Chapter 20-

Dan sits at his computer in the loft. He buries his head in frustration. He's not sure why he can't get an idea for a novel down. He's tossed around a few ideas, some fiction, some non-fiction but when he sat down to turn those ideas into the beginnings of a novel he always ended up drawing blanks. Usually he will go and open up the file he started a little while ago about a fearless, outspoken, fiercely intelligent brunette from Brooklyn who falls in love with a sensitive, but judgmental boy from the Upper East Side.

It's complete crap, but Dan can't help returning to the piece and trying to see if he can make it any better.

Sometimes he thinks about finishing what he had written about Bart Bass, but he knows he can't. Chuck has already told him how he doesn't want Russell Thorpe's crime to be published seeing as to how it would hurt Raina all over again. Dan can understand and puts it aside.

Serena has said he should do a biography on Fitzgerald, seeing as to how he's been so influenced by him. Dan keeps kicking the idea around, though he'd rather do one about Zelda.

He's been thinking about writing a story based on Lily and Rufus. But every time he starts to type anything he realizes the story he starts to write becomes about him and Blair. He keeps writing it. He's sure he's not going to publish it; he figures the rest of the world is probably tired of reading about Blair Waldorf in the very different versions of her he writes.

Blair…. Dan starts to think about Blair.

It's been a month since they had both proclaimed their love to each other.

They have been open about it with Paul and Paul seems to be very happy to see his parent together. But even though she is okay with Paul and Dorota knowing she is adamant that no one else know.

This bothers Dan. He doesn't like having to hide his love for Blair or Blair having to hide her love for him from the motley bunch of people that make up their family.

Blair reasons that it would upset too many people, his family specifically.

He has to agree with her on that point. He is sure his father would accept it, Jenny might be a little harder, but it would be difficult telling his mom.

His phone alerts him to a text. It's from Rufus.

Don't forget tonight we're having dinner at our place to celebrate Serena and Darren's return to New York.

You know I can't Dad, Blair somehow manipulated me into helping her and Dorota get her penthouse ready for Darren and Serena.

Dan looks back at his computer screen and finally turns off the computer in defeat. He's not going to get anything done tonight.

Dan thinks about Blair again.

He smiles as he thinks about Blair and her relationship with Serena.

They were so volatile. Dan remembers when he was with Serena in their youth and he would have to console Serena after Blair had turned on her, over and over again. And there were times when he would actually side with Blair when Serena had hurt her.

But of course, as awful as Blair could be towards Serena, she was also Serena's biggest advocate.

He remembers the many times he went to Blair to help save Serena from herself.

So when Blair heard that Serena and Darren could not find the perfect place she offered up her Penthouse for them. After all, Blair wasn't using it and it was staying vacant.

She redid Eleanor's old room for Serena and Darren and had Dorota and Dan help her make Serena's old room/Paul's old room into an acceptable nursery for Serena's daughter.

She drove Dan mad with her indecision about what swatch of pink was appropriate for the walls of her room. Everything had to be just right for Serena and her daughter.

They had just finished it this past weekend. Blair made sure it was done before Serena and Darren flew into town.

Blair was insistent on it being done before they arrived and while Dan was next to Blair putting the finishing touches on a nursery for Serena he caught himself fantasizing that he and Blair were putting together a nursery for a daughter they were having.

He caught himself in it and looked over at Blair. She had a paint streak on her neck as she scrutinized the room, looking for any imperfection she could demand Dan to fix.

He embraced her and gave her a kiss on the paint streak. She looked up at him. He pulled her into another kiss. When they pulled apart Dan looked down at Blair and he saw the lustful look in her eyes. She grabbed him by the belt and started to pull him into her old room.

By the time he closed the door she had his pants unzipped.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXO

Dan is talking to his dad when Serena walks into the penthouse.

"Aunt Serena!" Paul squeals as she walks in. She rushes to him and pulls him into an embrace.

"Serena! You are glowing!" Lily says as she walks up to her pressing a kiss on her forehead.

"Mom! You look great" Serena says smiling at her mother.

"It's not fair!" Blair exclaims as she walks towards Serena, "I blew up like a blimp at 6 months, whereas you just look radiant as always!"

"B!" Serena says pulling Blair into an embrace.

Dan goes and shakes Darren's hand, "Welcome back to New York."

"Thank you Dan!" Darren replies.

"Blair is right Serena, you do look absolutely radiant. Pregnancy suits you Serena." Dan says as he presses a kiss to her cheek.

They have dinner and they all catch up.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Dan! We're going to be late" Blair exclaims as she tries to tame Paul's hair.

