Chapter 8

Myka sat on a park bench huddled behind her collar on an unusual brisk April day. She was unsure if the ice cold shiver running up and down her back was due to the cold or what she was about to face. She had told Charlotte everything. Of course she did. The guilt was overwhelming and of course it was the right thing to do. And Myka always did the right thing- her indiscretions with Helena being the obvious exception. Charlotte had been understandably angry and hurt. But she hadn't kicked Myka to the curb, yet. The blonde had asked for space and she had given it to her. It had been two weeks since she had heard from the other woman, a tumultuous two weeks for Myka. She had never felt so many conflicting emotions at one time. Even after coming clean the guilt was overwhelming. She found herself both hoping for another chance with the woman but also hoping they could end things on considerably friendly terms. She found herself missing Charlotte and Helena at the same time. Mostly she felt like a horrible person.

Turning her attention to a lone bird skittering about on a branch she thought back to her conversation with Pete, who had been her lifeline through her near emotional breakdown.

They had been driving back to Univille after their mission in threatening silence when she blurted it out. "I kissed HG."

"Yea, I know, me too, old news Mykes." He waved her off as he watched the road.

"No, I mean, last night. I kissed her. We- God, we made out." She groaned, burying her head in her hands.

Pete nearly rear ended the car and had to brake fast, causing them both to surge forward. "Shit, sorry. So you uh- wow."

"Mhmm." She muttered from behind her hands.

"Was that um, all-" He paused for a moment. "You two did?"

"God Pete!" She sat up straight and glared at him. "Are you really going to perv out on me right now?"

"No! No, I swear! I was trying to get a grasp on the situation. You're obviously upset and I just want to help, I promise."

She groaned again. "What I'm I going to do, Pete?"

He cleared his throat. "Believe it or not, I haven't always been the gentleman I am today."

"Pete!" She smacked his arm.

"Ouch! Okay, okay, seriously. I've cheated before. On Amanda. I was drunk, usually, but not always. So I know how you feel. And the guilt- man- the guilt is going to be brutal. But I always found that honesty really was always the best policy. Because if you hold that in, that guilt will tear you up. So, you have to tell her."

She sighed. "God, you're right. Of course I have to tell her. I feel like such a bad person."

"You aren't! Myka," He was at a red light and grabbed her arm. "You are my best friend, and the best person I know. Don't ever doubt that." She gave him a small smile and put her hand over his. A car behind them beeped at the changing light and he turned his attention back to the road. "Sometimes good people do some not so good things." He shrugged. "It's just life I guess."

She leaned her head against her window and watched the road fly by. "I guess." She muttered.

They were silent for a few moments. "Hey Myka?"

"Yeah?" She moved her head away from the window.

"When I um, when I cheated- I mean uh, those girls, they never really meant anything to me. I was just young, dumb and not sober. But HG I mean, uh, that's not really the case for you, is it?"

She bit her lip for a minute and studied the side of Pete's face. He really did know her. "No Pete, that's not the case."

That conversation had comforted her through the whole situation. Pete had been right, she wasn't a bad person. But she had made a bad choice. And now she was going to have to face those consequences.

Taking a break from her thoughts she glanced up to see Charlotte approaching in the distance. She stood up from the bench, part to be polite, part to brace herself for whatever might come. She was fully ready if Charlotte felt the need to punch her in the face.

Her breath caught in her throat when the blonde was close enough to touch. Unsure of what to do she stood with her hands at her sides and gave her a tentative smile which Charlotte returned.

"Hi." She finally breathed out.

"Hi Myka." And then the smaller woman was leaning towards her and placing her arms around her midsection. Myka lifted her arms and did the same, shutting her eyelids tightly when she felt tears rushing to her eyes. She had just begun to relax into the hug when the blonde pulled away, brushing at her eyes with gloved fingertips. Myka's heart burned.

"Do you want to-" Myka motioned to the bench.

She didn't answer right away and Myka couldn't remember a time when the blonde had been at such a loss for words. "No. Uh, no, you sit. Please." So she sat. Again there was silence.

The brunette couldn't stand waiting so she started. "Charlotte, I-"

"Wait. No. Let me," She sucked in an audible breath. "Let me talk before I change my mind." She shifted her feet. "A part of me has seen this coming since the day we met. You are just so-" She motioned with her hand. "You. And I was lucky."

"I'm lucky too, Char-"

"Please, let me finish." The brunette nodded. "You are an incredible woman. And you deserve- well, you deserve everything. But so do I." Myka watched as silent tears started to course down the other woman's face. "I was always jealous you know, whenever you talked about her. There was just something in the way your voice changed when you spoke her name. It's obvious that whatever the two of you had, or have, or whatever, that it wasn't quite over. That you weren't quite over it." She paused and hung her head. Now Myka could feel the tears coursing down her own cheeks.

"They say if you love someone, you should let them go." By now Myka was standing with her gloved hands on the blonde's cheeks, fingers wiping away falling tears as her own cheeks became wet. She pressed their foreheads together and both women closed their eyes at the contact.

"I love you too, Charlotte." Then blue eyes opened to meet green.

"But not in the same way." Myka pressed her lips together in a frown and shook her head.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. She felt her head being pulled downward until soft lips met her own. She deepened the kiss. It was tender and sweet. And they could both feel it, that it was goodbye.

Charlotte was the one who broke away but kept her hands on the back of the brunette's neck. "I have to go. Goodbye Myka." She stood on her toes and placed a kiss on her cheek before giving her a sad smile and walking away.

A few weeks later Myka found herself sitting and waiting on another bench. Only this time it was warm enough to be without her jacket and instead of birds and trees she found herself staring at a commonplace apartment complex. It was so plain, so impersonal. Myka could imagine she looked very out of place here. She wiped the sweat off her hands before glancing at the time on her phone and then getting up to pace in front of the bench.

