Chapter 2

What has love got to do with it?

Sango's POV

I hardly slept at all that night…I stayed with Kagome so that I had no need to wake my children, they looked so peaceful and sweet. Kagome stared at me all morning…I had not given her an explanation and this had angered her.

"Sango you can trust me….I might even be able to help you" she said, Kagome…no I cannot inflict this upon you.

"I'm sorry" I sighed, "I'm just not feeling very well…that's all"

Kagome smiled gently at me, "then go home, get some rest…leave the children with me today" she offered kindly.

"Kagome that's so nice but I couldn't ask you to do that" I responded.

However my friend was most insistent "No honestly…please…I could do with the practice".

There was purpose beneath her words and it got my attention "what do you mean by that?"

Her smile stretched and turned into a grin "I was going to wait till Inuyasha and Miroku got back…but I'll tell you now…Sango…I'm pregnant!"

My eyes turned wide…I couldn't believe it! This was such wonderful news! I grabbed and embraced her; we laughed and were overcome with such a happy emotion. Now I really couldn't tell her what I was hiding, I couldn't ruin her happiness. "Kagome" I gushed tearfully, I was so happy for her! "That's so wonderful…you'll make a brilliant mother I know it! Congratulations…really! Does Inuyasha know?"

She giggled and shook her head "Nope you're the first person I've told! So you see….I'll need the practice and I love looking after you kids, so you go home and rest…when you're ready to tell me what's really going on with you, I'll be waiting…whatever it is".

All I could do was nod and then make my way out the hut, giving one last look to my children…the lights that illuminated my most darkest days, I'd do anything to keep them safe, I'll fi this…I promise!

I had a thought that perhaps the earlier I got there the sooner I could get away…first I went home and took a few sips from the sake my husband thought I didn't know about. That is what the former mercenary had requested…and strangely, I had this deep and dark desire….to please him…I don't know why. A sudden image flashed across my mind….his eyes, so blue and intoxicating…they were like two scorching blue flames and they burned into my flesh. My heart was starting to pound….this has to be the sake…not me...I love my husband…this isn't me, I'm a kind and faithful wife, I believe in pure and true love that's what the reasonable parts of my brain told me. But then the voice of the darker side of my mind crept in…who said anything about love? No one has made you feel this way before…you don't love him…but a part of you wants him…admit it…I shook my head and decided I clearly had a sip too many.

I stood at the entrance of the cave….I stared into the dark, my heart was pounding…with…excitement maybe? It definitely wasn't fear pulsing through me now. As I stare deep into the darkness I was brought out of my trance by a sudden voice that laid inside the cave "I can hear you there…your heartbeat is loud, why not come and join me…pretty Sango"

His voice made me quiver…again I shook myself from these thoughts, stop it Sango…you'll never drink sake again!I stepped inside to see him waiting for me there, a cunning smirk across his face…I kept my expression still and unreadable.

He chuckled, "such a serious face" he patted the space next to him "come…take a seat and let's begin"

I obliged and wordlessly set down beside him, he moved my hair from my shoulder, exposing my neck, his lips hovered over the exposed flesh and I felt his warm breath that made me tingle all over, he breathed in "my…you smell good, sweet Sango…I look forward to taking you inside me…" with that he traced his lips over the tender space of my neck, I tried to control my breathing, to steady it. Another chuckle came from him, "relax beautiful" he snatched me and pinned me down, he was on top of me, his hands clasped about my wrists, and he brought his face close to mine as he continued "you'll actually enjoy this". With that he bared his sharp fangs at me…for a moment I was afraid, till the sharps tips of his incisors pierced my tender flesh! There was one very brief moment of pang…then…ecstasy…a pure and blissful frenzy that I felt pulse through every inch of my body! I let out an unintentional groan and found one hand was clasping at his clothes the other moved up till my fingers were entangled in his raven hair. My legs wrapped about his waist…I was under his control! "Yes…" I breathed inadvertently…so lost in the pleasure of it all.

He released me and stared down at me as I gazed up at me through half lidded eyes that were vacant as though under some trance. My blood painted his lips…and without my permission my hand reached up and touched them, their warmth lingered upon my neck. He smiled at me "You drank sake…didn't you…dare I say you really wished to please me?" he licked the blood from his mouth "you're exquisite…I knew you'd enjoy that, shall I continue?" his hands, his hot rough palm moved up my leg…this broke me from my trance. No….Miroku! I growled and pushed him off me, I scrambled away from him and brought my knees to my chest and tightly clasped my arms around them.

