Chapter 17

"Lascia chi'o pianga, mia cruda sorte…"

Voices. High or low, loud or soft, male of female. Experienced in singing or not. All of them, beautiful in their own uniqueness.

"I che sospiri, la liberta."

In this life, everything can be changed. Some things are easy, like changing a car, a house, or even a spouse. Others require more effort, such as changing a personality. However, there's something which is always permanent for everyone: the human voice. The voice changes a lot during puberty, but afterwards it remains the same. Most people tend to have an average voice, not able to sing exceptionally but perfectly capable of doing it. Some are unluckily given annoying and moody voices, which completely destroy any chances of good singing. There is also a rare amount of people born with the privilege of having a wonderful, powerful voice. And Shizuko Honda was one of them.

"Il duolo infranga, queste ritorte…"

The girl wasn't only singing with her lips, but also with her heart. Shizuko's voice was angelic and pure, filling every single space in the air. She could sing like that forever, and her voice would remain as radiant as it had always been. Some would say that her voice wasn't always perfect. It became perfect only when she actually wanted to sing perfectly. When she vowed to lose herself in the music and allow it to take her away. Shizuko's small white fingers, playing the sad aria, served as her instruments, gentle wipes illuminating the darkness.

"…de miel martiri, so per pieta."

However, Shizuko's singing was not as perfect as she wanted it to be. Maybe because she was singing through choked tears.

After Shizuko heard the previous announcement, she felt like a building had just crushed her whole body. All air disappeared from her lungs, and her heart started to dance madly. The pregnant girl walked through the room in complete shock, watching every single piece of furniture with a curious eye. For her, they all belonged to another world. She didn't think about Rena's death. She didn't think about anything.

Until the first tears started to fall. From then on, they stopped every five minutes. Only to come out again shortly after.

Shizuko wondered why she had just sung and played a sad song like Lascia Chi'o Pianga. In a moment when she wanted to feel happiness, the girl clung to more laments instead. However, it was still her favorite song, the only one who fit her well. Shizuko had heard it during her entire life, and she would never stop singing it to her dead friend. Rena deserved that honor.

Unlike what is commonly said, the main objective of being a modern teenager is not finding a hot and horny sex partner. At least for the girls, making friends always comes first, while boyfriends are a consequence. Even the ones who do not really care much about friendships suffer from the lack of it, while in The Program. Although friends are an obstacle for the win and can easily turn against each other, they protect and help one another in an extraordinary way. In other words, Shizuko was almost doomed. Going to The Program as a girl, with no friends around and pregnant with a nine-month baby is a guarantee for a dark future.

This is why why the truth was so hard for Shizuko to accept. The real reason behind her taking so long to comprehend that she would never see Rena again. But when she finally did, her hopes of surviving along with both of her friends were engulfed by a whirlwind and vanished in the air. The Program had finally kicked in.

"Natsumi is the only one left now. I'm gonna have to find her somehow, no matter what. If her name is yelled out loud in the next announcement, then I'll never forgive myself." Thought the pregnant girl, in a moment when her tears dried long enough for her to be able to think. Of course, saying it was easier than doing it, even with an Uzi in her hands.

Shizuko had the smartness and also the luck of hiding in the best place Saitama could offer. She had everything to survive there. The house was moderately resistant against gunshots, had plenty of food and medicine, and its drawers contained so many knifes that some of their brands were completely unknown to the girl. The Uzi was a great weapon, but guns have an ammunition limit and its users are especially vulnerable if their enemies manage to get close. A heavy golf club was lying on the sofa, next to the Uzi. It would be used in case of extreme necessity.

But all of these qualities were only worth something if Shizuko decided to stay there. If she left the manor alone, statistics would turn against her. It's hard to see potential killers at night, and the pregnant girl had heard enough names in the first two announcements to know that some people were actually playing. They wouldn't stop until every single other girl in class was dead, making Shizuko doubt that she would be spared for being pregnant.

"Natsumi is smart, she knows how to fight. She can take care of herself." Those thoughts had no ulterior motive at all. Shizuko knew that her friend was aggressive when she wanted to, but was terrible in a fight with fists. Giving her a firearm would be no better. Besides, the pigtailed girl's chances of finding the manor in the next few hours were minimal at best. Such a good place would certainly attract people, but not necessarily the ones Shizuko wanted to find.

