifted to Ryou, who squeaked in terror and darted across the bed into the corner. This unexpected change of plans set off Marik, who then transformed into Melvin.

"I'm free!" Melvin cackled madly.

"Who are you?" Ryou squeaked as he huddled in the corner.

Melvin returned his attention to the frightened boy, and an evil grin spread across his face. "Why, I'm your boyfriend. Don't you remember? I wrote you a song."

"A song? No one's ever written me a song before. How does it go?" Ryou began to uncoil, but remained on the floor.

Melvin sat down in front of him and clicked on the Karaoke machine under the desk. "Jizz In My Pants" started playing, and Melvin began to sing:

"Lock eyes from across the Realm
Pick up the camera, roll the film
Somehow I just know your name
Yours is a face I will not maim
Make my way through my Hikari
Suppress your Yami, I won't be sorry
Move in close as the god cards fly
Our bodies touch, we're no longer shy
Leave this place, go back to theirs
Forget our twins, nobody cares
I'll make you comfy in the bed
And leave all the rest of the words unsaid
Then I'll
Remove my pants."

"That's a lovely song, but I couldn't hear what you said half the time," Ryou said.

"I basically said I 'love' you," Melvin replied, clicking off the machine.

"You love me? You must be my boyfriend. I suppose if you love me, I can trust you," Ryou reasoned.

Melvin took his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Of course you can trust me. Now let's get back to what we were doing before you freaked out on me." Melvin sat him down on the bed and straddled his lap, removing his own top. He began to kiss him, and Ryou kissed back. In fact, he was surprisingly good at it, and rolled over so that he was on top of Melvin, becoming the leader.

Ryou held down both of Melvin's arms, and demanded in a giddy voice, "Beg for my kisses, and perhaps I shall be merciful with you."

"Florence, I had no idea you could be this forceful."

"Florence?" Ryou sat up as confusion invaded his countenance. He gripped his head and groaned, "Not again!" But despite his pleas, Bakura took back the control of the body. When he took in the scene, he rolled off the bed and onto his feet, demanding, "Melvin, how did you escape the Shadow Realm?"

"Your Hikari brought me back. He is a beautiful creature, Binky Boy. You should let him out to play more."

Bakura growled, "Give me my Marik back."

"Not until you agree to let me and Ryou have partial control of the bodies."

"Why would I do that?"

"You don't have to. I know how to overpower your consciences myself, but I thought we could be civil for once, Florence." Melvin rose to his feet, overshadowing the other boy by several inches, hair not included.

"Maybe we should make a deal with him," Marik suggested through his astro-projection technique, "I mean, it's only fair that we share the bodies equally. Besides, think of all the mischief we could plot in our unconscious consciences."

"But we couldn't live our whole lives with the four of us sharing two bodies," Bakura objected.

"I know a guy who knows a spell to separate bodies," Melvin offered, "I've seen him do it before."

"That's a ridiculous tale. I don't believe you," Bakura replied.

"But it's true, Fluffy," Marik said, "I saw it, too. In fact, I'm the one who introduced Melvin to him."

Bakura crossed his arms. "How do we get to this guy you know?"

Melvin grinned. "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of everything."

A/N: And now you have something to look forward to in the next chapter.