"Mom stop! It's good already" Paul exclaims as he tries to swat Blair's hands away.

Dan shows up in the hallway of the bathroom that Blair and Paul are in.

He leans against the doorframe as he watches his son and Blair squabble with each other over how to handle Paul's mop of curls and what looks acceptable for Easter Dinner with at Lily and Rufus's penthouse. He feels his heart swell with love.

"Dad! Tell her to stop!" Paul exclaims.

Blair sighs exasperated and turns to Dan, "Humphrey, maybe you can try your hand at making something of his hair, seeing as to how you have many years' experience with such texture!"

Dan gives her a sideways smile and walks up behind Paul and looks in the mirror as Blair sits on the edge of the bathtub watching them over.

He looks him over.

"It looks good, go ahead kiddo." Dan says smiling at Paul in the mirror.

Paul yelps with joy and runs out of the bathroom before his mom can get her hands on him.

Blair gets off the tub and walks up to Dan not looking amused.

"Nice stunt Humphrey! But just what did you hope to accomplish by that?" Blair asks firmly as she cocks up an eyebrow.

Dan puts his hands on her waist. "No stunts here Blair, I just wanted to get you alone." As he pulls her into a deep kiss.

Blair's hands instinctively go up his chest as his hands travel down her skirt. He starts to run his hands up her inner thigh as she starts to work on his belt buckle.

He feels as she starts to spread her legs apart-

"Mom! Dad! Come on! We're going to be late!" Paul yells from the foyer.

Dan pulls away from Blair. Blair sighs and rests her forehead against Dan's.

Dan straightens out her blouse and kisses her nose.

"Later tonight Blair." He says as he walks out of the bathroom leaving Blair to pull herself together.

Blair takes in a shaky breath. She's going to spend all night hoping it will end.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOX OXO

During Easter Dan grabs Blair's hand at the dinner table.

Everyone stops to stare. Serena smiles and winks at Blair.

Blair freezes and her eyes instantly fly to Rufus and Jenny.

She notices the grimace that Rufus tries to hide and watches as Jenny's mouth forms a hard thin line.

She snatches her hand out of Dan's hand and gives him a hard look.

Later that night Rufus and Jenny pull Dan aside to talk to him.

"What's going on between you and Blair?" Rufus asks.

"What do you mean dad? I love her, she loves me, it's simple really." Dan answers.

"Yes, but how? I mean, after all she's done?" Jenny stammers.

"Look, she's made mistakes, we all know that, she knows it, hell how can she forget it when you all are so eager to remind her of them. But she's moved past them. She's the mother of my son, and your only grandson and your nephew; I'm not going to apologize for loving Blair." Dan says.

"But you hated her…" Rufus starts.

"No, I never did. I was angry at her and I thought I hated her, but no matter what, I loved her, loved her so much that when she left I never felt whole again." Dan replies.

"Look Dan, I feel like I can speak for Dad in saying we're worried and all we want is for you to be happy." Jenny starts.

"Well then don't worry because I am happy. It's not even a choice I've made. I fell for Blair when I was interning at W with her. I've never been able to get over it. I tried, I tried so hard to kill this feeling, but even after all the awful things she did I can't help but love her, you would understand if you really knew her, knew her like I do." Dan exclaims.

"Yes but…. What about when her cancer comes back Dan? I don't want to watch you fall apart again." Jenny says, instantly hating how she sounds.

Dan looks at Jenny sadly, "What can I do? Is it wrong of me to want to live out whatever time we have left just loving each other as we should have all these years? Me loving her or not loving her won't alter whatever fate is in store for her. I just want to be happy and I want to make her happy too, can't you understand that?" Dan asks pleading his dad and sister.

Rufus pulls Dan into a hug, "Of course son, of course I can understand. I'm not entirely comfortable with it, but I can accept it. In the year she's been back she's been through a lot and I've come to admire and respect her, even like her, I'm sure I can come to love her."

Dan hugs his dad back, "Thanks dad."

He looks at Jenny, "Jenny?"

Jenny stares at him with her arms crossed. "I still think it's a bad idea Dan." Jenny says, then sighs, "But I want you to be happy, and if she makes you happy, I can accept it to." Jenny says conceding.

Dan smiles and gives her a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you Jenny, I know you guys are concerned, but I'm a grown man, I don't need to be protected." Dan says to Jenny and Rufus.

Jenny crosses her arms and whispers, "I just don't see how you are going to avoid being hurt again."

Dan gives his sister a tired look and heads back to join the party.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair refuses to look at Dan during the car ride home. Dan knows she's angry because of him letting people know they are together.

