Okay time for a little self-promotion. I now have a blog. The site's listed on my profile, but if you don't get over there that often, the URL is http: // fruit-bat -2010. livejournal. com. (Just take out the spaces.) So far I only have one entry up, but I'm planning to start reposting some of my fics, including this one, and posting the fragments of things that might or might not get developed into stories. I hope to see you there.
Once agan, I own neither the characters and situations associated with Fullmetal Alchemist, nor do I own Jack Harkness. You think he'd be wearing anything if I did?
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Looking back on it, Maes Hughes really should have seen it coming. The main influences in Elysia's life other than him and her mother were her Uncle Roy, her Big Brother Alphonse, and her Little Big Brother Edward, and they were alchemists.
It only made sense what Elysia said to him one day. "Daddy, I want to be like Big Brother."
"Oh?" he said, boosting her up to his lap. "You want to travel a lot when you grow up?"
She shook her head. "I wanna - " She clapped her hands together. "BOOM!"
"...you want to blow things up?" He was having visions of his daughter as a demolitions expert, and not liking it one bit.
Her little face screwed up in a scowl. "No!" she said. "I wanna do what Big Brother and Little Big Brother do. With the circles."
"...alchemy..." he said.
"You think I can?" she asked.
Only over my dead body... he thought in passing. "Why do you want to be an...?"
"Achlemist," she said proudly, and told him.
Less than five minutes later, the new rule went up.
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The purpose of alchemy is not to make things go boom.
"But that's not what Uncle Roy said," Elysia protested.
Maes gritted his teeth. "Uncle Roy doesn't know what he's talking about, sweetheart."
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You are not allowed to sell a fellow officer into slavery.
a. Especially to another officer.
b. Slavery has been illegal in Amestris for two hundred years.
Caine Furey had lost a bet and, since he didn't have any money, Havoc had decided Furey could be his personal slave for the next two weeks instead.
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I am your commanding officer. Yes, I can make you.
Colonel Mustang and Major Elric were apparently fighting again.
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You are not allowed to write new verses to the song about the one-armed alchemist and the girl with the chainsaw.
"Just because Edward already has a dirty mind is no reason to encourage him," Lt. Hawkeye said.
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Do not take an alchemist's chalk away from him.
a. They tend to get mean when you do that.
Colonel Archer had forgotten that the Edward Elric didn't need transmutation circles and had no qualms against taking vengeance when someone went after his brother. It took three hours to unsnarl him from the abstract sculpture that had once been his car.
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Unless it specifically states otherwise, official functions do not have a 'Bring Your Own Bottle' policy. (Inspired by Rishqva)
Roy Mustang and Maes Hughes had called a truce for the night, and took it upon themselves to spike the punch. Colonel Mustang transmuted the sugars in the punch to alcohol, and Lt. Colonel Hughes added a bottle of 151-proof rum to it. The party was an unqualified success, but the basewide hangover made work impossible for the next two days.
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You are NEVER to lock the Fullmetal Alchemist in a closet with his automail mechanic.
a. We already know what happens when you do that.
Locking two hormonally charged teenagers in a broom closet with the implicit approval of their elders for anything that might happen was, in theory, a recipie for disaster.
Colonel Mustang ended up with a concussion after the two of them caught him.
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Do not mention miniskirts around Elysia Hughes.
a. Do you want the Lieutenant Colonel to go into overprotective father mode?
b. He's scary enough under normal circumstances.
"Daddy, what's a miniskirt?"
"Nothing you'll ever have to worry about, Elysia."
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The men of Colonel Roy Mustang's unit are not Lt. Hawkeye's harem.
It suddenly occurred to somebody that Lt. Hawkeye was the only woman in an all-male group, and almost as suddenly they came to the wrong conclusion about her relationship with them.
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The Fullmetal Alchemist does not need an exorcist.
"I dunno about that," Havoc said. "Have you ever seen that kid first thing in the morning?"
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Unless you are sure the gentleman is single, please refrain from trying to pick him up.
Nobody knew quite what Gracia Hughes said to Captain Harkness after her husband stopped chasing him, but the gentleman in question had a bad case of the shakes for two days afterward.
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You are not allowed to blackmail a fellow officer.
Hughes was threatening to distribute copies of pictures from the last time Roy babysat for Elysia as revenge for the destruction of his camera.
"I'm glad I got those pictures developed before someone - " He glared at Mustang, who cheerfully ignored him. " - destroyed my camera."
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Put it back. Now.
a. You know what I mean.
Edward didn't until he walked into Mustang's office and found all of the colonel's office furniture and everything on it on the ceiling. He blinked, shook his head, left his report with Lt. Hawkeye, and put in for a vacation.
"I think I've been working too hard," he said.
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You are not allowed to dye a colleague's hair without their permission.
Furey had been putting in some overtime cleaning and tweaking the inner workings of the office's radio set and had fallen asleep while he'd been working. When he woke up, a very drunk Havoc and Breda were asleep on the floor, and his hair was green.
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There is no such thing as "Fun With Seafood" week.
When Lt. Hawkeye came in from the obstacle course to find what appeared to be an eight-legged hellbeast on a hanger in the women's shower, her shriek could be heard from one end of the base to the other.
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If a child is present, watch your language. (Posted by Gracia Hughes)
In the time she had spent on base with her father, Elysia's vocabulary had expanded in directions her mother did not approve of.
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The song about the Ishbalan with the magic hands has been banned from base.
The song was nominally about Scar, but nobody was willing to get close enough to ask.
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"It seemed like a good idea at the time," is never a good excuse.
Colonel Mustang hadn't been sure whether to laugh at or kill Major Elric when he found out how the active volcano suddenly appeared in the farmers' market.
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You cannot have a flashback to a war you never fought in.
Corporal Andrews ended up back in the psychiatric ward after he started freaking out over a massacre he'd supposedly taken part in during the Cameron Civil War in 1661.
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You are not allowed to make Lt. Hawkeye cry. (Posted by a furious Edward Elric)
"If I asked what happened, would I regret it?" Maes asked as he surveyed the wreckage of both his best friend and his best friend's office.
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To be continued...
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A/N: So, what do you think? Did Elysia grow up to be an alchemist, or not?