Robin stood on the rooftop, studying the Gotham skyline through a pair of binoculars. "Little quiet tonight," he murmured to himself. "Not good."
It was his first night out on his own, and he didn't like the apparent lack of crime. It was like the calm before the storm – it could only mean that something big was about to go down. He'd be lying if he didn't admit to himself that he was nervous about the responsibility Bruce had placed on him, but he had been yearning for it for a long time. He was anxious, but he reassured himself that he was ready for this. He had spent years training for it, after all, and he felt prepared for pretty much anything the city could throw at him. He knew all of these criminals and their tricks like the back of his hand, just as Bruce did. He just had to be confident, but not overconfident. He knew that was a weakness of his, but to be fair to himself, he thought, it was one of his few weaknesses.
An explosion in the east of the city startled him out of his thoughts. "Bingo," he murmured, putting down the binoculars and leaping into action. "And here we go."
He arrived at the scene to see a purple car speeding away from the area. "Great, Joker," he muttered. "Couldn't start me off with an easy one," he sighed, racing across the rooftops after the car. He got in front of it and then jumped, landing on the hood of the car as it screeched to a halt.
"Uh oh, a little birdie has flown into my windscreen!" chuckled Joker, opening the door and climbing out. "They're really stupid animals when you get right down to it, probably dumber than bats. Speaking of which, where is the Dork Knight? He's usually the guy who lands on top of me – I wouldn't want him to get jealous."
Robin sighed. Joker always talked too much. Fortunately, unlike Batman, Robin could give as good as he got.
"Batman's left me to deal with you freaks," he replied. "Guess he got bored of the same old routine. You know the key to a lasting relationship is spontaneity."
"You can't tell me Bats has complained about the lack of spontaneity?" chuckled Joker. "I'll have to try harder to get the spark back – maybe blowing up a couple more buildings will do the trick!" he giggled. "But the problem of what I'm going to do with the bird who flew into my windscreen remains. I hate to leave a wounded animal just lying around. Better take it somewhere to dispose of it, huh, Harl?"
A jolt of anxiety shot through Robin. He hadn't been expecting Quinn. Where was…
A blow to the back of his head answered his question. "You're such a thoughtful, humane guy, Mr. J!" sighed Harley's adoring voice as she beat Robin over the head with her hammer again. "Wanting to put the little birdie out of its misery like that."
"And high time too," agreed Joker. "He's been lame for far too long!"
He laughed hysterically as Harley clobbered Robin again, knocking him to the ground. Another blow knocked him unconscious.
"So whaddya wanna do with him, Mr. J?" asked Harley, wiping the sweat from her forehead as she leaned against her hammer.
Joker looked around at the sky. "Guess he really is out without Bats," he murmured, frowning. "Huh. Thought Batsy was too much of a control freak to ever let the kid off the leash. I know I'd never let you out on your own, Harley."
"That's 'cause you always wanna be around to protect me from getting hurt by bad people, right, Mr. J?" she said, beaming. "Because you love me so much you'd just die if anything happened to me, huh?"
"Yeah, that must be it," he replied, casually. "Bats clearly ain't as caring and protective as I am, and look at the result," he sighed, looking down at Robin's body. "Well, we'll just have to teach him a lesson about being too indulgent of the kid. And we can't just leave him lying in the street like this – there are some dangerous people about. We need to take care of him in Batsy's place, and make sure nothing bad happens to him, at least until Bats is there to watch."
He chuckled. "Get him in the car, Harley," he said, climbing back into the front seat.
"Sure, Mr. J, no problem!" said Harley, saluting. She grabbed Robin's arms and dragged him toward the backseat, struggling to lift him in. "Geez, the Boy Wonder could stand to lay off the wonder bread," she muttered.
"Harley, hurry up!" shouted Joker from the front.
"Why don't you get off your lazy ass and give me a hand if you're in so much of a hurry?" snapped Harley.
"What did you say?" demanded Joker, whirling around to glare at her.
"I said…I'll just be a second more, and I love my puddin' lots and lots," she replied, smiling at him.
"That's what I thought," he muttered, turning around again.
Harley got Robin inside finally and slammed the door, then went around to the driver's seat. "Love you, puddin'," she said, beaming.
"Yeah, whatever. Drive the damn car, Harley," he said, reaching for the newspaper.
They drove in silence for a while. "Anything interesting in the paper, puddin'?" she asked.
"Kitty's gone to Egypt with Bruce Wayne," he said. "Thought she was hung up on Bats."
"Well, Selina ain't exactly what I would call a particularly loyal or faithful gal," said Harley, shrugging. "She ain't willing to wait around for a guy if he ain't interested. Not like me, puddin'."
"Tell me about it," muttered Joker. "But maybe that's why Bats is taking some time off. He's upset at losing his gal to another guy, and a rich guy at that. If I were Kitty, I'd make him put a ring on it, and then murder him after he signed the pre-nup. Hell, she's a pretty hard dame, maybe she will. Then Batsy can stop crying in the Batcave and get back to the real important things in life. Why do women always screw things up, Harl?"
"Well, most women don't appreciate what they got, so they always try to get more," said Harley. "But not me, Mr. J. I don't want anyone else but you, not ever. Ain't that terrific?"
"Yeah, sure, Harl," he said, turning the page. "You're an inspiration to the rest of 'em."
Harley beamed. "I am, ain't, I puddin'?" she sighed. "I'm a real role model. Fiercely monogamous. Completely committed to just one guy. Women should look up to me. I dunno why Red and Selina are always saying I'm pathetic."
"Yeah, it's a mystery," he agreed. "Now you wanna shut your useless mouth, you dumb blonde? I'm trying to read."
"Sure thing, Mr. J," sighed Harley, adoringly. And she was silent for the remainder of the journey.