In fact, if Dan wasn't holding a sleeping Paul in his arms Blair would be screaming and hitting him the whole ride home. Dan starts to get angry and bitter as he starts to think about how Blair thought they could go on hiding. Of course, her warped logic rearing it's ugly head.

When he gets Paul in bed and exits his room that's when Blair turns on him.

"Really Humphrey?!" Blair hisses at Dan as she walks towards her room.

"I know it wasn't ideal, but I don't want to hide us anymore!" Dan whispers back to her sternly.

"What's the point of everyone knowing Humphrey?!" Blair starts to yell as she takes her earrings off.

"Because we shouldn't have to be ashamed of us Blair!" Dan starts to raise his voice.

"Sure! It's that easy! Except it's not Humphrey! You've just made everything as complicated as I said you would!" Blair says as she throws her earrings onto her vanity.

"Why? Why is loving me so hard?! Tell me Blair? Even before, you put me through hell, had me swallowing my feelings for you while you chased Chuck while engaged to a prince. Why can't it ever be easy with me?!" Dan shouts at her.

Blair looks at him stunned. "You don't understand anything." Blair whispers to him angrily.

Dan puts his hands up. "Obviously I don't." He says as he walks out of her room.

When Blair hears him slam the door to his old room/the new guestroom does Blair sink to her bed and puts her head into her hand.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan stares up at the ceiling thinking about the fight he and Blair had tonight.

He knows he overreacted but he can't bring himself to apologize to her. He hates that she insists on hiding them. It doesn't matter now, everyone knows.

He looks over at his bedside clock.

Shit, it's already 2 am. He turns back and stares up at the ceiling again.

The words Jenny said earlier about Blair's cancer coming back return to him.

He closes his eyes as he remembers the very real fact that while Blair is okay now, this can be temporary.

He feels his chest start to tighten as a deep profound sadness starts to build itself in him.

His mind flashes him an image of Paul and he opens his eyes.

He decides he's going to go down to Blair and see if she's awake and apologize to her.

As he starts to get out of bed his door opens.

He watches as Blair enters his room. She bites her lip and walks over to the bed and slips in.

Dan lays down next to her.

She turns to him and he sees the worry on her face.

"I'm sorry Dan. I shouldn't have gotten so angry, and you're right." Blair sighs, "I have never made loving me easy for you, I've constantly put you through hell. It's not that I'm embarrassed of us it's just…" Blair's voice falters again, "It's just I knew how loving me destroyed you before… I sometimes don't feel like I deserve it again, and I don't want others to know because, well, I don't want them to judge what we have. Because what we have makes me feel so strong and safe, it makes me forget about the fact that my cancer can come back." Blair starts to choke as a tear rolls down her face.

Dan feels his chest tighten more and he pulls her into a tight embrace.

"We're both to blame Blair. We've both hurt each other far more than we deserve. I should have respected your wishes; I should have waited until you were ready. I'm sorry Blair." Dan whispers into her hair.

"Don't be." Blair says looking up to him with tears shining in her eyes, "Don't be. You were right. We shouldn't have to hide us and I don't want to anymore either."

That night Dan holds Blair. After she falls asleep, he continues to stroke her arm and looks up at the ceiling, thinking about what Jenny had said earlier.

As he starts to get sleepy he relives a memory of Blair. They had just had a falling out at Cece Rhodes's funeral. He sat in his loft feeling sorry for himself when Blair knocked on his door. She walked in and her face was unreadable.

He remembers the sigh of relief that came out of him when Blair assured him that she hadn't gotten back together with Chuck.

He remembers kissing her after she told him that her heart belonged to him. He remembers her smiling and her eyes shinning at him as he had her say his name over and over again.

If he could he would turn back time, he would do anything to go back to that moment. When Dan Humphrey couldn't believe that Blair Waldorf had chosen him.

He wants to go back and change the way he pushed Blair out of his life. He would have made sure his dad never went to Blair Waldorf to threaten her. He starts to re-imagine what might have happened had Blair told him that she was pregnant.

He thinks he would have not believed her at first, perhaps accusing her of yet another scheme. Perhaps he would have driven her away anyways. The thought makes him sad. He realizes how big of a judgmental asshole he can be.

He thinks of how maybe he could have still been angry with her, but not accused her of scheming. That she would try to push herself back into his life as her pregnancy progressed. Not very likely, Blair Waldorf was the most prideful creature he had ever met.

But what if? What if he had known? He tries to imagine himself in the pictures that Roman had put together for him long ago. He imagines himself looking at the ultrasound of his future son. Still distant from Blair, but grinning as he looked on at the video monitor.

As the photos progressed he and Blair's relationship would start to mend and he'd get closer and closer in each photo. There'd be a photo of him smiling and pointing at her stomach with her.