"No! Just give me the information I came for and I'll be on my way" I snapped back, I couldn't even look him in the eyes.

He laughed at me and sat with his arm casually over his knee "Very well, you have earned yourself one question….make it a good one".

I frowned, "how long after you dead before Shinigami came for you?" I asked icily covering his bite mark.

"Well…it was after Mt. Hakurei collapsed, you can never be certain of time in the underworld, every minute feels like a year…so it was as though an eternity had passed, once I was revived by Shinigami I discovered it had only been a week since my death".

I saturated this information "So that's why you've aged as I have…you really are four years older. Why did he come for you? What did he say to make you accept his offer?" I asked, I was finally able to face him.

He held up his finger and wagged it from side to side "Nuh-uh… You only get one question…you'll have to come back tomorrow, if you want more".

I scowled at him "You enjoying toying with me don't you? You think you're using me…but did it ever occur that I might be using you?"

He looked amused by this "I certainly hope so" he coaxed with a cunning and impish smile "I rather enjoy the thought of being used by you" he crept over to me and took hold of my chin, his face was close to mine "you can use me all you like pretty slayer….use me…abuse me, so long as it keeps you coming to my doorstep".

For a moment I was lost under his gaze, my heart becoming nothing more than a ball of snow melting from the fiery passion beneath his words. Then my husband's face came to mind…I saw him laughing and playing with our children and was immediately overcome with shame. I recoiled from him. "You're despicable Bankotsu" I sneered at him, he laughed in my face.

"You don't need to pretend with me…you don't have act like a good little housewife, the moment you enter this cave, it's like entering another world where only you and I exist. Ever wonder why dark and light come together so often? It's because when everything is dark and sudden light emerges we have to grab it before it fades…and things of pure light are curious about what hides in the blackness…but be careful my little light…you may delve so deep into my darkness that you may lose yourself and no one, not even your friends….will find you…because I'd have completely consumed you!"

His words were frightening to me and I scrambled to my feet "Listen to me Bankotsu…I love my husband-"

"-Did I say otherwise?" he interrupted having rushed at me with his supernatural speed and towered over me, I was completely cast in his shadow, "what has love got to do with this little arrangement?"

"Everything!" I hissed at him, "It has everything to do with it! I may lose the love of my family and friends…all because I helped you! Do you know how much I risked?"

An unfamiliar look crossed his face…it was so serious and so….thoughtful "why?" he asked in a softer tone than I had ever heard him speak "why did you risk so much? I was enemy in my last life as a mercenary…what's changed?"

His hand was gently holding my wrist he had pulled me close, I realised he was watching me, to decide if I was lying or not when I gave my answer "you…needed me" I uttered quietly, I heard his breath accidentally hitch, I continued "I refuse to believe that there isn't just one spec of good in you…monsters are not born…they're created…I want to know what made you this way! I saw a glimmer of it in your eyes the day I found you in the forest…a certain vulnerability, it drew me to you…I had this need to help you. I'm searching for that glimmer again as it disappeared when you recovered….I'll get all the answers I require even if it mean you have to drain me of every drop of blood in my body!"

The tension smothered the air; did I really just say all that? Did I really allow those words to leave my mouth? He released me…. "You can leave now…your children need you", Bankotsu walked back to his corner where he laid back down, I felt cold all over…

"Mama…I miss daddy" My little Yuka whined as I served her their dinner, I was lost in my own world till she spoke to me.

"I know my dear….I miss him too" I responded as I fed Mizu his food, "but he'll be back soon….I know he misses us too".

"Mama…do you love daddy?" Yuki asked with her mouth full.

A ghost of a smile touched my lips "with all my heart" I answered.

Her big brown eyes settled on the bandage about my neck "Mama did you hurt yourself?" she asked.

I nodded "yes…I wasn't careful, don't worry…did you have fun with Kagome?" I had to change the subject.

They responded eagerly, telling me how they helped her pick herbs and mix them into various medicines. I was glad they had such a lovely day, Kagome asked if she could watch them again tomorrow, just for an hour…I agreed of course, this did help me out. I felt so guilty…I hated all this sneaking around, I hated lying to the people I love most in the world. "How about a story tonight?" I offered, all three clapped happily.

"Can you tell us about the time daddy asked you to marry him?" Yuki requested, I nodded in agreement, that was always their favourite story…and mine, I preferred the way Miroku told it though.

