Chapter Six

This Is Not My Happy Face

Paul's POV

I had always thought that Sam was one of the luckiest guys in the world, barring the whole Leah incident, because Emily was beautiful and caring, and because she could cook good food and didn't mind feeding a pack of ravenous wolves, but that had been before I met Lilah. It was true that Emily was still a damn good cook, evidenced by the five roasted chickens that we'd just devoured, but there was something missing from the chicken, it just wasn't as good as what Lilah made. It wasn't as juicy, or as flavorful, and though I gobbled down my fair share I found myself thinking that it was a shame that Lilah wasn't there to cook for us.

Of course, I wished that she was there...period. We'd finished setting up her house and she'd mentioned that it was time that she got a job, something in the teaching field, and that was why she hadn't been able to meet me at Emily's for lunch. I'd done my best to keep my general gloominess out of the heads of my brothers, and I had done a pretty good job so far, but for some reason Emily was the one who saw through my fake cheer and came over to me while she cleaned up the mess we'd made, taking a seat next to me at the table.

"This is the hardest part for you, isn't it?" she asked softly, doing me a favor by not drawing any attention to our conversation. "That you always want her, that you have to wait patiently for her, and all of the uncertainty that surrounds you."

She'd pretty well hit the nail square on the head and I nodded, not trusting myself to speak at that moment. The smell of Lilah, which was always in my nose, in my blood, was especially strong at that moment, due to the fact that I'd snatched a pair of her panties the last time I was at her house, a bright purple pair that still bore a trace hint of her scent beneath the detergent and softener. I suppose that it was kind of sick and deviant of me to have taken them, but I was getting desperate dammit. The waiting, for her to notice my feelings, for her to want me, to love me, was hell and worst of all was the uncertainty. What if she never noticed, what if she never returned my feelings? That would kill me for sure.

"I won't say that I understand exactly what you're going through Paul," she continued, furtively reaching over to pat my arm. "But I can say that I know what Sam went through, how he said it made him feel, wanting and loving me so desperately before I was willing to give him a chance. I was conflicted by the fact that I would be hurting Leah in the process, but eventually I couldn't resist him any longer and now we're engaged, we're happy, and I have a feeling that you will be too."

In the not too distant past, had anyone even dared to mention the word "engaged" to me I would have been making tracks to get as far away, as fast as I could, but it was an image that I'd taken to entertaining lately, when I was alone and my mind was safer. I pictured me and Lilah, standing in front of a preacher, dressed in our finest, taking the vows that would bind us together 'til death did we part, and that was the only part that scared me, thinking that one day we would be taken from one another.

As scary as that would have been for me once upon a time, it wasn't the only thought process that had changed for me since I'd looked into my Lilah's big brown eyes. Once upon a time I'd viewed kids as an unnecessary fixture to a man's life, a mistake that he'd made when he'd been too drunk or driven by lust to slip on a very crucial piece of latex before he got down to business, but now, ever since I'd gone and freakin' imprinted, the thought of kiddos who bore a striking image to me and my sweetheart had started up in my mind...and wouldn't leave me alone. I hadn't even managed to kiss this woman yet, and already I was picturing her swollen with my progeny, with little cubs surrounding her...it was just too bizarre.

"But what if she never feels the way about me that I do about her?" I asked, keeping my own voice low, ever mindful of the nosy bastards standing mere feet away. "How do I deal with that? This isn't like the situation with Quil and Claire, where it will be years before there's even the possibility of romance; this is a constant wanting and needing. What if that's all it ever is? How can I live that way, for years on end, Emily?"

She smiled at me, a reassuring kind of smile, rather than a sympathetic one, which was a good sign. I knew that women had insight that men lacked, not that I'd ever admit that to one of them, and if Emily was trying to encourage me where Lilah was concerned, then maybe, more than likely, she had seen something between us that meant that I wasn't putting all of my hope into a lost cause.

