Sorry it's been so long between updates. Work's been...work, and for a while the idea of putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) was not something I was looking forward to. That's right, I had writer's block.
On top of that, this was one of the more difficult story parts to write. I knew who I wanted involved, but I just wasn't sure how. I think I did a reasonably good job, though.
While I'm at it, I have to give some credit where credit is overdue. The reference to Colonel Mustang and the kitty chimera a few chapters back came from RandomCheese's hilarious piece, A Little Problem. I've kept meaning, and forgetting, to mention that. Sorry, Random.
Nothing's changed in the last month, so I still don't own FMA or anything else that gets mentioned in this.
As always, thank you in advance for your reviews. I'll respond to as many as I can.
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"Should we be allowing this to continue, sir?" Sloth asked as she read through the sheaf of papers stuck to the bulletin board.
"I think we can let them do it for a while," Wrath said. "It lets them blow off steam, and it's not doing any serious harm."
A crash from down the hall, followed by a howl, punctuated his words.
Sloth didn't say a word, but just raised an eyebrow at him.
"I said, no serious harm," he said.
They were silent as a young man in a lieutenant's uniform ran past screaming, followed shortly by a fireball almost as big as he was.
A few moments later, the Flame Alchemist stuck his head in the room. When he realized who was present, he stood at attention and saluted until Wrath returned it. "At ease, son," he said. "Now what's the problem?"
"Sir, I was just looking for Lt. Ritz," Flame said. "Have you seen him?"
Wrath chuckled at that. "I believe the lieutenant was heading for the second floor," he said. "If you're quick, you may get him before he leaves the building."
Flame saluted again. "Thank you, sir," he said. "Permission to go after him?"
"Go ahead, Flame," he said.
Flame couldn't quite hide the evil smile on his face. "Thank you, sir." Without another word, he turned on his heel, and took off down the hall at a dead run.
"You know he's going to barbecue Lt. RItz, don't you?" Sloth said.
Wrath smiled. "Let him have his fun," he said. "It won't make any difference."
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You are not allowed to use new recruits as human sacrifices.
"That's what the alchemists are for," Pride said. "Am I right, my dear?"
Sloth only smiled in reply.
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When dealing with an enraged Fullmetal Alchemst, refrain from using the phrase, "Gimmie a break." He is likely to take it as an invitation.
Edward had heard that secondhand smoke could stunt growth, and in the light of this new information, had taken Havoc to task over it. Havoc replied with the now-banned phrase, and Edward obliged.
The doctor said that Havoc would regain full use of his arm in about two and a half to three months.
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The public address system does not exist for your entertainment.
After six and a half hours of Havoc and Breda playing DJ, the entire base was ready to have them hung, drawn, and quartered.
Havoc and Breda hid for a week until everyone had calmed down.
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You are not omniscient.
"That's what you'd like to think."
"Sir…"
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Winry Rockbell is off-limits.
"Just in case that Harkness guy gets any ideas in the future," Edward snarled as he changed his automail back to normal.
The battered heap that had once been Jack Harkness whimpered.
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Preemptive ass-kickings are now forbidden.
Winry, it turned out, was more than capable of defending her own honor and that of others, as demonstrated by her repeatedly applying her wrench to Ed's cranium after she found out about the beat-down of "Captain Jack."
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We do not need to know how many people can fit into a phone booth.
"Ten, sir," a breathless Lt. Hawkeye said from the bottom of the pile of people who had fallen out when Mustang opened the door. "Twelve if two of them are Furey and Fullmetal."
"I am not short," Edward growled from further up in the pile.
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The Flame Alchemist does not read bedtime stories to new recruits.
"If you have trouble sleeping," he said, "that's your own problem."
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Unless you are prepared for the answer, do not ask the question.
The tale of Hughes and Mustang's road trip as told by an officer who had witnessed part of it resulted in broken brains all around, and the two of them getting re-saddled with the college nickname of the Disaster Twins.
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You are not authorized to negotiate treaties between the pirates and ninjas. a. Only their leaders can do that.
"So, who's controlling them?" Edward Elric.
Hawkeye didn't answer. She simply smiled enigmatically, and walked away humming a sea shanty.
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Unless you are asked to, do not clean the coffee pot in the Investigations office.
"There was a layer of tar a half an inch thick in that pot, sir," Sciezka said when Hughes asked her about it. "The Mrs. Lieutenant Colonel said it wasn't good for you, so, I...finally washed it out…"
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If you and your significant other must "have some private time" while on base, do not forget to lock the damn door.
When Havoc accidentally walked in on Colonel Mustang and Lt. Hawkeye, the only thing that stopped him from making a comment about Mustang's technique was that Lt. Hawkeye still had a gun in her garter.
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You are not allowed to set up a kissing booth.
"Our female officers have better things to do with their time, gentlemen," General Hakuro told a disappointed group of men that included Roy Mustang, Jean Havoc, and Danny Brosch.
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The Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother are not to be taught the art of manipulation.
a. They're already experts.
It was not supposed to be possible for a seven-foot tall suit of armor to be able to look at someone with puppy-dog eyes, but there he was, right alongside his brother.
Colonel Mustang caved in after a mere seven seconds of this treatment.
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If you are lost, ask someone for directions.
Apparently, Hughes and Mustang's road trip from hell could have been easily avoided if they had stopped to make sure they were on the right road.
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Automail repair is to be left to the professionals.
Edward's attempt to fix his automail using duct tape, baling wire, and three of Riza Hawkeye's bobby pins, though quite ingenious, only made Winry's job harder, and pissed her off, to boot.
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The Flame Alchemist is not a carnival geek.
"So Uncle Roy isn't gonna eat fire?"
"No, sweetie, it gives him heartburn."
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If you piss off a chimera, you get what you deserve.
"Well, how was I to know the thing could eat metal?" Edward demanded as Winry took measurements for his new arm.
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Lt. Hawkeye is officially off-limits.
Colonel Mustang posted this in a fit of jealousy after she and Captain Harkness were seen getting a lot friendlier with each other than most people would have expected.
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You are not allowed to sell tickets to Flame and Fullmetal's fights.
a. Or sell popcorn.
"There goes the other thirty percent of my income," Fallman sighed.
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