Chapter Three
The sun rose on a quiet morning. Mourning doves called from the trees and sparrows twittered their songs.
Koran woke up from an awful nightmare. Panting and gasping, he whipped his head around. "Whew!" He wiped the sweat from his forehead and then Septimus came in, rubbing his eyes.
"Have a good sleep?"
"Ugh, no. I dreamt that today was the day that the Royal Rambles' grounding expires" Koran groaned.
Septimus glanced at the calendar. "What do ya know, it is the day they get off their grounding. Huh."
"WHAT?!"
Koran's eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped. Forgetting his tiredness, he started running around the room screaming, "AUGH! AUGH! AUGH!"
Septimus grinned. "Calm down, Koran. It's only 7:00. They shouldn't come over at this time."
About five seconds later, there was a banging on the door and a bunch of different voices.
"Hey, Uncle Sep! You awake?" "He might not be." "But he's a light sleeper, he'd get up from the knocking." "We need to start the Test at exactly 8:00, though. We need to get Koran out for preparation." "UNCLE SEP!"
Koran raised his eyebrows at his mentor. Septimus shrugged and called, "Okay, kids." When he saw Koran's eyes wide with disbelief, he added, "Get dressed, Koran."
About five minutes later, Koran opened the door. "Sheesh, finally!" grumbled Sarah. "Come on, today we test your brains."
He cast a last pleading look at Septimus before he left the room.
Once the six were outside, Sarah turned around and glared daggers at Koran. "Listen, bub, you don't like us and we don't like you. But you need to go through the Test and you are going to cooperate. Got it?" She poked him in the nose. He rubbed it, irritated, and muttered, "I guess so." "Good."
Sarah rolled out a length of parchment and she studied it intently. The others did too. Koran decided to stay put, not wanting his nose poked again.
"Okay" said Sarah with a wicked grin. "Your first question: what is 14 multiplied by Pi?" "Uhhh…." "BEEP! Too late! You owe me five pieces of bacon!" screeched Sarah. Milo cracked up.
Koran rolled his eyes. "All right, second question: if there are three boxes of Cheez-its, and the six of us, and there are 50 Cheez-it's a box, how many Cheez-its do we each get?" He had the answer immediately. "25 Cheez-its each." He crossed his arms and sat back, grinning.
"BOOP! Wrong answer! What makes you think that we would give you any Cheez-its?" Sarah said like a game show host. "And then there's the fact that Marcus loves to eat, and he'd probably get into a fight with Silas trying to get all of his. Marcus would win, because he's stronger"—"Hey!" exclaimed Silas indignantly—"and he would eat all of Silas'."
Koran slapped himself in the forehead. "What is the point of this?!" he grumbled. Sarah shrugged. "To torture you." "Whoopee. So how many more questions?"
Nora inspected the sheet of parchment. "342."
"D'oh!"
Much later….
"And finally, what does 'Kachili bykornik' mean in Binlindish?" Koran was half-asleep and with a snort, he jolted awake. "Slurp my snot?"
"Wrongo, it means 'Big fat loser', which you are. All righty Nora, what's the next question?"
"Ummm…." Nora scanned the parchment. "That was the last question."
"Woohoo!" Koran cheered, fully awake. "So how did I do?"
One of Sarah's eyebrows raised at the checklist that Milo had been using. "You got three right." "And out of all those ridiculous questions that only you could get right, that's like 100%. So can I go home?"
He started running away before she answered. "Whoa, hold your horses" said Sarah, grabbing him by the back of his shirt. "First you have to answer the 30 bonus questions."
He let out a groan. This was going to be one long week.
The next day, he was subjected to a bunch of pranks, to test how quick he could think. He ended up being slapped in the face by a paralyzed chicken, run into by a herd of cows, gotten the classic pie-in-the-face (along with the bonus of pie-down-the-pants), chased into a random persons house by Septimus' rampaging dragon after taking a bath with beef tallow soap, and fallen down a hole (the best part was that it was in the Forest and we didn't let him out until midnight!—Sarah).
He went back to the Wizard Tower beaten and bruised and the Royal Rambles were grounded for two days.
On Wednesday, they tested his wits by putting him in different positions while Sarah insulted him. It was pretty much an excuse to call him names.
She would glare at him as fiercely as she could, even though he was about six inches taller than her.
"Whew! Is it just you, or did you not brush your teeth this morning?"
"Uhh…."
"And furthermore, your mother wears army boots."
"I don't have a mom."
"I've seen better hair in a shower drain!"
"Umm…"
"I just sold your pants to the circus. They're going to make a tent."
"Are you implying that—"
"Is that your face, or did your pants fall down?"
"O-KAY, YOU'RE COMING THIS CLOSE TO CROSSING THE LINE!!"
"How do you keep a dummy in suspense for twenty-four hours?"
"I don't know."
"I'll tell you tomorrow!"
"Um, Sarah, I think we should back away slowly" warned Milo.
Koran had steam coming out of his nostrils and ears, his hair was on fire, and his eyes were wide and bloodshot.
Sarah took her brother's advice.
Like you wouldn't.
On Thursday, they tested his strength.
"He should be coming soon" said Nora, looking across the field. They had borrowed it for the day for the strength part of the test.
"All righty, bull?"
Marcus and Silas turned their heads to look at the barn that was locked for good reasons. There was a lot of shrieking, booming, and crashing inside. Their heads turned back to Nora and they grinned. "Check."
Nora made a mark on her clipboard and looked towards Sarah. "Steroids?"
