I will never write porn about Finn. I love him because of his innocence. I don't want to take that away from him. I want his love for LSP to occur naturally and with pure intention. No Rule 34 here. Finn is a child, and a lovely one at that.
Finn busied himself all day with his friends Cinnamon Bun and Starchy in the Candy Kingdom. Princess Bubblegum needed some help shearing up the city gates for an incoming flood. The candy citizens were hauling massive bags of sugar up to the city gates to defend against the oncoming floods of excrement. PB was busy at the Weather Station, with her little gumdrop minions pouring over the meteorological data brought in by the balloon spirits who lived their afterlife in the stratosphere. They had worrying news. No one had predicted a Stuff Storm like this before.
Peebles pulled her glasses down on her nose as she looked at the printouts.
'Holy stuff. We need to work double-quick citizens. I've never seen anything like this.' The printer on her computer choked and coughed unhealthily as it spat out the stats.
The Balloon spirit too was worried. 'I haven't seen a Stuff Storm like this since, well, before I died, no, wait! That's what killed me!'
PB looked worried. 'I have a plan. I'll send a Banana Guard to go tell Mini Queen to summons her Butt Weevils. After the deluge they will be able to clean up. Until then, we'll just have to keep our heads down.'
Peppermint Butler tumbled out the castle gates to spread the news to Finn, waving his short arms.
'News from the Princess people!'
'Hey, PepBut!' Finn called cheerfully, helping Starchy pull a large sugar bolster across the castle entrance to keep the effluent out.
'The Candy Kingdom has never seen a flood like this in all of Princess Bubblegum's rule. We need to work double quick! The storm comes tonight!'
'Dude, we're working our butts off, CB downright nearly had a prolapse'
Cinnamon Bun groaned, rubbing at his love handles in pain.
'Well Ole' Starchy's still going', Starchy said, wiping the sweat from his moustache, and his little dollymix friends all shouted and jumped up and down ,'Yay, We're nearly done!'
As Finn and CB pulled candy wrapper covers up over the gates of the castle everyone cheered. 'We're gonna be OK tonight dudes. Tell PB we have it all under wraps.'
With that, Finn dusted himself down after a job well done, and starting to feel a little tired, started on his way home.
When Finn arrived at the tree house fort, Beemo was waiting for him with a delicious meal of noodles and pizza and a hot drink. Finn hungrily ate, and yawned deeply, before ripping off his clothes, that he dumped on the floor by his bed, donning his onesie, and jumping into his sleeping bag with less than a courtesy to the ever-humble Beemo, went to sleep.
A couple of hours into his rest, Finn's chest began heaving, his heart pounding as his mind was sucked deeply into a twisted evil dream.
He saw the Lich, twisting his deformed and rotting putrid body from the portal again wearing the flayed skin of a human boy, blood drips from his jaws as he vomits, his shoulders heaving and shaking, up comes internal organs, his stomach, inside out lungs, a heart still beating, tiny maggots, green worms screaming, screaming through the dense red blood vapour, WaWaWAWah! Feeling himself evaporate into the blood mist, a heady smell of iron and death and feeling a rhythmic vibration and a sound...
It sounded like Jake's singing...
On a tropical island...
The scene shifts...
Jake's there...
Doing a shimmy in a grass skirt and coconuts on his breasts...
Playing a ukulele, The Lich evaporates in a puff of green smoke and blood vapour.
The song continues, Finn's eyes snap into focus.
It's the mobile phone beside his bed. It's vibrating, shivering across the wood.
Finn grabs at it and flicks the clamshell open.
It feels cold and solid in his hand as he brings it up to his ear.
'Hey' said Finn, blearily, still half in hypnogogic sleep. His mind is still fogged by worms and the metallic taste of tangy blood mist. He can't tell the dream from reality.
'Finn!, Oh my Glob! Finn, Help meeee!'
Finn recognised the masculine valley girl accent instantly, and snapped back to full consciousness. 'Oh Glob, Save me Finn! I can't aaarrrghh...'
Finn's heart jolts.
'LSP! Hang on, I'll save you!'
He rolls over and falls out of bed, hitting the floor hard and scrambling from his sleeping bag. The phone goes dead. 'LSP! LSP!'
Finn tries to redial.
No signal.
And again. No signal.
Damn you No signal.
Hastily, Finn threw some provisions in his backpack, clean water, candy bars for energy, rope and grabbed his trusty demon blood sword, pulled on his little blue shorts and T Shirt, his boots and awesome hat, and ran out of the door of the tree fort as fast as his skinny little noodle legs would carry him.
'Beemo, I've gotta go save LSP!'