"I should probably warn you now, the next layer we go into, whatever you do, do not make eye contact." I nod in confusion, but keep my eyes low as I enter the door.

In the center of the room lie two near identical snakes.

"Sir Hiss, henchman of Prince John. And Kaa, from the Jungle Book."

They are tied together near their tails, and at each end the room sits a single mouse.

"They misused their powers in life—their power of hypnotism—and now, their power over each other, or lack thereof, will cause their ultimate suffering."

They both wriggle towards their respective ends of the room, forever in a game of tug of war with no winner.

I step over them and walk by, hoping they don't notice me.

As I come to the bottom of the next flight of stairs, I hear a loud scream.

"OFF WITH HER HEAD!"

"Oh, no," I say aloud as I open the door.

Just as I suspected, the Queen of Hearts sat in the middle of the room. But something was different. She had like, three hundred heads.

"What." I said aloud, all of her heads stopped and stared at me.

"Her wrath knew no end while she lived. And now, neither does her suffering. She's like a hydra—cut one head off, two grow in its place. I imagine that must get excruciatingly tiring for the executioner."

"OFF WITH HIS HEAD," scream three hundred heads, with one single head pointing at me. I decide now would be a good time to run. I make it through the door and out before anyone can catch me. Out of breath, I ask, "Are we there yet?"

"In fact, yes," says Zazu, "The next is the very last level."

I open the door, preparing for something absolutely terrifying. But I walk into the room, and it seems just like a perfectly normal underworld at the bottom of a hotel.

"…I don't get it," I saw, looking around the cave-like room.

"You'll see."

I look around harder and notice two pelts on the ground. One is a cinnamon brown lion's skin, the other… seems disturbingly human.

"I told Scar he would make an excellent throw rug one day. Little did I know how true that would become. Too bad he decided to betray his entire family, or maybe he would have been better off."

I hear the grinding of stone against stone, and the cave door opens. Hades walks in, his fiery blue scalp lighting up the room.

"Oh, well hello there! I didn't know I would be having visitors, or I would have washed my hair!" He says sarcastically, running his fingers through nothing. And wiping his dirty sandals on his throw rugs.

"Well that's preposterous," says Zazu, suddenly realizing to whom exactly he is speaking.

"But, we have a request to make…" he continues anxiously, "you see, this… young man, was mistakenly brought to our afterlife."

"I see," Hades says, "and what do you want me to do about it? Poof him back? What do I get out of it?"

"You just got a new throw rug, I don't see what more you could want."

"What, that old thing? That's old news already. I want something more… exotic. Like a hornbill headdress."

"Absolutely not!"

"Fine! Fine, just take my services for granted, as always. No one ever just comes down here to say hello."

"Well let me tell you, it is not a pleasant experience to come down here in the first place."

"Well good, I don't want you down here anyway if you're going to be so negative." Zazu starts getting flustered, so I decide to cut in.

"Could I please just get home now?"

Hades lets out a long, dramatic sigh. "Fiiiiiiiine. I suppose I could do that." He snaps his fingers and two doors open across the room from us, one showing the lobby, the other showing my darling beloved tree.

"Thank you, we'll be on our way now." Zazu says as he pushes me towards the doors.

"Fine, whatever," Hades mopes melodramatically.

"That's it?" I ask in a whisper.

"Let's hope so," replies Zazu.

We pass by the two throw rugs, and I still can't figure out what the one is, other than Scar.

"Uh, Zazu," I say, "Who exactly is that other … rug?"

"Oh, that's Cole Sprouse."

"What? Why?"

"He betrayed his entire fan base by using them for a social experiment. My goodness, sir, don't you go on the Internet?"

I stop in my tracks, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Anyway, I ought to go now, enjoy your life, don't take it for granted!" He flies off into the lobby, and the door closes behind him. I walk carefully into the other door.

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out," Hades says to me facetiously. I open my mouth to say something, but I decide against it and hop through quickly.

And then I woke up, under my tree. Was that whole thing some Alice in Wonderland experience? Or was I just tripping out like Lewis Carroll after eating a fermented apple? The world may never know…