CHAPTER 13. THE EMPLOYMENT OF SPY
1. Soldier Tzu said: Raising a RED host of a hundred thousand men and marching them a great distance means a heavy loss on our the people and a drain on the resources of RED. The daily expenditure will amount to Sasha being fired for a thousand seconds. There will be commotion at home and abroad, and our men will drop down exhausted on the highways. As many as seven hundred thousand families will be impeded in their labour.
2. The hostile RED and BLU armies may face each other for years, striving for the victory which is decided in a single day. This being so, to remain in ignorance of the enemy's condition simply because one hates slimy French snakes, is the height of inhumanity.
3. One who acts thus is not a leader of men, no present help to his sovereign, no master of victory.
4. Thus, what enables me, the wise and good general, to strike and conquer, and achieve things beyond the reach of ordinary men, is FOREKNOWLEDGE.
5. Now this foreknowledge cannot be elicited from the Administrator; it cannot be obtained inductively from experience, nor by any deductive calculation of Engineer.
6. Knowledge of the enemy's dispositions can only be obtained from one, untrustworthy man. Spy.
7. Hence the use of Spy, of whom there are two names: (1) doomed Spy; (2) surviving Spy.
8. When these two kinds of Spy are all at work, none can discover the secret system. This is called "divine manipulation of the threads." It is Redmond's most precious and expensive Frog.
9. DOOMED SPY, doing certain things openly for purposes of deception, allowing our team to know of BLU's weaknesses and secrets, and sapping every building in sight.
13. SURVIVING SPY is when he brings back news from the enemy's camp.
14. Hence no-one in the whole army apart from me are an intimate relationship to be maintained than with Spy. No-one should be more liberally rewarded. In no other business should greater secrecy be preserved.
15. Spy cannot be usefully employed without a certain intuitive sagacity.
16. He cannot be properly managed with benevolence and straightforwardness.
17. Without subtle ingenuity of a mind like mine, one cannot make certain of the truth of their reports.
18. Be subtle! be subtle! and I use my Spy for every kind of business.
19. If a secret piece of news is divulged by Spy before the time is ripe, he must be put to death together with the man to whom the secret was told.
20. Whether the object be to crush an army, to storm a base, or to assassinate an individual, it is always necessary to begin by finding out the names of our enemies, the other employees of BLU, and door-keepers and gaurds of the BLU Soldier. Our Spy must be commissioned to ascertain these.
21. The enemy's Spy, who have come to spy on us, must be sought out, tempted with bribes, led away and comfortably housed, before being horribly tortured and burnt. Thus he will become an annoyed Spy and available for our dominations.
22. It is through the anger brought by the annoyed spy that we are able to acquire enemy points and intelligence with the fewest re-spawns.
23. It is owing to his information, again, that we can cause the doomed, Your Eternal Reward, Spy to carry false tidings to the enemy.
24. Lastly, it is by his information that the surviving Spy can be used on appointed occasions.
25. The end and aim of spying in all its two varieties is knowledge of the enemy; and this knowledge can only be derived, in the first instance, from the angered BLU Spy. Hence it is essential that the angry BLU Spy be treated with the utmost liberality.
26. Of old, the rise of the communist menace was due to Squealer who had served under Napoleon. Likewise, the rise of the Nazi Party was due to an crazy German with a weird mustache.
27. Hence it is only I, the enlightened ruler and the wise general, who will use the highest intelligence of the army for purposes of spying and thereby they achieve great results. Spy are a useless class when cloaked in water, because they will drip water and reveal their location.
A/N No prizes if you spotted the reference to Animal Farm. This is the last chapter, so please rate and review.