Well, I've been a busy girl lately, haven't I? Two stories in as many days. This has got to be a new record.
If you've visited my profile, you'll notice that I've started a new series of stories based on the rules and regulations listed here. I'm taking requests if you want to know the story behind a rule. Drop me a PM and I'll be glad to oblige if possible.
I just noticed the date I posted the first chapter, and it's hard to believe it's been more than a year since I started posting this. On that note, I'd like to thank everyone who's been reading, whether you've reviewed or not. Thanks for sticking with me for so long.
As always, Fullmetal Alchemist and the characters and situations associated with it are not mine, and, of course, I will respond to all reviews that I can.
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It was a wholly unremarkable rag doll, overall. It was made out of muslin with a mop of black yarn for hair and a few scraps of army blue wool for an approximation of a uniform. What made it stand out, however, was that it was nailed through its throat to the wall of the break room and had an impressive collection of pins, needles, and even a few toothpicks sticking out of its body.
When they discovered it, the Elric brothers, being the teenage boys they were, thought it was one of the funniest things they'd ever seen, and fell over laughing.
Their laughter caught the attention of Lt. Hawkeye, who, naturally, came to find out what was so funny. When she saw the doll, she let out a sigh that was closer to a growl. "Once," she said, "just once, I'd like to see those two act their ages..."
"But, we didn't put it there, Lieutenant Hawkeye," Alphonse said.
"I didn't mean you and Edward," she said. "I was talking about the Disaster Twins."
Both boys stared at her for a long moment. "...the Disaster Twins?" Edward finally asked.
"I was talking," she nearly snarled, "about Lt. Colonel Hughes and Colonel Mustang."
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You are not allowed to make voodoo dolls of the people who piss you off.
Apparently, Hughes and Mustang were fighting again.
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Yoki-hunting is not an acceptable pastime.
The lieutenant had tried to use the Youswell mining operation to line his own pockets, and vanished off the face of the earth after Fullmetal stopped him. The bounty was currently 100,000 cenz if he was brought in alive.
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The Fullmetal Alchemist has no taste. Do not ask him to assist in redecorating.
This, after Edward redid Colonel Mustang's office in Early Gargoyle.
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Any decor that might terrify small children has been banned from the base.
"Elysia's afraid to go anywhere Roy's office now," Maes said. The small child in question was clinging to him like a barnacle, terrified the monsters would get her...or him.
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Unless you are the one getting married, you are not allowed to plan a wedding.
a. Private Sciezka, I'm surprised at you.
b. And you, too, Miss Rockbell.
The two of them had apparently decided that Colonel Mustang and Lt. Hawkeye were a hairsbreadth away from getting engaged, and had done everything except book the church and drag Hawkeye off to choose the wedding gown.
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Any and all siege weapons are to stay outside.
The second Roy opened his office door he was bowled over by thirty pounds of whipped cream fired from the miniature catapult that used to be his desk.
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Your pocketwatch does not entitle you to any special privileges beyond what is stated in conventional military regulations.
Roy Mustang had used the "State Alchemist business" line to get front-row seats to the hot new stage show that featured effects that "might be of an alchemical nature and potentially valuable to the State."
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If you aren't going to like the answer, don't ask the question.
Seven words: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
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Lt. Havoc's motorcycle is to be left alone.As it turned out, he was as dangerous as Flame and Fullmetal put together if somebody laid so much as a hand on his baby without his permission.
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The Flame Alchemist is nothing like the crown prince of Areugo.
"That self-important womanizer wouldn't be able to find his ass without a Ouija board, a hunting dog, and detailed directions," Roy Mustang insisted.
Edward Elric's reply, something along the lines of large pots and small kettles, resulted in the boy fleeing his commander's office, followed by a fireball as big as he was, and laughing every step of the way.
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You are not allowed to mess with the heads of the new recruits.
a. They're screwed up enough as it is.
Before Colonel Mustang shut them down, his men had a group of new recruits convinced that Central City was facing an imminent zombie invasion from outer space.
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Bad brownies are no excuse for planning to blow up the mess hall.
"They ruined chocolate, Mustang," Edward said. "That shouldn't even be possible."
"Major Elric does have a point, sir," Lt. Hawkeye said.
Roy wasn't sure if he should be worried or disturbed that she was agreeing.
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The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
Envy finally tracked Maria Ross down to the training grounds, where she was teaching a group of new recruits how to deal with mustard gas. They were protected. He wasn't.
It took two months for his throat and lungs to heal to a point where he could swear vengeance on her.
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If Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes or Colonel Roy Mustang have nothing to do, they are to be found something to do.
Between the two of them, they had caused just as much, if not more, chaos as both Elric brothers put together.
"We're not that bad, are we, Brother?" Alphonse asked.
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The Fullmetal Alchemist is forbidden from getting behind the wheel of an automobile for the next four years.
"It's okay, Colonel," Hawkeye soothed. "You're out of the car now. You're safe."
Roy Mustang shivered under her touch and whimpered, but otherwise didn't acknowledge her presence.
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You are not allowed to hint that there is anything less than professional going on between Colonel Roy Mustang and Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye.
Apparently the betting pool was still open on the whole "are they or aren't they?" question.
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If you are going to transmute furniture, you had better be willing to prove it is yours.
The accounting department was starting to ask some very pointed questions about the origin of Mustang's new catapult, and the whereabouts of his desk.
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Non-participants in the prank war are not eligible for hazard pay.
"Lt. Hawkeye?"
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained, Maria."
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Just because a person is a civilian is no reason to assume they are harmless.
After he made a pass at Izumi Curtis, Captain Harkness spent three hours trapped between a giant ceramic hand and a brick wall before anyone decided to show him mercy and get him out.
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Unless your name is Edward Elric, you are not the Fullmetal Alchemist.
The two boys who had been claiming to be Edward and Alphonse had gotten into a hell of a lot of trouble with the military in general and Colonel Mustang's unit in particular before they were finally caught and the older one was smacked upside the head repeatedly by the real Edward Elric.
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A/N: The reference to the crown prince of Aerugo comes from what is apparently the newest FMA game to be released in Japan. The physical similarities between Colonel Mustang and the prince, and the similar reaction girls seem to have to them just begged for comment.