Chapter 3

Cast in your blinding light

Bankotsu's POV

She hasn't come….where is she? The sun was now starting to set; the sun bled many hues of lilac, pink and orange. I couldn't keep spill…I paced restlessly about the cave, the longer she kept me waiting, the more aggravated I became. I was starting to seethe, where the hell she is! Why isn't she here? Who the hell does she think she is keeping me….I had the slightest idea as to why I was acting like this, it's not like I cared about her or anything, She was my blood bag, a source of nourishment for me. That's its…that's all she was, my daily dose, my favourite toy to play with, now my little play thing had gone missing and it made me want to yell and throw things, I wanted to throw a full blown tantrum that would shame any three year old! My fist connected with the cave wall, it cracked beneath my knuckle, and I felt no pain, "Where is she!" I snarled through gritted teeth, for some reason it felt better saying it aloud. "She wants to play games? A little bit of hide and seek? FINE! I'll seek her out and drag her here! I don't care who sees me"…

It had been days since I stepped outside the cave, even the sunset seemed so bright to me, for a moment I had to shade my eyes till they adjusted, "where you hiding slayer!" I yelled out, "come out, come out wherever you are!" I sang as I leapt upon a branch, from there I leapt to another, then another, I hopped from branch to branch with such grace and swiftness befitting a warrior of my credibility.

A sound came, a laugh like the musical note from a harp string…it was her laugh; it was followed by the sound of little silver bells, the giggles of her children. I crouched for a moment and with flea like action (but with far more grace) I leapt across the river and silently dropped upon the tree just a little away from her home. The only thing that moved was a leaf that fell but caught no one's attention.

There she was, outside her home, she sat in the grass upon a blanket with food laid out…so she's having a little picnic is she? She was giggling as she fed one of her little brats a strawberry; I saw only two children, a pair of twins, they looked just like her…they had her eyes, the colour of her hair and even her smile. I could see by the way they looked at her, just how much they adored her and she loved them…more than her own life. They toddled up to her, clasping flowers in their little hands and offering them to her, their sweet, loving mother took them, laced them into a garland and placed them on their heads "You're my little princesses" Sango giggled pinching at their chubby cheeks.

They then placed a garland they had made themselves upon her head and declared her a queen "Queen mama!" they sang with delight and clapped their hands.

"Here comes the young prince Mizu" declared another voice, a man's voice; to my distaste the monk appeared carrying what looked to be a third child, a son no just over a year old. Something clawed inside me as I saw Sango gaze up at him so lovingly as he handed her their youngest child. He crouched down beside her with his arm casually about her shoulders. He had a similar look as his children when with her, complete devotion….the monk had gotten everything he ever wanted….all because she gave it to him. The married couple were gazing at each other as though nothing and no one else in the world existed; eventually his lips softly touched hers.

"Eeeew!" their twins said in unison, "mama! Kissing boys is disgusting!"

The monk smiled and patted their heads "that's right my dears, no kissing boys for you, right?"

"Right!" they both agreed, their mother laughed heartily and leaned her head upon his shoulder.

"I wish you didn't have to go away so often and for so long" she uttered sincerely while the three of their offspring played together. "It's not the same here without you".

Their eyes were closed peacefully as they relaxed in the evening breeze; the sun had still to sink. Miroku hummed in agreement, "I know…I always miss my three favourite girls, and my best boy, all I can think about when Inuyasha and I are away is how much I want to get back to you all. It's the nights that are the hardest, I long to tuck the children in and give them each three kisses on the forehead for extra special dreams…and I desire to curl up beside you, it's so cold without and I can hardly sleep. It's worse when I have one of my nightmares, the ones where the wind-tunnel returns and consumes you all, I wake in a start and immediately reach for you…but then find you're not there".

I had to hand it to him…the sleaze ball had a way with words, it brought such a blush to her pale face "M-Miroku" was all she could manage.

He held her tighter to him "It's the truth Sango…I know you worry that I'll be flirting with other woman…but why would I want them when I have you, you have given me everything I'll want, ever need and more".

