Chapter 2

Blair has to chase after her son as soon as the plane touches the ground. She watches as her son gleefully jumps into his grandmother's arms and feels a sharp pang in her heart as she realizes that she won't be there forever to watch her mother dote on her son.

Her mom looks over at her and she sees Eleanor's smile start to crack, Blair gives her a warning glance, which has Eleanor looking back down at her grandson trying to recover.

Cyrus of course is there with his 4 minute long hugs, but this time Blair revels in them, not knowing how much longer she is going to be able to be on the receiving end of his ridiculous hugs.

As Blair starts to pull away, Cyrus just holds on tighter and whispers, "not enough". Blair almost breaks right then and there.

XOXOXOXOXO

The ride in the Limo to the penthouse is light. Paul keeps them all giggling as he corrects Eleanor's pronunciation of French words.

Coming up into the penthouse is a bit surreal for Blair. She has been gone for 5 years yet she feels as if she has never left. Everything is as it was when she had left… well barring the fact that Serena's room was now completely outfitted for the use of an almost 5 year old boy.

Serena… that was another relationship that Blair is going to have to rebuild. Dan, Serena, Nate, Chuck… so many bridges she burnt when she fled from New York… So many things that have to be made right again… after all these people where her family and she needs them and their memories of her to be a part of Paul's life.

Lately Blair would wake up at night panting, the memory of her dream still fresh in her mind. It was always the same one. In this dream she is long dead and Paul is looking at old photos asking Eleanor and Cyrus, or Harold and Roman who the pretty woman with the brown hair is. The thought of him not remembering her was a little ridiculous, he is 4 ½ after all and surely he will have a few memories, but the threat of him not knowing her would keep Blair from falling back asleep.

Dorota of course is a blubbering mess as she brings up Blair's luggage. Blair tries comforting her, but that doesn't help. Eventually Blair resorts to hissing at Dorota to stop. Of course this gets Dorota wailing. Blair sends her home with Vanya and drags the rest of the luggage up the stairs herself.

As she tucks her son in to bed he asks her, "Why was Dorota crying? Why was she sad?"

Blair sadly smiles down at him, "Because she was so happy to see me, they were happy tears"

He looks down and mumbles, "It didn't look like happy tears" and turns away from her. What can she say, the kid is smart and he doesn't appreciate being lied to.

Blair sighs, spent from the day's emotions and having no energy left, leans over, kisses his forehead and whispers, "Sweet dreams puffin."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair is able to get her mother and Cyrus out of the penthouse with no tears shed. She drags herself up the stairs, hungry and dizzy with fatigue. As she walks into her old room she feels her carefully constructed wall start to crumble. She goes to the only room where she ever felt comfortable enough to let out her frustrations. She locks herself into her old bathroom, turns on the faucet, but unlike so many other times in her youth, she doesn't stick her fingers down her throat. This time she just sinks to the floor, hugs herself and finally allows herself to cry.

XOXOXOXO

I know it's a little short, and a bit angst-y. I'll have to warn you, it's going to be angst-y for a little longer. I do plan on it getting a little lighter, but really, I'm just letting the story play out as I write it. Reviews are much appreciated As is your constructive criticism.

P.S. I know my writing and grammar is quite horrendous, lol. If only I could write stories in mathematic equations, hahaha. Like I said, bear with me, this is my first real try at creative writing.