"It's very hard for a woman to resist the level of devotion that comes from a man who has imprinted on her," she answered, turning to look at Sam, who instantly met her eyes and smiled, a loving smile that spoke volumes about the way that he felt...as if I didn't already know. God knows we'd all seen way too much of what went on between the two of them to ever doubt the intensity that existed between them. "What woman wouldn't be flattered to know that she means so much to a man, that she is wanted and needed, cherished and revered to such an extent? Lilah is the type of woman who wants those things in her life Paul, and I've seen the way that she looks at you...a woman's eyes don't follow a man so closely unless there's a real yearning there...a genuine desire to have him as her own."

It was something that I had thought, in those moments that I allowed myself the luxury of hope, that she behaved in a way that said that she felt more for me than friendship, even if it was just a little crush. I remembered the times that she had touched my hand, sometimes holding it in her own and of that moment in her bedroom, before we'd been interrupted. She had kissed my fingertip, she had taken that initiative and she would have let me kiss her, if I hadn't had to go chasing after that redheaded leech. She was always fussing over me, taking care of me, and I had caught her watching me lots of times, especially when I had my shirt off, which was often. What if Emily was right? What if she wanted me as much as I wanted her?

I had never known that a heart could smile, and even if someone had told me that it could in the past I would have thought that they were being disgustingly sappy, but that was the closest that I could come to describing what I was feeling at that moment, when I considered the fact that it was a very good possibility that Lilah was at least somewhat hot and bothered about me...that was freakin' awesome, the best of the best.

I was grinning then, probably a gigantic, dopey grin that would have caught everyone's attention and subjected me to the Spanish Inquisition if Jacob hadn't chosen that moment to pull up in his crappy little Rabbit, the resident leech lover, Bella Swan, sitting in the passenger seat, a sight which had my smile dying somewhat, that was until I saw the vision who was seated in the back. A beautiful image that climbed out of the backseat, all pretty and curvy and smiley, balancing what looked to be a...oh, hell yes...homemade peach cobbler in her hands.

It would seem that hearts weren't just capable of smiling, my friend...mine was able to flip somersaults and stand on its head as well.

Lilah's POV

I was supposed to have spent the entire day looking for a job, behaving like a responsible adult, which was necessary if I was going to pay my bills and stay in my new home. I guess that I could make the argument that I had looked all morning long and found nothing, returning home to put the bushel of peaches that I'd snagged at the grocer's to good use, and I could make the argument that cooking could be called a grownup activity, though to say that it was a responsible pastime would probably be stretching the truth just a little.

Of course, I had been thrilled that I had made the dessert when Jacob had shown up and invited me to go along with him to Emily's house. Chances were very good that Paul would be there, and I knew how much he loved peach cobbler. I was also glad that I had made a humongous pan full of it, knowing that the guys would devour more than what should have been humanly possible, and we girls would be lucky if we even got a spoonful of the dessert.

Normally I would have said girls referring to Emily and myself, but there had been a stranger sitting in the passenger seat of Jacob's car when I had hurried out of my cottage, a dark-haired girl with the palest skin that I had ever seen, except perhaps for Dr. Cullen's. It had been quite a chore for me not to gawk at her once I found out that this was Bella Swan, the girl that Jacob was absolutely head-over-heels for and even harder once I found out that she was dating the gorgeous ER doctor's adopted son. First of all, I had to wonder why she'd come with Jacob that day, unless she was completely blind to his very obvious obsession with her, a fixation that she was fueling by spending the day with him, secondly, I found myself flabbergasted that a man who was as young as Dr. Cullen had adoptive children who were in high school, and lastly I found myself speculating whether or not this boy named Edward was anywhere near as good-looking as his adoptive father.

I suppose I could have been rude and subjected her to all of my questions, but I knew that doing so would have embarrassed the hell out of Jacob and I didn't really know her beyond what I'd overheard and so I'd stayed quiet in the backseat, marveling at the tension that was flying between the two people in front of me.