He would be holding her hand, maybe kissing her forehead in the photo of her and Paul, in those first moments after his birth; he would be there to see Paul off on his first day of school.

Perhaps if that had happened, she may have not gotten sick. Who knows what she got exposed to that could have triggered her glioma's? Blair has told him that no one knows what causes it, but he wonders. Maybe the extreme stress or sadness she experienced could have triggered something.

He know it's stupid, but maybe he could have altered something that would not have him and Paul, living under the constant threat of Blair being taken from them.

He falls asleep thinking of this alternate reality.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Is there really no other way we can get to Lenox Hill faster?! I mean, we do pay you to get us to where we need to go as quick as possible!" Blair yells at the driver of her towncar.

Dan looks down at Paul and winks at him as he watches Blair verbally accost the poor driver.

He watches as the driver swallows, "I'm sorry ma'am. I am trying my best, but I can't control the traffic." He says trying to explain the commute and point out the obvious to Blair.

Dan gives the poor driver an apologetic look as he hears Blair take in a sharp breath.

"I don't want to hear your excuses! I need you to drive! Do you think you can manage that?! Or do I need to call your employer and-" Blair starts to shriek, but is interrupted by Paul.

"Mom? Is Aunt Serena in the hospital because she's hurt?" Paul asks.

Blair looks down at her son and her face instantly softens, "No, she's in the hospital because she's gonna have her baby." Blair explains smoothing Paul's hair off his forehead.

Dan takes this chance to talk to the driver.

"She's really not that bad. I mean, she can be, but her best friend is in labour right now and she wants to make sure she's there to dictate and yell at the nurses and Dr.'s. She won't be calling your employer" Dan reassures the driver.

The driver gives him a grateful smile as he turns his attention back to the road.

When they get to Lenox Hill, Blair glares at the driver before she exits the car.

Dan follows Blair and Paul as they rush down the halls to Serena's room.

When they enter Serena brightens up.

"B!" Serena shines as Blair rushes to her bedside, pushing Darren out of the way.

Darren looks at Dan. He looks incredibly stressed.

"Hey man how are you?" Dan asks.

"I'm okay." Darren replies, then turns to Serena, "Are you okay? Is there anything I can get you?"

"Darren! I've told you! I'm perfectly fine! Quit pestering me Darren! Just calm down!" Serena says giggling at him.

Dan brings Blair a chair bedside and Paul climbs into his mother's lap as she takes a seat.

"Oh S! Of course you're radiant, even while in labour!" Blair says taking Serena's hand.

Dan looks over at them, "I bet you were just as splendid during your labour." Dan says.

"I assure you she was not!" Eleanor says as she walks into the room. "Hello darling!" She says to Blair pressing a kiss to her cheek. Eleanor takes Paul into her hands as she looks over at Dan.

"She was anything but splendid during her labour." Eleanor says to Dan. "She was screaming and crying, yelling at the anesthesiologist telling him he was incompetent. She even vowed to hire a hitman to come after you during the last couple of minutes of labour." Eleanor says laughing.

Dan looks over at Blair, "Haha, I don't believe it!"

"Don't Humphrey, Eleanor has a tendency to exaggerate."

Eleanor just gives Blair a knowing smile as she presses a kiss to Serena's forehead, "Hello Serena! How are you feeling?"

"Good, a little uncomfortable, but I dunno, this doesn't seem so-" Serena's sentence is interrupted as her eyes go big and she doubles over in bed.

This has Darren running back to her bedside, "Serena? Honey? Are you okay?"

Serena bites her lip as she nods her head. When the contraction passes, Serena finally straightens up in bed.

"Wow, that one, was good lord!" Serena exclaims as Blair wipes her forehead.

"Serena! Oh I do apologize for being the last one here, but the traffic was horrible!" Lily says as she and Rufus walk into the room.

Dan watches as tears well up in Serena's eyes and she buries her face into her mom's shoulder.

"Serena?!" Lily asks alarmed, "What's wrong?"

Serena pulls away, smiling with tears running down her cheeks, "Everything's fine mom, I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm just, just so happy to see you for whatever reason."

Lily smiles down at her daughter and smooths out her hair.

"Oh! The gang is all here!" the Dr. says as she surveys everyone in the room.

Everyone moves aside as the Dr. comes to Serena and does an assessment while reading the baby monitor hooked up to them.

Serena has another hard contraction and the Dr. times it. When it's done she looks over at Serena. "How far apart have you been having these contractions?" The Dr. says as she feels on Serena's stomach.

"I dunno, maybe every 5 minutes." Serena answers.

