Okay, sorry I'm late with this. I've had Christmas and two birthdays (mine and my brother's) to deal with, plus things have been heating up at work, so real life has had to take a front seat for a time.
As always, these folks aren't mine, and I'm not sure I'd want them even if they were. I always welcome your reviews, but flames will be used to cook my lunch.
So, with no further ado, I bring you the latest chapter in the ongoing saga of the prank war. Once again, brains are broken, rules are broken, alchemists are misused, and the fate Hughes's camera becomes known.
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Lust had been wandering the halls of Eastern HQ for about an hour now, and had found her way to the third floor break room. Envy had mentioned the List while he was recovering from his run-in with the Ross woman and the tank. She got halfway through it and giggled when she saw that both his encounters with her had made it. She made a note to tease him about it later.
She was on her way out when a soldier with glasses and a scowl on his face stomped into the room with a piece of paper in one hand and a spade-shaped throwing dagger in the other. He stopped long enough to affix the paper to the bulletin board with the dagger and stomp out.
After he left, she went back and read the new addition.
"Well," she said with a smile, "this may bear watching, for entertainment, if nothing else."
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If you are going to take the last cup of coffe in the pot, do not forget to brew more.
The best theory that anyone could come up with was that the courts martial office ran on caffiene and sugar.
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Tag is now banned on base.
"She's just not happy because she was never it," Sciezka pouted.
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Do not antagonize the alchemists.
a. Especially if they haven't had enough sleep.
b. Especially if they're antagonized to begin with.
Danny Brosch had made the mistake of trying to interrupt Major Elric and Colonel Mustang during an arguement. Both alchemists turned on him, chased him up a tree and threatened to burn it down while he was still in it.
"Sir..."
"We said we were sorry..."
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Snares in the hallway. Don't even think about it.
Neither side would admit to putting it there, especially after it caught Lt. Hawkeye. Warning shots were fired, and both sides laid low for a week.
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The kitty-cat whiskers are not to be mentioned. Ever.
This went up after one of Colonel Mustang's numerous attempts to look older. Supposedly Lt. Hawkeye was still snickering over that one.
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Neither is the handlebar mustache.
Another attempt by Mustang to look older, but this one went horribly wrong.
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Lt. Havoc is no longer allowed to drive.
Lt. Breda still hadn't recovered from the last time he'd been in a car while Havoc was behind the wheel.
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Stop stealing peoples' identities. It's bad for your health and everybody else's.
A jealous boyfriend came looking to do some serious physical damage to Roy Mustang, only to have the colonel deny that that was his name. By the time the whole charade was over, the only ones answering to their right names were Lieutenants Hawkeye and Ross and the highly confused Elric brothers, and Maes Hughes was in the hospital with a broken arm.
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The cheese is not now, nor has it ever been, king.
"Okay, that was...random," Edward said.
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You are not to lock Colonel Mustang and Major Elric in a closet together and take bets on what happens.
Alphonse Elric won the betting pool: Roy Mustang and Edward Elric alive and intact, Caine Furey and Heymans Breda with second-degree burns.
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There is no limit as to how weird things can get.
"That," Maes Hughes said with a snicker, "I can believe."
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Pants are not optional.
a. Especially if you plan to mingle in polite society.
"I tried to tell you, Brother..."
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The Flame Alchemist is to be kept away from codeine-based cough medicine.
Though it was amusing to see him having a serious discussion about aphids with the roses outside his window, it was also more than a little creepy. Fortunately, Lt. Colonel Hughes and Lt. Hawkeye managed to get him home so he could sleep it off.
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Breda's chili is not a weapon. Stop saying it is.
"Are you kidding?" Furey said. "That stuff ate a hole in my desk."
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Water and cameras do not mix.
Lt. Colonel Hughes got his camera back. It had been soaking in water for at least a week, and both it and the film in it were utterly ruined.
"Make no mistake," Maes Hughes said, "Roy Mustang will pay."
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If your children have the chicken pox, stay home.
General Hakuro's granddaughter had been staying with him when she caught it from one of the neighborhood children and he had, unknowingly, carried it in to work with him. Edward had spent a miserable, itchy two weeks plotting revenge for himself and Elysia.
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You are not allowed to take yourself hostage.
Havoc had swung by the local tobacco shop to stock up on cigarettes just in time for the place to be robbed. The thieves let him go after he held himself at gunpoint and threatened to blow his brains out if they didn't release him.
When Colonel Mustang found out, he was laughing too hard to say anything, but the note went up a few hours later.
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The Fullmetal Alchemist is not to be used as bait for the opposite sex.
"Get your own girls, you pervert."
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You are not allowed to add strawberry or cherry flavored gelatin to water, describe it as Red Water, and then drink it.
Roy Mustang had come as close as he ever prayed he would to having an honest-to-gods heart attack that day.
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If the toaster oven is not functioning, the Flame Alchemist is not an acceptable substitute.
Colonel Mustang had been asked to toast a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich; a tuna melt, and a grilled cheese sandwich before he got fed up.
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A/N: Yes, the soldier Lust encountered was Lt. Colonel Hughes.