Hej guys,

long story short, I'm back.

[whining, apologizing and promising]

I know, I know, I know. I'm awfull, and I'm terribly sorry this story didn't continue for so long. In fact, it did continue... but only on paper, so you guys had no opportunity to read it. The problem was (is) that my real life sucks big time, I have a lot of stress and don't get to write as often as I wish to. And when - if - I got to write this story further on, I mostly did it in German (up till the first scenes from ep. V) which means, I have to translate everything before I can post it. That's stupid, I know. I'll try to just write in English from now on, saving me the translating time, hopefully improving my English and saving you guys any more long waiting times. I hope I can get more of this story out now, that I finally got it together again and managed to find my manuscript over the next few chapters. If I start make you guys wait too long again, kick my ass via pm. I don't mind, seriously :P

[/whining, apologizing and promising]

So on we go. I had to read everything again, so I can feel with you guys who probably don't remember it as well. I hope you enjoy yourselves nevertheless. I did when I pulled these pages back out and translated them, changing half of the story as I did so. It was fun to write and hopefully reads fun as well ;). And with that, I finally stop talking and start posting again...

7. Nothing left to lose

As Luke finally reached the cockpit, he at once noticed the strange tension between Han Solo and the rescued princess. The way the two of them looked at each other, there had just been a heated discussion of some sort, or even worse, an argument. Before Luke could do as much as ask Leia for her help concerning their strange new friend, she had stood up and turned to him, snapping: "Your friend is quite a mercenary. I wonder if he really cares about anything...or anyone!" Luke opened his mouth, assuring her that he in fact did care – but she had already rushed off.

Somehow Luke got the feeling that it might not be too wise to go after her and ask her for help just now, but he felt stupid just standing in the doorway. So he sat down on Leia's abandoned seat and turned to Han. "So… what do you think of her, Han?" Luke had asked the question before he even realised that he didn't know which one of their mysterious female passengers he was talking about. Sure, Leia was a handful, she was ultimately beautiful and just… she was Leia. But there was this weird other girl they had picked up, that girl who strangely knew the droids – or at least claimed she knew them. A girl, who claimed to have been part of the first resistance against Vader, over twenty years past. In short: a girl who was downright crazy.

"I'm trying not to, kid!" Han's response caught Luke by surprise, but it also took all his thoughts away from Nyé and focussed them back on Leia. Han tried not to think of the princess… that was, "… good." Had he just said that out loud? Ooops. Thankfully, Han seemingly hadn't noticed Luke's ill-considered comment. "Still, she's got a lot of spirit. I don't know, what do you think? Do you think a princess and a guy like me..." Han's voice trailed off, but therefore Luke's thoughts concluded where this was headed only the better. No, Han did not – Han could not… It wasn't fair! "No!" His answer had come out far more forceful than he had meant it to. Promptly, Han grinned to himself like the scoundrel captain that he was, amused by the boy on his side.

Nyé's inside felt like a pile of all her illusions and hopes dashed to shivers. She had sunk to her knees in front of the first-aid kit, but just after she had taken out a bandage in order to tend to her wound, her attention broke and she just sat there, staring at the kit – or, rather, staring right through it.

She was back at Naboo, back at that moment that she had not seen when she woke up, but that she remembered now. It was the answer to a question she had posed to Vader in order to hurt him, an answer that she knew better than him – or ought to have known, ought to have remembered.

It was already getting dark as they formed a procession behind the open coffin, following it to put her to her last rest. Even in death, she was still the most beautiful woman Nyé had ever seen… her best, her only true friend. 'I would have died a thousand times to save you,' she realized, but it was too late. Too late to do anything about it. Padmé was dead. Senator Amidala was no more.

Nyé pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, rocking back and forth in agony. No, no, that wasn't true. That had never happened. At least she hadn't been there.

But it feels so real – the images in front of my eyes… they look so real.

What was this? Was she losing her mind? What was happening to her?! Again and again, she could hear his voice in her head. "Padmé is dead, because you killed her, Nyé! It has been proven!"

"No, no, no…" She whispered it, again and again, clinging to that one syllable as if it would turn everything back to normal, as if it might make things good again; bring her friends back to life. How, how did all of this happen? Why can't I remember, why do I keep remembering things I know didn't happen to me? Or, did they? How can I know the difference? Am I going crazy?

She hurt so bad that the physical affliction after being thawed up, like the intense itching of her skin or the sudden, incontrollable muscle cramps – were blanked out almost completely. She didn't hear Leia approaching, but then the princess suddenly stood right behind her. "I've wondered for quite a while, why Vader might have frozen you like this", Leia finally murmured full of commiseration, "whichever cruel vagary might have driven him to do it. I think that he doesn't even begin to understand the kind of torture he has actually put you through." She took the bandage out of Nyé's pale, feeble hand and started patching her up temporarily.

As Nyé heard her voice, she came to her senses slowly and turned towards the princess with trembling lips. "I thought, that it was like… five months. But in reality…" – "I know." Leia interrupted her before she could even say it out loud. "He showed you to me, shortly after they had taken me captive. I figure it was in order to torment me, make me talk for fear of being treated the same way. But I knew that this wasn't a fate he'd choose for me." – "Why is that?"