Miroku….I'm sorry for all that I'm doing, I know I could stop anytime and come clean…before the situation gets too out of hand, but for reasons I cannot fathom…I am drawn to the darkness…if I lose myself…please come find me.

"Not the neck this time" I told him as he took me intimately in his arms…more tenderly than I cared for, "it's difficult to hide".

He had me arched but then brought me up, I was on his lap and he brought me up, holding my wrist …his eyes momentarily locked with mine, it was like a bolt of lightning had struck. He had made himself quite at home in this cave, he even lit candles…their warm light illuminated the place and cozied the atmosphere. The candles bled it shadows and every now and then would flicker at our swift movements. He moved my sleeve up and brought my wrist to his lips, he again glided them across my skin before sinking into the soft part of my flesh. I felt the tingling sensation all over again…it wasn't as intense as when he bit my neck…but still….I had to again clasp at his clothes and bit my bottom lip so that another groan did not escape. "that's enough!" I gasped, he released me…I handed him another cloth to wipe, instead blotted at the bite mark. "You've been surprisingly gentle this time…and quiet" I commented.

He smirked at me, "you know…you taste good, wanna see just how good you taste?" he leant forward and intended to kiss me with my blood on his lips, I pushed him away.

"You're never serious! Now it's time for my question" I said icily as I snatched my arm back.

"Fine, shoot" he shrugged "ask away…what is it that's got you curious today".

I thought for a moment "so aside from having to hunt and kill the souls who escaped death…you can live as an ordinary man? You can marry and have children?"

This was the first time a question of mine, "yeah…however, my first born will bear the mark I have" he pointed behind his ear "when they come of age, they'll have no choice but to serve Shinigami as I do or face the same fate as I would" he answered.

"You mean they'll be dragged to the underworld"

He nodded.

I scoffed in disgust, "that's just cruel"

He didn't respond, he just looked away from me "So…your husband will be back any day now…I expect you've missed him a lot…"

"I'd rather not discuss my husband with you!" I retorted cold standing up and moving away from him.

He laughed and stood also, "Oh did I hit a sore spot there? I we starting to feel guilty there pretty little Sango? Why though? I'll bet he's enjoyed other women in his travels" he reached out to touch my face, I smacked his hand away and struck him across the face.

He stared at me, he saw the rage in me… "How dare you! He's a good man! You have no right to talk about him! You've never loved anyone….what would you know!"

He glared at me "feisty…I like that" he paused for a moment "Just so know I've never had the chance to love anyone…the reason I haven't settled down now is because I refuse to inflict this upon my first born, this is what I chose…I won't force my decisions upon them. Tell me…what woman would dare fall for me now knowing who I serve…her name may even appear on this hand" he showed me his left palm, "then what would I do?"

I chided "I bet you'd give her over to the underworld to save yourself! I'd bet my very life on it in fact!"

A sudden rage took him and he forced me against the wall "that's where you're wrong slayer! I'd rather die than betray someone I care for!"

I again scoffed, "Please…Like you've ever cared for anyone in your life!"

I think I too now hit a sore spot on him, with frustration he whacked his fist into the wall right beside my head then pushed himself away "sure are feeling catty today aren't you" he sniped, "could it be you're taking your guilt out on me…you can leave this any time…but you don't, why is that?"

I looked away from him, if only he knew the recent convocations I had been having with myself lately. "I won't stop until I get all the answers I want!" I shot back, for some reason he didn't look to convinced.

"Yeah…you keep telling yourself that" he spoke and then turned his back on me, "I need to train…you should run along now".

I walked away after a moment…this all got too heated today…he stopped me with his voice "wash yourself in the lake before you head back to the village, my smell is all over you, that mutt will pick up on that the moment he arrives".

I said nothing and proceeded to do as he had suggested.

I was almost completely dry now as I made my way back to Kagome's hut to collect my children, I felt as though I was in a haze…I don't think he knew I was aware of his presence the entire time I was bathing in the lake. Why didn't I stop him and tell him to look away? He must have seen the scar on my back, the one Kohaku gave me.

As I approached I heard the laughter of my children…I braced myself before entering the hut, when I stepped in my heart almost stopped.

"Sango! How I've missed you!" he cheered running up to and embracing me tightly….Miroku! "it's so good to be home!"

I felt tears prick my eyes as I clung to him tightly, taking in his smell, "It's good to have you home…I've missed you" I whispered back sincerely, he squeezed me tightly. Over his shoulder I saw Inuyasha glaring at me…he knew something was wrong…but how much did he know?