Chapter Two- The Girl with the Hot Pink Skirt
Garamsythe waterway was ickier than I thought when I only saw it on my TV, it was pretty gross…but I wasn't bothered by it that much, since all I pretty much did was stare at Balthier…walking just a few feet in front of you was better than watching him walk on the television screen. Unfortunately for me, though, I was so enchanted just by Balthier's struts that I tripped over something grimy in the water and fell in the disgusting water face first in it! It made my day…now I had eyeliner and mascara dripping down my face, making me look emo. The three turned around…all I heard was Vaan trying to hold in his laugh…Balthier was smiling, even Fran was! (Throughout the entire game, I don't think I've EVER seen the viera smile…ever…). I felt stupid, even when Fini was giggling her ass off right next to my ear.
"Wanna get hurt?" I muttered to her. The stupid fairy ignored me and continued her laughing fest. I stood up and Vaan handed me a random cloth.
"Here, use this." He said. I blinked and took the cloth without saying anything. I used my mini-mirror to wipe off the ruined make-up and applied new ones (Walking and putting on mascara is very difficult, I'll let you know…), and thank the heavens my hair wasn't wet, it would get frizzy and curly and everyone would laugh even more. (I'm not a girly girl; I just like being neat in my appearance…)
"Since we're going to be traveling with each other for a while, we should become friends, you know?" Vaan said, trying his best to give me a smile. I smiled back and nodded.
"Sure thing, blondie." I said while walking past him. It was a long time before we reached a save crystal! I'm shocked they actually use those in real life! I mean, I understand replenishing and healing…but…they actually SAVE. After saving, we reached an area where we heard voices.
"Greeeeeat." I thought to myself. We all hid behind a wall as we continued hearing what was going on. "Fini, check out what's happening…" I said to Fini. She nodded and flew over to where the commotion was. Not long after, she flew back…
"Someone's in distress! And that someone is really the—…"
"Stranger Danger no more!" I sprinted out into the area. Vaan followed me as Balthier rolled his eyes.
"Fools…" He muttered as he loaded his gun with bullets. Fran sighed and followed, with her bow and arrows in hand.
Vaan and I ran to where the woman was standing, she was on a high platform, fighting off imperial guards in big armor. How can they breathe in those, I've always wondered.
"Jump down!" Vaan called, pulling out his arms. The girl looked down at us.
"Come on! We don't have all day!" I hollered up at her. After a few seconds, the girl took a daring jump down right into Vaan's arms. He set her down and the imperial guards surrounded us.
"Time to fight!" Vaan said excitedly as he pulled out a broadsword. I wanted to do the same, but problem was…I was empty-handed. Distressed, I searched around for a weapon in my backpack…toothbrush, no…mascara, no…iPod, no…eyeliner, no…Neutrogena Wave…wait a second, I have an idea! Immediately, I put the Wave's cleansing pad on tightly and the guards surrounded me. I held up the Neutrogena Wave to their faces as I turned it on, making a vibrating sound.
"I have a face cleansing item and I'm SO not afraid to use it!" I shouted at them. The guards all looked at each other, some laughed, and they pointed their swords at me. I grinned and ran up to one, lifted up his helmet, and put the cleansing item right into his eyes! The guard screamed in pain (He was pretty ugly, too…he needed to shave), and he fell back into the water screaming in pain. (Hey, some of the soap in the cleansing pad trickled in my eye not too long ago and it burned like HELL! Imagine if the whole pad went into your eye). I faced the other guards, holding up my trusty Neutrogena Wave, and they all cringed in fear.
"We've never seen such a machine like that…" One imperial soldier said.
"So…odd…and such a rosy color…it threw off Garbuden's attention!" Another guard spoke up. They all bowed down to me. Ha! What cowards! I enjoyed it actually, but I shook my head.
"Fini, do the honors…" I said to my pixie pal. She flew over to the guards and actually MANAGED to get the helmets off of their heads. And one by one, their eyes were soaped.
"Soap you, too!" I said, chuckling evilly. I gave a tiny "Pinky-Five" to Fini, who had some fun doing that to the guards. I ran over to the group, who finished off their guards, too, and met up with the new girl.
"You all right?" Vaan asked the girl. The girl nodded.
"Thank you." She said.
"I'm Vaan, and this is Fuu and—…"
"I love that skirt!" I screeched excitedly. (Okay, again, I'm not the type to be really girly, but I do LOVE the girl's skirt…even though it's hot pink, I don't care!)
"Er…thanks?"
"Hey, what's your name?" Vaan asked the girl.
"Er…Amalia…" She spoke up. I knew she was lying; she was really the Princess Ashe. I gave a little cough and cleared my throat, but I avoided her gaze. Fini glanced over at me.
"She's staring at you funny…" Fini whispered directly in my ear.
"I had a feeling…" I whispered back. So "Amalia" was giving me a look like "How did you know?" but she didn't say anything. I sighed.
