A/N: Final chapter. This one gets a bit edgier than some of the last ones, so I'm posting my warning: RATING IS HIGH TEEN. References, not exactly mild, but definitely distinct.
The reason this chapter is so late is because I couldn't figure out what pairing I wanted to do. I was between Conner&Zatanna and Kaldur&Tula for a while, but neither happened. So here's Conner/Roy. Conner's POV.
Disclaimer: I do not own.
Over You
It's not like I've wanted to bang Roy for years now.
When I first met him, I respected him. He seemed like a strong individual, mentally and emotionally stronger than I was. He was power embodied: Roy simply became an icon I could fixate myself upon because he was just as strong and individual as Superman, yet he was a lower standard. I respected him because he knew what he wanted and how to get it; he wanted a solo gig and found a way to forge that path for himself. Me? I wanted to get Superman to accept my existence if nothing else and I was rejected so many times because I didn't know how to get what I wanted. And I admired Roy for standing up and believing in something so seemingly impossible.
Then, yeah, it was kind of a man crush. I could sit there and watch him and Artemis take shots at the same damn target and keep nailing it and nailing it and at some point, with their alternating shots, I began to like the rhythm. And I decided archery was kind of hot.
And I also decided I didn't like Artemis.
Red hair, skin sleek with sweat, fantastically blue eyes. Yeah. I'm sure I'm attractive to some people, but in those moments when my ears were tuned in to the rhythm of the bow strings and slamming arrows and rustling ammo, Roy was the only thing on my mine, and I wanted to find a different sort of rhythm with him.
But those were terrible first thoughts. The initial attraction was just a man crush, nothing more. Once he stopped and put down that bow and decided he wanted to be a little bit more normal, I decided I wasn't interested.
And yet here I am again now, sitting out at the range and watching him drive arrow after arrow into a target when I want to be nailing him with my own arrow.
These thoughts seriously need to get out of my head.
We did that. Once. Because we dated. For a month. Maybe a bit longer. I'm not really sure. I just know he walked into the kitchen one day and asked me to stop staring at him while he was practicing. It had become a bad habit, yeah, but I was enjoying it. And I refused, saying I was trying to learn. And he suggested tutoring me. My initial hesitation almost prompted him to suggest Artemis, but I accepted fast enough. The rest is history.
First lesson, I ended up pinning him to the ground and making sure he knew my interest. And at first, he seemed interested too. Roy wanted to know where this could lead. Just us two.
It worked for a while, doing nothing but sitting in stoic silences and watching movies and just sitting together, holding hands. We never laid on each other, shared a simple kiss. We sat there, fingers intertwined- a somber, stoic relationship. If it was even that.
And I couldn't bring myself to feel anything more than that starved lust. I wanted to take him again and make sure he knew that I truly wanted him. Yet he never gave me another opportunity.
I thought this was love. And I was wrong.
He broke up with me about a month later, saying he didn't feel like he did at first when it was new and fresh and young. Roy's eyes were guilty and tired, but I didn't push and I didn't ask. I accepted. And I moved on.
But I'm still not over him. Artemis and I are going out tomorrow night and I know she's very much so into the physical side of her relationships, but I don't want her. I want his red hair and his broad shoulders and his bulging muscles and his tight torso and his blue eyes. I want Roy. And I'm not over him.
So I get to sit out here and watch him drive arrow after arrow into a board that won't feel it, that won't love him back, and I get to wait and hope and pray and wish for him to find some of that original feeling again. I want that back. I want that newness. And I want it with him.
Maybe. Just maybe. Because I remember kissing his neck and feeling his shoulders and stroking his hair and knowing it was him; I remember his fingers dancing along my chest and his lips seeking out and roaming along my jawline. I remember everything about that first night, and those are memories I never want to lose.
It'll be like that with Artemis again tonight, but I know from what Roy told me that she is much more savage and hungry upon taking what she wants. And maybe I'm like that too, a dog who won't wait for a meal and instead goes in for the kill without a second thought. Maybe I was too quick to strike with Roy; if I had waited, if I had tried, maybe we could have put some sort of relationship together.
But I wanted him. He wanted me. And it happened. And there was no time.
I watch as Wally approaches Roy on the archery range and the bowman puts down his tool. He puts a kiss on younger, chaste lips and sweeps him into a hug. They're together. They have something.
I should never have interfered.
Roy picks up his weapon and the sunlight highlights his frame and catches his red hair, which illuminates like fire. His broad shoulders are emphasized and his muscles glint with sweat. He slings both bow and quiver over his shoulder before taking Wally's hand. Then they head off.
And I'm not over him. I don't know if I ever will be. But I don't want to be. I don't love him. But I want him to be mine.
A/N: The original goal of this story was to become more comfortable with writing slash. I'm comfortable with slash now. (Roy/Wally is my OTP thanks to chapter two...) I'm actually more comfortable with myself as well because it helped me come to terms with my own sexuality. I owe a lot to this story and I thank you all for joining me in the ride to the finish (:
~Sky