She smiled brightly; he meant everything to her….well monk what you don't know is that only yesterday your little wife there was in my arms, luxuriating in my touch! I filled her with more pleasure than you ever have or ever could in your entire miserable existence. I couldn't explain the animal urge to attack him, to pull out his eyes that looked so intently upon her, to rip the lips that dared touch her clean off! I have always been possessive, once I declare something is mine, I don't like others touching it, and she was my plaything.

"Miroku…sometimes you really make me recall the many reasons why I fell in love with you in the first place" she spoke, he leaned his forehead against hers, the entire scene painted the picture of the perfect family and it made me sick. Their tender moment was cut short when her husband wandered too far north down her back to her shapely rear , she rolled her eyes and grunted with annoyance "Miroku! Just because you're my husband don't think I won't slap you for being a pervert!"

The monk giggled sheepishly and raised both hands "I couldn't help myself" he defended "I'm powerless against you my dear wife" he took her hands in his.

She pulled a face at him, this got the attention of one of their little girls "mama is daddy in trouble" she asked.

Sango sighed, "No my sweet not this time, the man certainly can talk his way out of any situation".

Miroku chuckled in response and gathered her up in his arms, her children came bounding over and leapt all over their parents till the they all fell back laughing.

Did she have any intentions of visiting my today? I returned to my hole in the wall….I can't believe I wasted time lighting candles again, why did I even do that in the first place? I shrugged at my thoughts and figured who doesn't like a candlelit dinner…because that's all she is to me, dinner…and unfortunately I had a bad habit of playing with my food.

I got back to the cave that was still illuminated by the candles, I decided to leave them alight. Let her play happy families with the monk…she'll come back, that's why I'll leave the candles be. I laid back with a smug smile…she'll be here. I gazed at my left palm…still no assignment, I was starting to get bored of all the waiting, I wish Shinigami would hurry up and send me on my way, I'll take on anyone! Then a thought suddenly hit me ….what if Sango's name appeared? What would I do then would I actually kill her? I shook myself from whatever emotion was bothering me now, of course I'd kill her…she's nothing to me! Nothing! She better get here soon or next I'll go out again and this time I'll actually take her!

My eyes grew heavy as sleep was upon me…when I wake, she'll be here…she'll be here….

"Bankotsu? Are you here?" echoed a voice that roused me from my sleep…she's here. I opened my eyes and sat up the light of the candles had dimmed since, I was uncertain of how late it was, but it was dark. Sango stood more timid than usual, she entered slowly and set beside me, I moved close to proceed with our usual routine, till she moved away and lightly pushed her hand against my chest.

"There is no need for that" she spoke and the produced a small glass vile of blood, I frowned deeply as I took it, unscrewed the lid and took in a sniff of the red contents, "I even mixed a little bit of sake in it for you" she added.

I screwed my face at her, "this is sheep's blood…you're really giving me blood from a sheep!" I exclaimed and threw down the vile, letting it shatter everywhere.

"Well yes" she growled back "I can't be covered in bite marks, my husband will see…furthermore it's starting to take its toll on my body, I don't see what the problem is, and it's still blood".

I growled lowly, "that's not part of the deal….if you don't let me drink from you then you've not earned an answer to your question" I narrowed my eyes at her as she turned away from me, "You're feeling guilty, because me drinking from you gives you pleasure, something you promised to share only with the monk" I took her face in my hands, her cheeks were hot from the blush and eyes wide from shock. "I won't you to stop feeling this way…I can tell you feel like the worse person in the world, I have seen the lowest of the low, the utter scum of the earth, hell, I'm one of them! But you, you Sango are a good person, a good mother and a good wife, your family are lucky to have you, so stop being such an idiot".

For a moment we sat like this, her face in my hands, till she removed them and again averted her eyes.

"Why are you here so late? Why didn't you come earlier?" I asked quietly.

"I was with my family all day, I've just snuck out…it was difficult, because he was holding me so tightly" tears began to fill her hazel eyes…they filled with shame.

