Chapter 19
Blair opens her eyes and hears Dan breathing deeply next to her. She looks over at her bedside clock. It's 4:27 AM.
This has got to stop she thinks as she looks on at the man who has been sharing her bed lately.
After New Year Blair had expected that to be the only time they slept together, though she didn't want it to be. They spent three more awkward nights in that bungalow with Paul. She spent most her nights hoping that Dan would open the door to her room and join her in bed. Unfortunately that never happened and she would wake up the next morning, sigh, and head out to the beach to watch Dan and Paul play in the water.
She had no plans on sleeping with Dan Humphrey again, or at least not initiating it again, but 6 days after returning to the brownstone she finds herself staring up at her ceiling one night, frustrated and unable to fall asleep. She resolves to go up to Dan's room and see if he was awake, just to look. She opens the door and looks in and he is indeed awake, and also half naked.
For a brief moment she is able to take him in, standing there with his back to her.
The moment is brief; he turns to her and looks at her with a question on his face. She gulps. He isn't wearing a shirt, and his pants are hanging loosely off of his hips. She's missed his chest.
Dan's chest has always been something that drove Blair crazy. Well-toned and broad shouldered. She remembers how she loved to lazily run her index finger on his chest when they would lie in bed together, watching some movie.
He looks at her quizzically and Blair starts to feel embarrassed.
As she finally decides to close the door and let him be he walks over to her.
He smiles down at her, "Can't sleep either?"
Blair gives him a small nod. Her eyes are focused on his chest. Her skin starts to get goosebumps.
Dan must notice because he starts to rub her arms
Blair doesn't remember how but they eventually end up on his bed. She's panting and pulling at his pants, he's devouring her mouth just as passionately and attempting to undo the buttons on Blair's pajama top. She eventually gets frustrated and pulls the whole shirt over her head.
When they are finished she falls asleep in his arms and is only woken up when Dan wakes up and gently tells her that Paul will be up soon. She heads down to her room and brushes her teeth to get ready to wake up their son. Dan knocks softly on her bedroom door. He walks in with her bra in his hand.
"You forgot this… and we wouldn't want Dorota to get any ideas." Dan says sheepishly as he hands it back to her.
"Good thinking Humphrey" Blair says, feeling embarrassed that she left her bra in his room.
"Well I know how much you like plausible deniability." Dan teases as he walks out of her room.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
It doesn't happen again until 4 nights later when Dan actually comes down to her room one night. It continues this way and eventually, Dan becomes a regular nightly visitor to her bed. He stays with her and they always wake up together before Paul gets up and he goes back up to his room to get ready for the day ahead of them.
And so it goes and Blair starts to realize that she's in love with Dan Humphrey again. There is no denying it to herself and she starts to worry. Worry because she knows that Dan Humphrey, while he enjoys sleeping with her, she remembers what she overheard him saying to his mom and that he doesn't reciprocate the feeling. Worried because it starts to hurt.
She tries to squash the feeling, but how do you kill a feeling? She finds it growing bigger and bigger and sometimes she feels that it may suffocate her.
She tries to hide behind the façade that she's cool with the casual sex charade. It's no big deal right? But every night before he comes to her room she resolves herself to turn him away this time. She wants to prove to herself that she is bigger than this feeling. However whenever he comes in, she loses that resolve.
One cold night in January, post coitus, she's laying in his arms and he kisses her. She catches herself just as she's about to tell him that she loves him. She can't. She could never. What good would it do for him to know?
He doesn't love her back, and hearing him say that he doesn't would be harder for her. Even if he did say he loved her back, it's unfair, her cancer will probably return and she would end up leaving him all over again. No, there's no point to it.
And so they continue their lives. Paul being the focus of them both, and she offering up her body to him every night and taking his body from him every night.
She tries to convince herself that this is enough. But she can't help it when she dreams of him.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO
And so February comes around and Blair decides to fly out to Los Angeles to see Serena. Serena will be finding out the sex of her baby in the middle of the month and Blair wants to be there. Most of all she misses Serena and wants to get away from Dan. Unfortunately, because it's in the middle of Paul's schooling he will not be joining her.
Paul throws a fit when he finds out.