Leia sighed, tying up the bandage without a word. Nyé just waited for her reply, so the two girls kneeled close to each other silently, before Leia was finally done and their eyes met for a long look. "I just… knew it," Leia finally replied. "It was like… one carbonite sculpture being horrid enough even for a man like him, you know?" Nyé wasn't quite contended with that answer and by the look in the other woman's eyes, neither was Leia herself. Nevertheless, the seventeen (or thirty-seven?) year-old technician tried to force a smile on her face. She only succeeded half-way, her superimposed gaiety looking effectively askew and artificial.

"But aside of that, you are fine?" For a moment, Nyé was unsure if Leia was talking about her arm injury, or the even deeper, psychological problem. Then she realized, that Leia was talking about the emotional damage, at worst; there was no way she knew of Nyé's feared psychological derangement. "I mean, you don't have any… grave physical damage?" This time, Nyé managed an actual smile, although it was just a bitter one. "My body is fine, considering. I guess I'm quite… healthy." She avoided the word 'sane' for a reason only apparent to herself and was relieved to notice that Leia's smile was free of any suspicion, just comforting and encouraging. "You will find new friends, get a new life together. Vader hasn't won just yet. He wanted to break you, but you're still yourself. He didn't succeed, with neither of us. He hasn't succeeded with anything."

Someone called Leia from the direction of the cockpit, and the princess got up and hurried outside. Nyé looked after her, waiting until the other one was well out of hearing range before her lips silently formed her response. She didn't have to sound it; it was more a statement to herself than a real response to Leia's encouraging speech. To the contrary, he has won a comprehensive victory. I am broken, in a way no other human being can imagine.

She closed her eyes again, wanting to coil herself up and never speak to anyone again. Just lie here… lie here, engulfing the pain and itching and the heartache, and die pathetically.

How long had she just kneeled there, full of self-pity and agony? She couldn't tell when, but she realized the sound of the voices coming from the cockpit. It sounded like fighting, and in sudden alarm, she raised her head. Why did this alarm her so much? What did she care for their problems, for their strife? What did she have to do with any of this?

The simple answer that came to mind was: Nothing. She was out of this game, for good. But she couldn't just let it go, so she got up on her shaking legs, walking towards the cockpit. She felt as if there was still a spark left inside her, a little light… a craving. She wanted revenge. She hated Vader for what he had done to her, to her friends; for what he had done to the Galaxy. He deserved to die, and she would make it so – even if it was the last thing she did.

How, a frantic little voice in her head asked. How by the force are you going to accomplish that? He is a Jedi – worse, he is a Sith, no less! And who are you? Just some technician! You wouldn't even stand a chance against him if he was fast asleep!

True, she answered that little voice coldly. He is a Sith, he is so many things. But he has a major weakness, too. His joints, his body… his very lungs. He is half machine, half human – and if there is one thing I'm good with, it's machines. The little voice couldn't just let it go. He'll kill you. Haven't you suffered enough already? She sighed. Yes, she had suffered. She had died, not in the normal sense, but in some sense she actually had died. She didn't want to go through that again... but then she realized that last time had been different. At the trial, she had had something to lose, she had been weakened, weighed down by love and compassion. That is over now. She was prepared to die, there was nothing left he could possible threaten of frighten her with, nothing he could take away from her but her life. In the past, she had valued that highly; but now? Now she just didn't care any more. If someone wanted her dead, they might just as well get on with it. But there was one thing she wanted to achieve, one last job she had to do. She would find Anakin, and then she would end him.

Despite her shaking legs, she made it to her fellow fugitives, who were in a heated discussion about the best way to shut off a certain set of cables that had somehow managed to get burnt and had melted down during their escape, now emitting sparks at random. Leia had managed to get all heated up over this, while Han probably knew what he was doing anyway. Or so he claimed, at least. All the two of them were doing now was just standing there. Han gesticulated around wildly with a multitool.

"Need a hand with that?" Without waiting for any response, she just took the tool out of Han's hand and started working on the cables herself, breaking of the bickering and teasing of Leia and the pilot by doing so. "Hey – you can't just…" Han looked at her open-mouthed, obviously taken aback by her daring to change anything at his ship.

Nyé didn't respond for several seconds, while her fingers quickly found the problem – without being hit by sparks, of course – and decoupled the whole section, thusly minimizing the danger of another fire inside the ship. "Seems I just did," she said, as she tossed the tool back to Han. "You should check this out after we landed." Han looked offended even by the proposition. "Of course I was going to…"

Nyé realized that she had just taken Leia's place. If she chose to, she could have an argument about whether he had or had not planned to look into the damage as soon as they landed for the entire rest of the journey. As it happened, she didn't want to, as tempting as the thought might have been if she had all her senses together and was utterly bored. "You most certainly were," she agreed to Han's statement, in a tone that had only a slight little hint of sarcasm in it. Before he could realize that and snap at her, she continued: "I was just going to say, I'll take a nap, would be great if someone woke me up before we're there." Where ever 'there' actually was. She would be with the rebellion, and that counted.

She had a new goal and nothing left to lose. Now was the time to get her strength back together and then… strike, strike fast and hard.