She had just pulled her phone out of her pocket to again look at the time when an SUV pulled up next to her own, its bass shaking the windows. The engine shut off after a moment and so did the music. The passenger door opened first to reveal the redhead she had come to think of as a sister.

"Aw! You didn't go up yet?" She yelled to her as she hopped down from the platform of the vehicle.

"Wuss!" Pete's voice from the driver's side as he climbed out of the car.

The back doors opened at the same time and she heard a woman's voice from the other side of the door. "Leave her alone!"

"Thank you Leena!" Myka crossed her arms over her chest.

"But Leena, now we have to bear witness to all the making out and lovey-dovey crap." Claudia said scrunching up her nose. Steve nodded in agreement before taking the large duffel in his hands and pushing it into Claudia's chest. She accepted it with a humph.

"Why didn't you go up?" Pete asked as he came around the car to join them.

She looked down at her feet and shrugged.

"Nervous?" Steve chimed.

"You have nothing to worry about Myka." Leena put a hand on her shoulder.

Claudia nodded in agreement.

"But just in case!" Pete reached into the door Steve had just exited and pulled out a potted plant. "Dun da da da!" Myka raised an eyebrow at it but did not take it from his hands. "What? It's a back-up plan. Something goes wrong, 'Oh, here I bought you this housewarming gift.'" He said in a high pitched voice.

"Pete!" Leena was the one to hit him on the arm.

"I don't sound like that." Myka replied, still not reaching for the plant.

"But if everything goes according to plan, then it's 'Oh, here, I bought you this romantic plant. Now kiss me!'" He used the same high pitched voice.

"I said I don't sound like that!" This time she was the one to hit him on the arm.

"Actually-" Steve interjected. "It's a red lotus. Or well, it will be when it blooms. It is associated with love and passion. Leena and I picked it out."

"Ahem, I was the one that said regular flowers would not do for her." Claudia interjected.

"And I helped too!" Pete added.

Steve rolled his eyes. "And they helped also."

Myka chuckled.

"Well, what are you waiting for, go up there and get your woman!" Pete again held out the plant but this time she took it.

She smiled and started to go toward the building but stopped and turned. "Wait do I-"

"You look beautiful." Leena smiled, waving her away.

She took a deep breath before using her fist to knock on the door. She shifted the potted plant from one hand to the other, feeling the blood rush back into her right hand as she relaxed her knuckles. She wondered if she should knock again. The waiting felt like minutes. She contemplated turning around when the door swung open.

A look of surprise crossed the face which greeted her. And then confusion.

"Myka, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

And hearing her name spoken by that voice in that accent loosened every tensed nerve in her body. She nodded. "Yea. Everything is fine. Great, actually." She smiled.

Helena returned the smile. "Would you like to come in?"

"Yea, yes." And Myka followed her through the door. As she took in her surroundings she was now more sure that the other woman didn't belong here. She seemed so out of place in such an ordinary, modern apartment. So alone.

"Did you bring me a housewarming gift?" She indicated to the plant in the taller woman's hand, never one to be shy about such things.

Myka glanced down at the plant she had forgotten she was gripping. "Um kind of. It's a lotus."

"Delightful! I love lotuses. How did you know?" Her dark eyes were warm above her smile. She took the plant out of Myka's hands and inspected it. "What color will it bloom?"

Myka looked down and bit her lip. "Red."

Helena sucked in a breath. "Red?"

"Red." Myka met her eyes in attempt to show as much feeling as possible.

"Oh." She responded, sounding almost like an amazed child as she placed the plant on a nearby table. Myka's heart stepped up its pace. She knew what it meant. Of course Helena knew.

Myka took a few steps closer without dropping her gaze. Helena didn't move back as she approached which she took as a good sign. When she finally reached her she held out her hands for Helena to take. Which she did. She felt a relaxation take over her body when their skin met and she glanced down at their joined hands before looking back up into her eyes. She moved her head closer and was glad to see that Helena met her halfway. Their lips ghosted over one another's and she whispered, "I love you Helena. I always have and I think I always will."

She could swear she heard a whimper out of the other woman before she whispered back. "Are you-"

"I'm all yours." And that was all the convincing Helena needed in order to bring their lips together. And she wrapped her arms around the smaller woman thinking about how comfortable, exciting, sexy, familiar this was- how it was everything all at once- everything love should be.

They continued like that for a few minutes, fingers buried in each other's hair until they were jolted apart by the sound of a door hitting its jamb.

"Okay! Our eyes are closed! Please replace all articles of clothing which may have been removed!" Came Pete's booming voice.

They turned to face him and saw four smiling faces in the doorway. Helena wore the look of confusion again. And looked from the door to Myka.

"All right. Jinksy, you and Pete start in the kitchen, Leena, living room. I will supervise!" Claudia started pushing her friends and they all entered carrying bags and boxes.

Steve gave Helena a sheepish smile as he passed by.

She turned back to Myka "Myka, whatever are these mad people doing to my apartment?"

"We're bringing you home." She tugged on her hand.

"And leave the bedroom alone!" Claudia emerged from the kitchen. "They." She motioned between the two women. "Are spending the night here. Because I do not want to hear the sexytimes."

So there it is! Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing. I really can't say enough about all the kind compliments I have been receiving. I'm sorry I didn't have the wherewithall to keep posting on this one. I felt I said what I needed to say and didn't have much to add after that. I really wanted to explore how everyone has that one person who they keep in the back of their mind, the one person you always wonder "what if" when you think about. I'm hoping to get back into practice and improve my writing with some one-shots, maybe a trilogy or two (hopefully some stories with a little less cheese, but I can't get past the cheese). I hope everyone continues to read and thank you again for reading.