When she checks for how much Serena has dilated she frowns.

"What is it Doc?" Darren asks, instantly alert. Serena grabs for his hand, worried.

"Is it okay to talk with everyone in the room?" The Dr. asks.

Serena nods her head giving consent and Blair stands beside Dan.

"Your labour is progressing, however, you have not dilated past 3 centimeters. I'm a little worried, I know you had discussed having a natural birth, but I'm afraid that if there is no change in the next 10 minutes and your contractions keep progressing, we need to start looking at a C-Section."

"What? No! We agreed that my plan was to have a natural birth with no epidural or drugs." Serena says wincing as another contraction overtakes her.

The Dr. calls in a nurse and the nurse comes in to monitor the baby's heartbeat.

Blair overhears the nurse tell the Dr., "Baby is becoming tachycardic Dr."

The Dr. nods at the nurse and turns her attention back to Serena and Darren.

"I'm sorry Serena, I know we had planned on a natural birth, but I'm afraid that is becoming less and less likely. I'm afraid if we don't make a decision soon, we may be putting you both in jeopardy." The Dr. says.

Lily looks at the Dr. alarmed, "Surely it's not that serious? She was fine just minutes ago."

The Dr. looks at Lily, "I'm sorry Mrs. Humphrey, but unfortunately emergencies like this can happen, fortunately, this is something that we can get control of here, we have a fantastic team."

Darren looks down at Serena and Serena finally looks at the Dr. "Okay " she says softly.

As they prep Serena for surgery Blair holds her hand the whole time. She only lets go of her hand as they wheel her into the OR room.

"It's going to be okay Serena! I promise! Soon you'll have a beautiful baby in your arms!" Blair calls after Serena. After the doors close and Darren follows her, Blair turns to Dan and collapses into his arms.

"Shhh, she'll be fine" Dan whispers to her.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO

Serena's daughter is born at 8:48 PM that night. She's beautiful. A summer baby with cerulean blue eyes that Serena and Darren name Cecilia. Paul falls in love with her as does everyone else.

She's joyful and full of light, Blair marvels at her as she plays with her hands and feet at Serena's bedside. Blair guesses this must have been what Serena was like as a baby. Eric flies in a few days after she is born and he stays over at Blair's old penthouse, sleeping in Blair's old room.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO

Blair is at the airport seeing off Serena, Darren, and Cecelia.

"Do you have to go?" Blair says to Serena as she carries Cecilia in her arms, "I don't think I can live without her in my life."

Serena gives her a small smile as tears shine in her eyes, "We'll be back, I promise."

Blair hands Cecelia over to Darren as she hugs Serena.

"Hurry back! And God help you if you don't bring Cecelia with you!" Blair says joking.

Serena squeezes her hand as she starts to walk towards security.

Blair keeps the smile on her face after they've passed through security. After they are out of sight does Blair allow a tear to fall from her eye.

Later that night after Blair and Dan have put Paul to bed they lay in bed together and talk.

"Marry me." Dan blurts out.

Blair looks at him surprised, "What?"

"Marry me." Dan repeats.

"No, No Dan!" Blair answers, rolling over onto her side.

Dan moves closer to her and spoons her. He takes one of her hands and intertwines it with his.

"Marry me Blair. I'll just keep asking. You know I won't stop until you agree to become Mrs. Humphrey." Dan says kissing her shoulder.

Blair scoffs, "Hah! Even if I did marry you I'd never take your last name. I'll never be Mrs. Humphrey and you can ask all you want, I'll keep answering with no."

Dan smiles and kisses her shoulder, "We'll see, I mean I did manage to get you to move in with me and I did manage to get you to admit you loved me first."

Blair swats his hand away. "I told you I loved you only to get Serena to stop harassing me about it, you had nothing to do with it."

Dan smiles into her shoulder and purrs into her ear, "Admit it Waldorf, you got manipulated by Dan Humphrey of Williamsburg Brooklyn."

Blair turns to him and she narrows her eyes, "Keep it up and you will be sleeping on the third floor again Humphrey."

Dan buries his head into her hair. It's grown out and starting to become a wavy bob. He loves it. He falls asleep with her scent on him.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Okay, Happy Thanksgiving!

I got this chapter out and I know it's rough. In fact I should work on it to work out the kinks, but I'm afraid if I do, then I will be publishing this after the finale of this GAWD AWFUL season!

So I'm pushing through and trying to get these done before the season ends, because, well, this fan fic has taken way too long. So, it seems as though all of the following chapters will be kind of rough. I'm going to work on them as diligently as possible, but really, I need this to be over with hahaha.

As before, thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! It really does help me to keep pushing on.