I rolled over and groaned, pulling my pillow tightly over my head. I hadn't been able to get much sleep last night, feeling the ANBU watching me. Tto make matters worse, Naruto was up and down the hallway for reasons only Kami knew why, inducing a headache.

BOOM! My bedroom door was flung open and I flinched about to reach for my kunai only to remember that it was just the kids and I wasn't really under attack. This evaluation was soon reassessed as I was winded by the human cannonball that had flung itself on top of me. My headache had just been upped to migraine.

"SASUKE! CAN WE GO FOR RAMEN?!" I winced as Naruto screeched in my ear. I took a deep breath, and reached deep, deep down for a semblance of patience I didn't know I was capable of.

"How about… How about we play a game? Go get Sakura," I asked.

"SAKURA, SASUKE WANTS YOU!" hollered Naruto in my ear. If I were a lesser man I may have whimpered. Naruto turned to look back at me expectantly and was about to try again, only to be distracted by the quick pitter patter of small feet coming down the hall as Sakura arrived.

"We're going to be playing a game," I began gravely, my face betraying the seriousness of the situation. "We're going to play the quiet game. The aim is to be as quiet as possible to practice stealth as a ninja." Sakura was looking thoughtful and slowly nodding but Naruto looked like he needed more convincing. "The first one to run or talk above a whisper loses, and whoever wins gets a prize." I paused for dramatic effect. "Whoever wins decides what we're having for dinner."

Naruto had a look on his face full of a seriousness and determination, that I hadn't seen since he'd been turned into a kid, if not since he tried to drag my ass home. While not as serious or determined as Naruto, Sakura was quietly confident and almost happy. She knew it would be easier for her to win and gave the distinct impression that she'd been tired of eating ramen. Given how much longer she'd spent with the Dobe than me over the years, I almost pitied her. I was counting on her to beat Naruto. While I had a higher tolerance of successive meals of ramen than most people, I'd prefer to eat at home tonight than be gawked at in public on the way to and from dinner. Shooing the kids away, I rolled over and went back to sleep.

"I'm ready Sasuke!"

I opened my eyes and surveyed the child in front of me. "I said you could get four toys Naruto. You have a toy kunai, a toy shuriken, a toy sword, two balls and a duplo set. That's six. Come back when you have four."

Naruto scowled and scampered off. I closed my eyes again, leaned back against the wall and monitored the chakra signatures in the store. Naruto's energetic signature was moving quickly moving back and forth between sections whereas Sakura's remained stationary and clam as though she was silently deliberating between choices. I hoped they would hurry. Even though parents actively herded their children away from me I didn't feel like being in the crowded toy store and was tiring of the way parents' faces would pale once they realised I was there and then tightly clutch their children.

Suddenly Naruto's chakra flared in excitement. After more running back and forth between shelves and the sound of toys being alternatively pushed along the floor he was back in front of me. I opened my eyes. "Now you have even more toys."

"No I don't. Instead of several ninja toys I have one set of ninja toys, one pair of balls, one duplo set and one bear." His eyes could have gleamed in the dark with how smug he looked.

"… Very well." I decided to let the fact that he had replaced the original duplo set with what I'm sure was the biggest one the store go. Considering how he was in the future I figured I shouldn't penalize him for using his head.

Sakura then trotted back with her selection. "I'm finished." She had a bucket and spade, a stuffed penguin and a fairy book in her arms.

"I'm surprised you didn't get the dollhouse with the way you were looking at it."

She looked surprised and shook her head. "That's expensive."

"It's alright. Go back and grab it along with a few extra stuffed animals and we'll wait here. Naruto ended up getting more things by calling it a set anyway."

She hesitated until she saw what Naruto had grabbed, her eyes landing on the duplo. She then scurried off and quickly returned with the doll house set and a stuffed rat and dragon.

I then paid for everything at the cash register. Fuck duplo was expensive. Luckily Tsunade had given me a big budget for this mission, probably because she wanted Naruto to have a better childhood this time around. Hopefully this would be enough to keep the kids occupied for a while.

"Ready, set, go!" I threw the toys. No, it wasn't enough that I was babysitting them, it wasn't enough that I'd just bought a bunch of toys for them this morning. They wanted me to play with them. Soon I figured out how to keep them happy with the least amount of effort on my part. It involved me lying down on the couch and throwing toys in various directions. The beauty of fetch was that they were the ones doing all the running; they were quite enthusiastic about it in fact. "Fetch!" I yelled as I threw the toys once again.

We had just had lunch and it wasn't long after that that the genin team came back with the assortment of items from my shopping list. That was about an hour ago and since then we'd been playing fetch. "I'm tired can we play something else now?" Sakura asked.