"Why! I WANNA GO SEE AUNT SERENA TOO!" He wails as Blair tells him he can't come. "You never let me go anywhere!" He exclaims angrily.
"Puffin! We're going to be doing girl things! You don't want to come and be around that!" Blair tries to explain, instantly feeling like the world's worst mother.
"No, I can just hang out with Dad!" Paul says looking up to Dan.
Dan gives him a sad look, "Nope, I'm not allowed to go either. No boys allowed. Let's just let your mom go and have her girls week and we can stay in New York, have a men's week what do you say?" Dan asks hopefully.
Paul looks at his dad and his mom. "Okay" he sniffs.
Blair knows he's angry at her. She tries to talk to him during the dinner but it's evident by his cold shoulder that he is not okay with her going to California without him.
Dan gets him to bed and afterwards he comes to her room with a cup of tea. He sets it on her nightstand, "Figured after tonight's outburst you wouldn't be up to having sex." He says as he lays down next to her.
She sits up in her bed and sighs and takes the cup of tea. "Thanks Dan."
He lays on his side and props his head up with his hand, "No problem Blair." He says as he gives her another one of his sideways grins.
She smiles and they spend the rest of the night talking. He tells her about how he's been struggling to write a new novel and she tells him about how she's really enjoying writing for Nate's paper.
She falls asleep first. Dan presses a kiss to her forehead before he drifts off to join her.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Blair lands in L.A. and is greeted with a beaming Serena. It almost takes Blair's breath away, Serena looks so radiant.
They catch up and spend most of their days hanging out, shopping, visiting Eric on the set of his new movie. Sometimes they visit Darren on the set of his movie, but mostly they just spend their days together. Every night Darren makes them dinner and they all eat together. Sometimes Eric comes by and joins them for dinner, bringing a different guy every time. Blair misses him. She misses both of them.
She ends each night with a phone call back to New York. She talks to Paul and Paul tells her about his day and tells her that he misses her, then she ends up talking to Dan. Dan usually fills Blair in with the things Paul omits. Like the day he got angry at one of his friends and threw the boy's math homework in the toilet at school. Paul got after school detention. When Dan went to pick him up from school, he says that Paul was so guilty. He talked Dan into stopping by a store to get a new notebook and he scribbled a few things in it and insisted that they stop by the boy's house.
The mom wasn't very pleased to see Paul there but Dan explained to her that he wanted to apologize to her son. She let them in and Paul said he was sorry and gave the notebook to the boy. Afterwards while they were walking home Dan asked Paul what he had written and he said he wrote down all the answers to tonight's math homework problems.
Blair can't help but giggle and wonder at her son. Her son is so much like Dan, but at times, he can be just as rotten as his mom.
At the end of every phone call Dan tells her he misses her. Blair never says it back, afraid that she may end it with an "I love you."
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Blair and Serena are at the beach on February 14th, Valentine's Day, laying in the sand and talking before her ultrasound appointment in the afternoon.
"When are you coming back to New York S? I hate not having you near me." Blair whines.
Serena looks over at her giving her a playful grin, "Oh? No one there for you to send gossip girl blasts about?"
Blair kicks some sand towards her and laughs.
Serena moves a strand of hair off of her face as she looks down towards the shore break. "I miss New York too. I've talked to Darren and his movie is wrapping in 2 months. After his movie wraps we will pack up and head over to New York. I'm insisting that baby be born in New York. Darren loves New York and agrees that the baby should be born in New York. He's been looking at some apartments near Rufus and my mom. So, looks like we'll be living on the east coast until the baby is born. Darren has another job that brings him back out to L.A. and I'm going to be going with him." Serena says.
She must notice Blair's look of disappointment because she quickly adds, "Not to worry B! I will be visiting New York; you know I won't be able to stay away." She says giggling.
Blair gives her a small smile, "I just, I dunno, New York is my home and yours, but it isn't the same when you're not there, it's like you're at boarding school all over again."
Serena puts her arms around Blair, "I miss you too B." She says softly.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXO
Blair looks over the Ultrasound Technician scrutinizing him. "Are you sure you're capable of operating this machine? Where did you go to school?" Blair grills him.