"Yeah, but I'm too stupid to defend myself in case of an attack. A boy already tricked me once, why cannot a girl do the same?"

Shizuko would never forget the day when she met Satoru, the boy who turned out not to be the man of her dreams but made her dream of him every single night. But that story was much more complex and longer than it seemed.

The pregnant girl finally left the piano and moved slowly towards the couch. Her body was walking slowly through the large living room, but her mind was in another planet named Memories. Sitting on the brown sofa with a relaxed moan, Shizuko filled herself with memories of how her life had once been.

Shizuko never really knew the reason why her parents were so violent towards each other. When she started to gain consciousness, at the young age of four, Mr. and Mrs. Honda already viewed each other as enemies occupying the same home. They argued and fought not only frequently, but also for very silly reasons, because she forgot to turn off the oven after cooking, or because he arrived from work later than usual. Worse: while they were fighting, they did not notice that little Shizuko was there.

As the years went by and the then-not-so-pregnant girl started going to school, the negligence she felt at home started to reflect itself in her personality. Shizuko did not have any hope of appreciating another girl's company, much less of finding a friend. How could she? If even her parents did not look at her in the face, how could she expect her peers to do so? How could she feel something close to love and affection towards someone else, if she had never received it in the first place?

And as such, Shizuko became a wallflower during lower school and most of middle school. She had always been a pretty girl, and after deciding to open up a little bit, she could easily become one of the most popular girls in class. But Shizuko didn't do it; she was afraid of changing, of leaving the lifestyle she knew to move to a new one. Even if her old lifestyle was nothing but school, homework, listening to music and hearing her parents argue on the other side of the bedroom door.

Despite it all, Shizuko foolishly believed that her parents would notice her one day. She didn't ask for much, only for them to give her some attention. The wish was never granted, but all of the other things she needed came into her life all of a sudden, three years before The Program.

Mr. Sakai, the class's longtime chorus teacher, was a great observer. Not only of musical talent, but also of how his students felt emotionally. And as such, he quickly noticed how lonely Shizuko was. Her voice in class was beautiful and bright, but there was always something holding it back. A hidden mass of fears, insecurities and lack of confidence, feelings that Shizuko never talked about to anyone.

The old teacher changed all of this. When there was time after classes, he came to Shizuko and actually talked to her. He asked the girl about how she was feeling, gave her advices on how to get over her insecurities and make friends, and slowly made Shizuko get out of her shell. Shizuko owed so much to him; if it wasn't for Mr. Sakai, she would probably still be a shy nobody walking unnoticed through the halls of Tsuchihara.

At least she wouldn't have gotten herself pregnant.

Allowing her mind to slowly come back to reality, Shizuko clumsily moved her body in the sofa, curling to a fetal position while staring at the empty fireplace in front of her. The sadness over Rena's death was slowly fading to the background. Not that Shizuko did not care about her anymore, she only decided to stop crying and face the harsh reality around her. However, her tiredness was stronger. Shizuko's body did not respond to her much anymore, it was begging for some sleep and rest. The girl buried her head on the pillow in extreme drowsiness, her long black hair gently floating through the couch like an exotic octopus.

"I'm alone now. All alone." Shizuko couldn't lie to herself. The overwhelming sadness in her face turned into a mask of misery. Misery was all around her, resting in the womb where her unborn baby slept, playing with her hair like her own mother should have done, and gently pressing the tips of its fingers on the girl's forehead. Misery was the grim reaper, waiting for Shizuko to die so that he could take her away. Shizuko was inside the resistant and rich stronghold that was the Kagurazaka manor; still, she felt like the most unprotected and fragile being in the world, and also the poorest one.

Shizuko's beautiful brown eyes faded into a necessary slumber, while her fair skinned hand gently massaged her belly, watching over the new life that would soon grown out of her body. For a moment, Shizuko remembered that she wasn't alone. Her baby was still there, watching over her.

Then she remembered him again.

In those remote years when she was not pregnant, Shizuko quickly morphed from a wallflower to a full-grown and confident woman. She started to listen more, to talk more, and soon gained attention where she went. Shizuko always smiled for the boys who waved at her on the streets, and secretly laughed in joy every time she saw a girl jealously staring at her in the hallways. Finally, the tables were reversed.

