Buffy met Angel at his apartment. Because their relationship was supposed to be secret they couldn't go to any public places. Instead Angel made them a private dinner for two. The lights were dimmed and there was classical music playing in the background. It was very romantic and Buffy could feel blood coursing through her body. It had been so long since she had been physical with someone. She had just met Angel but she already wanted him so badly.
"Where'd you learn to cook?" Buffy asked as she cut and ate a small piece of salmon.
"I've been fending for myself for a long time," Angel said.
"I'm sorry," Buffy said. She didn't want to stir up bad memories.
"It's okay. It's actually good to talk about. It helps the healing process. I was never given any time to heal when it happened."
"How old were you?"
"I don't remember," Angel said. He rubbed his hands slowly together. "It was a long time ago. I just remember the screams. My little sister let them in. She thought they were angels. They killed her for that innocence. And then they killed my parents."
"Why do you think they spared you?" Buffy asked. She put down her fork as her stomach turned with disgust for vampires. She lost her appetite.
"They didn't. It's more fun for them to leave a person life's destroyed than to actually kill them," Angel said. "Imagine losing your mother, your friends, everyone you hold near and dear. At that point death would be a better alternative than continuing to live with that pain."
"If the next thing you offer me is a suicide pact then I'm out," Buffy said.
Angel smile. It was a sad smile with no hint of laughter behind it. "The thing is once you've experience that kind of pain you don't want to kill yourself. Oh, you wish they had killed you along with your family but they spared you and now you just want to show them how big of a mistake that was. You want to cause them the kind of pain they cause you. You decide if you're going to have nightmares about them then you might as well make sure they have nightmares about you. And the whole time you're doing it you're not even scared about what they might do to you. Because at that point you've got nothing to lose."
Buffy reached across the table and squeezed Angel's hand. "You don't have to have nothing to lose. I know it's hard but you can move on. Not forget but at least begin to heal."
Angel smiled again, this time with a little bit of happiness. "That's why I wanted to meet you. Anyone I let into my life I need to know that I could lose at any moment. That way we both understand the dangers and risk of our relationship."
Buffy let go of Angel's hand and leaned back in her chair. She asked him if he had dated a slayer before.
"I never even met a slayer before," Angel said. "I thought they were just a myth that old vampires told new vampires to keep them behaved. One of my friends claimed to have met a slayer once. He claimed to have killed her."
"What?" Buffy said. She shot up in her chair.
Angel laughed. "Well he had been turned into a vampire by that point." Angel paused. "Okay, maybe that's not funny, but when you live like I do you get use to people dying left and right. You get use to vampires siring your best friends and then having to kill them yourself. It's sad. It's horrible. But it happens."
Buffy sighed. "That's so depressing. Don't you ever just go out clubbing with your friends? Have a regular night around town?"
"How many times have you tried that and had it end in a fight anyway?" Angel asked.
"Good point. But I also blame the show for that. God, sometimes I really regret doing that stupid show. Like, I love the popularity and the free clothes and getting my hair and makeup done but it's so fake. Like, you know how on the show Cordelia and Harmony are my best friends?"
"I've always wondered why you hanged out with them," Angel said.
"Well once the camera goes off they start cracking jokes at my real best friends, Willow and Xander. In fact, fans wonder why Willow is my assistant instead of Cordelia; it's because I trust Willow. Cordy would sell me out to the high bidder. She only got the part as my best friend, and yes, it is a part, because she has more sex appeal."
Angel stood up and grabbed Buffy by the hands. He pulled her up. They both stood, staring into each other's eyes. Angel leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. It was a long passionate kiss that felt like it lasted for hours. Finally they parted.
"What was that for?" Buffy asked.
"You seemed like you needed it; needed something real."
Buffy eyed the bed. "We shouldn't," she said.
"No pressure from me," Angel said.
"I barely know you and it would be impulsive and stupid and rash."
"It's all up to you," Angel said.
He was being so patient and sweet, unlike all the boys back in L.A. who would pressure her into doing stuff and unlike the boys nowadays who just wanted to use her to get on TV.
"I want to. I'm sick of watching my step because I don't want the world to know when I fall. There are no cameras here. Let's do something—something—something impulsive and stupid and rash. Let's be young for once. Forget about the vampires and the TV shows. Let this night just be about us."
"Are you sure?" Angel asked.
Buffy answered him with a kiss. She walked him over to the bed and laid him down. He pulled off her shirt and she unbuttoned his pants. The two worked together, moving in one motion as if they were one person. Soon their bodies were naked and close. And Buffy finally felt that she was normal.
A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review.