"I can't leave your side can I America? It was Japan again.
"Why do you keep coming and trying to help with me. At first everyone was sad about tit then they got tired of it. They all gave up on me and you should too." He looked me in my eyes from a moment.
"Before England died he talked with me."
I looked at him confused. "What do you mean? About what?"
He took a deep breath in. "He asked me to watch over you like he has all those years. America he loved you and wanted to tell you but he knew he was going to die so he didn't want to hurt you."
"What?" I started crying. (England you loved me? Why didn't you tell me?)
"He told me not to tell you that but.. I don't know. I feel like you deserve to know."
"Japan. I-,T-thank y-y-you. F-for telling m-me that."
He smiled a little bit. "Your welcome... I can I leave without you trying to kill yourself again?"
"I can't really answer that Japan. Even if I do die then I come back. So does it really matter?"
"Yes it does. I don't know if you know but everything you kill yourself your not only letting me down, your also letting England down. Do you think he would want you to do this to yourself. To sink down to this level. Just think about it." Then he left the room.
(England. You wouldn't want me to do this but... I don't know. I feel like I'm in this huge battle against myself. Depression v.s. life. Depression seems to win. And has from the sixteen years you've been gone. At first I just was upset and tried to go on with life tried to hide the pain. But after a year I exploded and started cutting deep into my skin. Then five years after your death I started to kill myself. At first it was just that once and again I tried to go on living my life. Then again I exploded and killed myself a second time two years later. Thn it just seemed like a daily rutine. Just over and over. The pain doesn't even hurt anymore. Its just the pain from you being gone that still haunts my empty heart. That hovers over me like a ghost.)
I inhaled deeply. (If killing myself has let you down all these times, and somehow you can see me from above and it hurts you to see me do this, then why not take me with you? Or come down to Earth and live with me again? Or just something. I don't know England but I know I'll always love you. With all of my beating heart. Even when I stops beating I'll always love you.)
I got up and walked to the bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror. I looked like a mess. My hair started to have gry in it from all the stress. I had bags under my eyes. Bruises all up from my face down to my feet. My arms, they had deep cuts up and down them. Somehow I still looked strong though. I hated it.
I raised my first and punched the mirror. It left a huge gash in my hand but I didn't care anymore. I didn't care about really anything anymore. Life seemed like a huge joke that messed with you until it had you shaking in its iron once you fin the light at the end of the tunnel it turns it off with a snap off its fingers and your left all alone, by yourself. Scared and shaking wondering whats next? Will i actually find the real light and escape its messing mind tricks or am I going to fall into its pit less death trap. So far I was falling into the dark never to return. My life was in shambles.
"Sorry Japan."
I grabbed one of the shattered pieces of glass and held it to my throught. "Sorry England."