"I told you to stop it" I ordered dryly, "there was a time in my life that I'd have given anything….for someone to love me as you love them, trust me…they're lucky to have you". I had never spoken so kindly to anyone in my entire adult life, from the moment I held Banryu in my hand. However, it didn't feel wrong to talk to her like this…it felt kind of nice actually, so nice that I wanted to carry on. "when someone has earned your love…they hold it forever… you love so fully and unconditionally, you're the kind of person someone would want to keep in their lives…you make them want to be better. You take away the pain of their past, you wipe them clean of all their sins, once they have your love…they truly have it, there aren't many people like you left in the world…you're special Sango" I reached out to touch her face, she struck my hand away.

"Why are you saying all this?" she breathed, emotion rising in her voice, "you don't even know me! You really are evil, you're just toying with me. You know what….I don't care anymore, I don't care what happened to you, I don't care about Shinigami and I'm tired of trying to find just little spec of decency in you". She stood to her feet and fled towards the exit, I hindered her.

"I know all this because I taste it in your blood! I have taken you into me and now know you better than you know yourself. You want to see what you saw that day in the forest? You want to see that vulnerable man who needed you! He's standing right here in front of you….look in my eyes" I held her by the shoulders, she let out a small gasp, "look at them…they call to you, there's something about you…I'm drawn, completely drawn. When you didn't come here all day, I was restless…you give me peace, I'm calmer in your presence and you wash away some of the innocent blood in which my hands are drenched! Keep your blood…I'll tell you anything you want to know".

She stared at me long and hard with so much disbelief…it was as though I had spoken another language, she just couldn't understand what I was saying or why I was saying it. But I couldn't find even an ounce of regret in me, I had to say it. Eventually she pulled away "You can't say that, it's not fair" she said tearfully.

She tried to run again, I grabbed her again "You can't run from this Sango!" I yelled, "you can't run from what you feel…you have unknowingly shared everything with me, with every tiny drop of blood I have consumed from you I have learnt more about what lingers in your heart. I know you don't love me, but you want me and that's fine, I'll take whatever you're willing to give me…just don't run!"

She let out a scream and beat the sides of her fist against me "Stop it! Stop it!" she cried "You can't say things like that to me! Stop lying and toying with me…this isn't a game…I regret ever helping you, I should have left you there to rot, you were a killer in your last life and killer in this one. There isn't enough water in the world to clean the blood from your hands! Stop pretending…stop looking at me as though I truly matter".

"You think I wanted this?" I retorted, I had never shown anyone this side of me, ever, "I want nothing more than to stop whatever it is that I feel when I'm with you! No one has ever risked what you have for me…anyone else would have left me there to suffer…you gave yourself to me willingly. You can't lie to me, you can't hide…you're in too deep".

She started to breath heavily, like she was having a panic attack, "I'm such a horrible person" she muttered to herself then looked to me "I am…I'm a horrible wife, a horrible mother" tears began to fall.

I scoffed and shook my head "you wanna know about a horrible mother? My mother was nothing more than a ghost…she refused to hold me, to feed me, to keep me warm in winter. I'd cry for hours because I was hungry, cold and alone…she ignored me. There was only one thing that seemed to spark even the slightest bit of life into that shell of a woman, and that was the touch of strange men. As the years went by….and her looks began to fade, she took to drinking to fill the void those hordes of men left behind, she would be cruel to me…call me weak and puny because I was so scrawny from lack of food. The entire village ridiculed me…I began to hate everything and everyone, I worked to be the strongest, most fierce man…killing took some of the pain away. She made me this way, killing was all that gave me peace…till I met you. You've confused me…you're the first woman to care for me in any way, to show me any form of tenderness".

She again stared up at me "I'm sorry" she whispered, to my utter shock she reached up and cupped my cheek, the warmth of her hand was sensational and I couldn't resist laying my hand upon it and savouring that touch. "I have said some horrible things to you recently…but I meant what I said, I still refuse to believe that there isn't good in you, that poor lost little boy is still in there…but I cannot be the one to find him, you'll have to find someone else for that" with those last words she again tried to grab and once again.

