A/N; Sorry I have broken my streak of posting a new chapter everyday but gah I started writing this chapter was very unhappy with it so frustrated I left it for a few days and went back to it. So anyway here is chapter 11 enjoy!
Disclaimer; I don't own Austin and Ally
Chapter 11 – Haunting Thoughts {2 weeks old}
-{Austin}-
It's been a long 2 weeks. Ally's been resting and recovering, slowly redeveloping colour to her face. She's looking strong again but her eyes aren't as bright as normal. I have barely slept since we arrived here, it shows in my worn out face. I've hardly left, only been home or to the store for an hour max each time. Every time I stepped out of the hospital guilt over took me. Today Ally's coming home with me. Half of me am ecstatic that Ally gets to come home the other half drags me down, abusing the happy half, preventing it from being heard and fills my mind with guilt.
"Are you ready?" I asked looking at Ally packing her clothes on her neatly made hospital bed. The room looked bigger and colder with all the cards and balloons disappeared. The lack of colour takes the life from the room. The pinks and greens are gone replaced by the clean cut whites and blues. The scent of flowers and Ally is gone and all the fills my senses is overpowering cleaning supplies that I never noticed before.
Ally nodded as I picked up her suitcase. Ally wiped a tear from her eye. Is she sad to leave? Or sad to leave her? Ally's tears, tears me up inside. Every little tear that falls from her beautiful big brown eyes leaks out a little bit of her sole and it stabs me like a knife. I hate seeing Ally in any kind of pain it physically pains me. I hold back tears I can't let her see me upset; I have to be her rock. I pull her close to me. I breathe in her familiar strawberry scent; along with the strawberry I inhale courage and it circulates my body with my blood. I felt Ally bury her face in my chest, breathing deeply and wiping her tears. I feel like a protector, I feel like the dad looking after my family, the leader of the wolf pack. I stroke her long brown hair soft to the touch running though my fingers, trying my hardest to make her feel safe, to tell her that everything is going to be fine without speaking.
"Can we go see her before we leave?" Ally asked quietly leaning back her arms still around my back her eyes have dried.
"Yeah of course" I whispered pulling Ally close; leaving her is hard for both of us.
-{Ally}-
My arms are wrapped around Austin's muscular back, his arms hold me close protect me from the outside world helping me to forget my demons. I tried so hard to hold back my tears, but they silently fall from my eyes. I don't want to leave Melody, what kind of mother gets to leave while their newborn infant squeals in the NICU? So many thoughts invade my mind.
My eyes gaze the empty hospital room, the colours allowed me to live in an illusion, but stripped from personality the raw nakedness of the room reminds me of that night. My mother lays weak a machine steadily beeping. Her once bright blue eyes were swollen shut. Her face was skeletal and pale. Her lips were the same shade of colour as her skin, and chapped. A bandage was wrapped tightly around her head where her once long soft chocolate hair once was. My nine year old self lay beside my weak mother, she couldn't move or talk. Tears escaped me as I held her close clinging to sole forbidding it to leave her body. I felt my mother lift her finger all her energy and effort went into her one movement, she gently stroke my back with a shaky hand, it was only a second it took everything out of her before her hand dropped to her side. I kissed her on the cheek gently hoping to miraculously bring her back to life. "I love you" I whispered into her ear. A tear leaked from her swollen yellow eye saying I love you too. Her sole betrayed me, and my mother, the life tore from her thin body. A solid flat line shattered my heart. Nurses surrounded her, my dad tore me from my mother's lifeless body. I kicked and screamed not letting myself accept the present. My dad took me outside the room, I cried in hysterics into his chest. My dad was crying silently too holding me. Hours passed. I looked back into my mother's empty lifeless room; I broke down falling onto the empty neatly made bed.
I breathed deeply into Austin's chest pushing out the memories forbidding letting them take control of me like they have done so many times before. I pulled back from Austin my tears have dried.
"Can we go see her before we leave?" I asked quietly already knowing the answer.
/
We walked fingers intertwined solemnly silent to the NICU. We instinctively knew the way there. My heart aches as we walk passed the nursery filled with perfectly healthy babies on the right path to the way home. I know not to be jealous, Melody is on her way out, she's doing so well but looking at these babies guilt overcomes me, because she should be in there, I did this to her.
The NICU breaks my heart. So many tiny babies squeal and wriggle in their humdicribs. Babies even smaller that what Melody was, tiny helpless babies so small the only movements they make are their chests rising and lowering in their large nappies and little beanies attached to tubes and machines. It breaks my heart. I float to Melody who is no longer in an incubator.