Serena gives the technician an apologetic smile as he stammers and tries to prove to Blair that his credentials are legit.
Blair rolls her eyes at him as he heads out the door to get the OB-GYN.
"B, I know you're intentions are well, but you have to lay off that kid. He's been doing a wonderful job."
"S, trust me on this okay?! If he wanted to be taken seriously he wouldn't show up to work at the OB-GYN's office in his converse sneakers and rolled jeans. I thought hipsters only lived in Williamsburg, unfortunately that trend is alive and well on the West Coast!" Blair says with disgust.
Serena sighs and rolls her eyes.
The technician walks in again with the OB-GYN.
"Lovely to see you again Serena." Dr. Shumacher states. "And who might this be?" she says as she turns to Blair.
"That's my best friend, Blair Waldorf." Serena says, "Blair, Dr. Shumacher, Dr. Shumacher, Blair."
"So this is the lady who is terrorizing my ultrasound technician" Dr. Schumacher says amused.
Blair turns towards her and starts to reply when she's cut off by Serena.
"Blair means well, she's just, well, Blair." Serena ends giggling.
The technician clears his throat, "umm…. We're ready to start Dr. Schumacher." He says avoiding Blair's gaze.
Dr. Schumacher gives him a nod and he flips the screen on and applies the lube and device to Serena's stomach.
Blair puts all her attention on the screen. Serena grabs her hand and squeezes it tightly. Blair gives her a big smile.
"Okay, go a little left past the midline." Dr. Shumacher instructs the technician.
Blair sees the image of the baby on the monitor and she almost chokes. Her throat constricts and her eyes water up. She looks down at Serena who is beaming at the doctor.
"Well, everything looks good, baby's heartbeat sounds strong…."
"…. And?" Serena asks.
"…. And I hope you like pink, because you are having a healthy baby girl!" Dr. Schumacher says smiling at Serena.
"A girl!" Serena exclaims, she looks over at Blair with tears streaming down her face.
Blair kisses Serena's hand. "Oh S! She's going to be just as beautiful as you are! A girl!"
After the appointment is over Serena calls Darren and tells him the news. She then calls Eric and Lily. Blair texts Dan. He texts back that he can't wait to meet her.
That night Darren has a long night shoot for the movie and so Blair and Serena lay in bed talking as they wait for Darren to come home. Blair is heading back to New York tomorrow.
"A girl B! Can you believe it?! I have to admit, I was secretly hoping for a girl this whole time" Serena exclaims.
Blair smiles, "I'm so excited! What are you going to name her? Oh I have so many headbands to buy her!" Blair ends jokingly.
"Oh no you don't! You are not going to turn her into one of your minions!" Serena says throwing a pillow at Blair.
"I'm not going to turn her into my minion, I'm going to groom her to be the queen of New York's Prep schools. Yes I will have her flinging yogurt in no time!" Blair says giggling.
"Hahahaha! God can you imagine! Me? A mom to a girl! God, I hope she's better than I was." Serena says.
"Oh S! You were wild, but you were always a good person, which is something that can't be said about me" Blair says.
"B! Don't say that!" Serena says.
"Who are we kidding S? I'd love to sit her and hope that at my funeral there will be nothing but wonderful things to say about me. But let's be serious, I am… well like you say, Blair." Blair says a little sad.
"B? What's wrong? I mean, don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed all the time we've had this past week, but I'm your best friend, what's bothering you?"
"Nothing" Blair answers quickly.
"Is it Dan?" Serena asks.
"What?! Don't be ridiculous!" Blair exclaims.
"Oh come on B! We've been best friends for how long? You can't keep this from me!" Serena teases.
Blair looks away and pouts.
"B, does he know?" Serena asks cautiously.
"Know what?" Blair snaps, suddenly irritated.
Serena rolls her eyes, "That you're in love with him! God B! I've known for a long time! You're not hiding it well."
"I AM NOT!" Blair proclaims.
Serena cocks an eyebrow and gives her a knowing smile.
Blair sighs and looks at her best friend, "Of course not S. What one of my mottos? Deny everything, or was that The X-Files? Anyways, he doesn't know and he never will."