Rena and Natsumi came into her life shortly after. Shizuko was the one who made all of the first moves, and yet she did not view it as something scary or that would threaten her. Her old shyness slowly slid to the bottom of a dark abyss, giving birth to a new sense of healthy pride and serene beauty. Rena was the one who became her friend first, attracted by the curious fact of how such a beautiful girl could also be so nice. Natsumi, the one who made her friends laugh so many times, showed some resistance to their friendship, but later transformed Shizuko's time at school into a whirlwind of joy. With two great friends like them, Shizuko did not care about her parents anymore. They could keep fighting forever, but now their daughter had a life of her own. Shizuko knew that hoping for them to get better was futile and useless, and decided to stop crying over their angry rants at home. She was right about them, though. They never changed.

When things seemed like they could not get any better, a lucky occasion came, completely out of the blue. It was a day at the karaoke, where the pregnant girl and her two loyal friends spent their weekends singing their lungs out in a delightful haze. It was located at the school's neighborhood, so that all of them had enough time to go there after a short walk. Actually, Shizuko was the only one who really sang, while the others only did backups most of the time. The male onlookers did not seem to care, though, as they kept walking closer to the singing chambers to watch them. Some of them looked at Rena or Natsumi for quite a long time, but most of the attention was centered on, well, Shizuko.

It was there where the pregnant girl met the most important man of her life. He came on a day when the three friends were singing "Zankoku na Tenshi no Thesis" (A Cruel Angel Thesis), from the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion. Ironically, it was the same song the girls were rehearsing for their annual school chorus concert. Shizuko saw those singing sessions as a training more than anything else, but it wasn't the time of thinking about anything but fun. It was a beautiful day, sunny and rainy at the same time. Shizuko could still remember the rainbow, shining happily in the sky. A good omen.

As soon as Shizuko saw Satoru, watching her with a proud but kind smile, she knew that her heart had found a place to take shelter. Satoru was handsome and jovial. He did not look like a model or a TV star, but rather as an average guy who knew how to get girls and also how to dress himself for the kill. There was something about him that made the boy look like a man, a man who would give Shizuko much more happiness than any other guy in the world could.

Soon after she finished singing, he complimented her appearance and talent when she got close to him. It was so obvious that it would happen: he showed maturity and sensibility in a way that was hard to find in a guy. Although men have the "obligation" of always making the first moves in a relationship, Shizuko knew that she would have talked to him and asked him out, if he did not do it before. The couple went to a fancy restaurant next to the singing area and kept chatting and laughing for several hours. It was the happiest day of Shizuko's life.

It wouldn't have been that perfect if she had seen Rena and Natsumi's faces after she met Satoru. The same look of jealously, anger and sadness, imprinted on their faces like a permanent mask.

From then on, everything happened extremely fast. First kiss and first promise of eternal love? A week later, and after that Shizuko couldn't stop talking about him at school. First hang out only by themselves? Two days after that, when Shizuko received more gifts from him in one day than she received from her own parents during her entire life. First love woodcuts? A week later, a beautiful S&S carved on a cherry tree. First sex? A month after that, at her own house, when both of her parents were not at home. She hesitated at first, but eventually gave in due to Satoru's subtle lust and insistent pressure. The act on itself was more painful than pleasurable, but Shizuko felt happy for being with him in a more "intimate" way. They did not wear condoms as, according to Satoru, "he didn't have the time to buy one." Shizuko did not complain, for fear of arguing with him. She did not want to become like her mother.

Discovery of the pregnancy? A month later, after the disastrous decision of doing a pregnancy test. Collapse on their relationship? A few hours later, when she decided to call and tell him about it. Destruction of her life? Instantaneous and fast. Shame? Prolonged and severe.

Satoru's reaction after knowing of his girlfriend's pregnancy by cell phone was very simple. He said "What a shame. I told you to take the pill.", and then hung up. Shizuko called him again. No answer. After calling several times, while anger consumed her pregnant body, Shizuko realized that her "boyfriend" had just deleted her number from his cell phone. It got worse. Only two days after that, he declared himself as single in his online profile page, not before deleting Shizuko as one of his friends. And what did he do soon afterwards? He found himself another girlfriend from his own school, and was probably fucking her while Shizuko was about to die in The Program. The pregnant girl wanted to break her own computer, when she saw the picture of the two passionately kissing.