I looked at my baby girl, Austin at my side. We both smile softly at our beautiful girl. Melody sleeps hiding her stunning blue eyes; her chest breathes softly her chest rises and falls. She's snuggled under a beautiful soft pale pink blanket Melody Harper Jane was embodied in fuchsia pink of the corner of the blanket; it was made and given to her from Austin's Nana Harper. We personalised her little crib, to make her feel at home. Melody's little brown teddy bear with the beautiful treble clef necklace Austin brought her sat in the corner, it has gotten increasingly smaller as Melody has grown. I spent a good hour a few days ago arranging a design on the side of the crib of music notes and butterflies with stickers. I stuck photos on the inside of the crib for Melody to look at. There's a photo of Austin and me smiling at her. A photo of Austin and I with Dez and Trish outside Sonic Boom and a recent photo of her 3 living grinning grandparents. She had a little laminated pink heart on the end of the crib. It said I'm a Girl! Melody Harper Jane Moon. Daughter of Allison Dawson and Austin Moon. Born 07-04-2013 3lbs 42oz 18inches.
Melody stirred a little letting out the cutest yawn in the world making my heart melt. Her big eyes flickered open, her big blue eyes shined like diamonds. She began to cry, Austin lifted her cautiously holding her close to his body her cries were silenced. I smiled at the little girl in his arms wrapping one arm around Austin and placed a hand on Melody's tiny back. A smile is permanently secured on my face, so wide it's like I slept with a hanger in my mouth. It's impossible not to be happy when Melody's around, she's so strong, fighting her way to health, she's coming home in a week, and she's nearly big enough to move into the nursery. So why do I feel so guilty?
Austin passed Melody to my arms. I pulled her close to me, breathing in her adorable baby scent. She opened her eyes; she caught my eyes for half a second. It felt like she knew who I was; she knew that I was going to give everything to make sure she is permanently happy, that there is nothing I wouldn't do for her. She and Austin complete me I don't know what I would do without either one of them. I lay Melody in her crib and changed her into a tiny size 0000 pink onezie with a daisy on her chest.
"Come on Als, we have to go" Austin whispered "While she's asleep" Austin hugged me from behind
I fussed over Melody swaddling her in her little pink blanket from Nana Harper. A nurse came by and helped reapply her monitors, the monitors show her progress, she's doing do well. I pondered what Austin had said. I know I'm going to have to leave eventually, I don't want to. I sighed heavily.
"I love you baby girl" I whispered pressing my lips to Melody's little temple. I turned around not looking at my girl.
"Let's go before I see her again and you will never get me out of here" I said quickly to Austin grabbing his hand tearing him away from our baby.
Austin tailed behind me, as I quickly left the NICU refusing to fall into temptation and bite the apple that is looking back at the baby.
"Dad" My eyes widened, I dropped Austin's hand and through by arms around my dad's neck. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my temple.
Mimi and Mike stood beside him I pulled away from my father and hugged each of them.
"So you both coming home today" Mike asked with a smile.
"Yes" Austin smiled squeezing me from the side "Though it does feel like we're leaving a bit of us behind" I nodded in agreement but it feels good to be in Austin's arms.
/
Arrrgh I groan hastily flipping my body from my stomach to my back. I flop my arms over my stomach I stare at the ceiling fan spinning slowly, it's a little warm but not that hot. My eyes follow frustratingly wide awake. Austin lays beside me still and calm, he must be catching up on two weeks of lost sleep. I beg to fall into slumber but it doesn't want me. I count sheep and breathe deeply my body falls asleep, it goes limp. My mind doesn't join in. Thoughts of Melody alone in the NICU terrifies me, I should be there. I shouldn't be home without her. The thoughts haunt me attacking when I'm nearly fallen into sweet sleep, haunting thoughts shoot down my legs spasms forces me to toss in the bed immediately forcibly pulling me into unwanted awakeness.
I sigh heavily and glace at the digital alarm clock glowing on Austin's bedside glowing 2:32am. I breathe slowly through my nose my chest rises and falls, my eyes won't close.
"Austin?" I whispered "Are you awake"
Austin rolls to his back staring at the ceiling at my side.
"Yep" he whispered "I'm always awake" he replied softly.
I reached for his hand squeezing his hand tight in mine.
"We have to see Melody." I looked directly into his big hazel eyes trying to hide the pain of my separation from her in my eyes.