"B! You should tell him, I've seen the way he looks at you, I've seen him look at you that way before.."
"Stop Serena, just stop." Blair interrupts. "Whatever you believe you've seen, you've made up yourself. I can assure you that he doesn't love me."
"How do you know?" Serena asks.
"Over Halloween we went to Hudson, Dan had a conversation with his mom about me, he assured her that he didn't love me and that he wouldn't be falling in love with me and I overheard it." Blair says with a sad smile.
Serena looks at Blair sadly, "Blair, I know Dan, and believe me when I say he was probably just saying that to make his mom feel better. There was so much sexual tension between you two at my wedding I'm surprised you didn't have sex on the beach that night!"
Blair gives Serena a sly look.
"B! You didn't! OH MY GOD you did!" Serena squeals.
"Well not on the beach!" Blair says exasperated.
"See! There, that's how I know that Dan feels something for you!" Serena exclaims.
"See that's where you're wrong. I'm just a warm body, it's just sex Serena." Blair points out.
"No, not with Dan. Like I said I know Dan, and I know you, with both of you sex is meaningful. It's endearing really." Serena argues.
Blair sighs and looks away. Serena notices the shift in Blair.
Blair turns back to Serena with a tear rolling down her cheek. "Even if it is meaningful it would be cruel of me to hope for him to love me back S. I'm in remission now, but the chances aren't good… How can I even hope or wish that Dan could love me back? I've taken so much from him with not letting him know about Paul how can I expect him to love me, or even allow it not knowing how long I'll be here for?" Blair asks.
"Oh B! Dan doesn't care about that! But regardless of that you should let Dan know. Just put it out there, if he doesn't, well, then he doesn't. But I'm sure he does and don't you both deserve happiness? I mean, Dan was miserable when you left. His writing became bitter, he became a shell of himself. Since you've been back, he's been pulling himself out of it, it's like, I dunno, you both are so good for each other. He should know, regardless of your fears, or your life expectancy."
"I just don't know what good it would do" Blair says shaking her head.
Serena leaves it at that and sits with her in silence.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOXO
After Serena has gone to bed with Darren, Blair gets her phone. It's too late in New York to call, Paul is in bed already so she decides to text Dan.
When Paul gets up tomorrow can u tell him I'm sorry I didn't call? Serena & I had a girls night.
No worries, Jenny wore him out today. He fell asleep after his bath. Can you talk?
Blair smiles a little and dials Dan Humphrey's number.
"How's LA?" Dan asks as he answers.
"Fine. I miss New York though" Blair says.
"Yes well I must say, the nights are awful lonely with out you" Dan teases.
Blair bites her lip before replying, "Ditto."
"So, it looks like we've been found out." Dan says, trying to lighten the conversation.
"Oh? Did you leave your boxers in my room one night? Not that it matters, I can always threaten Dorota into keeping silent." Blair says.
Dan chuckles, "No, not Dorota, Paul."
Blair's eyes go big, "WHAT?!"
"Uh, yeah. He, uh, asked me why I sleep in your room at nights. It was really awkward." Dan replies.
"But how does he know? We always get up before him."
"He says one night he got scared from a bad dream and he came to the room. I was in bed with you and so he decided to just go back to his own room. He asked me if I had a bad dream that night too. I guess you had forgotten to lock the door that night." Dan says laughing nervously.
"Me?! You mean you! Seeing as to how YOU are the one who comes into my room and the last person to touch my doorknob the responsibility of a locked door lies with you! Humphrey! How could I have just assumed that you would be capable of this one responsibility?!" Blair says groaning.
"Hey, it's not like he… saw us having sex or anything, he just saw us in the same bed a couple of times." Dan replies.
"A couple of times?! Good lord how many nightmares is he having?" Blair exclaims.
"No, he said a few times he checked to see if I was in bed with you. I asked him if he didn't like it, and he just shrugged and said that he liked that you didn't sleep by yourself. He says he used to hear you cry when you were in Paris trying to fall asleep in your room. Jesus Blair, did you really?"