"Er…nice to meet you, Amalia!" I put out my hand for a handshake, but somehow, the people here don't really do very many handshakes, so, yeah…she had no clue what the heck I was doing with my hand, making me look like a fool right off the bat. Suddenly, the prettiful jewel Vaan had started glowing like crazy. Balthier raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, now isn't that quite impressive." Balthier said as he stared at the stone's prettiness.
"Don't get any ideas, I told you that it was mine!" Vaan said pulling the stone away somewhere safe. Amalia looked at Vaan sternly.
"Did you steal that?" She asked.
"Yeah!" Vaan said like he was proud of it. I put my hand on Vaan's shoulder and patted it.
"Shall we not continue?" I asked. Suddenly, we heard something in the water…uh-oh, the guys I maimed with my Wave were recovering, and they saw clear vision a little bit now…
"That traitor! We even bowed down to her!" One guard said.
"Report this to our flanks!" The other said. They scurried away before any of us could catch them.
"Darn them!" I mumbled.
"Let's just continue through here until we can find an exit…" Amalia said; I nodded along with her. We continued through the sewers and Vaan and I were talking.
"So, what did you do to those imperial soldiers anyway?" Vaan asked me. I chuckled evilly and got out the Neutrogena Wave, my new best friend, once my enemy when it tried to give me an eye patch that one day.
"This little guy. I'll name it Soapy. Trust me, if he gets in your eyes, you've been Soaped…" I said while turning it on. Vaan blinked and held it up.
"Where did you find this?" Vaan asked. Obviously, he was pretty stunned at just one little pore cleanser.
"Just the pharmacy not far from my house…14 bucks…" I said. He glanced over at me.
"Huh?"
"Nevermind…uh…Yugri's Magicks…100 gil…" Okay, laugh at me; it was the first shop I could think of in my noggin. At least Vaan bought it, though. We continued talking until we ran into a room with a big flaming pony! Being as oblivious as I was, I felt bad for it.
"Someone save the pony! It's on fire!" I shrieked. Fini pinched my ear lobe, which hurt.
"You are so clueless! That's a foe! You need to fight it, stupid!" Fini growled. I nodded my head and watched as everyone got out their weapons…swords…bow and arrow…rifle…NEUTROGENA WAVE! I grinned as the Firemane was heading towards me first, so I was going to put my trusty weapon in its eyes when it burnt the cleansing pad right off. It turned black and crisp and it was no longer soapy…it was more like a burnt marshmallow.
"You son of a bitch!" I screamed at the horse. It was about to blast me with fire, but Fran distracted it with shooting arrows in its leg, so it charged over to her. I sadly put my only hope away in my backpack to see if there was something else in there that would help fight the beast. Nothing seemed to help…all the things I had in my backpack were pretty useless…
"Here! Use this!" Amalia shouted. I looked up and saw Amalia (AKA Ashe! HAHA!) Toss me a ninja sword. I like ninjas, so I was convinced. I held up the ninja sword to the Firemane as it attacked me, I fell back into the grimy water again, but I got up in time for another shot at attacking the beast. After Vaan healed me with a trusty potion, I ran up and stabbed one of its legs, making it hard for the poor thing to walk now. After my small victory of actually attacking the enemy, it kicked my over on the ground and was about to summon a giant fireball to finish me off. I screamed and curled into a tight ball; Good-bye world…too bad I never got to kiss Balthier yet…before I could wish myself goodbye from the world, a gunshot was heard and the Firemane vanished, screeching in pain. Everyone stood up and was about to continue along the way, but I stopped them.
"Hey! I've got a surprise for you all!" I said. I got out my iPod and played a song…the victory music! Everyone stared at me and just raised their eyebrows. After the song was done playing, I turned it off and put it back safely into my backpack.
"Stand where you are!" A voice appeared. We turned around and saw tons of imperial soldiers surround us.
"Oh snap…" I sighed. I glanced over at the guys which I Soaped; they probably felt proud capturing me.
"They think of me as some common thief!" Amalia said, disgusted by the word "Thief".
"Better than being a common assassin…" Balthier sighed. They took us away, grabbing us by the arms (The Soaped guys dragging me, of course…) into the streets. Vaan glanced at me.
"Well, doesn't this suck?" I said to him.
"Suck?" Vaan asked in confusion.
"It means it's unfair…it's stupid…it stinks…" I said.
"Well then…THIS SUCKS BAD!" Vaan shouted angrily. Everyone in the streets stared at him.
"There you go…" I sighed, a little embarrassed from Blondie's shouts.
"Wait!" A female voice called out. I recognized the voice, and I glanced over to see the braided blonde girl in a jumpsuit. Penelo!
"Penelo!" Vaan and I said in unison. Penelo looked over at me like I was crazy, then she turned her attention back to Vaan.
"He didn't know what he was doing! Let him go!" Penelo said, but she was held back by imperial soldiers. Balthier handed her a handkerchief, and then left back to us, and Penelo looked at Vaan.
"You promised you would stay out of trouble…" Penelo said in a sad tone of voice. We were dragged away into prison…again, how adventurous to be in prison for the rest of your life…
To Be Continued…