I'M BACK! ISH!

Still super busy, but let's face it—I am not me without Prince of Tennis. And I missed you all too much to leave forever, haha. (And now watch it turn out everyone's forgotten about this fic.)

If you haven't heard these songs before, I really do recommend searching them up, haha. Especially Caramelldansen. And Fukkireta.

ALSOALSOALSO YOU SHOULD PESTER CERU AND TELL HER TO UPDATE. HI CERU I UPDATED BEFORE YOU SO I WIN. :)

(Also, hey guys! For everyone who's reviewed any of my stories - and to whom I've yet to reply, thank you so much for reviewing! I wish I could send you all individual review-replies like I used to, but right now I just don't have the time. However, as soon as I regain my footing in terms of academics and extracurriculars, I promise to thank you all individually! For now, just bear with me, and know you have my thanks in spirit, haha. /thumbs up)

Momoshiro and Kikumaru shared an evil grin, then shoved Echizen forward, who yelped in a highly undignified manner.

"We're glad you volunteered, Echizen," Shiraishi said warmly, and shoved the hat in his face. "Please pick a song."

Echizen looked awfully miserable and he dipped his hand into the hat of doom.

The group held its breath as he pulled out a sheet of folded paper.

The group's faces turned blue as it continued to hold its breath as Echizen unfolded the paper.

The group started to gag from lack of oxygen as Echizen lowered his cap, then looked up with a smirk.

"The Tennis Song," he said.

Blank stares. "What?"

"It's called The Tennis Song," Echizen repeated.

Kintarou laughed hysterically. "You're making that up, Koshimae," he exclaimed, slapping his knee like it was the best joke he's heard in his life.

Echizen held out the paper. "Look. It says The Tennis Song."

Atobe pulled out a bottle of wine from the same fifth dimension in which he got his tennis racquet, took a dainty sip, put a hand on his hip and frowned. "It's from a musical. City of Angels. And it's about tennis."

The regulars suddenly seemed a thousand times more eager. "Are there songs about tennis here?" someone asked excitedly.

"No," Atobe said, with all the flippancy of someone who crushed other people's dreams daily. "That's the only tennis song."

"Aww," everyone moaned. "Of course Echizen gets The Tennis Song."

"I'm the title character," Echizen replied, crossing his arms. "Mada mada dane."

Echizen looked smug as he walked away, and Kintarou skipped after him like he'd just won the lottery. Twice. Then beat Yukimura at a game of tennis. Which is impossible, of course, because he's Yukimura. But really. That's how happy he was.

That was a stupid analogy. Nobody beats Yukimura at tennis.

"Damn straight," said Yukimura.

"Did you just break the fourth wall?" Sanada asked. "Again?"

"I didn't break the fourth wall twice!" he protested. "Fuji did it the first time. How did you mistake me for him?" He looked terribly hurt.

"How did you mistake me for him?" Fuji demanded, looking terribly annoyed.

"Wait, why did no one notice that I broke the fourth wall?" Echizen muttered.

The three tennis geniuses stared Sanada down. He decided it was a good time to back away.

"I'll go next," Choutaro offered meekly, "if no one else is willing."

He and Taka-san stepped forward, and Choutaro picked out a slip of paper. "Poker Face," he read. "I wonder what that is. Do you poke people in the face? It's about a face poker, isn't it? Taka-san, do you like face-poking?"

"I wonder," Taka-san said, naively.

The two of them pondered this for a few moments.

"Next!" Yukimura called. "Let's make this quick. Akaya, don't you want to pick a song?"

In all honesty, he didn't want to pick a song, but c'mon. It was Yukimura who asked. How could he say no?

That's right. He couldn't.

Akaya walked forward like somebody on death row. Jackal fidgeted. Akaya had terrible luck, he knew. Maybe he ought to jump forward and pick the song instead. Wait, he had terrible luck, too. Never mind… But what if Akaya had worse luck? Maybe this would be the difference between moderately bad and completely awful! Maybe he ought to go ahead and tell Akaya to let him pick—but what if that insults Yukimura? After all, Yukimura did tell Akaya to pick; and Yukimura's word is law. But surely Yukimura did so with the intention of relieving Akaya's pain; Akaya is Yukimura's favorite. But what if—

He sighed. "Team politics," he muttered.

Then Jackal heard Akaya's horrified scream and jumped.

"What?" he asked, panicky. "What happened? Did you throw a fork at your neighbor's cat again?"

Thenhe remembered they were in an isolated field of isolation and calmed down.

And then he remembered Akaya was picking out the song of doom and started panicking again.

"What'd you pick?" Jackal demanded.

"F-f-f-fukkireta," Akaya whimpered.

"That song in which one wiggles one's hips an awful lot while singing in a chipmunk voice?" Jackal asked slowly.

A nod.

Silence.

Then everyone in the group burst into hysterical laughter.

"Calm down, everybody," Shiraishi called. "Next person, please step forward."

Chitose and Fuji stepped forward. The light and wind struck them at just the right angle, and they looked like two brilliant, ethereal superstars. "We'll go," they said in unison.

As if the hand of tennis had moved the wind itself, the breeze blew one slip of paper from the hat into Fuji's hands.

Everyone's jaws fell to the floor. That just defied physics.

Fuji unfolded the paper delicately, then raised one dainty hand to cover his mouth. "Oh my tennis," he exclaimed softly. Yes, he exclaimed softly. Because all the Fuji Syusukes of the world can exclaim softly.

"What?" Chitose inquired, reaching for the paper. "In the name of tennis!" he exclaimed.

"WHAT?" everyone demanded impatiently.