Blair tries to change the subject, "Oh my god! I can't believe he's caught us more than once! We have to do something Humphrey! I mean, we can't be letting this happen. What if he does open the door and we're…"
"What Blair? Having sex? It won't happen, I will make sure that I lock the door when I come to visit you."
"No, this isn't happening anymore Humphrey!"
"You can't be serious Blair." Dan exclaims.
"Humphrey, do you know how mortifying it would be if we were having dinner and Paul innocently tells Rufus or ANYONE that he has caught us in bed together? Then the world will know that I, Blair Waldorf is once again shtupping Dan Humphrey! I don't think my reputation can take that hit again!" Blair exclaims.
"Okay, okay" Dan chuckles, "I can tell you're obviously upset. Look let's just drop it and you just get some sleep tonight okay? You have an early flight tomorrow; I'll be there when you fly in. You land at JFK around 2:30 right?"
"Yes, 2:30" Blair sighs.
"Alright, well get some sleep. Goodnight Blair. See you tomorrow."
"Night Humphrey." Blair says as she hangs up.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXO
Paul is all smiles when she sees him at the airport waiting with Dan. She runs to him and pulls him into a tight embrace.
"God I missed you so much Paul!" Blair exclaims as she buries her face into his curls.
"I missed you too mom!" Paul says to her.
She picks him up and lets Dan carry her carry on and luggage.
"How was your flight?" Dan says as he slides into the town car with her and Paul.
"Good. You know nothing beats flying private jets, but first class is nice. I feel bad for all the folks who have no other choice but to ride in steerage, I don't know how they manage." Blair says scrunching up her nose on the word steerage.
Dan chuckles.
"Mom! Did Aunt Serena ask about me?" Paul asks earnestly.
"Yes she did! She talked about you the whole time we were there!" Blair says to Paul. Paul gives her a satisfied nod.
"Did you go to Disneyland?" Paul asks.
"No baby, I did not, but Serena has said that after the baby is born we should all go out to see her in California and she will take us to Disneyland, how does that sound?" Blair asks.
Paul gives her a satisfied nod and then starts to tell his mom about all the things she missed out on, like when Aunt Jenny took him to go swimming at a pool.
Blair can see Dan looking over at her from the corner of her eye. She refuses to meet his gaze.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXO
Blair is in bed settling in, ready to go to sleep when Dan opens the door to her room.
"Don't worry, I know, lock the door." Dan says teasingly.
Blair looks at him and is about to tell him she can't tonight but stops when he takes off his shirt.
Damn him and his chest, Blair inwardly curses as she rises to her knees to take her top off.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO
Have u told him yet?
Blair looks down at the text message that Serena has sent her.
No! And quit pestering me!
B! What are you waiting for?!
Blair sighs defeated. Serena is right after all. No matter what Blair is falling more and more in love with Dan Humphrey and she's getting bad at hiding it.
She's caught herself almost saying "I love you" this morning.
Dan was heading out the door, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and wished her luck on her new submission to Nate's editor.
"Yeah, you too, I…" Blair stopped herself just as she was going to end it with "love you".
Dan turned back to her, "huh?" he asked nonchalantly.
"Nothing, I.. I will see you tonight, when you get back here." Blair says laughing nervously.
"Okay! Well, I'm off" Dan says as he walks towards the cab waiting outside.
Blair inwardly groans as she texts Dan.
Do you have any free time? Want to meet up for lunch?
She hopes he doesn't text back. Or maybe he does and says he's already eaten. Then she will have a valid excuse to text back to Serena.
Sure, where do you want to meet?
How about that one café up in Midtown we used to go to? Blair suggests.
Sure, meet you there in 30 minutes.
Figures! Blair thinks as she heads out the door to hail a cab. Serena 1, Blair 0.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO
Dan's already sitting at a table drinking a coffee when Blair gets to the café.
She takes a seat across from him and orders.
"So, why did you want to meet for lunch?"
"Can't two roommates meet up for lunch once in a while? Anyways, I had given Dorota the day off only to realize that she hadn't cooked anything for lunch. I think I'll have to dock her pay for this week." Blair exclaims.
Dan rolls his eyes.
Their lunch is brought to them and Blair takes a bite of her salad.
When she's halfway through her meal she finally gathers the courage.