"We do, I can't handle the fact that she's there and we're here." Austin explained sincerely I couldn't agree more. We left for the hospital at 3 am.
-{Austin}-
It's been a week and a half since Ally was discharged from hospital, we were only at home for about 10 hours in these last few days and very second we we're at home we both felt too guilty to do enjoy ourselves or even sleep. But today I am the happiest I have been since this all started. A few days ago my mom helped Ally and I pick out a little pink car seat and today we get to use it.
I gleefully grab Ally's hand a grin won't leave my hand as we walked to the hospital nursery the car seat gripped firmly in my other hand, my mom trailed behind us talking to a nurse. Ally smiled a weak smile, her eyes were wide, she was thinking of something, something is haunting her and controlling her mind. I pulled her into a side hug squeezing her tight letting her know she can tell me anything, letting her know everything is going to be ok. Ally shook to reality her eyes didn't seem vacant anymore. I kissed her on the forehead and she kissed me on the lips.
"I love you Austin" Ally whispered kissing me on the lips again "Let's get our daughter"
We entered the nursery, the nursery was filled with little babies, sleeping and squealing in there swaddled blankets staring at their little mobiles. A nurse guided us to Melody sleeping soundly in a crib she was smaller than the other babies here in the nursery, but she was a lot bigger than she was when she was torn from Ally. She has doubled her birth weight and she has no ongoing disorders from being premature, she's a fighter, she's always going to be small, but she's going to be fine.
The nurse picked up Melody from the crib wrapped up tightly in Nana Harper's pink blanket and handed her to Ally. The baby cried in Ally's arms, Ally slowly rocked her and shushed her softly. Her cry's were silenced with a little yawn and she fell back to sleep.
"She's beautiful" Ally said softly stoking her face.
"She has a beautiful mom" I smiled hugging Ally softly. Ally smiled shyly not taking her eyes off Melody her lips curled into a small smile.
"Stop being cute you too and hand me the baby" My mom grinned as Ally cautiously passed Melody into her knowing arms.
My mom carefully placed Melody in my arms and I held her close. When she's in my arms, I can't explain it, it's like when Ally is in my arms, but it's different. All I can feel when she's in my arms is love. Love for her, love for Ally, it's impossible to be unhappy when I am in Melody's presents. She's so small; she could easily pass for a doll, so quiet and still only her chest that raises show's she's living.
I place her in the little car seat for the first time luckily she stays asleep. Ally and I fumble over the car seat along with my mom trying to get her safely secure without waking her. I pick up the car seat and hold it tight in my strong hand. Ally picks up a bag full of Melody's clothes and teddy bears and we leave the nursery after thanking the nurses.
-{Ally}-
I sit in the back seat next to Melody. Her hand grips my pinky finger as she sleeps. Austin is in the front seat with the video camera filming her first trip in the car, the trip home. It's so sweet that Austin is determined to film everything with the help from Dez to give to Melody on her 18th birthday. I smile at the camera and wave explaining how happy I am to take her home to 18 year old Melody. It's a little strange, that I'm not even 18 yet.
Mimi drives her eyes focused on the road, telling us how beautiful Melody it, and how lucky we are to have her, and how we will make a great family. I grinned in the backseat, not believing that it was possible for Austin and I could make something so beautiful. I fell so relieved to finally take her home after all this time.
"We're here" Mimi announced turning into the driveway and hoping out of the car. Austin rushed around to help detach Melody's car seat.
I smiled at Austin kissing him on the lips as he held the car seat and I hoped out of the car.
Austin and I walk to the house hand in hand. I'm looking forward to the rest of our lives; this is it Austin held the car seat in his strong hand. The first time since I was discharged, I walked up to the door step with no guilt, I was happy to be home. There is sadness deep in my heart, and I don't know why. Everything is fine.
We walked to the lounge with our new baby.
"SUPRIZE!" Our friends and family popped out of nowhere grins on their faces. Dez and Trish held a big banner reading Congratulations It's a Girl.
The room was spinning everything is overwhelming, I can't tell what's going on, my mind is just spinning through the motions. There's a hurricane of emotions attacks me, I don't know what to feel. I can't handle it, my body shakes uncontrollably and I can barely hear. I'm underwater. Tears tempt to overtake me, no one can see me like this I run to the bedroom. "Are you ok?" "What's wrong?" "Ally?" Questions trailed after me.
A/N; Here we go another chapter not a hundred percent on this one but please tell me what you think REVIEW
Merry Christmas