It was decided that, to make it in some way fair, Bruce would introduce himself as the Hulk.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Bruce Banner. You might know me as the giant green monster that destroys things when he's angry.

"Sherlock Holmes. You've obviously come here to find a sex partner, mostly because you think your boyfriend's cheating on you, which he isn't, but your father cheated on your mother and so you're predisposition to think any important male in your life is cheating to save from being blindsided by the revelation all over again. This is a terrible method to find a mate as you will most likely end up with a man who does have extramarital affairs because you will not allow yourself to trust any other type of man."

"Hello, I'm Doctor Bruce Banner. You might know me as the Hulk."

"You mean the thing that smashed Harlem?"

"Uh, well, yeah."

"Sherlock Holmes. You're hoping to seduce Tony Stark this evening, or one of his friends in hopes of getting to Tony Stark. You want to get famous either for ruining his current relationship or by selling some kind of story to a newspaper, hoping that you can also bring a lawsuit as you here those get settled with quiet a lot of money."

"Hello, I'm Doctor Bruce Banner."

"And why are you at the King's table?"

"I'm Tony's friend who turns into a giant green rage monster."

"Sherlock Holmes. You're not actually looking for a man, though you want your friend who brought you to think you are. You're hoping that she won't notice that you're a lesbian if you flirt with a bunch of men and get shot down. You're also hoping that she'll get rejected and drunk enough that you can soothe her and hope that she'll eventually see you as her best option."

"So you won't mind faking flirting with me for a few minutes, then?"

"Hi, I'm Doctor Bruce Banner."

"You know, I don't think introducing yourself as the Hulk is the best way to get phone numbers."

"You see that man over there?"

"Sherlock Holmes?"

"You read the blog?"

"My ex loved it."

"I have a bet with him to see how many phone numbers we can get by being ourselves. Introducing myself this is the only way it's fair."

"It's sad when the only way to balance out a bad personality is by telling people you might accidentally on purpose turn them into grape jelly."

"I never said it wasn't."

"Here, you can have mine. I wouldn't mind making my ex's favorite obsession lose at something."

"Sherlock Holmes. You're here hoping to find a love connection, which is foolish as this is a place that girls go to be seen and guys go to hit on girls. Good for a one night stand, bad for an extended relationship."

"I know, but I figure a date with someone can't hurt my no-dating streak."

"What's this?"

"My phone number. When's the last time you've been on a date?"

"See, what did I tell you?" Tony asked on the car ride home. Sherlock was driving. "Three phone numbers each."

"John only got one," Sherlock said.

"Yeah, well, he found a keeper quick off, so no harm there. I must admit, you are a lucky man, Dr. Watson. When's the date?"

"Tomorrow, if Sherlock doesn't come up with a reason to sabotage it between now and then."

"He probably will," Tony said. "But I'm certain I can distract him with some nice shiny science equipment."

"You are both aware that I can hear you," Sherlock said.

"Yeah, well, you're driving my car."

"You're hammered, Tony," Bruce said from the front seat.

"And you're the fool who only got three phone numbers because you told every girl there that you could smash them."

"Don't forget Sherlock, who somehow managed to get three despite deducing every woman in the bar," John said.

"Yeah, exactly how many of the numbers were from pity?"

"All three for us both I expect," Bruce admitted, looking down at the cocktail napkins he got. "Though, I was talking to one of the girls Sherlock got, she's nice. You should take her out."

"No," Sherlock said with a long suffering tone.

"Why not?" Tony asked. "If Bruce likes her she can't be all bad."

"My body is merely transport."

"Oh man, you are so missing out," Tony said, leaning on the back of Sherlock's seat. "When's the last time you've had a date?"

"I never saw how dating would be a relevant subject of study."

"So you have never been out on a date?" Tony asked. He actually sounded offended.

"If I did I must have deleted it."

"Okay, that's it, you are calling that girl when you get home and setting up a date with her tomorrow."

"Why tomorrow?"

"Two birds with one stone. Look, I got a nice restaurant I can set you boy up at, two, actually, on opposite sides of town. You're going to love it."

"I'm not exactly sure that accepting more charity from you will work out well," John said, tugging Tony back down in his seat.

"This went well, didn't it?"

"Not for me," Bruce said.

"Well, you're an idiot, and you didn't change and kill anyone, so count it a success."

"Just think of it as too much of a good thing," John said.

"No such thing," Tony said sulkily.

Sherlock pulled out in front of 221 Baker Street, and everyone climbed out. Tony, for his shocking level of inebriation, still managed to climb out like nothing was wrong.

"Alright Children, upstairs and make your phone calls. John, make sure Sherlock doesn't blow it."

"I can't promise that," John said.

"Well, try," Tony said. "I'll call up the restaurants and make reservations."

"Hello?"

"Sherlock Holmes," Sherlock said, glaring down at the napkin the number was written on. He hated calling, but John had insisted.

"I didn't think you'd call."

"I'm doing this under duress."

"Someone has a gun to your head?"

"No, but I have been informed by Tony Stark that he will take us both to a restaurant tomorrow if he has to pick us up himself and handcuff us to his car to get us there."

"Your friends are rather strange."

"He's not my friend. He's a temporary neighbor."

"Still… what time is the durressed date to happen?"

"Durressed isn't a word."

"English is flexible and you know what I mean."

"8:00 pm."

"What time are you coming to get me?"

"7:30 should leave enough time to get there."

"Okay, I'll text you my address then. Good night, Sherlock."

"Hey, Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Since when did you become a matchmaker?"

"Since I met a thirty year old virgin tonight. This is not okay, Bruce. The universe will not allow it, and more importantly I will not allow it. We are correcting this hence forth."

Bruce smiled a bit into his tea, looking back at the paper. "Are you so keen on setting me up too?"

"I haven't found someone good enough who's available."

"Who would you count as good enough?" Bruce asked with his eyebrow raised.

"Pepper, if she weren't dating me. Or Natasha is she wasn't probably off with Hawkeye."

"Are they together?"

"Who knows, but I'm not putting anyone in a situation to get one of Clint's arrows in their ass."

Bruce smiled a little. "That's good to know." It was also good to know exactly how high Tony's standards were for him, a lot higher than what Bruce had for himself.

A/N: So, I updated, aren't you happy? I don't really leave projects, just kind of meander back around to them.