Chapter 10
Its been 3 months since the plane crash and the guys are making a full recovery. They are all in good spirits about the whole thing and cant wait to get back to work. The broken bones have healed and the bruises as well. Kendall went back to Kansas with his family to rest. Carlos went home to Florida and Logan went back to Texas. James was home in San Diego but they all were soon heading back to LA to continue with their lives as Big Time Rush. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. I mean James and I aren't together but I have seen him a lot in the last 3 months since he has been home so I was going to miss him. His dad has really loved having him home too. James and I had decided that we would just be friends and go from there. It was strange at first I think because it had been so long since we had just been friends. But I would take it because the last conversation we had before the accident he had told me we would never be friends so if he was willing to be my friend then that was OK with me. Even though a small part of me still felt like I had made a mistake by telling him I couldn't be with him anymore but for now we needed to be just friends.
~Flashback~
In the hospital
He smiled that smile that could melt an ice-cube and I made my way to him. "Hey" I said as I hugged him. "Hey" He answered. "How are you feeling?" I asked pulling away from him, sitting in the chair next to him. "Tired, but good I guess." "Good" Sitting here felt wrong and right at the same time because the last time we saw each other, we were fighting and he told me we would never be friends again. His dad stood and said he was going to make a phone call. James and I sat there in silence for a few minutes when he then spoke. "Have you been here the whole time?" "Yea, when your dad called my mom she called me and we drove here." "Wow" I looked up at him "You sound surprised!" "I am." "Why?" "I don't know, I just didn't think you would want anything to do with me, especially after everything I said to you the last time I saw you." "Regardless of what was said and done James I needed to be here, not only for your dad but for you. Just because things were said that should or shouldn't have been said doesn't mean I don't still love you and want you alive and well, we were friends, not only boyfriend and girlfriend." "Yeah" he paused, took a deep breath and looked up to me. "Thank you, I'm really happy your here." "Me too" I said and smiled at him. "Friends?" He said holding out his hand. I took it in mine and said back "Friends!"
~End Flashback~
I was going over to James' dads to see James. He was leaving the next day and I wanted to spend some time with my friend before he left. God only knows when the next time I would see him was going to be. When I walked in he was sitting on the couch watching TV. "Hey, what are you doing?" I asked walking in. "I was packing but I got a little distracted-" I looked at the TV "-Keeping up With the Kardashians Marathon." "Really? Keeping up With the Kardashians?" "Yes, I love this crap." "Your worse then a female, I swear." I sat down next to him on the couch and was sucked in. We watched 4 hours of the brainless show before his dad came in and said he had dinner. It felt like back when we were kids. It was nice. We talked at the table for a while before James said he really needed to pack for his trip back to LA. He asked if I wanted to help. "As much fun as that sounds, I really should get home a grade some papers." James walked me out to my car and before I got in he stopped me. "I have question." I turned around to face him. "OK, ask away." "Don't get mad but I have to know and I hope it doesn't ruin what we have now." I'm a little nervous now. "Just ask me James." "Do you regret the decision you made, ya know when you said you couldn't handle it anymore?" "Where is this coming from?" "Hannah I just want to know if there is maybe any hope for us, ever." I didn't say anything for a few minutes. Before I could answer he spoke. "I shouldn't have said anything, Im sorry Hannah." He turned to walk back into the house before looking back to me "Goodbye Hannah." Before he reached the steps to the porch I turned around. "James wait." I ran to him and stood directly in front of him. "Yes, everyday James. Everyday I regret telling you I couldn't handle it. I regret it because not a day goes by that I don't think about how much I love you and how much I miss you. I miss you, all of you, the way you look at me, the way you touch me, I miss it all. I want it all back. I want you back. I need you. This time away from you has been hell." I waited for him to say something but he didn't say anything he leaned down and cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. God I missed this. That night, lets just say he didn't spend his last night home in his dads house. It was my house he spent his last night.
We laid there in each others arms for a while before either of said anything. This was my happy place. I love just laying with him, listening to his heart beating and his breathing. It always felt right being in his arms. "What are you thinking?" He asked. I smiled. "How happy I am. Finally." He squeezed me tighter, bringing me a little closer, if possible, to him. "Yeah, me too." He kissed the top of my head. I moved my head to look him in the face. "I have to be stronger this time." He rolled his eyes. "Hannah, I don't blame you. It can't be easy for you, I have to understand that too." "Yeah but I knew this was how it was going to be and I need to realize that." "We both will work on it all." "Yes because as much as we love each other, it shouldn't be this hard. Love will concurs all." I said with a fist pump to the air. We both started laughing and started on round two.
My Happy Place