Chapter 12
`Lavi
I'm happy to know that I still have a grandfather but I don't want to leave.
I don't want to leave home. I'm happy here with everyone.
And Tyki-nii is here. I don't want to be separated from him.
He is that important to me.
And Bookman may be related to me by blood but blood doesn't decide whom I should stay with. It doesn't decide where my home is.
Being home is being with the most important in life.
I don't want to leave. I don't want to go with him and be separated from my family.
I don't want that at all.
Lying on my bed, I slowly woke up and found Tyki-nii with a grave look on his face.
"Did you sleep well?" he asked while trying to force a smile but it did not form a real one.
I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes before sitting up.
"What's the matter, Tyki-nii?" I asked.
"It's already time for breakfast. You overslept. Hurry down. They're waiting."
"Okay," I said with a still sleepy voice.
I wonder now what's wrong? Why is Tyki-nii acting so strangely?
`Tyki
Should I continue with what I've planned? How should I tell him?
Any way I do it would only hurt him in the end.
Sweet words can't cover it up. It will turn bitter and painful afterwards.
How should I tell him? I don't really know.
I've already told Bookman that I'll do as he says but...
I don't want Lavi to leave yet I don't want him to be in danger and in pain.
I'm not that of a child to not understand what Bookman meant.
I understand clearly why Lavi will be much safer with him but still...
how should I tell him? How? Should I even bother?
I have to though. It is for his safety. I can't be selfish and keep him in harm.
I need to do what will be better for him and that is...
to let him leave with Bookman.
`Lavi
I went down and saw that Bookman was also invited for breakfast. He is a guest until he hears the answer to his question from me.
I already said though that my answer is no but he is still waiting for me to change my mind.
I ate breakfast quietly and headed straight back to my room.
Lying on bed, I close my eyes and almost fell back asleep until the knock on the door stopped it. I sat up and saw Tyki-nii entering.
Why is his expression that way? I can't really understand.
He walks nearer and sat beside me on the bed. He reached out his hand to me and patted my head then shook it. He was smiling.
I looked at him with a questioning look as to why he was doing that all of a sudden.
His smile turned into a frown suddenly.
With concern I asked why? "What's wrong, Tyki-nii?"
He held me in his arms while saying, "Sorry, Lavi."
"Why?" I asked. I don't get it at all. Why is he apologizing?
"I spoke with Bookman. I agreed that you should come with him. Please just-"
I pushed away from his hold. "No! I don't want to go with him!"
"You should. It's for your own good, Lavi."
"I don't want to. Why should I?"
"It's better for everyone, Lavi. Uncle Sheryl might not say it but I know he has been having problems in his work financially. You'd lessen the load if you come with Bookman."
"But I-"
"And it's better to avoid that from happening again. It won't do at all if Road lost her family too. I don't want to lose mine as well. You're not really related to us anyway. And the only reason I tried getting along with you was because of guilt and pity. You have no importance to me at all unlike my real family."
No. Why is he saying that? I don't want to believe it but his face looked grave and serious. Had I been lied to too many times that I couldn't tell the difference to the truth anymore and believed it? Are humans really that much of a liar?
I hate it, this feeling. It hurts. I don't want to listen anymore. I don't want to hear him anymore.
I screamed in anger and made him leave my room. He tried calming me down but I wouldn't let him and closed the door of my room. It won't be my room anymore though. He wants me to leave, then I'll leave.
I don't want to stay if lies are all what I'm gonna hear. I don't want to stay anymore.
`Tyki
I walked inside his room and sat beside him on the bed. I unconsciously reached out my hand to him and patted his head then shook it. I tried smiling.
He looked at me with a questioning look as to why I was doing that all of a sudden.
I couldn't keep it anymore, my smile turned into a frown.
"What's wrong, Tyki-nii?"
I'm really sorry, Lavi. I know you'll hate what I'll say. I know you'll hate me now after what I tell you.
I held him one last time before I told him why. After this, he won't look at me as his brother anymore.
He'll be angry and hurt. I know he will be.
He has been hurt many times and what I'll be doing will worsen things.
I told him the words I despised so much, the words I know that will bring him pain.
I have to do it this way though. If I merely asked, he'd ask why. It'll be harder to tell him the whole truth.
And if I say that I don't really want him to leave, it will be much harder for him to agree or more painful if he knew the truth about his and my parents' death. He's still too young.
He can't know all of it yet. Some things must be kept first. It is much better that way for now.
Tears started flowing down his face as he heard my words. He screamed and pushed me away.
Seeing him that way makes me want to hold him and comfort him, it makes me want to tell him the truth but... I really can't.
If I did, the point in telling him all those will be useless.
`Lavi
Uncle Sheryl and Aunt Tricia were surprised by my decision and tried changing my mind but I won't change it anymore. I'll leave and go with Bookman.
I don't care anymore. I won't listen to them anymore. I'll leave, forget this place and move on. Remembering those lies will only make things more painful.
I didn't even take much with me when preparing to leave. I only held onto my favorite book that my parents gave me and their picture kept inside, the rest were mere necessities.
The next day, we left. I pretended smiling at them before leaving but as my back turned, it disappeared.
"Lavi, I'm warning you. Never get attached to anyone in our travels. We won't stay in one place long and you'll be called different names. That is how a Bookman lives."
"Get attached? I won't let that happen anymore."
And how can I get attached once more to lies?
They maybe sweet at first but bitter in the end.
`little bunny 1412: I hope you like it. Thanks for reading.
And thanks to 'xIzumi-chan', 'In as silent night', 'lal' and 'You Still Love Me' for reviewing.
10/26/2011