"You can't leave me…not tonight" I whispered, there was once only one thing I held dear, Banryu…the tool that I used to kill and find harmony. Now I held something warmer than cold steel in my hands and it made me feel calmer than the feel of Banryu and I couldn't let her go.

"I shouldn't have left Miroku's side, it was wrong of me, I have been such a fool. I should have listened to your warning, I have delved too deep into the darkness and I have to turn back now before I truly do become lost in you" she told me sadly. "I see so much potential in you Bankotsu, he you have the makings of a hero…but the lack of kindness others have shown has made you a villain. I am no better, I have never been more ashamed of myself" she paused and forced herself to look at me, "It's strange, I have this undeniable need, desire, to take all the pain from your life…if I could I certainly would. I want to shine bright for you to illuminate the black abyss in which you dwell, but I can't my light is strong enough. Right now, this very moment, it takes every bit of restraint I have not hold you, to comfort you, I know how much it hurts to lose someone you loved, but I knew nothing of the pain that came with never being loved at all. I'll stay with you tonight…tomorrow when I leave…I'm never coming back".

I leant forward, my lips so close to hers and she remained perfectly still, but as my lips were about to touch hers she moved her face away, pulled the hair from her shoulder, slipped down some fabric and offered her bare neck to me, I traced my lips there, caressing my hands down her arms. Tomorrow when I leave…I'm never coming back, her words echoed in my mind and it made me clasp to her more tightly. "It was dark, so cold in the underworld, there a gentle touch meant nothing, blades cut me, boiling water scolded me and I felt every bit of agonising pain without the release of death…I was already dead. That's when he came to me…Shinigami, he was figure cast in smoke with eyes blazing red. His hand was bone, no flesh covered it, and they outstretched to me…his voice so deep. He asked if I wanted to be free of this pain, if I wanted a chance at living again, that I would be able to live most of my life as an ordinary man. When I asked why he chose me, he said it was because of my former life as a mercenary I would make the perfect assassin. Shinigami gave me another day of torture to think it through, the next time he came…I accepted, I wanted the chance to repent for everything I've ever done…but it was impossible until I met you. You'll save me Sango…I know it".

A tear escaped her eyes and for the first time she held me, we fell to the ground where she cradled me, stroking my hair and whispering sweet things "I want to save you…I don't know how" she whimpered, I felt her hand under my chin, she lifted my face and swept her fingers through my hair, leaning her forehead against mine. "All I can give you right now is the red contents of my veins, that and nothing more…it's all that I have to give" she uttered.

I caressed the spot in which I would sink my teeth in, so soft and tender…I swept her up and carried her to my sleeping corner and laid her down there upon her back. Where before she would not look me in the eyes, she directly stared me in the face, her hand cupped my cheek. I was in love with her, I was in love with the slayer. I pierced her white flesh and filled her with the immense pleasure of deep kiss upon the neck. Some the blood trickled down, I scooped it up with my tongue. Sango pushed my head down "more" she breathed.

I hovered over her lips before I went lower and lifted one of her legs there I sank into her thigh. Her toes curled and she clutched at the blanket. I had taken in a lot more than usual so I had to stop, she didn't move of flinch away as I rested on top of her, my head resting sleepily upon chest. She rested her hands on head and continued to stroke my hair. I imagined spending the rest of our lives sleeping like this, being in her arms…I was finally able to sleep. Sango was a different person in our cave, she was mine while she was here, tonight she was not holding her husband, she was holding me.

Sango…you are not lost in my darkness, I am cast in your blinding light.

I was so at peace, so deep in her warmth that I did not notice another presence "get your hands off her!" a voice growled. Sango and I shot up, she yelped loudly at our intruder and quickly jumped to her feet.

"Inuyasha!" she gasped, "It's not what it looks like I swear!"

The half demon scowled "then explain to me exactly what the hell this is!"