"We will be performing the Black Swan Pas de Deux of Swan Lake," Fuji announced.

See, here's the thing.

If it were any other pair, the group would've laughed at them, pointed fingers, maybe thrown a few tomatoes here and there.

But this was Fuji and Chitose.

The gifted! The beautiful! The elegant! The talented! The wielding weapons, daggers, poisons, and heavy artillery!

So everyone just applauded weakly.

"Say, Tezuka," Yukimura commented, "you're a classical music fan, aren't you?"

"Quite," he responded.

"Then you're aware of the story behind this variation?"

"Yes, it's the scene in which the Black Swan seduces the prince and causes the White Swan's downfall," Tezuka replied calmly.

"Yes, that's what I thought it was," Yukimura replied, satisfied. A pause. "It suits the two of them quite well."

"Indeed."

"I do wonder what sort of twist they'll put on this."

"As do I."

"Hmm."

"Mmm."

"I'm thinking poison," Fuji said as they walked away.

"Oh, I was thinking daggers," Chitose said ponderingly.

"Let's do both," Fuji offered.

"Good idea!"

"There's seduction involved, right?"

"Yes."

"I do wonder how we'll go about doing that," Fuji contemplated. "Maybe succubae."

"Soul-eating demons," Chitose said approvingly. "I like that."

Everyone else backed away a few hundred feet.

"NEXT," Atobe ordered.

"We may as well," Yuushi muttered, and Yagyuu followed, looking highly annoyed and unwilling, as only a gentleman can.

Yuushi dipped his hand unceremoniously into the hat and pulled out a sheet of paper, then read it, paling as he did so. "Um," he said.

"What did you pick?" Yagyuu inquired, looking over his shoulder. He read it, then paled. "Um."

The two gentlemen paled until their faces were entirely white, repeating "um" like they were Kabaji.

"Whaaaaaat?" Gakuto demanded. "Tell me!"

"I take offense to this," Yuushi said at last, "for I am not European."

"Huh?" Gakuto bounded forward and grabbed the slip of paper from Yuushi. He glanced at it, tried to make sense of the English, then burst into laughter and fell to the floor.

"What'd they get?" Niou asked curiously.

Gakuto cleared his throat and stood up again, trying to contain his chuckles. "Ahem. Gay or European," he announced. "Their song is Gay or European."

"From Legally Blonde?" Yukimura asked Atobe, terribly amused.

Atobe looked at the pair pensively, raised his wine glass as if to toast the song, then nodded. "I think it suits them quite well," he announced. "Next!"

The remaining participants glanced around uneasily.

"If no one comes up I'm just going to assign you stuff," Atobe said seriously.

Everyone still seemed hesitant.

Atobe frowned, then folded his arms. "Fine. Kabaji and Kikumaru. You two will be performing the Grand Adage, also from Swan Lake."

"WHAT!" Eiji yelped. "Why us?"

"Karma for making me go first," Echizen suggested. "Mada mada dane."

"Then why not Momo?" Eiji demanded.

"Alright, to be fair, Momoshiro and Konjiki! You two will be performing Love Story by Taylor Swift."

"Way to throw me under the bus, Eiji-senpai," Momoshiro moaned.

Eiji gave him a thumbs up. "I look forward to your performance!" he sang.

"I think you should give him some of your wine," Momoshiro told Atobe, gesturing to Eiji.

Atobe arched an eyebrow. "Why?"

"So he passes out," Momo snorted.

"Hey!" Eiji protested.

"Taylor Swift is enough to warrant resentment," Atobe contested, amused.

"Swan Lake isn't?" Eiji demanded.

"Swan Lake is sophisticated and respectable," Atobe said primly. "Which is why I shall give Oshitari and Yagyuu-san the honor of performing The Four Cygnets, also from Swan Lake."

"Yay us," Yuushi said flatly.

Yagyuu frowned. "I somehow doubt your sincerity, Atobe-san. Are you sure it is the honor that appeals to you, and not the potential indulgence and amusement of forcing two sophisticated gentleman to feign four little ducks?"

"Perhaps the latter," Atobe admitted.

Marui looked blank. "In Japanese?" he requested.

"Atobe-san just forced the gentlemen to dance ballet and pretend to be ducklings," Niou offered. "I have a whole new respect for the guy."

"Until he makes you dance to the Barbie Girl theme," Marui threatened.

"Good idea!" Yukimura exclaimed. Marui and Niou froze. "Niou, you and Kenya are hereby assigned to the Barbie Girl theme."

Niou stood expressionless for a few moments, closed his eyes, and took several deep breaths. The temperature seemed to drop.

Then he opened his eyes, kept them fixed on Yukimura, and pointed to Marui without so much as glancing at the redhead.

"Caramelldansen," Niou said flatly. "C'mon. You gotta."

Marui's jaw dropped. "No way! That's not fair, I didn't assign you to Barbie Girl on purpose!"

Yukimura considered it for a moment, shared a look with the other captains, then turned to Niou and Marui collectively and said, "It shall be amusing. Your request is granted."

It's a good thing there weren't any bridges, or Marui might have launched himself off of one.

"Let's get on with it," Shiraishi called. "Who's next?"

"Are we still picking out of the hat?" Tezuka inquired, "seeing as you've assigned five songs without using the hat."

"It's funny," Shiraishi admitted. "We're sadists."

"That's a given," Atobe commented. "Tennis players are automatically sadists. Your own Fuji Syusuke is living proof of that."

"We also have magical powers," Yukimura said matter-of-factly. "Your Fuji Syusuke is proof of that as well. I, of course, am better proof. But you understand my point."

"The point being, who's next?"