"How about the two of you watch TV?" I picked them and placed them in the makeshift playpen with the TV and turned it on. I headed out of the room. Now was a good time to put away the things the genin brought in and to finish kiddy-proofing the apartment.

I was scared. It was slowly starting to all make sense. All these years of wondering. All these years of suspicions and taunts, and I was finally beginning to understand where it had all gone wrong. It had clearly started when he was young, and worse it apparently had sometimes gone on for hours a day. If only someone had known, they could have gotten him the help that he had needed. Now it was happening all over again.

Naruto was a fan of The Bumble Waggles. Not just any fan, but a die-hard fan, the kind of fan that would sleep outside before a concert and be mistaken for a homeless person. I couldn't stand the jarring noise of the songs while channel surfing, let alone watching the cursed thing. Even if I had, the T.V. guide's description had been warning enough for me: "The Bumble Waggles is a unique program to encourage children to explore music and dance, and through incremental repetition, allows for mastery of skills without the boredom factor. Bumble Waggles also caters to your child's social needs by teaching them joining in, listening, caring and sharing and that violence is never, ever, ever the answer." Not even imaginary crack made this show bearable.

I watched as after my questioning, Naruto hurried back to the T.V, stuck his but out, and began swaying his hips to the music and waving his hands around in something that suspiciously resembled the strange and disturbing victory dance he used to spontaneously bust out after a so-called victory against me.

"Whether you're rich or poor

Tend to snitch or ignore

There is always one thing

To remember

When you are heart's

Dimming like an ember

And you and friends are apart.

One day you will be happy

Instead of feeling blue and crappy

And you greatest dreams will come true.

So when others seek to annoy

Think of what will bring you joy

And when they seek to rile

Remember what will make you smile.

Whether you are smart or dumb

Or are always on the run

There's one thing to keep in mind

When you're feeling left behind

Soon you'll be having fun

And be known as number one

It's only a matter of time

'Til they'll be saying please be mine.

So when you frown

And are the joke of the town

Know that one day

Somehow, someway

You'll be someone of renoun.

Then others will rue

That they never knew

The potential you had in you

So when you're mad or sad

Remember to be glad!"

I stood there in horrified fascination, inwardly cringing at the bad lyrics and wanting to leave, but too disturbed to turn away.

"If you see someone down, talk to them and try to cheer them up. Sharing our feelings is fun! BELIEVE IT!"

The actors in giant orange and black bumble bee suits finally stopped their choreographed song and dance routine. It was over. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. WOW… Over the years people had remarked on Naruto's unique personality and style again and again, when all along he'd been subconsciously imitating characters from a poorly put together children's program. His lame slogan, his "therapy no jutsu" and inability to put a tune together seemed to have all stemmed this D-rated daytime television show.

Deciding that the kids had been damaged enough for one day and that there must be some alternative to getting them to exercise I made a decision and switched off the television. Two little bodies swerved to look at me, one looking outraged and the other patiently questioning.

"Get up. Grab your bucket and spade Sakura. We're going to the park."

It was times like these I most questioned how much they remembered. We were at the park and Naruto in particular seemed too enthusiastic with their new found game, "Bury Sasuke in the sandpit."

"Stop breathing too much you're moving the dirt!" Naruto hollered.

"Well I'll try to work on that," I drawled. Usually sitting still and not moving isn't a real accomplishment for me but my foot was itchy and it felt like some small insect and its pose were biting me. "Haven't you buried me enough yet?"

Sakura wrinkled her nose. "If we don't bury you enough there's no point having an X to mark the spot, Sasuke."

"An X to mark the spot?" I questioned.

"For the pirates to find a hundred years from now," she replied looking at me as if this should have been completely obvious.

Hmmm. I began to reevaluate my opinion of which of the two was more enthusiastic. Sakura renewed her digging with gusto as if when she finished I would grow enough food to feed a family through the winter. She certainly seemed a lot more sympathetic to this kind of situation when we did our bell test. I suddenly wondered if they'd had another bell test and if so how it went. What else did I miss? Probably a lot. I sighed.

"Sasuke you're breathing too much again!" Sakura reproached.

"I want ramen!" Naruto wined.

I then remembered that Sakura had one this morning's game of who could shut up the longest. "Too bad. It's Sakura's turn to decide what we have for dinner," I said grabbing the opportunity to turn their short attention span to something other than burying me alive.

"Hmm.. I want some kind of dumplings," announced Sakura.

"Well let's start heading home so I have time to cook them," I replied, keeping any hopeful tone out of my voice.