Everyone had seemed glad to see us, though I had a good suspicion that the feelings toward Bella were a little more cautious, and in Leah's case, they were downright hostile, but that was understandable, considering the way that Jacob was always suffering over her. I also got the feeling that the guys had been happier to see my cobbler then they were to see me...except for Paul, that is.

It was always hard to act normal whenever I saw him, to pretend that my heart wasn't leaping around in my chest and that my pulse didn't spike every time I looked at him. A lot of that probably had to do with the fact that he was always shirtless, with his cutoffs riding low on his hips, but there was also the intensity that showed in his eyes every time he looked at me, and the small smile that curved his lips while he watched me. All of these things combined to make a lethal concoction, an environment that made me tingle from head-to-toe...and I wasn't inclined to complain anytime soon.

I loved the mood in Emily's house, the camaraderie between the guys, as well as their good-natured teasing, but the fact that the space was so small, so enclosed, found me sitting very close to Paul, nearly on his lap, as a matter of fact, and it wasn't long before I felt the need to go outside and get some fresh air, not to mention to cool myself down a little bit, which would have worked just fine, if the one who was responsible for my heated blood hadn't followed me out of the door.

I found a little bench under a tree, thankful for the shade, which cooled the light breeze that blew across my skin, helping to lower my temperature, that was until Paul sat next to me on the bench, which was a little too small for both of us. His smoldering hot arm pressed against mine, my skin bared to my shoulder, and I was made even more aware of him in that moment, as if I wasn't suffering enough already. My heart was thumping so loudly that I was sure he could hear it, my pulse was racing and a throbbing ache had started between my thighs, one that grew stronger, more insistent, as his scent filled my nose, the heady aroma of hard work and of earth, of air and of pine, a thoroughly masculine smell that seemed to have been tailor-made to make me feel quivery all over.

I felt him slowly sliding his arm around my shoulder, then his hand squeezing the soft flesh of my upper arm, pulling me even closer to his side, 'til I was nearly sitting on his lap and I was painfully aware of the fact that my nipples were so hard that they hurt, sticking through both my bra and my t-shirt. I could feel that he was looking at me, and I knew he wanted me to turn his way, but I couldn't...it was all too much already and I was afraid of what I might do if I was to look into his eyes.

"I know I'm crowding you a little sweetheart, but I just can't seem to help myself," his voice was low and rough, his mouth warm against my ear and he growled low in his throat as I shivered against him, making the arousal that was already coursing through my veins seem as though it was a living, breathing thing within me. "If I'm overstepping my bounds you need to tell me right now, while I can still control myself, ok?"

I took a deep breath and turned my head, moving so that his lips traveled from my ear across my cheek, stopping when they rested right beside my mouth. "I really can't say that I mind you crowding me," I answered honestly, feeling my heart lift when I felt him smile against my cheek. "And as for whether or not you're overstepping, let me just say that I'm glad that you're taking this matter into your hands, because I don't know if I could have ever found the courage to make the first move."

He raised his hand, which had been rubbing up and down my arm, to my face, turning my head that last little bit, and pressed his lips against my forehead, then onto each cheek, traveling next to each eyelid, then to each side of my mouth. I was touched by his show of affection, and of the tenderness that he conveyed in each touch, but I was quickly losing patience. Now I understood what he'd meant; standing in my room, when he'd said that he wanted, then that he'd needed to kiss me.

"Are you absolutely sure Lilah?" he breathed, nuzzling against my cheek. "There will be no going back to just holding hands after this, sweetheart. I figure that it'll take at least fifty kisses a day to keep me satisfied, once I get that first taste."