Shizuko wanted to die. She wanted to die before anyone else knew of her shame. After that incident, the girl never looked at men the same way. They kept checking her out, waving at her, and saying the same cheesy pick-up lines. But Shizuko just ignored them and kept walking away, disappearing into the infinite distance with her head held low and tears flowing down her face.

The memories of that traumatic day suddenly ended the girl's daydream. She opened her brown eyes and angrily got up from the sofa. She found it impossible to forgive Satoru for what he did to her. He was coward and arrogant, it was all his fault. Panting heavily while sighing at the empty fireplace, Shizuko allowed all of the hatred she felt against anyone who had an XY chromosome to dominate her brain.

"Those assholes say that they love us, that we are the reason for them to live and they could do anything to make us happy. Bullshit. Boys don't want anything except for some nice breasts and a pretty-but-dumb face. They use you until tiredness takes over, and then they just replace you by a girl they think are prettier. Girls are just food, pieces of meat that can be eaten and then tossed in the garbage!"

If Shizuko somehow managed to win The Program, she would track that bastard down with her assigned Uzi and riddle his body with bullets. She would never forget him. What he did was unfair and she did not deserve ANY of it. If he had decided to help her after being told of her pregnancy, who knows they would still be together and her previous year of life wouldn't have been such a living hell.

Shizuko inhaled a deep breath and then released it, letting the air escape from her lungs in a forcefully calm breeze. It wasn't time to think about that. Deep inside, the girl still wished to her previous boyfriend the best future he could achieve. Although it had an unhappy ending, Satoru had been the one responsible for the best fairy tale of Shizuko's life. Besides, he couldn't hurt her anymore. Shizuko was now in The Program, isolated from the world. Rena was dead, but she still had Natsumi. Natsumi was the one she needed to protect and worry about. Not someone like him.

Half-walking, half-stumbling, Shizuko went to the large rectangular window and hid herself behind the red curtain. It was time to watch over the garden again. She had been doing this on every ten minutes, as an attacker could quickly invade the manor and overpower the pregnant girl, if she managed to be unnoticed. In a big group, Shizuko wouldn't have to worry so much, but alone the way she was, taking the right precautions was extremely important. It was nightime now, making it harder to aim and see. Another reason for keeping constant watch.

After Shizuko Honda pointed the Uzi at the garden for five minutes, Kumiko Noma finally arrived.

The murderous girl invaded the grassy field gracefully, more like a talented belly-dancer than a teenager holding a gun. She incautiously stepped on the grass, crushing a red rose with her sneaker. Even though she was trying to get into one of the best places in the district, Kumiko clearly wasn't thinking about the possibility of inhabitants. She was as calm and reserved as she had always been in class, completely proud of herself and behaving like Marie Antoinette visiting the peasants in her chariot.

"Is she a friend or a foe?" Thought Shizuko, starting to panic.

The vision of Kumiko's weapons brought a large wave of heat upon Shizuko's face and stomach. The girl in the garden was holding two pistols, one tucked in her skirt, the other on her right hand. Shizuko wasn't dumb. She instantly realized that, for Kumiko to have more than one weapon, it meant that she was playing and had already killed someone.

"With so many names in the last few announcements, probably…" thought Shizuko, opening her eyes wide. What if Kumiko was the one who killed Rena, and was now after her friends? There was no time to lose. Shizuko had the distance and the best weapon. One quick blast of gunfire, and then Kumiko would be on the floor.

Shizuko wasn't ready to kill someone, though.

"Aim for the legs. She won't die, but at least she will be down and completely defenseless." Trying to control her trembling arms and legs, Shizuko carefully looked at Kumiko's moving figure and pointed the barrel of the Uzi directly at the girl's legs. Strangely, the pregnant girl felt like she was doing the right thing. Now she was controlling her own life, instead of being the helpless victim she had been with Satoru. Confidence filled her spirit.

"Alright. You can do it girl." Focusing her hands and aiming for a moment, Shizuko pulled the trigger and a rain of 9mm bullets flew towards Kumiko.