"Dan, I think… I think we have to stop sleeping together."
Dan looks at her quizzically, "Okay, why?"
"Because… it's just going to complicate things."
"You mean because of Paul? I've already started locking the door when I come in, you don't have to worry." Dan says dryly.
"No, not because of that. Well yes, but because…" Blair stammers.
"What Blair? I mean I don't see why we should, I think we're both two consenting adults and we have needs, we're both accessible, why not?" Dan asks.
Blair slits her eyes. "So I'm accessible?" she grinds out.
"What? No, I mean, yes, but no, no. I mean…." Dan starts to ramble.
Blair sighs deeply, "We can't do this anymore because I'm in love with you Dan and I know you aren't with me, I didn't mean to, but I overheard your conversation with your mom and yeah. So I can't sleep with you anymore, and now you can understand what I mean when I say that it complicates things. There I've said it."
Dan looks at her with his mouth open and he looks shocked.
Blair waits a few minutes until she can no longer bear it. "Say it Dan, say what's on your mind. I know, you don't love me, so just say it and then we can move on."
"Blair… I don't know what to say… I…. I mean…." Dan continues to stammer.
"You know what? Forget I said it! Just forget it! I'm such a fool! I knew I shouldn't have said anything. Look, I'm gonna go, here's some money, I'm just… I need to get out of here" Blair says as she throws some money on the table and runs towards the exit.
She stumbles outside and tries to flag down a cab. Her vision starts to get funny and she realizes it's because she's starting to tear up. She mentally tells herself that she can cry when she gets to the brownstone, but she can't do it now, not here on a busy Manhattan sidewalk.
She's surprised when someone grabs her from behind and pulls her into a hug.
She tries to pull away and Dan holds her tighter.
"Don't think you can run from me this time, the more you try to get away the tighter I'll embrace you." Dan finally says his voice hoarse.
"Dan.." Blair starts.
"No! I get to talk, this time you listen. You're so stupid Blair Waldorf! You think you can just drop that on me and not even give me a few minutes to wrap my mind around what you're telling me and then just run off? Why do you always run off? If you would have just stayed around when you found out you were pregnant I would have come around. I was angry but I still loved you, I never stopped loving you, but you didn't even give me a chance! If you think I'm letting you run off on me again you're wrong, I'm never letting you go again." Dan chokes out.
Blair chokes on a sob and Dan holds her tighter.
"Please don't close your door on me now Blair, cause you see, I've loved you this whole time. I tried to squash it and bury it in the countless faceless women I came across after you fled New York, but it never worked, I dreamt of you, I still do, and when you came back to New York with Paul in tow it was like you had never left. Whatever emotions I felt when you left were still there. Yes, there was anger, but there was also love. I fell for you at W and I've never been able to recover. That's why my mom was so scared and had to have that conversation with me. I'm sorry you heard it, but the truth is, I lied to her." Dan finishes.
Blair looks up to him, he looks down at her, tears and mascara streaking her face.
Dan smiles down and gently pushes a strand of hair off of her face and behind her ear.
"Dan I…."
"Shhh, let's get you home, your face is streaked with mascara and it's not a good look for you Blair." Dan says full of emotion.
Blair nods her head and they hail a cab together. He holds her hand the whole way home.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
That night they both put Paul to bed and as he starts to walk up the stairs to his room Blair grabs his hand.
He looks down at her and follows her into her room and this time she locks the door. She kisses him deeply.
That night Dan falls asleep first and as she falls asleep she whispers a prayer of thanks to whatever nameless entity may hear it.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXO
Alright! So here is chapter 19! Can't believe I've gotten to chapter 19 and I'm still not done!
So lemme know what you all think of this chapter love it? Hate it? Liking this part of the story or are we just ready for angst all over again?
I myself am loving writing them in love and finding each other but I am starting to really come up on the end of this story here. I dunno how many more chapters I have left, but I think (or hope) I should be able to finish this in 5 more chapters. Good lord! I can't believe it's taken me this long to write this! So yeah. Hope you all enjoy and I thank you all dearly for reading and reviewing.
P.S. I know there are probably a lot of errors in this. I'm trying to get this done as soon as possible.