It was fortunate that I was sitting, because my knees went completely weak on me as I slid my hands around his neck, shamelessly pressing myself against him, finding the courage I had been so sure that I lacked. "Shut up and kiss me dammit," I growled, tightening my grip on his hair, then closing my eyes as his lips drew closer to my own-

"Well now...isn't that sweet," a voice sounded, interrupting us, an amused and annoyingly familiar voice. Paul drew back enough to place himself in front of me, growling low in his throat as he stared at Sonny, a snarl that caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up, but not in the way that I liked. "I guess you guys haven't shown her what really goes on around here, because if you had, she probably wouldn't be so willing to let you paw her...then again, maybe she likes that kind of thing."

The growling intensified to a level of anger that was starting to scare me, even though it wasn't directed at me. I had to wonder what Sonny was babbling about, about the guys keeping secrets from me, like maybe that they were all cannibals or that they were all closet sex addicts who participated in wild orgies...and then the little comment about me liking that sort of thing. It all seemed a little farfetched to me, and considering the fact that it was a twisted little gnome who was making the accusations, I wasn't going to be inclined to believe anything that he said.

"Did she tell you why she left?" he asked, deliberately goading Paul, something that a person much wiser than he'd ever be would have never done. "Did she explain where that burn on her hand came from, did she tell you about me grabbing her and scaring her...I'll bet she didn't tell you about any of that, did she?"

Paul stood up and slowly advanced on Sonny and I started to call for the others, only to see that they were all rushing outside, glancing from Paul to Sonny, Sam's face standing out as he took on that look of authority I'd seen so many times.

"Alright Sonny, that's enough," he said, moving closer to Paul as he spoke. "You need to shut up right now, and Paul, you need to calm down."

All of the muscles in Paul's back rippled beneath his skin and he shrugged away from the restraining hand that Sam laid on his arm, continuing his advance on Sonny. I wasn't particularly concerned with Sonny's wellbeing, if the creepy little runt had been drowning I would have thrown him a cinderblock, but I didn't want to see Paul this way. There was something downright deadly about the way he was creeping toward Sonny, almost like a predator stalking its prey.

"What she couldn't tell you was about all the times that I snuck in to her room and watched her sleep, doing things to myself while she slept, never knowing that I was there. It would have been so easy for me to climb into her bed-"

I was thinking to myself that Sonny had absolutely no sense of self-preservation whatsoever, continuing to goad Paul the way that he was, when suddenly Paul started shaking violently, snarling and growling as his body trembled. I started to rise from my seat, determined to help him, but was stopped by Emily rushing to my side and taking the spot next to me, holding me still against her body.

"You don't want to do that Lilah," she said quietly, but firmly, just as Sam was yelling at Paul to calm down. I fought against her hold, angry that she was keeping me from helping Paul when suddenly my anger turned to shock, then quickly to fear as a scene right out of a horror movie played out before my eyes.

At first I couldn't believe what I was seeing, knowing that I had to be imagining the transformation that took place, believing that the sight of Paul disappearing, his body changing to that of a dark gray wolf, a humongous wolf who bristled and snarled while what looked to be the remnants of Paul's shorts floated down to the ground around it, had to be a figment of my imagination. That was until Sam, or at least the massive black wolf who had been Sam jumped between the gray wolf and Sonny, who should have been terrified, but instead looked strangely pleased, smug as he turned to look at me.

The two wolves faced off, each growling and pawing at the ground, and then launched into an attack against one another, causing Emily to stiffen and gasp beside me. The other guys advanced on Sonny and escorted him off of the property, Embry's foot coming up to hit him in the ass whenever he tried to drag his feet, while the two wolves disappeared into the forest, the sounds of their fighting still as clear as though they hadn't moved at all. The happy day that we'd enjoyed forgotten as the women were left alone.

I had figured out that Emily knew all about the secret that Sonny had been hinting at, what he'd provoked Paul into revealing, and that pissed me off, anger that grew when I saw that Bella was completely unsurprised by what she'd just witnessed as well. Just when were they going to tell me anyway? Were they going to wait until after things between Paul and I had gone too far for me to turn back, or maybe they'd never meant to tell me at all...whatever the answer I already knew that I didn't really care...I'd had all that I could handle and I wasn't going to be back for any more.