Sarah pointed to the barn. Hay had been put in there earlier.
Nora made another mark. "Check."
Milo ran back from the North Gate. "He's coming." "Good."
When Koran finally got there, Sarah clapped her hands. "Okay, student, today we will test your strength. All you have to do is enter that barn and deal with what you find there."
Koran glanced at the barn, which was almost jumping out of the ground, and raised his eyebrows. "Are you trying to get me killed?" he asked Sarah.
She shrugged. "Dunno." "What do I get if I pass the Test?" "Buddy, you get to become one of the Royal Rambles. You can help us play pranks, have fun, and, um, play more pranks. You get to annoy older people, run through ghosts, and blow all your money on candy. Basically, heaven on Earth."
He looked at her doubtfully. "And you won't keep trying to kill me?" "Nah. Royal Rambles don't prank each other." "Oh goody."
Taking a deep breath, Koran entered the barn.
"Okay, nice bull…YOW! My OUCH! YAK! AAAIEEE! SCREECH! GASP! OWOWOWOW HOMINA HOMINA HOMINYEOW!!!"
Everyone outside clutched their sides in laughter.
On Friday, Koran's speed was tested.
"This is the easiest this week" said Sarah grandly, spreading her arms. She pointed to the Badlands. "All you have to do is run to the base of the rocks in the Badlands and come back in the space of exactly 24 hours or less."
He stared out there. "This is the easiest?" "Yeah, you can have breaks" said Milo, sipping a lemonade. "Just meet us at that hotel when you get back." He pointed to something that belonged in Las Vegas: it had a gambling room, three pools and a hot tub, and free room service.
Koran shrugged and took off, his black hair blowing out behind him. He ran very fast, and his feet were a blur as he soon was a speck on the edge of their visions.
Sarah grinned wickedly. "Milo, I do hope you remembered to put the dynamite in the Wyrm holes."
As she spoke, a large BOOM echoed throughout the Sheeplands and a great explosion of dust and rocks was expelled into the air. An eyebrow raised on Marcus, Silas, and Nora.
Milo grinned back and gave her a thumbs up. "Check."
Sarah snapped her fingers and a waiter came over. "Yes, Princess? What would you like? Another pillow? More soda? A cake or two?" She pointed at her bed since her mouth was too full of steak to answer.
"Ah, another pillow! Be right back, your Highness!" The waiter bowed and rushed off.
Nora clinked her soda with Sarah's. "This was a great idea" she said, and then curled her lip as Marcus let out a loud BELCH. "I wasn't aware you had this much money."
Sarah smirked. "My dear friend, haven't you ever heard of C.O.D?" She frowned. "No…"
She held up a receipt. "Septimus and Dad are gonna pick us up. Cash On Delivery, Nora, will save us." "Yeah, but then we get grounded for the second time this week" Marcus pointed out before he belched again.
There was a knock on the door. The doorman opened it and a ragged figure walked in, his green eyes wild and black hair everywhere. He sat down and put his face in his hands.
Sarah picked up a cupcake and shoved it in his face. "Here, eat."
There were munching sounds, and then a gulp, and then a growl. "If you think that I thought that the gathering of hungry Wyrms out there was a coincidence, you're even stupider than I thought, and believe me—" "Chiw, duge" said Silas after shoving a whole cake slice in his mouth. "W' knew you would figger it ou' in tym."
Koran blinked. "What?"
Nora rolled her eyes. "He said that we knew you would know it wasn't an accident."
Silas let out a low grumble and swallowed with some difficulty. "What I said, dear sister, was 'Chill, dude. We knew you would figure it out in time.'"
"Fine, be specific" Nora retreated to a fireplace and ate a cracker, lost in thought.
"Sheesh. Who can fathom the female mind?" asked Silas to Marcus. The darker-haired boy shrugged and burped.
"Perhaps a boy who's LIVED WITH A GIRL HIS WHOLE STINKING LIFE!!"
Koran slapped his hand over his mouth, looking terrified. "Did I say that out loud?"
"That would be an understatement" commented Sarah, who was picking pieces of popcorn out of her teeth with a toothpick.
Silas raised an eyebrow. "So why did you say that, anyway?" Koran shrugged. "Dunno. I just thought it, and—" "Screamed it" yawned Sarah. She tried to get up, but she hadn't stood in about seven hours, and so she sat back down.
"Standing up is overrated." "That's very nice, Sarah, you go on thinking that."
She cleared her throat. "Anyway, student, did you complete this part of the Test? If you did, there's only one part left, but to finish preparing for that we need to go to Great-Aunt Zelda's…"
Koran nodded. "Just barely, thought. There was this one Wyrm—" "Kill the details, sister, we're hungry and I want to move to a reclining chair" said Milo, and scrabbled for a slice of cake only to find out that Silas had eaten it all. "HEY!"
Sarah chuckled. Evilly. Which is never a good sign.
"Ah, the final phase" she said in a low voice with a smirk on her face. "The hardest—and funniest, to the spectators—part of the Test. And then we will see, Student Koran, just who will be laughing."
She chuckled evilly for a few more seconds and then added. "It won't be you, just to clear that up. Hee hee hee….."
A/N: Nora, Marcus, and Silas are now 14 instead of 15. I'd also like to thank you guys for such nice reviews. I'm glad you like this story (I sure like typing it) and I hope you will enjoy the sequel, And They All Grew Up, as well, though it will be slightly less funny and will focus more on different POVs. Don't worry; this won't be ending anytime soon.