Kumiko Noma saw Shizuko's Uzi at the window three seconds before it fired. However, those seconds felt like years for her. Maybe because she suddenly saw her useless life flashing before her eyes?

Kumiko's body moved completely on its own, guided by pure adrenaline. The girl jumped to the left in a quick dash, forming the angle of a giant bow with her soaring arms and legs. She heard the noise of the bullets an instant after she jumped, and it sounded like a thunderstorm happening right next to where she was standing. The bullets shot through the air at an incredible speed, but miraculously all of them avoided Kumiko. With the small part of her brain that wasn't worried about survival, Kumiko faced the possibility that the Uzi might have been slightly off-aim when it fired.

Kumiko landed on top of the roses, beautiful flowers whose red color mixed itself with Kumiko's blood. Their sharp thorns made five slashes on Kumiko's left arm, causing a small grunt of pain to come out of her mouth. The girl's face landed on the grass, tarnishing her beauty with the dirt of the earth. Her head was spinning wildly, and it took the class beauty a few moments to see the inevitable truth.

She had failed.

Failure and death were not in her options book. Kumiko had been born to rise above of her stupid classmates and have power over them. It wasn't something someone told her to believe in; Kumiko thought that way since the day when she was born. Her mother always tried to convince her otherwise, telling her that she should be a good a girl and stop torturing animals, to no avail.

Her mother. The person who ruined her own daughter's life, before it could even start.

Erasing the bad memories from her mind, Kumiko stumbled until she got up, facing the unseen Shizuko like a wounded lion. No matter how much she didn't want it, she had been defeated. Of course she would be the winner, but the girl was smart enough to know that she had no chances against the Uzi, now pointed straight at her head. She didn't know who was firing it through the window, but of course it wasn't someone who wanted her to leave that place alive.

Surrendering, Kumiko put both of her hands above her head and started running towards the opposite direction. The machine gun did not fire again, but it did not matter. A few moments later, Kumiko crossed the garden, ran past the iron gate and left the manor, while thinking of a new place to hide in.

Shizuko smiled, staring at the smoke coming out of her Uzi. It had been easier than she thought. The gun roared in her hands and sent the girl a few steps back, but otherwise Shizuko fired it well. She also fulfilled both of her objectives; Kumiko was still alive but wasn't going to attack her. There was some guilt in not putting the dangerous girl down when she had the chance, not even crippling her. But everything that Shizuko wanted was to celebrate her victory. "And if I did that, I wouldn't be much different from her,would I?" Shizuko used to believe that firearms were weapons for the cowards. With them, you could kill someone while being far from them, not having to worry about being knocked-out or engaging in a close-range fight. Shizuko still thought that way, but had to admit that,moral issues aside, having an Uzi as her assigned weapon did no harm at all.

The pregnant girl wondered if her chances of living long enough to see her baby being born had increased, at least a little. Maybe she would be able to find Natsumi, before all of their collars exploded by the end of the third day and killed them all. After making a dangerous killer go away, Shizuko could only feel hopeful. Maybe she could-

The pain inside of her belly started.

Shizuko was taken aback by the pain, which exploded inside of her womb with a violent kicking. Her body trembled in the air and started to fall, while the girl choked and gasped to breathe again. Air seemed to escape her lungs, and she suddenly found herself lying on the living room floor, still feeling the pain of childbirth in her fragile body.

The baby had kicked. The beginning of the first contraction.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

This chapter is destined to all the Shizuko Honda fans out there. She was absent from the story for a very long time, and so I decided to make an entire chapter focused on her. I'm growing fonder of her as I write her story. She might come off as a bit unlikeable in her "crazy rant towards men" thing, but keep in mind that she was betrayed, abandoned and ignored, to the point of losing all of her trust in boys. I also tried to insert a bit of irony in this chapter, as Shizuko wants to find Natsumi but does not know that she's just as dead as Rena.

I promise I'll reveal the translated lyrics of Shizuko's favorite song in a future chapter. I'm not doing it now for storyline purposes.

The reviews have recently been growing more and more constructive and intelligent. Terryl, Percival and CuddlyChristinna, thank you all for everything. Without you guys this fanfic wouldn't have reached this point! You are all great!