A/N: I now am getting half of these ideas from my insane brother who would as a matter of fact just laugh at the fact that he was in Middle Earth or starting killing everything in sight. Enjoy the madness and please review!
Chapter 4: When in doubt, blame the brother
The evening my brother was dropped into Middle Earth was the best time of my life. He and I were chattering away in French while the dwarves all stared at us in confusion until we randomly finished what we were saying in English in perfect unison," And then she sat on a turtle!" we shouted, laughing at the stupidity of it and the dumbfounded looks on the dwarves' faces. Yes, it was easily the best time of my life, especially considering what happened next. We were just eating our supper when my brother decided he had to empty his bladder and the only person he trusted enough to go with him was me.
My wonderful twin grabbed me by my left arm, the shoulder that was bitten by the wargs, and dragged me with him into the bushes. After dragging me for several minutes he stopped dragging me along and gave me his typical " I'm your twin and your older brother by two minutes, so you have to tell me which guy you like" look. I smiled at him innocently," Dear brother, why on earth have you dragged me out here?" I asked, using a ridiculously fake voice.
" Oh, you know why," he replied, using the exact same tone," You have to tell me which one of those sexy beards on legs you like."
I giggled at his term for the dwarves and playfully slapped his arm," They're called dwarves, you jerk," I laughed," And I which one do you think?"
He smirked," Well, based off your taste in looks, I'd say Kili," he started, noting the light pink blush that appeared on my cheeks," But, I know you and that leaves only one conclusion. You like Thorin."
My face turned bright red, and I tackled my brother to the ground," We kissed on accident in Goblintown. That does not mean I like him," I yelled quietly.
My brother smirked," So you kissed, hmm? Well, that just proves it to me. You argue, you blush whenever you look at him or if he looks at you, and you tackled me just now," my brother stated calmly, slowly wriggling out of my grasp.
His words processed in my brain," Oh my gah! You're right!" I yelled, jumping to my feet," Honestly, how did I survive without you?" I asked, helping my twin to his feet.
He grinned," That's exactly what I want to know," he teased, leading the way back to camp. Little did the two of us know, a similar scene had taken place in camp.
Immediately after my brother and I were out of earshot, Fili started to sharpen his sword with mock interest," So, Kili," he glanced at his dark-haired brother who was taking a drink out of his flask," When are you going to court the lady?"
Kili coughed and spluttered in shock," Wh- what are you talking about?" he choked out, noticing most of the other dwarves were staring at him.
" Well, it's kind of cute really, how you've been showing little signs of affection towards her," Fili explained coolly," But with her twin here now, you might want to get a move on before he convinces her to go back home."
Thorin and Kili glared Fili down," Look, I don't need advice from you," Kili snapped," I was trying to get to know her first."
The dwarves all looked to the bushes as they heard an angry shout come from the direction Nick and I had wandered off in. Fili sheathed his sword," You already know her, she's a tough woman and a good warrior," he said, smirking at his brother," Perfect for bearing sons."
Kili tackled his brother," Never say anything like that about her again!" Kili growled," You and I both know that she deserves much better than that."
Balin stood up as Fili and Kili began wrestling in the dirt and strode over to the young men," Enough of this," he growled, pulling the two apart," You're both grown men. Fili, stop taunting him, and Kili, don't start courting her because of your brother's challenge."
Thorin glared the brothers down from his seat by the small fire. They noticed his glare and began straightening themselves out," Sorry Thorin," they muttered, sitting quietly. Several minutes later, Fili got a mischievous look in his eyes and edged towards Thorin. " So, Thorin," he started bravely, Thorin looked at the blonde," When are you going to start courting Sky?" he finished courageously.
Thorin threw him a look that was a mix of anger and shock," What in the hell gives you the impression that I'm going to court her?" he snapped.
Fili smirked, he'd found a pointy stick to poke the bear with," Well, she saved your life, she's quite beautiful, she's an amazing warrior, and you two argue every chance you get. Oh and let's not forget the fact that she punched you several days ago. Remember? That's how she shows her affection," Fili explained, easily annoying the dwarven prince.
Thorin gave Fili a deadly glare that sent the young dwarf scampering across the camp in fear," Ya know, he has a point, Thorin," Kili said, smirking mischievously.
The dwarf prince opened his mouth to respond right as Nick and I strode back into camp grinning, Nick sporting a lovely, new black-eye. I grinned, flexing the fingers on my right hand a bit," Hello everyone!" I laughed, sitting beside Bilbo. Fili, Kili, and Thorin all exchanged glares then nodded silently, and I looked to Bilbo," What was that all about?" I asked, jerking my head towards the three dwarves. Fili glanced from Thorin to Kili then to me and said," It was Kili's fault."